The lost love

Love,Guilt,Anger,Pain

After that event I don't want to go to school I don't want to see him but I can't neglect my studies so I halfheartedly get up and get ready for the school as today is Friday if I skip school today I will be absent from the school for three days and won't be able to chase the absent work so I decided to go to the school.

At the class I choose the last corner's seat as it is the only seat for one person in class I never Imagined that I will sit alone in the same class as Michael five or six minutes after me Michael enter the class he looked at our usual spot I saw a worried expression on his face he grab his phone from his back pocket and started towards his seat when typing something on the phone I was too hurt when I thought that he didn't even care if I was there or not he is just busy with his phone but all of sudden my phone vibrates I fetch my mobile to see Michael name pop on it.

hey Jack where are you man

following the next

I figured you don't want to talk to me may be not wanted to see me but let me just know how are you I am worried sick as you are not answering any of my text ...... please just this once listen to me........... I wanna talk please...... and ...... please I am a jerk you know that please come to the school don't skip school don't ..... if you don't want to see me just say i will skip the school I know you ...You are damn serious about your studies just don't ruin it because of me...

after reading his text i realized that he didn't notice me sitting in the back corner he was eagerly watching on his mobile for my reply .... And he seems sad he was not like his usual self he was just staring in an empty space not talking to anyone unlike his usual self. suddenly Becky approach him (he was always so flirty around her) she tried talking to him but he seems rather quiet he don't even talk to her and was ignoring her I never saw him that quiet .... He was really sad or may be guilty for what he did my anger started to decrease I want to comfort him by something inside me keep reminding the event i hate him for.

after the few minutes teacher arrives. he was eyeing on the screen of his mobile then to the door then finally i got another text from him.

hey man Jack please don't skip the class Miss Melissa just walked in man please........ I am really sorry for what happens if you want come and punish me why are you doing it with yourself.....

I was about to reply him when Miss Melissa just pointed me out.....

Jack no Phone during the class.... and why are you not in usual spot....???

as she call my name Michael followed her gaze and he noticed me sitting in the corner he was shocked and relived at the same time.

Jack you know you have to sit right next to your partner in my class it is class rule.

I am not feeling well today Miss so I wanted to sit right next to a window.I lied to her and because of my good behavior in class she let me break this one rule.

I avoided Michael half of the day while he tried too hard to reach me yes his behavior was totally different he was sad and quiet there were some points I when I totally want to forgive him but I was angry and my anger wasn't letting me forgive what he did

For years I have repressed my feelings for him now I end up being hurt i sometimes have this urge to shout out my feelings to his face but I don't have the guts to do it Instead I keep them in me and keep him closer to me as my best friend letting him treat me like I am a clown and leave when he's satisfy I always question my self that Am I worth only that much to him?

At the lunch time I was sitting at a bench near a tree all alone drown in my thoughts when he suddenly approaches me.

Where have you been?

I replayed "nowhere"

he was angry or sad or worried I don't know

Let me repeat. Where have you been? I've been trying to call you all night I texted you go to your house why didn't you open the door you didn't reply my text and why didn't you pick up?

he seems furious asking me one question after other not waiting for my answers

Do you have any idea how f*****g worried I was?

I was angry too

Why the f**k do you care?

What the hell is wrong with you it was just a joke .... I was not intended to make fun of your gender preferences.

So he didn't even know why am I angry he didn't get a hint that I feel for him.

My anger took on me

You played with my emotions.

What the f**k are you talking about?

If you don't know any better, just leave me the f**k alone.

I just blurted out on him gather my things and leave him standing there angry and confused.

After lunch he tried to talk to me again but i just ignored him.

Our Math's teacher was absent today so we were free for the last period many of the class students were in different activities so they went for their different activity areas I was not in mood to do anything so I decided to go to the library before heading home I looked in the crowd but Michael was nowhere to be seen So i thought he must flee to his football practice if we were not fighting he must have dragged me with him to the football court or I may have dragged him with me to Library, but today is different we are not beside each other today, I was on my way to the library when someone dragged me from behind it was Louis the boys that used to bully me he drag me to the corner of the locker room where the whole gang of them was waiting Louis was just a minion of Jordan's gang they there are two more minions other than Louis there is Ethan and Steven Jordan is a senior while they all are just at the same batch we are in and Steven is one of my classmates, Jordan move forward closing the gape between me and him he stated.

"Hey Faggot you were trying to be all brave the other day threatening me with Michael Now where is your body guard"

I never understand why Michael be friend with them he was not like them never he don't hurt people he was quiet a friendly guy but unfortunately he fell into their influence they met him on football team they all are school football team's player while Jordan is basically the team leader they are all well built and muscular I can't stand only one punch if coming from them unlike me Michael has same body type like Jordan he is a fitness freak so he always workout and for his age he has a well built masculine body,

"I was no being brave and not threatening you I just told you to don't bully me i can make a complain"

he came more closer to me his expression was scary and I was scared and alone.

"you know what Jordan he is a faggot he like to do things with boys he pleases guys he may trade his ass to the princi to get us kicked out of school ..........haahahahahaha" Louis said while Jordan kept looking at me.

"By the way how was the prank I pulled yesterday using your friend as a puppet at you angry at him or he just leave you after knowing about the dirty plans of your"

What plans Jordan Steven ask while smirking...

"He wants to get f****d by Michael he may have done this with him in his dreams so he want to fulfill his dream I guess"

"Its not like this and mind your own business" I turn and about to leave when Ethan push me to ground "Its not like he wants to do it with only Michael Jordan he may have his legs open for anyone Those f*****g faggots they are always full of lust and greed he is being Michael's shadow cause he have money you throw money at him he be your bitch...."

This make me angry I never fight to anyone but today is not like any other day I can't take it anymore and I get up and throw a hard punch at Ethan's jaw much to my believe i did a pretty well job he is now bleeding through his mouth and a cut appears on his lip but my anger faded as soon as I did this stupid thing while i was alone in there with all of them they can beat a pulp out of me

Steven move towards me and punch me in my stomach and knocked the breath out of me i fell to the ground Ethan kicked me in the stomach and my vision got blurred with intense pain other kick come straight to my chest but it was stopped mid air when someone from behind shout out my name My vision was blur but I recognized the figure standing in front of me.

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"Right now i don't really see the reason for trying, for talking ,for breathing I am just done"