First Love, A Second Time Around

A Great Place to Start

Danny

Danny nervously walked to the door of his counselor's office. The place was small, decorated in soothing muted yellow, grey and ivory. There was no receptionist, no check in station, which he felt added to the anomynity of what he was about to do. Danny wasn't ashamed of his PTSD. He just did not want anyone else knowing his business.

There were only two chairs in the small waiting room. Danny sat in one. This was the first time he ever went to counseling, and he wasn't sure what the protocol was. Will I just talk for an hour? Will they ask questions? The not knowing was driving him crazy.

It didn't take too long for Danny to wonder. The door opened and a tall muscular man stepped just outside holding the door open.

"Daniel?" He said as Danny stood up. "Come this way please."

Danny stood and walked into the office with who he assumed was his counselor following him. Once they were both inside, his counselor smiled warmly and stated "I'm Greg Warner, its nice to meet you." He put his hand out for Danny to shake.

"I'm Danny, nice to meet you." he stated as he shook the man's hand.

"Danny I want to first say that I am happy that you reached out for help. Too many soldiers do not. Nor are there many resources for those who've come back from wars, or even "peace keeping" deployments." Greg said as he took his seat.

"I will be honest, I've had your card for a while, but only recently did I realize I did need some help coping with what I've gone through." Danny replied as he took a seat in the chair opposite Greg.

"So tell me why you changed your mind? What prompted you to make an appointment?" Greg asked as he opened his laptop.

Danny began by telling him about the increased trigger responses he'd had from things like sand. He told him about his inability to sleep at night, then sleeping most of the day. About how in the last few months he began isolating himself from his friends. Stopped doing the things he usually liked to do. How his apartment became so messy and the groceries so sparse it took his two best friends helping him to get everything in order.

"When you say "trigger response" what exactly do you mean? What triggers you?" Greg asked.

"A couple of weeks ago a group of friends invited me to a party at the beach. I love the beach. I love being by the water. As soon as I got close, the sight of the sand caused a panic attack to start and I turned around and went home. From that point I started self isolating. My cupboards started becoming bare because I didn't want to shop. Same with my fridge. The only thing in my fridge was beer. Before you ask, I do not drink to feel better. Nor do I drink to excess. I like to have a cold beer on hot days. Sometimes when I'm relaxing. I am NEVER drunk, I haven't been in a very long time." Danny stated.

"That's great to hear Danny. Many people 'self medicate' instead of dealing with their problems." Greg replied.

"Let me as you this. Are you currently able to work? Are you volunteering? " Greg asked.

"Right now I am waiting for my next semester of school to start. I was a medic when I was in Afghanistan. When I came home, I became an RN, then a BSN. I am in the Physican's Assistant program in the fall." Danny replied.

"So right now you aren't working. You are going to school but you are between semesters, correct?" Greg asked.

"Yes. One of my best friends suggested using my BSN at one of the VA facilities until school starts, or at least volunteering.

Danny stated.

"And what do you think of that idea?" Greg asked.

"I like the idea. I just am not sure I am ready. I'm not sure how triggering it would be to work with veterans right now. I don't mind being uncomfortable until I got a rhythm going or a rapport. I know they like to share stories. My grandfather was in a VA nursing facility and he and his friends would sit around telling stories from the Korean War, and those old enough, WWII. At the time it was fascinating. Now it almost seems terrifying. I'm not ready to share my story with anyone other than my best friends, and here of course." Danny stated.

"So your best friends, they know what happened to you? Or are they fellow soldiers?" Greg asked as he typed notes on his laptop.

"No they aren't soldiers. I met them both in nursing school. Eli first, because in most of our classes we were the only guys in the class. Then Jania started sitting with us, and studying with us. Now I couldn't imagine life without them." Danny stated, "A couple of weeks ago everything kind of came to a head. I was supposed to meet them out for a drink. Because I haven't been sleeping, I sleep during the day. I fell asleep and never met them. I was blowing them off more than I realized. They came over at like 10 at night upset and wanted to know what was going on. So I told them as much as I could talk about. Mainly the sleeping. I am used to sleeping lightly because of being in Afghanistan, never knowing when you were going to be needed. I still do that, and every noise wakes me up. So I never sleep like I should."

"What was there response to what you told them?" Greg asked.

Danny smiled and stated, "They asked me why I hadn't confided sooner. Why I would think I was a burden when we are best friends. Then, they took up residence in my living room and slept in shifts so I could sleep."

"Sounds like some great friends." Greg stated.

"They are the best." Danny replied.

"So Danny our time is almost up. I did want to give you some things to work on along with some pieces of advice. Number one, if you are not ready for grocery shopping, use a delivery service. However, you can only use that service three times until we see each other again. Number two, instead of going out, which you aren't comfortable with, try having a small gathering at your place, a few people, like a barbeque. Number three, I want you to start journaling. I want you to write down the good and the bad. If something specific made you have a great day, put it down. Or a bad day. Write down your responses. You can use the computer, and email them to me before our next session. I am going to give you my card which has all of my contact information on it including email. If you have a crisis before our next session and you need me, my work cell is on the card. It is on 24/7 and I always have it with me. If you are thinking of harming yourself or someone else, call emergency services. Does that sound fair?" Greg asked.

"That sounds like a plan," Danny stated, "I'll be honest, the journaling will be hard but I will do it."

"Good. Now lets get your next appointment scheduled and then I will walk you out." Greg replied.

Danny's appointment was scheduled two weeks out. Both men stood and shook hands. Greg handed Danny his card and Danny put it in his wallet.

Greg held the door open again and stated "It was nice to meet you Danny. I will see you again in two weeks."

"Thank you so much Greg, I appreciate your help."

"Danny when I came home from the Gulf War, there were no resources. The VA did not have regular counselors available because most of their medical staff are residents doing rotations. So it was hard when you were continuing to tell your story over and over and never really get anywhere. I decided I was not going to allow that to happen to any vets that needed help when I could give it. I wish we had more providers but hopefully we are getting there." Greg stated.

The men said good bye and Danny headed to his truck. Once inside, he exhaled and felt a little bit of lightness entering his body. He put his head down on the steering wheel and allowed himself to cry. Then he drove back to his apartment, made some lunch and flipped on the TV. He had taken the first step and that was a great place to start.