Finding Her Inner Wolf

The Heartland

Valentine was a small town I currently had been searching in for almost 3 months. Unfortunately there hadn't been much luck. I had figured it was as good of a place to look since my family was from here, and no not my foster family. My biological Family. Well at least my mother was at least. After years of hearings and paperwork I was able to obtain all of my records from the DHS office. Granted the files weren't complete, considering I ran away at the age of 10...or at least that's what the file said. There was a copy of the missing persons report along with a flyer with my picture on it. Reading my foster parents' version of what happened that night irritated me. My face scrunched and a low growl escaped my throat. I still have nightmares from that night.

* * * * * * * * * *

"If you think you're going to do whatever you want you have another thing coming!" David screamed.

"How could you try and find that excuse of a woman?" Cried Reba.

I have lived with this family for almost 2 years, my longest yet.

"How dare you!" I snarled, "You have always kept the subject of my mother off limits, as have every other home I've been!"

Tears poured down my swollen red cheeks. I was beginning to feel extremely heated. Blood boiling kind of rage. Staring at them through swollen eyes, I couldn't believe I thought this home would be different. They had promised to be honest and open about everything. For the most part they had been, I'll give them credit for that, except my mother. I was too young to remember what her voice sounded like or even looked like. My caseworker Murry had always made sure that the families I stayed with knew I was unaware of the circumstances that landed me in the system. And as far as I could tell everyone wanted to keep it that way.

The subject of my mom always brought on a reaction equal to talking about the plague. "I want to know why, I need to know. I was too young to remember anything!" I sobbed.

David and Reba stood from the couch with a stern irritated look, "We will sit down and discuss this calmly and rationally.", with a monotone voice that sounded rehearsed from a script.

"We'll get some rest and in the morning we can have breakfast and go from there." Reba cooed, as if I was an infant she was trying to settle.

I rolled my eyes, groaned, and threw my arms into the air. I turned quickly on my heels and stormed down the hall. "Whatever you say CRACKER JACKS!" screaming as loudly as my little lungs could bellow. As soon as I entered my room I slammed the door with all of my might.

"Shaytanna!" David screamed "How dare you speak to us that way and don't forget what happens when you slam doors, especially bedroom doors!" He threatened, "You could always lose it again."

Staring at a closed door I mocked him. I knew what would happen in the morning. They would give some bullshit story to try to placate me, again. I was tired of being a 10 year old push over. I demanded answers. Answers they were gong to give. I sat silently stewing with my back against the door. I heard hushed voices coming from their bedroom.

"You know as well as I do Reba, she is just going to keep pushing until she gets what she wants." David growled.

"And you know her caseworker said she isn't going to find out who that is!" Reba retorted.

"She is going to be the death of us WOMAN! Nothing but a problem child!" David almost yelled.

"We knew it wasn't going to be easy. She has had a very rough go so far. We can work this out. I promised." Reba whined.

"Problem Child? Is that all they see me as?", my eyes widened, teeth clenched. I cracked my door quietly to hear better.

"She is by far the worst-" David got out before Reba cut him off. "You know it's only been in the last year things have become almost too much. It's those damn classmates. And the staff hasn't helped in any way."

"I don't care this s**t has to end!" David demanded.

"We have to tell her something, but I don't know what. Because no one seems to know any information on the woman. We have to call Murry in the morning." Reba sighed.

"Good while you're at it have them take her to a group home for awhile." He sneered.

"I will not! It took so long for her to open up as it is." Reba gasped.

"That ungrateful b***h needs to learn manners!" He screamed.

My blood boiled, my anger reached an all new high. My body began to shake. I felt a guttural growl escape my lips. Right after my world went black. When I came to I was naked standing facing my foster parents in the living room. They stood hugging each other shock white shaking in fear. Staring wide eyed at me in the middle of what looked like every natural disaster had gone through around them.

"Wha- What th- the he- hell ha- ha- happened?" I stuttered. I was so confused.

They wouldn't say anything. Just stood there trembling. I began crying and slowly walking toward them. I wanted them to hold me and tell everything was fine. They both gasped and jumped back. What happened? I don't remember a thing. I turned to head to my room thinking that in the morning would be a new day. But as soon as I turned I saw destruction. There were claw marks shredded through furniture and carpet. There were marks on walls, shattered pictures and broken lamps and end tables. I was horrified, who or what did this? I followed the trail of destruction, which end at my room.

I was in complete dismay. No I couldn't have done this. There isn't any possible way. Standing in the doorway, I looked at what was left. My door was broken in pieces, my lamp was shattered, and the clothes I had been wearing were shredded on the floor along with bedding. I knew what was going to happen next. So I grabbed my hiking pack and grabbed everything that was mine. As a foster kid, you learn quickly to keep all possessions light. Only what you can carry. I stuffed everything I owned: books, clothes, and pillow.

I knew this wouldn't last. Nothing ever does. They'll call cops and Murry and I'll bounce around for awhile, again. This wouldn't be first time a family couldn't handle me or decided I got too old for their liking. I walked back down the hall to the living room. David and Reba still stood frozen. Fear and Anger was etched on their faces.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened." I softly spoke.

"You're a monster, just like your mother!" David roared.

My eyes flashed, "How dare you!" I screamed. My vision started to go black, oh no not again!

"Sweetie please calm down. We'll figure this out." Reba cooed.

I begin to cry. I couldn't understand what was happening to me. I was confused and scared. I hugged my one comfort, ironically a wolf.

"You need to leave, and never come back. You have no family. Get the hell out!" David's words stabbed me.

My eyes bulged and my jaw dropped. I cried inside but my exterior was an emotionless shell. "Fine, will do ASSHATS!!!" I snarled. I stormed out the door flipping the bird as I went.

I could hear Reba was bawling and telling David it was wrong. But I was never going back.

* * * * * * * * * *

I sat in my skimming my file for the probably 100th time. Everything was here. Every placement every meeting every call. I was looking for anything that could point me in the right direction. There were only a few notes about my mom.

* Her name is Carmen Paige.

* She was born in Oregon, 1954.

* Moved to Valentine Spring 1980.

There notes regarding welfare checks for her children. My eyes widened at that last sentence. "Wait, children? Meaning multiple? I have siblings?" I mouthed what the f**k to myself over and over as I continued to read. I have 3 siblings, brothers: Sean born 1980, Sawyer born 1982, and Sammy born 1986. Holy s**t! I feverishly continue to read as quickly and thoroughly as possible. I have to find them, maybe one of them knows more. I can't believe all this time Murry lied to me and had told me I was an only child and had no other family that they knew of. What a Damn liar he was. 10 years, 10 f*****g years...and now I finally have something to go on. What other bits do these files hold?

I'm on a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions at this point, confused and excited seem to be the 2 at the top right now. I flip to the next entry:

October 1987:

* Carmen was arrested during the course of a murder investigation in which she was the main suspect.

* All rights to her children were severed, due to the severity of the charges.

* Her father in law wanted custody of the boys: Sean, Sawyer, and Sammy.

* Shaytanna will have to be placed with a foster family. Reasons unclear in why he refused to take custody of her.

Murder? What the hell? She's got to be in prison...Fuck! Hopefully the file says which one. Wait, Oh. Well that might be more difficult to find her. s**t!

* Charges were dropped, due to coronor's official ruling of the death being an animal attack.

What the hell, an animal attack? Damn! Never figured that would happen in this small town. The most entertainment you find is on the weekend the drunks getting busted trying to get home from one of the 4 bars in town. Or the cops trying to "blend in" with the teenagers driving the loop a hundred times. I sat there in shock. So my brothers were deemed important to get but I wasn't? What an asshole. So the charges were dropped, but where did she go after? I can't imagine her sticking around here after that. I continued reading:

* After charges dropped Carmen tried fighting for custody of one remaining child in foster care: Shaytanna. After failed court cases, she left town with no forwarding address.

Damn. So no clues to where my brothers went or my mother. I'm going to have to search around and see if anyone is willing to talk to me about her. I mean she had to have friends right? Tomorrow is Friday, so the Corner Bar is going to be packed. Nothing like a little bit of alcohol to loosen the lips of a few patrons that have lived their entire lives here. I closed the file and put safely in my pack and turned off the flashlight I was using to read it with. Snuggled down into the sleeping bag and hoped for a restful sleep instead of nightmares.