Broken Hug

The Decision

This can’t be.

It’s not true.

She saw the fingers. Gnarled. Lean. Crooked. Stiff and hard. Hands of a creature from another world over red, yellow and green buttons of a keyboard. He was in full control of her life.

That unknown Someone switched off a button called choke, and in an instant some invisible gnarled fingers closed around her throat. She opened her mouth and screamed out, but her own words failed to fall into her ears. Her tongue stirred and made an effort to throw out her voice, but that unknown being’s fingers gripped tighter around her throat. Her head lay on one side of the pillow, and she began to sink once again. The monster screwed his face into a cruel grin of victory and removed his fingers from her throat. She went on sinking. When she was about to hit the bottom of unconsciousness, her mind opened. She found the hurt withdrawing from her throat. The grotesque being’s head was turned up, glorifying on the showers of praise from its master. Fai made all endeavours to yell out, and in gradual motion, her voice began rising. First a whimper, then a whine; a croak followed by a low scream. The scream rose to a crescendo before turning to a continued screaming.

The creature fell into an abyss and continued going further down. When her eyes opened a few seconds later – which seemed like an hour or so, she heard her own voice falling into her ears. A dull yell. It reached outside the door of the room. The nurse was at the desk, her head on the table, dozing. She woke up with a start and rushed into the room.

Raw-han. Raw-han. A gurgle of a sound came from Fai.  

She lay perspiring, her eyes fixed to the wall across the room. The curtain of the door was pushed aside, and someone in the likeness of her father entered the room along with a lady. They spoke words of comfort, honey words of whisper. But all fell into Fai’s deaf ears; into a feeling-less person’s ears.

I need you Raw-han. I need you.

*

It was afternoon, past one o’clock. The curtains of the room were drawn. Lights were off. A whirr from the air-con fell as a lullaby to Fai’s ears. Soon the curtain shifted and there at the window stood two beings. A man and woman. They melted through the glass window and sat on the two chairs.

The woman, a choker around her neck and a pair of dangling gunmetal earrings in the shape of a scorpion, had a tight blue jeans micro mini skirt with black leggings and a black sleeveless T-shirt with a white border running all around. The man’s silver stud on his left lobe threw sparks as he shook and nodded his head in a silent conversation. His tattered blue jeans and maroon T-shirt made him a macho man.

 The woman took out a soft piece of cloth from the pocket of the camera case, blew on the screen and ran it lightly on the LCD screen.  

“This is the shop, Romeo” the woman said pointing on the handy cam screen, “from where we had purchased our earrings. Remember,” her voice was like an enthusiastic teenager’s, “I fell for the pair of gun-metal earrings and my gun-metal choker…”

 “and I, Juliet,” the man smiled, “I picked up my silver stud, and we paid for each other’s ornaments…”

They seemed not to pay attention to the lady on the bed

“Yes,” Juliet interrupted as they proceeded forward. “And look, this is the spot where men make beautiful and artistic designs with henna paste on their palms, their abdomen, above their tail bone area and on the wrists of young women. Including some gays also.”

Romeo nodded, a smile on his face. “Let us go, Juliet, and sit on the low railing of the freeway. Remember we had last sat there when we were living.”

The quiet road lay half flooded with street lights. A pair of dogs lay on their sides, eyes closed, the brown one with two big white patches facing the road, and the black one facing the brown one.

Very soon a white and brown dog came trotting along, its tail swinging nineteen to the dozen, its closed mouth giving it a resolute look. When it approached closer to the two sleeping canines, they opened their eyes. As if by intuition, the black dog suddenly got up, went up to the other dog, nuzzled close to it, sniffed its nose and both trotted off.

“Perhaps,” Juliet said, her voice a catch of wonder, “this is the way divorce and live-in relationships were handed down to human beings,” and she rested her eyes on Romeo. “The two silently agree they will live away from each other because they are bored of each other’s company. They are failing to intellectually improve each other’s mind. So one decides to simply walk out of the other’s life and that is what it literally does. Both, perhaps, feel broken-hearted at losing each other’s company. They miss each other, but accept the fact that this is reality. So life has to go on, and as they say, there are plenty of pebbles on the beach and you will surely find someone of your artistic mentality. But if you don’t you will bask on the light of your past relationship.”

“Yes Juliet, my love. It’s true,” Romeo nodded. “But in our case we are made for each other. Otherwise how could we still remain together even after death… And get into people’s bodies. And into their souls.” He looked out into the street.

“True, darling. Otherwise how come we are still lovers in our next life. And to show we are still committed to each other, we live our life by looking out for lovers with strange stories.” And Juliet cuddled closer to her beloved.

“Didn’t someone once say Death envelopes all,” and Romeo planted a soft kiss on Juliet’s neck. “Yes, death is the ultimate. When death envelops us, Ju, it opens the door to other paths. By renouncing life, death opens up doors after doors of more life. It’s only with death that man realizes how narrow-minded life had been. How, when he moved from one door of activity to open another portal, his action itself was focused on a narrow path.”

*

Fai’s hand stirred; her eyes half opened; and her head reeled. She had heard some whispers.

She turned her face towards the window and her eyes fell on the chairs. They were covered with slow-moving mist. And in them a pair, a man and a woman with a video cam, sat close to each other.

*

Romeo gestured at his beloved and Juliet got up from her chair and sat on his thigh.

“Yes my love,” Juliet said. “Man’s activity was real, but this real activity was narrow-minded. He had forgotten to look at space then, for in space lies life.”

Romeo nodded.

“So, Ju, when man is disappointed over something, why does he look up? And when a feeling of satisfaction embraces him, he looks up again. Yes, he looks up in both cases. He unmindfully stares up for his soul pushes his head up from within. His soul tells him, there, my boy, up there lies your answer. It tells him, take the space as your soul, as your world. Probe into it, all your answers lie up there. But,” Romeo paused, caressing his lover’s arm, “most people fail to comprehend the language of the soul. They are so concerned about their bodily attire, so deep into fondling themselves with face-wash, and deep-cleansing cream and hugging themselves with the latest designs that they ignore to dress their souls. They fail to understand that body and soul are the twin sides of their faces.”

“Yes, my darling,” and Juliet pressed her face close to Romeo’s arm, giving it a gentle and loving squeeze. “Your soul is infused into mine,” she whispered, “as much as mine into yours. But,” she looked up at him, “how far is Rohan with his story?

Romeo took the video camera from her, pressed the button, the red light beeped. “Here,” and he turned the screen towards her. “See, whatever Rohan is writing is actually taking place.”

They stopped in the middle, exchanging gentle looks. Romeo kissed Juliet on the mouth…

*

And at that instant, Fai sat up in bed and her hand went up to her mouth. She felt her lips. I swear the man kissed me. Yes, he did. I can feel the gentle pressure of his lips on mine.

A heady feeling began sinking inside her. Three prominent marks on the man’s forehead appeared starkly visible. His hair, semi-long, hung loose over his forehead. The woman’s silky hair fell till her shoulders and some over her right breast. Fai touched her hair.

Next when she turned her head to the pair of lovers, Rohan and Fai were sitting cuddled to each other, the video camera in his hand, and she peering into the LCD screen.

*

After three days Fai sat up in the hospital bed with her laptop. On opening her e-mail, she found one from Rohan. 

Dear Fai

Today evening unusual rain clouds gathered in the sky. We were at the cemetery. The grave digger started digging the ground, removing large scoops of earth, and after some time, the hole was big enough for the coffin to be placed inside it. The box was lifted with the help of ropes and in slow degrees placed inside. And no sooner did it touch the ground than the first plop of a raindrop landed on the lid with quite a large sound. Relatives and near and dear ones gathered around threw loose clods of earth on the lid of the coffin. And with the loose earth – tears – rain began to pour down from the sky. First in pitter patter then soon harder. Will I call those drops my tears, I don’t know. But all I can say is I felt I was sharing one of my greatest sorrows with you. Yes, you, my Fai. Though you were not present there in front of me, I could feel you holding my hand. Your words fell soft and comforting, like soothing drops of rain on a thirsty desert.

And though you and I cannot be near each other every day, you are there next to me in my mind and heart.   

I love you, Fai

Yours ever,

Rohan

She read the e-mail again, more slowly this time, ruminating on each and every word, and visualizing Rohan standing at the cemetery next to her. Minimizing the page, she raised her head and looked around the semi-dark room with a glow from outside struggling to enter from the edge of the window curtain. She imagined him at a table, his fingers gliding over the keyboard of his laptop, and for a moment she debated if she should read the mail again.

She was now someone with one ankle. That’s what others would think of her as.

One-ankle.

A word to awake shudder; a shudder that runs through your spine. Punches every muscle in your body. It wraps around the ligaments and tendons, and it squeezes out every drop of blood.

How could she bring obstacle in the way of Rohan. His life would be limited with her presence. If he had to go out with her, she would have to use a crutch. Or walk with a walker, the kind the aged or the crippled used. 

Frozen with the thought, she didn’t realize the evening had drawn to a close. And when her father paid a visit, he found his daughter plunged into silence. She smiled at him, but it was a dry smile the daughter gave from the corner of her mouth. She could understand a father’s pain, for his face had a stamp of sadness at his daughter’s plight.

The first thing she told her father was to get her a new sim card.

I’ll destroy this old number. It is one-ankled too.