Changing Positions (Brooks Haven Bears 3)

Chapter 8 - Wings

Hans

Scouts are watching. There’s nothing new about that. They have been coming to my games since before I even became a teenager. It was the time Lance and Jason realized they were not the only ones who wanted to excel in hockey from our little extended family. Soon, they discovered just how much I wanted it. Just how good I was and am.

There’s something different about this time, though. I’m close to going pro and it adds an urgency in my movements. I’m here to impress. I’m here to show them that after this school year, I should be playing in the NHL and that they should be scrambling to get me signed on their team.

The game goes off smoothly, challenging enough not to be boring at the beginning. Then, it becomes more serious and all of us are on edge. It pisses Riddick that he has let two goals in by the second period. He’s always aware of comparisons with the former goalie, Greg Hollis, and he knows he can’t compete by letting pucks go through his holes more than once in a game. The other players aren’t happy, either. We have been annihilating our competition left and right for the past few weeks. Tonight feels different, and it’s not the good kind of different.

As captain, I reassure them we will win the game even as the score remains at 2-2. When the third period begins, I see Enzo with renewed energy. I think that what I’ve said had worked, but a quick glance in the crowd to find my mother has my eyes sweeping to the right to see someone I’ve always wanted to see but have been avoiding.

Emily.

Joy surges in me, warm and leaping until I realize whose seat she has taken. She shouldn’t be there. She should have been next to my mother. Not Stacey Green. I didn’t even invite that girl, but she came and introduced herself to my mother. It wasn’t good manners to shoo her away, especially not when my mother’s eyes lit up when she saw Stacey.

“Do you finally have a girlfriend, Hans?” she had whispered, and I could swear then that Stacey heard because her smile had gotten bigger.

“No, mom. She’s not my girlfriend,” I whispered back.

My eyes go back to survey the game, seeing Enzo moving forward with the puck. He pushes it with his stick and it sails easily into the goal. The home crowd roars as we take a slight edge. 3-2!

I’m hyperaware of the way Emily jumps up and down right after Enzo scored. I’ve scored once, and Meric scored another, but something tears through me. I’m not supposed to be feeling terrible that my teammate and friend scored, but I am. I’ve never felt this way–so jealous and spiteful.

The next time I see the puck come my way, I pursue it. Even as I see an opening with Enzo closer to the goal, I keep going, instead of swinging the puck his way. An opponent checks me hard and I bounce against the wall. My whole body, especially my right shoulder, zings in pain, but nothing can keep me away from the puck. I skate fast after it, keeping it under my control, even as the other, bigger guy pursues me. I finally take the shot, and it sails in.

I score, but I get some strange glances from a couple of my teammates even as the home crowd cheers and whistles, some of them chanting my name. My eyes scan the bleachers again and see Emily clapping. There’s no jumping up and down this time. She’s not as thrilled as when Enzo scored, making me irrationally angry. I am great at scoring, but I’m also a team player. I know that what I did was wrong, even if the result is good, and Emily knows that. She knows hockey well enough. I’ve taken unnecessary pain just so I can score.

“You know that I’m your right wing and can work that side for you,” Enzo says as we skate near each other.

“Yeah. I know. Sorry. I got carried away.” My clipped tones and lies seem explanation enough to Enzo, but my guilty conscience eats away at me. I also know it didn’t look good for the scouts. I scored, but I did it not with the team in mind but myself–and Emily.

When the puck goes near me again, I hit it to the right side where Enzo’s closer to the goal again. It’s certainly his night. He scores again. He pumps his fists after he does, and he looks up to the audience and gazes at the girl who’s sitting on his sister’s seat. I have redeemed myself on the ice and we are winning, but I feel like I’m losing everything.

**

“What a win, guys!” Coach Simmons roars in the locker room. “I thought for a while that Blom went rogue. The next exchange, however, was beautiful. That was a good call! That guy, Hendrick, from the other team, has it for you. He would have slammed you against the wall again.”

I know what he means. My shoulder feels like hell. I’m lucky I didn’t break anything. Hendricks is three inches taller at 6-foot-4 and is several pounds heavier. He’s well known for being the other team’s enforcer, and I never meant to be on the other side of his rampage. I’m an i***t.

“I feel like s**t. I should have given Enzo the first one, but got carried away. My shoulder’s also killing me.”

A few pairs of concerned eyes, including Coach Simmons’ and Enzo’s, turn to me.

“You need to get your shoulder checked, Blom,” Coach says as Enzo nods slowly. “Dislocated?”

“No. Just sore. Nothing broken,” I assure them.

“You have a lot of things going on with graduation coming,” Enzo says, explaining away things for me. He also took some extra subjects with me during the summer, but I’m way ahead even with extra subjects I took just for the heck of it.

“I’ve submitted all my requirements. I’m just waiting. One more week.”

I’m hoping the transition would be smooth, but tonight’s game has me wondering already. After we’ve showered and left the stinky locker, I know what to expect. Since Jason started playing for the Bears, Emily has always waited outside. After he went pro, we barely saw her. But tonight, damn it, tonight, she may be outside and I don’t know if it would be for me or for Enzo. Maybe both? I don’t feel like in a sharing mood, and there’s something cranky inside me I didn’t know existed surfacing. I would rather not see her out there than have her running toward my friend.

“Emily!”

Shit. Enzo spots her even before I do. I’m not surprised because I’ve been trying not to look. My shoulder is also killing me, but I refused to see my therapist now. Stupid. I want to be out when Enzo is, and see Emily at about the same time. My back is also craving my bed. Sleeping the night away after this win instead of being out drinking soda while my teammates drink beer or something harder sounds preferable. Even Enzo is of legal age now, and Johnny has a fake ID. I know how their night will be like.

“Hey,” she says. “You did great out there!”

Her eyes are on Enzo. There’s a shy smile playing on her lips, and believe me when I say that it’s worth a lot to see her with something other than a frown. I’m familiar with this particular smile, though. The last time I saw it on her face was when she had a crush on someone in middle school. Weirdly enough, the boy’s name was Lawrence. I don’t know if she remembers. Of course she does. I do, too. Vividly.

“Thank you. The second one is thanks to your boy Hans’ assist,” Enzo says, looking at me. There’s a question in his eyes. The way he says I’m Emily’s boy is a test, not for her, but for me. Boyfriend? Best friend? Brother? I don’t engage.

“You did great, Hans,” she says. Her voice evens now, as if the initial excitement is gone.

“Thanks.”

“So, would you like to join us at Icers tonight to celebrate?” Enzo asks.

“Would love to go,” Emily answers, again with that smile.

“She’s too young for Icers,” I mumble.

“So are you,” Enzo reminds me. “But you’re going with us old guys. Riddick’s twenty-four and can probably give us some years.”

It’s a running joke that the new goalie has been waiting in the wings for Hollis to go pro. But really, though, he’s a married man. He had a kid during his sophomore year and from then on, he’s just been taking only the minimum required subjects to stay on the team.

“Emily shouldn’t be there,” I say.

“Why not?” she asks, looking a little hurt.

“I will leave you two to it,” Enzo says, looking me straight in the eye before stalking off and joining the rest of the team, who are walking away, laughing and more likely talking about the fun they’ll have tonight at the bar. I remember what he said the night of Stacey’s party. He knows I like Emily, but he’ll make his move if I won’t. The threat hangs over me. I’ve been waiting for signs from Ems, but all I get are negative ones. She’s made it clear the kiss was a one-off, and that she’s sorry. She sat in Enzo’s reserved seat and looked at him as if he made her exceptionally happy.

“Why can’t I go, Hans?” she asks. “You trust me with him, don’t you? You wouldn’t have had him pick me up and bring me to Stacey’s party.”

“Who drove you here?”

“I took an Uber,” she says simply, still looking at me with hurt and confusion.

“I’ll drive you home. I don’t have to go with them.”

“We will go,” she says. “Or I will go even if you won’t.”

“Your brother will kill me if I don’t go,” I say, realizing a split-second after that it’s the wrong to say. Her expression changes from hurt to angry.

“You haven’t been there for a long time. Then show up and ruin my idea of fun?”

“Your idea of fun? This isn’t you.”

“Who says? A cute guy is interested in me and you’re getting in the way!” Emily cries, pushing me at my chest. I realize I’ve gotten so close to her, pushing her boundaries and testing her comfort zone. Her light push doesn’t budge me. So, I take a step back.

“Tell me you like Enzo and I won’t get in the way, Emily,” I say, clenching my jaw. It feels like goodbye. It’s like goodbye to my teenaged fantasies, all of which have her right in the middle of them. When I was still a child, I always thought of her as mine. Mine to protect. Mine to watch over. As I grow older, the feeling intensifies, but she has never returned it and I can’t force myself on her.

Something flickers in her eyes. Emotions I can’t understand. She’s always been hard to read in between the manic highs and depressive lows. Then, she says the words that end it all for me.

“Yes, Hans. I would like to be a normal girl and see this through.”

Hurt slams into me. Her words remind me of my decision to be a normal college guy, one who drinks and hooks up at parties. Suddenly, I want to drown myself in the oblivion everyone else craves in a bottle. Suddenly, Lance’s arrival can’t come soon enough. He should be here, helping me get my head out of my ass and see my obsession for what it is. A deterrent. Forbidden.

“Okay. Enjoy yourself. Make sure he drives you there and back home.”

She looks at me and parts her lips as if she wants to say something, but she closes them again. This part of my life ends now. I’m no longer Emily’s babysitter. It’s Enzo’s turn. I should be relieved, but I’m not.

“Thanks, Hans,” she says in a small voice.

“Bye, Emily.”

I turn around. I’ll probably end up seeing my physical therapist tonight after all. There’s no more waiting in the wings for Emily. It’s time to accept defeat and move on.