Finding Her Inner Wolf

My Girls Weekend

The sun was just starting to peer in the window of my room.  I was afraid to open my eyes and find myself alone. I couldn’t believe I had slept for so long. The emotions I had been feeling mixed with the time I had with Xandra had depleted all of my energy.  I slowly opened my eyes blinded by the little light that was shining through. Allowing my eyes to adjust, I stretched and realized I didn’t have the weight of Xandra’s body. My heart sank. It’s not like we were actually a couple or anything.  She was curious and I was more than willing to help her out in that department.

With everything that had happened recently, my heart was betraying my true intentions.  Rolling over onto my stomach I stretched again. I crossed my arms and used them as a makeshift pillow.  Wasn’t sure what time it was nor did I care at that point. I was feeling hurt, used, and betrayed. I should’ve known I would be an i***t and allow my heart to hurt myself.  A single tear ran down my cheek. Using the back of my right hand I wiped it away and sighed.  

I heard some rustling toward the front of the camper.  I flipped over quickly to be greeted by Xandra slowly walking toward the bedroom in nothing but my robe untied.  Hanging open and floating back and forth showing her beautiful body in all its glory. I instantly became mad at myself for thinking such terrible thoughts of her.  She was smiling and holding something in her hands. A cup, no mug. She had made coffee, an absolute angel. I sat up and slid to the end of the bed. I smiled at her.  She is so beautiful, and I’m so lucky to have been with her. Even if only for one night.

“Well morning sleepy head.” Xandra grinned handing me the mug.

“How long have you been up?” Worried I had left her lonely and for far too long.

“Only a few hours.  You have a cute snore.  I didn’t want to wake you right away.  So I decided to wait a bit. Once I got bored I made coffee.” She confessed.  Taking a seat next to me and leaning her head on my shoulder.

“That’s why I woke up, coffee.  You are awesome you know that? And I wouldn’t call my snoring cute by any means.” I smiled before taking a sip of my coffee.  She even got the right amount of creamer. Humming in approval as the warm liquid poured down my throat.

Xandra giggled and tried to stand up, I took her hand and tugged her towards me.  She sat in my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. Leaning toward my face she planted a long hard kiss.  I couldn’t help the moan that escaped my throat. I was met with one of her own. She pulled away making me pout at her.

“I am going to make you breakfast.  How’s steak and eggs sound?” Xandra questioned.  As if I had any choice, since she’s the one who brought the supplies for this impromptu hang out.

“Mmmm, sounds like a wonderful plan.” I hummed smiling at her.

Biting her lip she slowly walked away.  The silk robe barely hanging on her shoulders, caressing her skin.  It was a beautiful sight to see. I sat my coffee down to reach for my other robe hanging on the wall.  I slipped it on, but didn’t tie it. I grabbed my mug and walked out to sit at the table. The camper was a bit cool and my n*****s hardened from it.  Stopping at the thermostat and turning it up a few degrees.

As I sat down at the table I watched Xandra dance around the kitchenette.  Going from fridge to stove and back again. She had two thick steaks sizzling in a skillet.  The aroma was making my stomach growl. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was. In another skillet she was sauteing mushrooms and onions to perfect caramelization.  My mouth watered not only for the food but the cook as well. I sat there watching her and drinking my coffee. When my coffee mug was empty, Xandra twirled around with a coffee pot and creamer in hand.  She was absolutely amazing.

With only a smile and a giggle she refilled my mug.  After replacing the pot in its cradle and creamer in the fridge she returned with a spoon to stir with.  Xandra returned to her cooking and I continued to watch her and drink my coffee. I finished two cups of coffee before breakfast was finished.  She plated the steaks and scrambled eggs. She carried one in each hand from the stove to the table. She placed one in front of me and her across the table.  She grabbed two forks and two knives, and grabbed the steak sauce from the fridge before joining me.

“Hope you like it, medium rare, the only way to have steak.” Xandra stated.

“Mmm, you know me all too well.  It smells amazing. Let’s dig in.” I replied while beginning to cut off a bite.  I brought the fork to my mouth, it was perfect.

“Damn girl, you’ve been holding out on me.  I didn’t know you could cook this well! I’m having a foodgasm over here.” Speaking like an uncivilized fool.

“There seems to be a lot of things we don’t know about each other.  But yes I can cook, quite well actually. I just choose not to, since I don’t have anyone to cook for.”  Xandra teased.

“Oh I see, that’s how it’s going to be?  So what do you want, a secret swap between us girls?” I joked.

“Maybe, if you tell me yours I’ll give you mine.” Smiling devilishly at me.

“Hmm, I see.  Well then, eat up.  I guess we have some chatting to do.” Returning her smile.

We ate silently.  The only thing heard was the silverware scraping against the plates.  The food was amazing and didn’t need the interruption of chatter to spoil it.  I silently contemplated how she would react to my biggest secret. It’s not like I could hide it any longer from her.  She had seen my eyes change and glow. I could only hope she wouldn’t be so afraid she would run away from me and spill it to everyone.  On the other hand she could think I was crazy and try to have me committed somewhere. The latter would be worse.

After my last bite, I slid the plate away and rubbed my full belly.  Glancing over I noticed Xandra wasn’t quite done. I was so hungry I’m surprised I hadn’t inhaled it in one bite if that would’ve even been possible.  Xandra finished her last few bites and stacked both plates. She stood up and walked over to the sink and turned on the water. Placing the stopper in the sink she added soap.  I could see the steam rising, was she seriously going to wash the dishes after cooking? No, not in this camper she doesn’t. I stood up and walked up behind her wrapping my arms around her midsection and kissed her neck.

“No beautiful, you cooked I’ll clean up.” Speaking softly, guiding her to a chair.

“Oh so thoughtful.  Thank you.” Beaming a bright smile at me.

I walked back to the sink and began scrubbing and rinsing the dishes.  There weren’t many to do, so they were quickly and easily done. I wiped down the stove top and counter along with the table.  After draining the sink, that was washed as well. All the while I could feel Xandra’s eyes watching me. I was beginning to feel nervous about the secret spilling session that was imminently approaching.  After ringing out the rag and draping it on the faucet I slowly turned around to face that angelic face.

“So who goes first?” I questioned.

“Well, I will.  I guess.” She decided.

“Well do tell then.” I was intrigued.

“So it’s not a major secret after last night, but I’ve always been attracted to women.  I’ve just never actually acted on those thoughts.” Xandra almost whispered.

Shaking my head stiffling a giggle.  It was definately no secret after the moves she used last night.  The look on her face said she felt a bit silly using that as her first share, but had to start small and work our way towards the big boys that you keep buried so deep you’re not sure you want them to see the light of day.  I have more of those than I'd care to share with anyone let admit them to myself at times. I was so focused on hers that I hadn’t considered which I would be willing to share with her first. I really had to roll the marbles around for this and probably looked like I was trying to stall out.  Then it hit me.

“I got down right sinful with the bodyguard for the dancers at the bar...I almost considered taking off with him, because the s*x was AMAZING!” I felt so sinful, and full of the giggles.

The look on Xandra’s face was priceless.  Her jaw dropped open and her eyes looked like they might fly out of their sockets.  I was hit with a fit of giggles that threatened to split my sides open. She gasped, and her giggles ensued.  It felt so good to laugh.

“You are so naughty!  I can’t believe you messed with someone from work.” She jabbed.

“Technically, he only drives the girls from his uncles club.  So he doesn’t actually work for the bar.” I teased.

“Okay, so one night stand with the hot driver guy? What’d you do take him back to your tent for a romp in mother nature?” She giggled.

“No, He had a room that we took full advantage of….more than once.” I said deviously with a grin.

The giggles soon ensued between the two us filling the camper and I’m sure the nature outside the walls could also hear it as well.  We were both beat red and gasping for air. Her chest heaved and her eyes glistened with tears as well as I’m sure mine did as well. It felt like a lifetime before either one of us could get our composure.  She looked at me with her sweet smile and I could’ve melted into her gaze.

“So I guess my turn, although I don’t think I could top that doozy.  So when I was about sixteen my parents hired a tutor to start preparing me for college essays, interviews, etc.  I had a huge crush on the guy, and well towards the end of my junior year I kissed him. He pushed me away said he was flattered but would never do anything to be a distraction.  I felt so hurt that I never wanted to see him again. About a month later my parents invited him to a cookout to celebrate the beginning of summer. My mother had told me he was bringing a date, and I felt so much hatred for him, until I saw his date.  His boyfriend of 3 years, I felt so damn stupid! I don’t think I looked him in the eye for the rest of the summer.” Xandra rambled and ended in laughter.

“Oh wow, I think you topped mine!” I squealed.

“I felt like such an i***t!  When school started again I apologized like a hundred times and he kept telling me not to worry.  After I had put the moves on him he had gone home and told his boyfriend he had competition! It was our joke for the whole school year.” She giggled.

“Lord almighty! Girl did your parents ever find out?” I questioned.

“HELL NO!” Xandra screeched. “They would’ve killed me or him or both. We still giggle about it, but now his husband has been added to the joking”

I laughed so hard I snorted, which in turn caused her to laugh even harder.  I didn’t have too many more secrets before the big one had to be shared. I wanted to ease into it, but how?

“So you know most of my time growing up was in either foster care or group homes.  Not all were the worst thing possible but there were a few great ones. I was labeled a problem child though because of my temper, and I guess my problem with authority.  Anyway, when I was 10 I had been with a family for around two years. There was a huge blow up and when the dust settled, we were all scared and they told me to leave. So I did.  I have been on my own ever since.” My words trailed off.

“Oh my god. How could anyone throw a child away?  If you were a ward of the state, how did they get away with something like that?” Xandra was horrified.

“Well unfortunately they made it sound like I was a runaway, so not much of an investigation was done.  I was far from a saint, but was honestly looking for where I belonged.” Was the only explanation I could give at that time.

“I could never imagine anything that would want me to throw a child away.” She sounded like she fully believed that statement. “What was the fight about anyway?”

“My birth family, mainly my mom.  I just wanted to know even the smallest information on her, just for that moment.  Kids at school were relentless, and anyone that knew anything about my mother was extremely tight lipped about it.” It felt as if some weight was falling away.

“The system needs work, there’s no denying that.  I can see why you were so frustrated and fought back.  I would have a problem with them as well.” Xandra said with almost a touch of enthusiasm.

“Well that night that I guess you could say I ran away, something weird had happened.  I’m talking straight out of the t.v. and movies weird.” I began to panic. I want to tell someone, anyone.  I’m tired of carrying this secret to myself. “I was tired of all the lies and being pushed around, I got so mad I became enraged with it all and wolfed out.  I don’t remember anything after I blacked out. When I finally came around again, the house was destroyed. I guess you could say it looked like a wild animal had been locked inside.” I searched her face for any reaction. It felt great to get it out, but now what would happen if she didn’t believe me and thought I was crazy? Or worse, did believe me and told the police? Or anyone else?

“Alright Shay, is that a metaphor for something?  I’m guessing your rage got the best of you and the mess that followed was a result of that and nothing more.  Like you said those things only happen in movies and on t.v.” She seemed quite concerned.

I guess there’s a reason people don’t talk about these things, and I’m sure if she did know she would eventually spill the beans after I left.  Probably better off letting her think it was a metaphor.

“Yeah I guess.  When your mind spins and you get upset we always let ourselves believe the possibility of the impossible.  But that is my deep dark past that keeps biting me in the ass. When I become extremely pissed off, I black out and my anger can get the better of me.” Guess I played that one right.  Now she knows my fuse is non existent, and it can be dangerous to be around me.

Xandra stood in front of me and placed her arms around me, it felt comforting to know that I could tell her almost anything.  I wrapped my arms around her and deeply inhaled her scent. She smelled sweet, I could feel her breasts pressing into mine and her thigh rubbing against my core.  She was such a tease. I would enjoy what time I had with her, and would miss her when I would finally leave.

The rest of the day involved some flirting, some kissing, and caressing.  We talked and watched movies. I know this isn’t my forever but today was what I want eventually.  I have to find my family and get answers before I can find my other half, if that is even possible for me.  I still have hope for a family someday.