Love Lost to Me

Chapter 6

The smell of bacon was the first thing that woke me. For a moment, I didn’t remember falling asleep. Then I opened my eyes and stared at the empty space beside me. Ben’s side of the bed was untouched. The sight immediately brought everything rushing back. Ben. Simone. The unanswered calls. The police. I sat up slowly, rubbing my tired eyes. My body felt like it had been filled with sand overnight. Every muscle ached, and despite having slept for several hours, exhaustion clung to me. I slipped out of bed and followed the smell downstairs. Simone stood in the kitchen wearing a robe, her hair pulled back, flipping pancakes in a skillet. She glanced over her shoulder. “Good morning, sweetheart.” “Morning.” “You look terrible.” I laughed weakly. “Thanks.” “You know what I mean.” She turned back toward the stove.

“I made breakfast.” I looked at the spread covering the kitchen island. Pancakes. Bacon. Scrambled eggs. Fresh fruit. Coffee. Tea. It was more food than I could imagine eating. “Wow. This is lovely but… I don’t think I can eat.” Simone immediately turned around. “Nonsense.” “I’m serious. I’m not hungry.” “You skipped dinner last night, you look exhausted, and you need to keep your energy up.” She pointed the spatula at me. “For your sake…” She paused. “…and for my grandbaby.” I froze. The spatula stopped midair. My heart seemed to stop with it. I stared at her. “What?” Simone’s expression softened. I blinked. She knew.

“How did you know?” She smiled knowingly as she set the spatula down. “Well, you fell asleep on the couch in six-inch heels.” I looked down at myself as if the shoes might somehow still be there. “Six-inch heels, Andi. You were so exhausted you didn’t even take them off.” A nervous laugh escaped me. “I didn’t realize.” “I know.” She walked toward me. “And then last night when the officer asked you if you and Ben had any children.” I swallowed. “Your hand went straight to your stomach.” I instinctively looked down at my hand. I hadn’t even realized I’d done it. “I didn’t know I did that.” “I did. I also heard you vomiting in the bathroom early this morning and that just about confirmed it for me.” My cheeks burned. “You heard that?” “I did.” She smiled gently. “You’re not very good at hiding things from a mother.” A laugh escaped me, but tears immediately filled my eyes.

“When were you planning on telling me?” I wiped beneath one eye. “Last night.” Her eyebrows lifted. “Last night?” I nodded. “I found out earlier this week.” My voice trembled. “I wanted to surprise Ben.” Simone smiled. “Of course you did.” “I put the pregnancy test in a box. It was part of his anniversary gift.” Her eyes grew glossy. “That must have been quite a surprise.” I smiled through my tears. “You should’ve seen his face.” For a moment, remembering it almost made me laugh. He’d looked at me like I’d just handed him the entire world. “He was so happy.” My voice broke. “He said I made him the happiest man on the planet.” Simone reached for my hand. “And then we were going to tell you.” Her expression softened. “After dinner?” I nodded. “Together.” The word barely made it out. My chest tightened. “We were supposed to stop by your place after dinner. We were going to tell you together that you’re going to be a grandmother.” The tears I’d been holding back finally spilled. “But he never came home.”

Simone pulled me into her arms. I buried my face against her shoulder and cried. Not just because I was scared. Because I could still picture Ben’s face from that morning. His hazel eyes. His smile. The way he’d held that little box like it contained something priceless. He knew. He knew about our baby. And now he was gone. “I don’t understand,” I whispered. “I know.” “He wouldn’t just disappear.” “I know.” “We were supposed to tell you.” Simone tightened her arms around me. “And we still will.” I pulled back. She wiped a tear from my cheek. “Do you hear me?” I nodded. “We will tell everyone together when he comes home.” I wanted to believe her. God, I wanted to. I wiped my face and took a shaky breath. “He has to come home.” “He will.” Simone kissed my forehead. “Now sit down.” I gave her a watery smile. “You really don’t take no for an answer, do you?” “No.” She pointed toward the chair. “That’s one thing you should know about me by now.”

I sat at the island. She placed a plate in front of me. “I don’t think I can eat all this.” “You don’t have to.” She sat across from me with her own plate. “Just eat something.” I picked up my fork. For a moment, neither of us spoke. Then Simone smiled. “So…” I looked up. “So?” “Have you thought about names?” I laughed despite myself. “We literally found out this week.” “That’s no.” She shook her head. “You should always have names ready.” “You’re serious?” “Completely.” I smiled. “Okay. What about you?” She leaned back thoughtfully. “I always liked Benjamin Jr.” I nearly choked on my tea. “Absolutely not.” She laughed. “Why not?” “Because there is already one Benjamin Clayton.” “Then Benjamin Clayton the second. BJ for short.” “Still no.” We both laughed.

For the first time since waking up, the heaviness in my chest lifted slightly. It didn’t last. My eyes drifted toward the kitchen window. The driveway was empty. My stomach tightened again. Simone noticed. “Eat.” I looked back at her. “I’m trying.” “I know.” She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “We’ll hear something soon.” I nodded. I wanted to believe that too. I took another bite, forcing myself to eat even though my stomach was still tied in knots. Outside, the morning continued as if nothing had changed. Cars passed. Birds sang. The sun climbed higher into the sky. And somewhere out there, my husband was missing. But for the first time since last night, I wasn’t completely alone. I had Simone. I had our baby. And I had hope. For now, that would have to be enough.

My phone suddenly rang. I nearly jumped out of the stool. I grabbed it from the counter. Unknown Number. My heart began pounding. “Hello?” “Yes.” I listened. “No.” Another pause. “Yes.” I glanced at Simone, who was watching me closely. “Yes, that’s right.” I listened again, my fingers tightening around the phone. “No, I haven’t heard anything since last night.” A longer pause. “Yes.” I looked at the clock. “Yes, 10:30 sounds fine.” I swallowed. “Okay. We’ll be there.” I ended the call and slowly lowered the phone. Simone’s expression had already changed. “Who was that?” I looked at her. “Detective Harris.” Her face tightened. “He wants us to come down to the station at 10:30.” For a moment, neither of us spoke. The hope I’d been desperately clinging to suddenly felt a little more fragile. Because whatever the police had found… they clearly felt it was time for us to hear it in person.