Across A Bottomless Abyss

Chapter 12

My heart started to beat faster again. I looked away and tried to avoid his mesmerizing eyes but I just heard him chuckled.

"Hey, are you shy?" he asked me, still with a playful voice before letting go of me.

"Why would I?" I fired back.

I wanted to slap myself because of that. I was actually trying to hide my nervousness. Gosh, am I really nervous or is it something else?. I really don't want to think about something deeper than this. His presence can already affect my mood and just by the fact that he can make me smile unconsciously is already considered to be dangerous for me.

"It's your first time to be nervous with me, Amalia. Tell me, are you starting to feel some butterflies?" He smirked.

I glared at him and rolled my eyes. He was right. This is the first time that I felt nervous with him. So why am I affected tho? He was full of sarcasm and his way of talking to me seems to be full of teasing.

"Come on, stop dreaming, Captain," I replied, still annoyed.

I continued to push him away and started to walk away but I could still hear his weak laughs. I tried to look for Matthew around but he was gone. Where is he? I need to at least see him right now just to clarify this feeling of mine.

"Will you leave your gun here?" Xipher shouted.

"You need to bring it!" I answered.

I heard his soft curses before I finally jumped off the tall building. He'll take care of that, let's see if he can carry that back to the other building.

I was in the middle of the air when I decided to make an ice rope and threw it right across from my terrace.

"Amalia you're scaring me with your dangerous stunts!" Xipher shouted again.

I just shook my head and quickly reached the railings. I easily re -entered my unit. When I arrived, everything was fine. Even the ones that were broken earlier are no longer scattered on the floor.

I really admire the team who are responsible for this kind of work. Their speed is very fantastic. Its as if nothing had happened.

I went straight to the kitchen and got bottled water in the refrigerator. I heard Xipher's footsteps coming in so I got one for him.

I saw some sweat on his forehead and that made me chuckled. Is my rifle too heavy?

"I can't believe this. I'm the Captain but my Lieutenant can give me orders," he uttered when he entered that kitchen.

I laughed and gave him the bottle of water before I continued drinking mine.

"Wow you're starting to become a caring, future wife," he teased me.

I almost choked because of what he said. I badly want to pour this cold water on his head. Can't he just shut stop?

"You know-" I said but he cut me off.

"I know you like me. No need to say it," he said and smirked.

I was about to argue with him but he suddenly walked away, leaving me here dumbfounded. What the hell, I have a crazy Captain.

Before anything happens, I went back to the living room. I caught him comfortably watching an unfamiliar show on my T.V.

"You have your own unit. Go home," I immediately grabbed the remote he's holding and changed the channel.

"Am I not allowed here? I will be your husband," he innocently said.

"Can you stop that and think about your own life first? Aren't you tired of talking about that marriage?" I told him.

I sat on the end of the sofa he was sitting on and looked for something else to watch on another channel. It's been a few minutes but Xipher hasn't answered yet.

I suddenly looked at him only to find out that he's already asleep. I sighed heavily when I noticed some scars on his face. How I wonder if he's really okay. Among all of us, he's the most responsible. He needed to be brave and heartless to lead and save the city.

I watched him for a few more minutes before I decided to get a blanket in my room. I went back and forth a few more times because I didn’t know what blanket I should give him. I ended up hugging one of my favorite blankets when I realized that I'm acting really weird. Can I possibly just nudge the unsaid feelings?

"Oh come on, Lia, it's just a blanket. You're overreacting," I whispered to myself.

I sighed roughly and finally decided to give him the blue one. I don't even know why I'm so conscious of this. I look stupid.

On the way out, I spotted my rifle on the side of my bedroom door. I almost forgot about this. I whispered the chant and it disappeared. I'm really lucky to have this, very easy to carry anywhere.

I was about to put the blanket on Xipher when he suddenly moved. I thought it was just a simple move but he suddenly opened his eyes. I blinked twice because of that. His eyes were too distracting and I didn't know what to do. Did he just see me while hugging this damn blanket?

"You're still awake," I said as a matter of fact.

He smiled and chuckled a bit. The earth can swallow me now. I don't want to be here anymore. Xipher's effect on me was too strong.

"I didn't sleep, Amalia," he said.

"Ah," I unconsciously answered.

Why so awkward? Shocks, I'm so worthless. It's as if all the possible words to say were not there anymore. I can't even say a single thing. His presence can really make my heart pound like crazy. I know I'm starting to recognize this one but I'm trying my best to avoid it.

I was about to walk away because of too much nervousness when he suddenly held my hand. I looked directly in his eyes and for the third time, I felt his feelings. During this moment, all I could wish for is to bring back the old days when I can't read his emotions. I did not expect to see this one. It's sadness and real love.

"Do you really hate the idea of marrying me, Amalia?" he suddenly asked me with his low, husky voice.

I was literally asking myself that time if I really hated the fact about marrying him. Just by the warmth of his hand on mine, I felt the foreign feelings that I should have recognized long ago.

I thought my feelings for Matthew will help me evade these strong emotions towards Xipher but I was wrong. Just after a long time of denials, I finally realized that my heart belongs to someone else.

"Tell me, Lia so I could stop and give you your happiness. I can't force you to marry me when you like someone else. I just want you to be happy," he whispered.

I can feel that he's about to let go of my hand but I held it tighter. He stiffened and looked at me with his shocked expression. I smiled and finally acknowledged my feelings for him.

"I'll marry you, Captain. Let's just wait for the right time. Things are not good right now," I said.

His menacing eyes began to look deeper into mine. The unfamiliar feeling started to become clear. My heart is beating too fast giving some explanation that he can really make me feel the butterflies. The world may not recognize our sacrifices but his warmth will continue to embrace me and comfort my longing heart. The unavoidable disgrace and a lot of obstacles may come but he will forever be my safest zone.

He pulled me lightly and let me sit beside him. He held my hand tighter like he's really afraid to let me go. His warm hands were embracing the cold hands of mine. I looked directly in his eyes and tried to read his emotions again. If I accept him now, will I be able to face the next journey and the next obstacles in my life? Will he basically reach for my hand when I need someone to lift me up?

He showed me his reassuring smile and held my hand tighter. No words can escape from my lips but I know that my heart will say it to him. There's no more hiding and denying. I will fully give him the reason to fight and eventually live in peace.

"Do you know how happy I am?" he said after a few moments of silence.

"You lift me when there's no star. You give me coldness when there's too much fire. You embraced me even though I'm too cold for you. Thank you, Amalia. I will never let this opportunity slide. I will offer my loyalty to you," he added and pulled me closer.

"Let's fight together for the city, my Lieutenant. I can't wait to marry you," he whispered before he kissed my forehead .

I smiled and hugged him tightly. If only I recognized his actions before and earlier than this, maybe we're already bound to seek for a higher version of our relationship. However, I don't think there's a much more appropriate time except for now. Love can really be unpredictable and unexplainable. No matter how unclear it is, the warmth of the real love will always be greater. No one taught me to embrace someone who's too perfect. Instead, I need to help those who are in need and sacrifice my life to offer peace for our people.

I was too focused with my goals and I did not even notice that I can do more, I can become someone more than who I am today. He's the one who trained me to be strong. He's the one who molded me and helped me to reach my title today. Without him, I won't be able to do things this way. Finally, he's with me and I can't ask for more. 

When I hugged him tightly, he returned the same force and caressed the tip of my head. I suddenly felt tired and little did I know, I slept in his arms.