Broken Hug

The Ride

Charoen moved around inside as if looking for something. Stopping at a tray with colourful bras and soft-coloured panties in them, something twinged at her heart.

A flash appeared; a strawberry pink pair from these under garments lying flung on the floor of her room and a little girl curled up in a corner of the floor, legs drawn up, hands clutching her stomach, lines of pain etched on her mouth, shock in her eyes. 

They soon came out and passed by a fruit-selling zone. Heaps of juicy red apples with little stickers on them almost hid the sellers from view. Charoen stopped for a fleeting moment. Rohan looked at her surprised.

“I think I saw someone there, behind the general store, peeping at us.” She said looking at him.

“Are you sure?”

“More or less.”

“Who could it be?” Do you think it could be anyone you know? Can you recall anyone?”

Her mind travelled. “While coming down to Hunnie’s, Ravi appeared from behind.” She stopped. “He was going to the mall. He wanted me to accompany him.” She paused before continuing, “At the school cafeteria, he stuck his hand into the counter and wanted to pay for my food.” She paused again. “In class he tells Hetal to change place so that he can sit next to me. And he also suggests me to read Romeo and Juliet and other love stories about young lovers.”

Rohan nodded and listened. Ravi’s teenage crush.

But what are you doing, Rohan? Don’t you think you are crushing a first year college teenage girl?

No, I’m not.

Why do you think so?

Because I’m not forcing her. It’s mutual.

But she’s a teenager.

But she’s an adult. 18. And besides, we are friends.

One-day definition of friendship, eh! And ethics? What do you have to say to that?

What wrong has been done that ethics come to the surface?

And Fai?

Before Rohan could respond to her complaints against that Ravi, Charoen said, “I always avoid him.”

The western sky was painted reddish-orange with a grey tinge. Twilight, one of Rohan’s favourite moments was frozen in time. Yes, for a moment. They walked down to the condominium.

Hunnie’s eyes were glued to a Muai Thai contest. She smiled at them.

Charoen smiled back. “I was wondering… can you arrange a room for my stay here? On rent?”

When Hunnie looked up surprised, she continued, “My house is a one-and-half hour ride from the college, all the way at Kona Expressway.”

Charoen turned to Rohan. “I have already spoken to father and he has agreed to this idea.”

“There’s a room on rent on the second floor, the second one to the left of the corridor. It’s across the flight of stairs.” Hunnie pulled out a drawer and handed her the key. “You may go check it out.”

The two went up. The outside view from the little balcony caught Charoen by surprise. A bit of the road – around twenty-five metres – could be seen to the left. This little portion always made you anticipate the passing of another vehicle any moment after you had seen one. Thus the thought that something was always moving in the midst of stationary things – as the buildings – was a great feeling. Directly in front was the half constructed building coming up, and in the foreground a tree, its name unknown to both of them. Charoen slipped her hand into his, and she looked up at him, a small gentle smile aglow on her face. The room followed the same structure, with the same kind of balcony, on one end of which was the kitchen, and the washroom on the other.

“I will move in here on Saturday,” she said.

Rohan gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

*

Their taxi got caught up in a snarl. With dusk having already melted away and darkness crept in, the tail lights of the cars in front seemed to light up the night. Charoen rested her head on the head rest, eyes closed. After all the conversation they had had and now choosing her room to stay from Saturday, all these brought a glow of achievement visible on Charoen’s face. Her mind was a bowl of satisfaction. And Rohan saw a film of peace in her eyes. She looked at him, and they both smiled at each other.

The cool atmosphere inside, along with the car perfume, enhanced a mood of satisfaction. The vehicle was covered all over with light blue material. Even the dashboard was light blue, and with the glass put up, all that fell to the ears was a faint purr. For a moment Rohan soaked himself into the mood created within. The suicidal youth with his chest covered with blood and his face squeezed in pain, and his body twisted from the waist began to appear from the hazy cloud and into their mind. Suddenly the smoky beings appeared. One hand of each was around the other. They stretched their other hand and together with palms open, they covered the youth’s face. “Let them enjoy their moment,” the smoky girl said. “Yes.” The man nodded and smiled.

Rohan’s mind was captured by the lilting ambience Charoen had given him and the soft words she had spoken all this while and now spoke in silence.

“We are in space,” Chaoren’s voice touched him with softness. “We are passengers on holiday in this space-vehicle.” She paused and caressed the mole on her left cheek. “And you see those lights twinkling here and there ahead of us and at the sides; they are other planets moving in their own orbits.” You know,” she continued, “in Thai fa means the colour blue, and it also refers to sky. But do you know why this is so? It is so because sky is the ultimate definition of freedom; sky means space; sky means Mind. And Mind is endless.” 

“Yes, Charoen,” Rohan whispered. “And in Thai, fai means fire.” He looked at her. “Somewhere things are falling into place; and things you had earlier felt can now be felt once again; things you had earlier seen somewhere can be seen once again.”

“And what does Charoen mean in Thai language? Development is the female version of the name, and flourish the masculine name. People with this name seek religion and wisdom. They arre introspective, scientific and analytical. Number seven is their personality number. They love nature and their heart goes for a peaceful ambience and …”

“Which means they love perfection. Even teaching and spirituality. Can they be termed individualistic? Creative?”

“…and do you know their love life? Well, they are devoted to their partner, and not only that, they are also a companion and friend to him.”

Rohan nodded. “Well, you’ve dug this a lot. You’ll have to research on other names soon, I guess.” He smiled and saw her smiling too. “Well, um… how about this?” and he paused. C: Persons wear their heart on their sleeve; and they have a strong instinct about matters of the heart. H: Persons are a visionary, but they tend to make a lot of money and lose it as fast. A: They believe in themselves and are ambitious and free thinkers. R: Persons feel things strongly and their rich, intense inner life emanates outward. O: These people know where the moral high ground is. E: These people are freedom-loving, sensual and enthusiastic. N: They are think-outside-the-box kind; creative and original.” Rohan closed his eyes and sighed after his long speech.

“Wow, you’ve done your research quite well.”

He looked at her. He smiled at last. “I made them up.” And he continued smiling with a wider grin.

Charoen broke into splits of laughter. When she came to the end of her laughter and opened her eyes, she saw a pin-point of light appearing against a bluish-black background. When she looked into the core of the light, it became a bulb hanging from an electric wire in a room. The room was on the third floor of a house in Gol Park. The lift worked till the second floor, and hence to shame the lift, the man walked up all the floors. He inserted the key into the round brass lock. The click was audible from the end of the passage where Charoen stood, her half-moon birthmark aglow.

The man walked up to the room where the bulb was already switched on. The walls were soft yellow, and on the wall opposite to the door, the poster of Leonardo Da Vinci’s self portrait in sepia stood. His arms were outstretched to a horizontal position, and both legs together in a vertical form. 

The light from the bulb had enhanced the poster. On the other wall was a chart board filled with timings beginning from five in the morning. 

The man sat at the table, fingers locked and the arms resting. Very soon the door-bell rang, and Charoen gave a start. She glanced at Rohan and, realizing where she was, slowly removed her head from his shoulder.

Why the vision of a man sitting at a table? She looked straight ahead through the glass. The taxi was on the second Hoogly Bridge by now. “My house is close by.”

The cab cruised along the silent highway with street lights from long and slender poles throwing sufficient glow. Rohan looked at Charoen. Her satchel lay on her lap. Tiredness seemed to have crept into her eyes.

“It’s been a long day for you, Charoen; you have to leave your house around six thirty in the morning and return twelve hours later. Staying at the condominium will ease you of your everyday load.”

She smiled. He rested his cheek on her arm.

By this time the taxi had left the bridge behind. Charoen indicated to the driver to slow down the vehicle to the left. The cab stopped outside a grassy pathway and Charoen got out. The area was draped in quietness, except for the continuous call of the hedge crickets from the bushes around. Yet the call seemed to come from far, so faint was the sound. Coupled with this you could hear the zoom of passing vehicles now and then.

Charoen looked at Rohan through the glass window, smiled and waved out before proceeding down the path. A faint light from the lamp-post at the beginning of the path shed ample glow to guide her to the door. Rohan kept the taxi standing till she had unlocked the door, turned with a wave of her arm. And with a smile on her face, she stepped inside. But immediately she turned and walked back, looking at him.

She leant on the window. Rohan brought the glass down.

“I was thinking,” she said softly, her face inside the window, “if you may call me Fai from now… Because I’m Fai from now. 

Rohan did not know what to say. His face was still locked into hers. He only sighed. He tapped on the driver’s seat. The car started and began turning towards the road he had come here from.

The day looked complete, as of now. Rohan drummed his fingers on his thigh and simultaneously looked out of the window. It was nearly seven-thirty and he would be home within forty minutes. The poem, Silent footfalls came into his mind and he murmured it, drumming his fingers in rhythmic fashion. He ran his fingers on the empty space next to him with the niceness of feeling that Charoen was occupying it. So much happened, beginning from the time after college hours till he dropped her home. Is the strangeness within that strangely wonderful feeling called Fai-Rohan love? Or Charoen-Rohan?

The cab reached the end of Loi-amphoe before taking the left turn to Thanon Prapadang. Rohan’s eyes fell on the condominium to his right. Charoen will be here from Saturday. This thought lifted his mind and he could already see her in her one-room apartment upstairs. “Please take the left turn.” he instructed the cabbie. “And stop near the general store.”

Rohan had a habit of checking the seat before getting down; and as he did so, his eyes fell on a green-covered notebook on the seat. Opening the first page, he found Charoen written on it.