First Love, A Second Time Around

Break Down and Break Through

Danny

Danny sat in the diner with a cup of coffee and waited for one of his military friends to join him. He called him earlier in the week and asked if he wanted to join Danny for lunch. Through mutual friends, Danny learned that Mike Hammond, or "Hammer" as he was known by his unit, was starting his own private detective business. Danny was determined to find Ally, no matter the cost or how long it took. Even if she had moved on, even if she was happy, he needed to know so he could have some closure.

Danny saw Mike come in the diner, and he rose to greet his friend.

"Hammer, what's going on, man?" Danny said as he slapped him on the back and shook his hand.

"Not much, enjoying civilian life. How are things with you?" Mike asked.

"Things are ok. I earned my RN and BSN, and now I'm starting school in a month or two for Physician's Assistant. "

"That's great!" Mike said. "You were one of the best field medics we had."

"Thanks for that, brother. Listen, Ben told me you were starting a business as a private investigator. Is that true?" Danny asked.

"Yeah, I just got my license last week. I've been looking for an affordable storefront to hang my shingle on, but so far, no luck. For now, I'm just working out of my house and meeting clients in places like this." Mike said. Taking a sip of coffee, Mike looked at Danny and said, "So Ben tells me you are looking to find your girl? The one that broke your heart after boot camp?"

"Actually, I broke her heart, badly. I never got the chance to explain myself, and long story short, she moved away while I was overseas, and her parents are very tight-lipped about where she is now." Danny said, looking at his hands.

"Listen, man, as much as I want the business, maybe it is best to let this go? It's been what, ten years at least? She's probably moved on, and you don't want to mess with that by bringing the past into her life now, you know?" Mike said.

"I can't let it go, Mike, not yet. She was my everything for so long. We were going to get married after I finished AIT. At graduation, I never got the chance to explain myself, to let her know I didn't betray her. I need to do that. I need that closure. If you find that she is happy and moved on, has a good life, I will bow out and do my best to move on. I just have to know." Danny said, blinking quickly a few times so his friend would not see his tears.

"Alright, I'll help you out. What I'm going to need from you is her full name, date of birth, last known address, her parents' names, and a photo or two if you have them. We'll set up a meeting here in about a week, and I will get started . But Danny, just remember, don't track her down and mess with her life. I know that isn't my place to say as your PI, but as your friend, I'm telling you this. I know you think you need closure, but closure doesn't come from another person. You have to choose to close that door. And if she has, then you should too, for both of your sakes." Mike said, standing and getting ready to go.

Danny shook his hand, and they set up a meeting for the following weekend. Getting the information would not be hard. They grew up together.

Danny paid the bill and left a tip on the table. He left, climbing into his truck and headed home. He was supposed to meet up with Eli, Jania, and a few other friends later to go out to their favorite bar. He was really not in the mood to go, but the alternative was sitting at home feeling sorry for himself. He was smart enough to know that was not a good thing, so he resigned himself to go.

Danny used to love going out with friends. They all had a secret place that they would go back in the day and sneak beer and other booze and have bonfires, then head home, always having a DD. Even overseas, when they were not out on missions, his unit would all hang out, sometimes kicking around a soccer ball. Now, he felt isolated. Between his PTSD and thoughts of Ally, Danny knew he was not in a great place mentally. He definitely needed to get his s**t together sooner rather than later. He had the name of a counselor who worked exclusively with veterans, having been one himself. He knew the struggle they faced coming back into civilian life. He is a Gulf War vet, so he especially gets the things that vets coming home from Afghanistan and Iraq go through. He knew he had his card at home and decided he would call on Monday to set up an appointment.

Once he arrived home, Danny grabbed a water bottle and sat out on the terrace. The weather was getting warmer the closer it got to July. The sun felt good, and he put his feet up and soaked it in. He sat out there for an hour or so, then came inside and decided to take a short nap before meeting up with Eli, Jania, and their other friends. Because he didn't sleep well, Danny often found himself napping during the day. Night sleeping was hard because his body was conditioned to stay alert, and every sound he heard made him jump straight up, and then he couldn't fall back asleep. Sleeping during the day was a bad cycle he knew, but he needed rest.

His friends were texting him all day to make sure that he would meet them at the bar for drinks. Danny assured them he would be there and would not bail on them again. He wasn't supposed to meet them until 8, and it was only 3, so he had plenty of time to take a quick nap. He went into the bedroom, kicked his shoes off, turned on the fan, and lay on top of the bed. He was out like a light in no time.

Danny woke to the sound of pounding. He sat straight up in bed and looked at his phone for the time. It was 10pm. "s**t," he said. He was supposed to meet his friends two hours ago. The pounding continued, and he realized it was his door. Answering the door, he found Eli and Jania standing there looking very pissed.

"Why the hell didn't you meet us, man?" Eli said as he let himself into Danny's apartment. Jania followed behind him.

"Please, just come on in," Danny said sarcastically, closing the door.

The two of them stared at Danny until he joined them in the living room. "Does anyone want something to drink?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen to grab a beer.

"No thanks, we had a couple at the bar. Where you were supposed to meet us two hours ago." Jania said, not disguising her irritation at all.

"Look, I'm sorry. I took a nap, and I forgot to set my alarm. I was going to go, I swear." Danny said as he came back to the living room and sat in his recliner. Eli and Jania sat across from him on his couch.

"Danny, this s**t isn't healthy," Eli said, "You only leave this place if you absolutely have to. What do you do all day long? "

"I'll tell you what he does. He goes to the store. Alone. He eats here. Alone. He drinks here. Alone. If he's not sleeping, he's vegging out on the couch with a streaming show or movie. Alone. We are seriously worried about you, man, " Jania said.

"Don't you think I know this! Do you think I want to be this way? Every night I go to bed and every night some noise will wake me up and have my heart pounding. I won't go back to sleep. I stay awake because I'm used to sleeping light and remaining alert. During the day, sounds and smells set me off. When I do sleep, nightmares mess with my head. Do you wanna know why I didn't go to the beach last weekend? Not because I didn't want to. I had my cooler packed and was headed there, and as soon as I saw the sand, I had to turn around. The sand put me right back in Afghanistan. I didn't sleep for nearly 48 hours because of that one little sight. " Danny all but yelled at them, then put his head in his hand.

Jania rushed over and put her arms around his shoulder. "Danny, we had no idea. Why didn't you talk to us?" she asked.

"Because I didn't want to put this crap on you." he said. "It's too much. I can't ask that of you."

"Danny, we are your BEST FRIENDS," she said, "That means we look out for each other. That means we have your back. That means you don't carry this load alone."

"It's just hard for me, you know? A lot of s**t happened over there. When our convoy was ambushed, I tried to help as many soldiers as I could. There was just too much blood. I watched my best friend over there get blown up right next to me. I shattered my knee and lost a chunk of my thigh. My leg is an everyday reminder of the horrors I've seen. I don't want either of you to carry this baggage."

"Man, we will help you carry it. Just let us." Eli said.

"I have the name of a counselor, a fellow soldier who fought in the Gulf War. He only treats vets. He says it is because there was no help available for him when he came home, and he wanted to make sure that no other soldier falls through the cracks. I'm calling him on Monday." Danny said.

"Good," Jania said, "Now order us some pizza. I can't speak for Eli, but I'm parking myself here and taking watch for you. I've got your back. You hear noises? I'm here to tell you it is all good. I don't care if I stay up all night. I want you to know you are not alone."

"I'm in too," Eli said, "We will sleep in shifts. And we'll stay here as many nights as it takes until you feel safe. I'm glad you are seeing that counselor. Regardless, we are here. You are a priority. And don't try to argue, man. "

Danny smiled at his friends. "Alright. Who wants wings with their pizza?"