Changing Positions (Brooks Haven Bears 3)

Chapter 4 - Drop Pass

Hans

For the first time in my whole life, I’ve tried to avoid Emily Park. I can’t believe I lasted days. Just when I’m beginning to believe that I can handle it, I see her right in the middle of the cafeteria at the very moment Ella Woods is flirting with me.

Talk about timing.

As if Emily cares.

She’s curious, her eyes questioning. I can’t blame her. We’ve known each other for so long and I’ve followed her around for almost just as long, and then I stopped. I know she has a keen eye for patterns. Though she’s not emotional, she has a grip on the consistency in her life. I’ve heard whispers she may have what her mother has. I suspect Mrs. Park is bipolar, but nobody is brave enough to say anything. I don’t–can’t–believe that Emily has it. She’s too calm.

But maybe that’s the thing…

I feel dumb about not even guessing, about not letting the possibility of it affect the way I see her. I only see her as Emily, the girl my cousin and his best friend used to leave me with and the girl I’ve played with as a child.

“Emily,” is the only thing that comes out of my mouth.

She squints at me some more, folding her slender arms across her chest. I hate myself for noticing that she’s no longer the flat-chested girl the guys and I used to play tag with. She doesn’t dress to highlight her curves, but I notice, anyway.

“Where were you?” she asks, while Ella gapes at us. I know people are curious about my relationship with Emily.

“Busy.”

I swear I see something I haven’t seen in her eyes before, at least not when it comes to me. Hurt. The one-word answers have communicated more than they mean to.

Emily doesn’t respond to that one last word, turns on her heel and goes back to the table where I don’t expect her to be in. What is she doing with those people? They’re not what I expect her to be socializing with. Where are Celeste and Hayley?

One guy is watching Emily closely–too closely, not quite leering but enough to make me uncomfortable.

It’s not your business, Blom, I tell myself. I’m supposed to let this go, maybe for now. Emily Park sees me as another older brother. Jason and Lance have made it clear that I should forget about whatever crush or attraction I have for her. With only a few weeks of college left, it makes little sense to pursue anything with her, anyway. What I need is a girl I will not take seriously, maybe like the one whose hand clasps my arm or the taller one approaching us. Stacey Green. Maybe she’ll do. She’s the same height as Emily, but all similarities stop there.

“So, I see Ella is inviting you to our party. You going with Emily?” Stacey asks, flipping her long, black hair like a goddamn punctuation to her question. Maybe she’ll do. Maybe when I’m no longer a hapless virgin, I don’t have to keep on stalking Emily Park.

“No. I’m going alone,” I say, already disgusted with myself. Even if Ems is not interested in me, I should be there as her friend. As a brother, even. But I don’t want to be her friend. I don’t want her to think of me as a brother. I can’t do it anymore.

“Ohhh, interesting.” Stacey exchanges a glance with Ella, who raises an eyebrow. f**k. It looks like I’ve fueled the rumor mill, but maybe it’s what I can do to get Emily Park out of my mind.

**

It’s the night before Stacey’s and Ella’s party and I can’t sleep. I’m wrong. Dead wrong. I thought I would stop worrying about Emily, but here I am, in bed, stressing about her going to her first party on her own. I think about how she’s alone in her apartment right now. Does she have any visitors? Are her new friends invited to her place?

I haven’t talked to Emily since the short exchange at the cafeteria, and I feel guilty as hell. I can’t back down now, though. If I call her and ask if we can go together, I’ll be falling into old, unhealthy habits.

“How can I get a date when you’re always following me around?”

Those words hit me right where it hurt. She’s right. I haven’t been the brother and friend I’m supposed to be for her, but that’s all that she can give me. So, I’ll give her the freedom that she needs.

And yet…

I went out of the way to find out who that guy was–the one who was too close. The one who followed her every move, giving her a once-over from head to toe. Dylan Ferris. I’m not happy about the things I’ve heard about him. Apparently, he has a thing about “breaking in” virgins. Not gonna happen. Not with him, anyway. Emily deserves better than him.

“Hey, Enzo. You free tomorrow night?”

It’s almost midnight, and he’s the only person I believe who’ll answer when I call at a late hour.

Lorenzo Torres is one of my closest friends. Even he doesn’t know what I feel about Emily. Yeah, he suspects, but he hasn’t dared put his suspicions into words yet. I’ve gotten the side eye and the head shaking, but even he isn’t sure or he would have teased me about it.

“Will free up for you, ol’ pal!”

“Can you, uh, ask Emily if you can go to Stacey Green’s house together?”

“Are you f*****g serious? Why can’t you do it? You know she’ll be pissed and think it’s an attempt to babysit her. I’m also not interested in freshmen parties.”

“I’ve done it for Greg. Watched Bianca for him.”

Shit. Not a good example, Blom.

“Different, though, my man. This one’s an angry teenager who will tear my balls off. You should have weaned her a long time ago. I mean, she’s smart enough to know what’s wrong or right. She’ll be fine without me. Without you.”

The last two words dig deep.

“Okay, listen. I’m trying to hook up with someone for once -.”

“Finally! f*****g finally, Blom! So, you need to watch your little sister while you find yourself a girl? Yes, it’s time to date. I still don’t understand why I should follow Emily around, but I’ll do it for you if that will clear your conscience. Do Lance and Jason know?”

“I’m not looking for a date,” I grumble, annoyed that even Lorenzo thinks Emily is like a little sister to me. But hey, that’s what I want, right? I want her out of my system for her own good. “No, Lance and Jason need not know everything. They’re planning a party for when they visit in two weeks. Emily will not be invited, from what I’ve heard.”

“Poor girl. Damn. Now, I feel sorry for Ems. You three are overprotective. Leave the girl alone. I’ll show her a good time tomorrow, if she’ll let me.”

Suddenly, I don’t feel like asking Lorenzo to go with Emily is a good idea anymore.

But there it is.

I’ll be there for the fallout. At a distance.

**

I love parties, not in the same way as Greg did when he was still in college, but I love it, anyway. I enjoy being with people. Unlike the other guys, though, I don’t scour the crowd for hookups. Usually, I would just be drinking diet soda with my friends. I follow the law. I’m twenty. So, I shouldn’t be drinking booze yet.

It’s not like I hadn’t had a share of people offering to help me out with the fake ID. I just don’t like breaking the law. My hockey pals often tease me about it.

“If ever the police come to one of our parties, we will know who the snitch is right away,” Ed once said, jabbing his index finger at me.

“Yup. Sure thing. Blom,” Lorenzo agreed.

“Oh, come on. I’m not that bad.”

For Emily, I wasn’t–a snitch, I mean. She was only seventeen when I found her high on dope in some back alley. She said it felt like a good idea at that time. I never snitched on her. Nobody knew about what happened. Nobody who would yell at her, anyway. Not her parents. Not Jason. Not Lance. I just took her to Celeste’s instead, and we watched over her.

“I’m worried about her, Hans,” Celeste said then. “She takes little pills when she thinks I’m not watching her. I’ve asked about them, but she shut me down.”

I’m always worried about her.

“Hans!”

The shriek is definitely Ella’s, as she runs to greet me. She bounces so much I think the floor must have a spring or something. Stacey, on the other hand, plays it cool. She ambles toward us, looking more injured than sexy, but I remind myself that I’m not looking for forever. I just need someone who will make me forget Emily Park, even for a little while. Maybe I just never gave myself a chance to look at other women.

“Hey,” I greet, giving them what I hope is a friendly smile.

“Come with us. We’ve got some seniors here, too,” Stacey says.

“Yeah, we need the over twenty-ones to buy the booze for us.”

“I, uh, don’t drink,” I mutter.

“Just a little, please? We have some good stuff,” Stacey urges.

“A little then.”

I’m planning to sip on it for the whole night. Maybe it’ll give me the strength to endure these girls. Then I hear loud voices. Familiar voices.

“Blom! What do you know? You’re here before the rest of us?” It’s Ed with a few other members of the hockey team. Oh, thank f**k. I remind myself that I’m here for Stacey or Ella or whoever I’ll be able to persuade to come with me to Lance’s and Jason’s party. I want to prove to them that my eyes are no longer on “our little sister”.

The hockey team takes over the couch. I have Stacey sitting on the arm of the chair I’ve settled in. The whole thing would have felt just like any other party I’ve been in if not for her presence. Ella sits on the couch across from us, glaring at Stacey. After a while, though, she gets roped into flirtatious banter with Ed. I’m in the right place. These girls aren’t looking for a relationship.

My beer is halfway done after a little over an hour. I’m still not convinced I like it, but I swear I feel a little more relaxed. It’s probably psychological.

“Whoa!” Ed suddenly exclaims, breaking into my reverie while Stacey chooses that moment to slide right down on my lap. “So, that’s why I couldn’t get hold of Enzo.”

Eyes shift toward the entrance. Dread fills me after I hear Lorenzo’s name. Somehow, I know what I’m going to see before I even turn.

“Blom, does her brother know she’s here?” someone asks, probably our right winger, Arnold.

“Who knew she looks that hot?”

Fuck.

I force myself to look at Emily Park, looking like the model her mother was. She looks sexy without baring a lot of skin, with her long-sleeved silk shirt and leather shorts with matching boots. And Enzo? Enzo looks too happy that I’ve dropped the pass to him tonight. Too damn happy, with his hand grazing the small of her back. Even I have to admit they look like a couple, and everyone’s buzzing about it.