Seven Souls

Moment of truth

Christiana’s POV

My eyes flew open, meeting a familiar pair of green eyes, but they didn’t have the same emotions I recognized before. All I saw in her eyes was anger, rage, and death. She wanted me dead.

My hands reached for her wrists that were wrapped around my neck as my lungs fought for the air. “You’re killing me,” I grunted, only making it worse when her hands tightened more around my neck.

There was no way this could be real.

Sophia was gone. I’ve been repeating that line for a month now.

“You took everything from me,” she shouted, the tears trailing down her cheeks as rage grew more on her once calm face.

Her words looped in my head, and I felt my blood boiling. She made it sound like I wanted this life like I wanted to be someone I’m not, pretend to be in love with a man, and go to countless therapy sessions.

I never signed up for this. All I wanted was to die. Not to move to another body and live another life that could’ve never been mine.

It was all my fault that I got into this mess. I suggested helping her because there was no other option.

I had no option.

“You took my life, you f*****g killed me,” I shouted back, and she finally loosened her grip around my neck.

I took a deep breath in, letting the air fill my lungs as I felt Sophia’s weight lift off me.

I closed my eyes for a second and when I opened them again; I was behind the steering wheel, repeating the day of the accident.

“Not really.” Sophia’s voice made me flinch, and I turned my gaze to her. She was staring at the approaching car, the one she was supposed to be in.

“I don’t understand…” I murmured, and her gaze snapped to mine.

I have had nightmares ever since I woke up in Sophia’s body, but this was different. She was trying to kill me, and… it felt too real.

Then everything went black. I thought I was going to wake up, but no, the loop of torture was still going on. I found myself standing in front of my grave.

My empty grave…

“This is where you are supposed to be,” Sophia’s voice taunted me again. “Yet you’re out there in my body, f*****g my fiance.”

“Why are you hunting me?” I shouted, turning around to face her.

But she wasn’t there. It was just her voice in my head, taunting me as always. It was just a second voice added to my inner voice.

As I turned around to look at the grave, I felt someone pushing me into the empty pit, and the last thing I saw was my sister throwing the dirt at me.

My eyes flew open, and I sat up, hearing my heart beating loudly in my chest as I tried to catch my breath.

Not another panic attack. I whined in my head.

I was familiar with them, but ever since I became Sophia, I haven’t had them as many as before.

They were fewer than before.

I felt a hand on my lower back and another one on my shoulder. Hearing Sam’s worried voice. “Take deep breaths, Soph,” his hand was rubbing my lower back to soothe me.

“Look at me,” I did what he said, meeting his comforting hazel eyes. “Follow my lead,” and like that he took a deep breath through his nose, and let it out through his mouth.

I followed his lead, taking deep breaths and letting them out. This went for god knows how long, but I felt my panic attack subside.

I rested my head on Sam’s shoulder, closing my eyes and enjoying this silence. The silence before talking about what happened yesterday. I had to know what was wrong with him.

He wrapped his arm around my body, caressing my bare arm slowly. The butterflies swarmed my stomach with that extra care. I never got that type of care in my life, never even felt those butterflies until meeting him.

No, I don’t love Sam. Or like him.

Maybe I like him a bit, but nothing more than that.

He wasn’t mine and will never be mine.

“Is there something you aren’t telling me about, Soph?” He broke the silence, and that happy feeling in my insides stopped, replaced with anxiety.

Sophia never got panic attacks. She was the chilliest and calmest person to be around. I was the opposite of that. I grew up with anxiety, eating disorders, and panic attacks. It was rough at first, but I got used to it.

“It’s just… I was startled by what happened yesterday on the way home,” I came up with a lie, as always.

I think I became a professional liar.

He sighed, tightening his arm around me and placing a kiss on my head. “I’m sorry, princess,” he murmured.

“We need to talk about yesterday, Sam,” my voice came out as a whisper, afraid that I would make him mad.

I needed to know what took his mind away when he was driving. He couldn’t even see the car coming straight into us. Did my words really hurt him?

I thought I turned him down nicely, no I didn’t do that… I hurt him instead, and I hurt him good.

He and Sophia were planning their wedding right before she knew about her pregnancy, and wanted them to be married before the baby came into their life.

How did I know? From the diary, the one I found in the attic. She knew she was slipping away, so she wrote me the things she didn’t get to tell me about.

The diary was mostly about Sam, what he likes, and what he doesn’t like. The things they like to do together like movie nights, hiking on weekends, having early breakfast before they head to work together, then lunch in Sam’s office.

It was a nice move from her to leave me something behind, the only thing I have left from her aside from her body.

She literally gave me a handbook to deal with Sam, and even wrote an entire part about s*x, his likes, and dislikes.

Physical intimacy was an important part of every relationship, but these two had love… their love was very beautiful. I could feel his feelings towards what seemed like Sophia to him. They leaned on physical intimacy to find comfort and safety in each other.

It wasn’t mainly s*x, there was cuddling, kissing, and making out.

But s*x was out of the game for me. I lived my life as a virgin, even died as one.

Then there is the most important part about relationships. Sharing, talking to each other, and expressing their feelings.

Their relationship was falling apart. I wasn’t sharing enough, as Sophia did. Yes, he still cares about her, but I know his feelings are changing, probably vanishing.

I was ruining this perfect relationship because I never knew what love is supposed to feel, afraid to fall for him.

“How about after a good, warm bath?” He asked, breaking my bubble of thoughts.

I lifted my head off his shoulder and turned my gaze to his perfect hazel eyes. “Promise me you will tell me what’s wrong,” the words escaped my lips.

I had enough of his lies. Pretending as Sophia wasn’t going so well, and I needed to know whatever he saw because I think acting like myself, not as Sophia.

“I promise, princess,” he answered, pecking my lips before getting up, and walking to the wardrobe, more excited than his usual…

My gaze followed him as he reached the wooden wardrobe, opening it and bringing out two towels, along with clothes for us.

It took me a minute to realize what was happening.

Holy moly… he meant having a bath together.

It was written in the diary. I remembered reading it fast. The words popped out in my head and I groaned mentally.

Sam always asked Sophia for a bath if something was stressing him out.

How do I get myself out? A part of me knew how it would end… but hopefully, I’ll get my ass out.

I grabbed my head, running my hands through my hair, trying to think of something, some excuse to not be naked with him in a f*****g one bathtub.

No, if I did that, I’d only ruin their relationship more than before.

“s**t,” I hissed as I threw my back on the bed, staring at the ceiling as the silence fitted in the room.

Do I have an option? No.

I’ll just have to put Christiana aside and embrace Sophia, working by her handbook to avoid messing up.

How did even Sophia feel comfortable to have a bath or be naked with him without f*****g him?

There’s obviously more s*x than actually having a shower or relaxing in the bathtub. It was basic knowledge.

“We’re just going to have a cozy bath, no s*x,” his voice croaked out from the bathroom and I sat up with horror written on my face, doubting myself if I was thinking out loud.

“I really doubt that,” the sarcastic comment slapped past my lips. I slapped my forehead mentally for my bluntness, but it was good. Sophia was very sarcastic and blunt.

Something we share.

His head popped out, flashing me a playful smirk. “Someone in the mood,” he teased, and I felt myself boiling from the embarrassment.

He threw me a wink before vanishing into the bathroom again.

I pushed the covers off me and dragged myself to the edge of the bed, dangling my feet off the mattress.

The door was just right there, not too far from the bathroom door. I could just leave and save myself from second-hand embarrassment.

No, we are doing this. My inner voice burst at me.

I saw his grey sweatpants being thrown at the door’s footsteps, followed by his black briefs.

Great.

I put my feet on the cold floor and dragged myself to the bathroom, leaning on the door frame as I watched Sam lying in the tub with his eyes closed.

“The water is getting cold,” he muttered. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to join me.” I created this gap, the two of them were suckers for physical touching, while I hated that.

I don’t know what came over me, but I stripped out of my clothes, standing next to the tub fully naked.

Sam opened his eyes, but never left my gaze. He offered me his hand, and I placed mine in his big ones, putting one foot in the warm water, followed by the other.

I slowly lowered myself into the water, sitting in Sam’s lap, stretching my legs next to his and resting my head on his chest. He kissed my head, wrapping both his arms around my body.

It was just the two of us, all naked in the bathtub. I was naked in a bathtub with a man who wasn’t single. Yes, I was in his fiancee’s body, but it wasn’t her soul.

His skin was touching mine, his warm breath trickling down the side of my face, giving me goosebumps, the butterflies swarming in my stomach at that intimate moment.

Why do I feel so torn inside? I’m supposed to fill in her place and accept my fate. But the guilt is still eating me alive, killing me every second I see her face as she died in my arms.

Sophia literally wrote the first thing in the journal that I was her now. I'm Sophia. I have to pretend to be her until I go to Allegra to fix this problem.

And if there wasn’t a solution to this, then she was asking for my forgiveness for killing me. Funny thing… I forgave her.

Speaking of Allegra, I don’t even know if she’s back from her trip. Sophia, being the smartass, forgot to leave me a number to contact, and slowly I started to give up.

“What are you thinking about?” He nudged me, and I tilted my neck, meeting his warm gaze and that little smile on his lips.

“You,” I answered unconsciously. I hated this magnetic effect of his, his eyes totally hypnotized me. Maybe I have feelings.

Maybe.

How did I allow myself to develop feelings? It’s just the little things that made me fall for him, the extra care, the cuddling, the way he touches me, kissing me. Everything he does for me made me develop the slightest feelings for him.

He smashed his lips on mine, and I closed my eyes, feeling blown away from the intense feeling in my stomach.

It wasn’t fear or anger. It was something I had never felt before.

He pulled away, and I rested my head on his chest again as his hand reached to play with my hair. “Everything had been crazy for the past months, Soph. And I want you to know that I love you no matter what,” he whispered.

“Great, because I wasn’t planning on leaving you,” I joked, and his deep chuckles echoed in the bathroom.

Slowly his chuckles died down, but his fingers were still busy tugging on my hair.

“There’s something I have to tell you,” he murmured, and I lifted my head, my eyes snapping to his face as he stared at the nothingness. “It’s about yesterday.”

I saw Sam all broken and sad before… I wasn't an empathetic person, but ever since my soul moved to this body, I had that knot feeling in my stomach.

I could feel if someone was upset, and most of the time they were sad, upset, filled with rage and anger towards the world for being cruel.

Sometimes I felt their happiness, but it was a rare moment.

I shifted in my place, straddling him, ignoring the fact that his d**k was just right under me. My hand moved unconsciously to his now heavily bearded face, cupping his cheek and bringing his gaze to mine.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I keep seeing Christiana, and that guilt feeling is eating me alive, Soph…” he paused.

I felt his fingers trail down my chest, stopping right in the valley of my breast, his fingers tracing the big scar. “On the day of the accident, your heart failed, and you needed one. Kylie gave you Christiana’s. She was brain dead.” He confessed.

I already knew that, but I have to act like I’m mad at him for lying to me.

“What about you almost giving me your heart, Sam? You didn’t think this would’ve broken me to lose my baby and the man I love.”

Did I take it so far? I never meant to tell him this, but me and my big mouth, I just did and I can’t take my words back.

He closed his eyes to hide the regret and guilt he had in them, burying his face in the crook of my neck as a loud cry escaped his lips. At first, I hesitated to wrap my arms around him, but the way he grabbed me… it was like he needed me.

Sam never cried like that in front of me. He always kept his s**t together. “I only wanted to save you because it was my fault you got into that accident.”

My hand reached for his hair, tugging on his hair to calm him down. Or maybe to calm myself because I knew what was coming next.

“Alec never wanted you at the airport. I sent you because he told me he messed up, didn’t tell me he impregnated his girlfriend, or that he abandoned her at the airport.” His voice came out as a whisper, barely heard.

I died, their baby died. Sophia took my heart and now I’m here, not knowing what’s keeping my soul alive. There was a purpose, but I don’t know what it is. There was no one to guide me.

If there was a time machine, I wouldn’t hesitate to use it, but this was my fate and if I ever tried to change it, there would be a similar outcome.

I’m destined to die.

They are destined to lose their baby.

I caressed his hair as he kept crying into my neck. Now, this is how guilt is supposed to feel? He had been bottling his feelings for all this time.

“Everything is fine, Sam,” my voice echoed in the bathroom, along with his whimpers.

I always heard my mother say if a man really loved you, he would cry if something bad happened to you, he would cry in front of you if he knew he messed up. She had those words glued to her mind, saying them every time dad left the house after fighting with her.

He pulled away, his now red eyes meeting mine. “The guilt is eating me alive, Soph. You’re suffering because of what I did. Kylie lost the only person who cared for her, and all of this is because of me-“

I pressed my lips on his soft ones, cutting him off because I had enough. He closed his eyes and so did I, feeling his lips moving on mine, kissing me back. He pulled away and rested his forehead on mine.

“You never needed therapy. I’m the one who needs help. I’m always seeing her, hearing her voice in my head.” He blurted.

His words froze the blood in my veins. Just imagine if he knew I was her… yeah, this is what Sophia was afraid of.

It broke me to see him like this; the guilt burning inside of him, and it finally got to him. I opened my eyes, tracing my finger on his cheek, and he opened his eyes.

“Have the day off and stay with me, then we will see about that,” I offered with a light smile, my fingers tugging on his heavy beard. “Maybe shave too.”

He nodded, his hazel eyes locking with mine. I grabbed him by his beard, taking his lips in a small yet passionate kiss.

He only had Sophia to comfort him, while I didn’t have anyone. I pushed my sister away, leaving Sam as the only person I found comfort in.

His hands grabbed my waist as his lips trailed down my neck. “Sam,” I hummed, feeling him rubbing himself on me. I only wanted to comfort him. Of course, it will turn to s*x.

It always turned into angry s*x. I don’t know if this was healthy or not. But Sam was the type of guy when he gets upset, he finds closure through intimacy. So was Sophia.

They channel their feelings through s*x, then discuss later the problems that led to this heated moment.

In this case, it was Sam seeking to relish his feelings and find some comfort.

“It’s too early for this, and I don’t think we can…” the words came out mixed out with a moan as he sucked on the soft spot between the junction of my neck and my shoulder.

This would be considered the first time I f****d someone. Yeah, I had flashbacks of them doing the deed, felt some of the excitement Sophia experienced, but this… it was too much.

My body was responding to whatever Sam was doing, letting him guide me to my o****m as he rubbed his d**k on my c**t.

“I need you, Soph,” he whispered between his kisses. He finally brought his lips to mine, grabbing my head with a hand while the other one remained on my waist, his eyes looking into mine for consent.

I gave him a little nod, and he pushed his d**k inside of me, taking my lips in his. I moaned into his mouth as I felt his d**k fill me, my hand gripping his hair as he moved inside of me at a slow yet fast pace.

“Sam,” I moaned his name when his lips left mine, trailing sloppy kisses on my shoulder blade.

“Just relax, love,” he whispered.

So, yeah… I finally f****d someone. I guess I’ll wait for the regret to get into my system after all this pleasure is gone. I will beat myself up later, I’m sure of that.