First Love, A Second Time Around

Out With The Old

Danny

True to their word, Jania and Eli stayed the night. When Danny woke the next morning, he smelled fresh coffee and bacon. Wandering into the kitchen, he saw Eli and Jania at the stove, and they were bickering about the best way to cook bacon.

"I'm telling you, Eli, if you put the strips on a baking sheet in the oven, they are cooked perfectly! There is no spatter on the stove either!" Jania said as she tried to grab the second package of bacon from him. Eli already had the first batch of bacon frying in a pan on the stove. His bacon was very crispy, near burned, on a dish lined with paper towels to absorb the excess grease.

"Jan, I like my bacon like this!" he said, gesturing toward the pieces on the plate. "The way you make it does not get as crispy as this. You eat what you like and I eat what I like!"

Danny watched as Eli bent down and gave Jania a quick kiss. He wasn't surprised. For years, he thought the two were more than friends, but they both denied it. Whenever "this" happened, Danny knew he was right. And he was happy for them. But he would wait for them to tell him themselves, so he decided to make himself known.

"Morning' guys." He said as he walked to the coffee pot and poured a cup.

"Hey, Danny... when did you get here??" Eli asked as he and Jania quickly moved apart. Danny chuckled to himself while the two of them acted like kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

"Just a minute ago. I smelled the coffee and the bacon. Looks like we have a LOT of bacon!" Danny said, looking toward the stove.

"Yeah, well, we both like it differently, so there ya go!" Jania said, moving her arm in a flourish toward the stove.

"Anything to eat with the bacon?" Danny asked, sitting at the small table in the kitchen.

"Well... you don't have any eggs, or bread, or cereal, or pancake batter, or syrup, so... No." Eli said, sitting down with him.

"Damn. I guess I haven't grocery shopped in a while," Danny said. He got up and looked in his cupboards. There was a box of macaroni and cheese, some spaghetti noodles and sauce, a few bags of chips, and nothing else. The fridge was no better. It had more beer inside it than it did food.

"Ugh. I hate grocery shopping." he said. "Guess that's on the to-do list today."

"We're here to help, remember? Just give me your bank card, and I will have you stocked up in a couple of hours." Jania said.

"Then you and I can get going on getting your apartment cleaned up," Eli said, "Seriously dude, there is living like a bachelor, and then there is this." He pointed around the kitchen and living room.

Danny hadn't noticed the mess until that moment. Pizza boxes were stacked at the back door along with beer containers in boxes. His garbage overflowed. Danny tried to remember when garbage day was and then realized he had a dumpster in his complex he had yet to visit. The counters were sticky. The floor needed to be swept and mopped. His carpets needed vacumming, and everything needed dusting. The bathroom needed a good scrubbing as well.

"Jania, add all the cleaning stuff you can find, something to mop with, broom and dust pan, and probably a vaccum because I'm pretty sure mine broke before I moved here." Danny said. He was so ashamed. He was normally a neat freak thanks to his time in the military and needing everything to be just so.

"Hey, none of that, I can hear your thoughts," Jania said, "we are going to get you in order. This is just temporary."

"I'm just embarrassed. I'm not sure when all this happened. When did I start not caring?"

Danny put his head in his hands.

"You've been dealing with PTSD for years. Except you didn't acknowledge it, and hid behind your studies and your obsession with finding Ally. Now you are between

semesters and still trying to find her. Something has to give." Eli said.

"I know. I just don't know what." Danny said.

"Yes, you do," Eli said as they picked up the kitchen together, "You need to let go of finding Ally. At least until you meet with your counselor and start working on your PTSD."

"You're right. I know you're right. I just miss her. After ten years I miss her."

"Do you? Or do you miss the memories? You are both different people. Inevitably, you are both not the same. You have to accept that she may be happy, she may have her own family, or a life you don't fit into. " Eli said.

As they talked, they continued to pick up and clean to the best of their abilities until Jania came back with cleaning supplies.

"Does your apartment have a washer/dryer?"

Eli asked.

"Yes, one of the only units that does," Danny said as they made their way to the bedroom.

In there, Danny had a treadmill and a weight bench, both covered in dirty clothes. Eli started pulling clothes off of the equipment and putting them in a clothes basket he found in the closet.

"Where's the laundry?" Eli asked, carrying the basket.

"It's in the hallway, next to the bathroom. and actually, I think I have detergent. " Danny said as he stripped the bed.

Danny threw a load of laundry in, and he and Eli headed for the kitchen. On their way, they opened every window to get fresh air inside. They grabbed a beer and waited for Jania to get back.

"I feel better. I had no idea how bad things were getting."Danny said as he took a drink.

"Depression is like that, brother," Eli said, "It will dig its teeth in slowly and take hold without you noticing. Before you know it, you're buried and struggling to get out."

"Sounds like you speak from experience. " Danny said, looking at his friend.

"Before nursing school, I struggled. I had a dead-end job. My girlfriend of 3 years left me for my ex best friend. I was so low. When I was accepted to school, I was so excited. I knew I needed to get my s**t together. So, I started seeing a counselor. I moved and eliminated bad memories of my ex. I quit my job and became a CNA while we went through school. Then I met you and Jania. Life has been so much better since." Eli said.

"I had no idea, Eli," Danny said, "You could've come to me."

"Dude,even before now, I knew you were struggling. I wasn't going to add to it."

Danny sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He had so much work to do before he became whole. His friend was helping him while going through his own things.

Jania beeped from the driveway, indicating she needed help unloading. Eli and Danny went out to help. And wow, did she need help!

"Jeez Jan, did you buy the whole store?" Eli said as he grabbed some bags

"Danny said buy all the cleaning stuff. Plus, all of the groceries he needed." Jania said indignantly.

"She's right," Danny said, "I really do need all of this."

Once everything was inside and the food put away, the three of them got down to business to cleaning. Jania tackled the kitchen. Danny got to work on his bedroom and kept the laundry going. Eli got through the living room.

Three hours later, the apartment was clean, dusted, mopped, vacuumed, and laundry put away. They all sat on the couch. completely exhausted.

"I can't thank you enough, guys,"Danny said.

"You know we would do anything for you, man." Eli said, slapping him on the back.

"Now, we are going to go home, shower, and get out clothes for tonight. And while we are gone, you can figure out what you're making us for dinner." Jania said as she and Eli got up.

"Wait, you're coming back?" Danny said.

"We told you we'll be staying here until you feel safe to fall asleep. I'm bringing my air mattress tonight, though. Anything is better than that couch!" Jania said.

As he said goodbye to his friends, Danny realized here, in the present, was a pretty great place to be. He knew he had a long road ahead of him, but he hadn't felt this hopeful in years. He had amazing friends, and that was a pretty great start.