Love Lost to Me

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I stared at my phone, watching the screen go dark. Again. I had lost count of how many times I’d called Ben. At first, it had rung normally. Eventually, every call went straight to voicemail. I tried texting him.

Me: Where are you?

Another message.

Me: Ben, I’m starting to worry.

Then another.

Me: Please call me.

Nothing. I glanced at the clock. 8:23 p.m. My stomach twisted. This wasn’t like him. I knew that. But admitting it out loud somehow made it more real. I opened my contacts and stopped when I reached the name I’d been avoiding. Simone. Ben’s mother. I hesitated for a moment before pressing call. She answered after the second ring.

“Andi?” Her voice was thick with sleep. “Hi, Simone. I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” “You did. Is everything okay?” I swallowed. “Yeah. I mean… I think so.” The lie sounded pathetic even to me. Simone was quiet for a beat. “Andi .” “I’m sorry. I just…” I glanced toward the windows. “Have you heard from Ben tonight?” There was a pause. “No. Why?” My fingers tightened around the phone. “He was supposed to take me to dinner at six. He hasn’t come home.” “What do you mean he hasn’t come home?” “I think maybe he got caught up at work. You know how he gets with his research.” Even as I said it, I knew I didn’t believe myself. Simone’s voice changed. “Andi, where are you?” “Home.” “I’m coming over.” “No, Simone. It’s late. You don’t have to get out of bed. I’m sure he’s fine. He probably just got caught up with his research and lost track of time.”

“Nonsense.” Her voice was firm now. “My son hasn’t come home, and he hasn’t contacted his wife. On your anniversary, no less. That’s not like him.” I closed my eyes. No. It wasn’t. “And you’re worried sick,” she continued. “You don’t have to say it. I can hear it in your voice.” A tear slipped down my cheek. “I just don’t know what to think.” “Don’t think. I’m coming.” “Simone—” “And I’ll have the police meet me there.” My eyes opened. “The police?” “Yes.” “Isn’t that a little much?” “No.” Her answer came without hesitation. “I know my son. Something isn’t right.” The call ended before I could argue. I sat there staring at my phone. For the first time, I allowed myself to consider the possibility that this wasn’t simply Ben working late. Something could have happened. An accident. A car wreck. Maybe he’d been hurt somewhere and couldn’t call me. My heart began pounding. “Please be okay,” I whispered.

The police arrived less than ten minutes later. Simone pulled into the driveway almost simultaneously. I opened the door before either officer could knock. “Mrs. Clayton?” I nodded. “I’m Andi Clayton.” One of the officers introduced himself and his partner before asking if they could come inside. Simone hurried up the walkway behind them. The moment she stepped through the door, she pulled me into a hug. “Oh, sweetheart.” I didn’t realize how badly I’d needed someone to hold me until her arms were around me. She led me toward the sofa and sat beside me, wrapping one arm around my shoulders while taking my hand with the other. I leaned into her. For years, I’d learned how to survive without a mother’s love. Foster homes taught me not to expect anyone to come when I was scared. Not to depend on anyone. Not to believe someone would stay simply because they said they would. Then I met Simone. From the beginning, she had treated me like I belonged. And somehow, she always seemed to know exactly what I needed before I ever asked. Tonight was no different.

One of the officers sat across from us. “Mrs. Clayton, we’re going to ask you a few questions, okay?” I nodded. “When was the last time you saw your husband?” “This morning.” “What time was that?” “Before seven. I was asleep when he left.” “Did he tell you where he was going?” “To work.” “Where does he work?” I gave them the name and address of the research facility. “What does he do there?” “He’s a scientist. He works in research. Genetics, mostly.” “Has he ever disappeared like this before?” “No.” I hesitated. “Well… he’s gotten caught up with work before. He’s lost track of time. But never this late. And never without calling.” The officer nodded. “Do you know if he was working on anything particularly important?” “Not specifically.” Ben talked a little about his work, but there were things he kept to himself. Not secrets, exactly. Just… details I didn’t always understand.

“Does he have any enemies? Anyone he might be having problems with?” “No. Everyone loves Ben.” “Any history of depression? Substance abuse? Anything that might make him leave voluntarily?” “No.” The answer came quickly. “Ben wouldn’t do that.” The officer glanced at his notes. “Okay. We’re going to send a couple of units over to his workplace and see if we can locate him there.” “Thank you.” “It may be that he’s simply caught up with something at work. It’s only been a couple of hours past the time you expected him.” I opened my mouth, but Simone beat me to it.

“That is not like my son.” The officer looked at her. “Ma’am—” “I don’t care if he was caught up in the most important experiment of his career. Benjamin would not ignore this many calls.” Her voice trembled with anger. “He would never go this long without checking in with his wife.” “Mrs. Clayton, we’re going to—” “I’m telling you something is wrong!” The room went silent. Simone leaned forward. “Now, are you going to do your jobs, or do I have to make a call to Senator Whitmore?” The officers exchanged a glance. I almost smiled despite myself. Senator Whitmore had been one of Louis’s old golfing buddies. Apparently, Simone wasn’t above reminding people. “Sure thing, ma’am.” The officer pulled out his notebook. “Can I get your number?” She gave it to him. “We’ll be in touch.” They stood. “We’ll let you know as soon as we find anything.”

After they left, Simone closed the door behind them. Then she turned toward me. Neither of us spoke for a moment. Finally, she sat beside me again. “He’s going to be okay.” I nodded. “He has to be.” “He is.” I looked at her. “You don’t actually know that.” “No.” She squeezed my hand. “But I’m going to believe it until someone gives me a reason not to.” I smiled weakly. “That’s very Simone of you.” She laughed softly. “Well, somebody has to keep you from falling apart.” She gave me a loving hug. For a few minutes, we talked about anything that wasn’t Ben. She asked about my latest commission. I told her I’d finished it earlier than expected. She asked if I’d started anything new. I thought about the unfinished portrait sitting in my studio. “Ben.” She smiled. “You paint him all the time.” “I know.” “Because you love him.” I looked down. “Yeah.” Her smile softened.

“His father used to hate having his picture taken.” I looked up. “Really?” “Oh, absolutely. He’d hide whenever he saw a camera.” She laughed. “That’s why I have so few pictures of him.” “Ben gets that from him.” “Unfortunately.” We both laughed. For just a moment, the fear loosened its grip. Then Simone looked at me carefully. “You look exhausted.” “I’m okay.” “You’re not. You look pale. You need sleep.” “I don’t want to sleep.” “I know.” “What if he comes home?” “Then I’ll wake you.” I looked at her. “Would you stay?” She didn’t even hesitate. “Of course.” She stood. “I’m going to make some tea.” “I can help.” “That’s not necessary, dear.” She gave me a pointed look. I smiled back at her, knowing there was no arguing the matter. “Alright. I’ll go get the guest room ready.” “Sounds like a plan.” I managed a small smile.

By the time I returned to the kitchen, Simone was finishing a phone call. “Yes, Betty. Just keep an eye out, okay? If you see his car, call me immediately.” She hung up. “Betty?” “She’s watching the house.” I frowned. “She lives close enough to see the driveway. I asked her to keep an eye out in case Ben or anyone with information turns up there.” Something about that made my chest ache. Everyone was looking for him. Except me. I was sitting here. Waiting. Hoping. Simone handed me a cup. “Drink.” I took it. “Thank you.” We sat at the kitchen island, sipping our tea. The conversation wandered again. This time, we talked about the singles cruise she, Betty and a few of their friends were preparing to take next summer. The conversation was interrupted by a dramatic yawn I’d been holding back. “Go to bed, dear.” I sighed. “I don’t want to.” “I know.” She stood and kissed my forehead. “But you need to.” I finally gave in.

The bedroom felt different without Ben. Too big. Too quiet. I changed out of my dress and slipped beneath the covers. I left his side untouched. My eyes remained fixed on the empty space beside me. I checked my phone. Nothing. I checked again. Still nothing. I tried calling, but it went straight to voicemail again. I set the phone on the pillow beside me. “Come home, Ben.” The words came out as barely a whisper. I closed my eyes, but sleep refused to come. Every creak of the house made me sit up. Every passing car made me glance toward the window. Every minute felt longer than the last. But eventually, despite my fear… Despite the questions racing through my mind… My body betrayed me. The exhaustion I’d been fighting all day finally won and sleep consumed me.