Selfish

Chapter Four - The First Date

Ch 4 – Jimmy

            It had almost been a full week since my fight with Drew. Anytime Liz had seen me in the past five days, she would quickly turn away or find some excuse not to be around me. When I looked in the mirror, I realized it was obvious why.

My lip was no longer bleeding or swollen, but the cut on the bridge of my nose was still scabbed and irritated. The bruise that had formed under my eye was starting to turn yellow and green—I was no sight to see.

I had apologized to Drew soon after the fight. He said he forgave me, but I knew it would take more time. His face seemed to be healing faster than mine, but I knew I had gotten a few good hits to his abdomen, and I might have even broken one of his ribs. Thinking back on the fight, I still don’t know what had come over me.

This girl was making me crazy. She had decided to sleep in Emily’s room now, and she’d even asked Aunt Kathy if she could go to the stables with her in order to avoid me. When they’d all come home together, Emily was beaming. I knew she wanted to have time with her sister, but I knew I wanted her, too.

I just wanted to apologize.

It was six days since the fight now, and I saw another opportunity.

She was passing in front of my room when I leaned against the door frame.

“Hey.”

She jumped. She’d been checking out her nails and I guess didn’t see me. Her eyes met mine before she started to shift her gaze and her weight.

“Uh, hey.” She tried to walk past, but I quickly outstretched an arm to block her path.

“Can we talk?”

She stood quietly, frowning at my arm in front of her. I lowered it, allowing her to pass, but she stayed.

With a quick sigh, she turned to face me.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Her bare feet were planted firmly. Her toes, which had been painted a deep red were digging in the carpet, and her chin was pushed up in defiance. I missed her.

“Please?”

Her eyes softened, and I made way for her to come through the door. She brushed past me and sat on my bed. She was wearing a dress, which came above the knees of her smooth legs. The scrapes on her knees had vanished.

Her feet didn’t reach the floor, and as I shut the door behind me, I watched as she swung them slightly in front of her.

She looked much like she did the night of the party. Her hair wasn’t tied up, and her eyes looked so big with the makeup she had around them. Her lips were pushed together, but I could still see the shine of the gloss she was wearing as the setting sun made its way through the window and onto her face.

“Well?”

As I opened my mouth to speak, we heard Keith calling her name from downstairs. Saved by the bell.

I pushed a hand through my hair as she scrambled past and called down, “just a minute!” before returning to Emily’s room and emerging with the white sandals she’d worn to brunch strapped to her feet.

            Wondering where she was going, I watched her scramble down the stairs, following slowly behind her. Once the front door was in view, though, my mouth fell open.

            Drew was here, and he was talking in hushed tones with Keith. His eyes found mine, and I watched as his lips parted, the corner of his mouth curling upward into a devious grin. The pit of my stomach fell.

            I couldn’t let this happen.

            My mouth was still hanging open once they’d shut the door behind them.

            Keith turned to look up at me, breaking my trance. I finished descending the stairs, and I grabbed my jacket and keys on the way out the door.

            “And, now, where are you going?”

            I didn’t look up to answer him.

            “Out.” I slammed the door behind me.

            --xx—

            I had easily found Drew's car on my way out the driveway and left a distance between us not to make him suspicious. I knew by the route we were taking that he was taking her to the movies.

He had taken a few wrong turns, I figured just to spend more time with Lizard in the car, and we finally each parked in the lot.

It was a Friday night, and the theatre lot was packed already. I had found a spot around the side of the building, where I could watch them approach the doors. They made their way in, but I couldn't see through the window what movie they'd bought tickets for.

I followed a few minutes behind them and bought a single ticket for the next showing movie. It was a romantic comedy--good first date material.

Hoping that would be their choice, I made my way through the lobby and into the already darkened theatre, taking a seat in the back corner, the hood of my jacket over my head.

I didn't see them, although the theatre was full, so I could have easily missed them. I made my way to the exit and into the hall to check the other films. When I finally made it to the hallway, I saw her coming out of another theatre--a horror flick? I watched her walk into the restroom across the hall. I pretended to look at a poster hung on the wall when she emerged, and after the door of the theatre had shut, I turned to follow her.

As I made my way around the corner of the dark theatre walkway, a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me sharply.

"I knew it!" Her eyes were so big now, and wild, her eyebrows furrowed above them. She was speaking in a sharp whisper.

"Lizard?" I feigned surprise. "What are you doing here?"

Her mouth hung open and she stammered.

"What am I doing here? Do you care to explain why you're following us?" She was leaning in toward me, her eyes wild, and her nostrils flaring. I could smell her sweet shampoo in the air.

I couldn't help but let out a chuckle. "Following you?" I scoffed.

Her eyes narrowed, and I knew I wouldn't get away with it.

"Okay, look," I pulled her with me back around the corner, so we'd have warning if anyone was walking toward us. "I don't trust him," I pointed a finger randomly toward the theatre.

"You don't trust him? You're the one who beat up your best friend for no reason! Yeah, you were 'protecting me,'" her voice got low as she mimed quotations in the air, mocking me. I had to resist smiling as she continued. "But I didn't need protecting! He's done nothing wrong!"

I had to admit she was right. While I didn't like seeing them out together on a date, I had no actual reason to be on the defensive. Maybe I was being unreasonable. Drew had been on plenty of dates before, and as far as I knew, the girls had all had a good time.

I stood up straight and lowered my eyes.

"You're right."

She froze in position before slowly lowering her arms and standing up tall again.

"Damn right, I'm right," she muttered under her breath. She straightened her dress and cleared her throat.

“Don’t ruin this for me,” she continued. “I don’t get asked out every day.” She turned on her heels and made her way back into the dark theatre, leaving me there, gawking, like a fool.

--xx—

            I'd been up for hours waiting for her to come home. The movie would have ended a long while ago, and I sat in the dark living room well past when Keith and Aunt Kathy had gone up to bed.

I heard the soft click of the door opening as she made her way inside. She looked exhausted.

"Hey," I whispered from the couch. She jumped and turned to me, before relaxing her gaze and walking into the room.

"Hey," she whispered back.

"How was your date?" I genuinely hoped she had enjoyed herself. Her eyes fell to the floor, though, and I wasn't optimistic.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" I broke the silence that came as my reply.

She nodded and switched into her boots silently as I came over to her and pulled my jacket again from the hook.

We walked out quietly, and I put my jacket around her again. Her shoulders seemed to relax as she pulled it closer around her.

I had to chuckle. She was so cute in her big clunky boots and my jacket.

She looked up at me with her lips parted and her head c****d.

"What?" she asked softly.

"Nothing," I turned and started walking toward the tree line which led to the creek. She followed beside me and I held up another cigarette for her, which she took.

We found our places again: me on the root, and she on the tree stump, and we sat in silence for a moment before I asked again.

"So, how was it? Did you like the movie?"

She sighed, looking at the creek as it shimmered in the moonlight.

"We don't have to--"

"It was--"

We had started at the same time again, but this time we didn't laugh. I motioned for her to continue.

"It was okay," she started. I listened as she told me how scary the movie was, and how he had laughed when she hid her face. She'd been embarrassed and didn't know what to do on a first date.

"This was your first date?" I turned to meet her eyes, and she nodded slowly, looking back to the creek bed.

She took another drag of her cigarette and I remembered how badly she coughed the first time I'd given her one.

I hated that Drew got to be her first date. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I already had. I liked her.

"We're going on a second date next week," she shrugged. I tried not to let it affect me.

"Well where'd you go after the movie?" I tried not to let on that I had been waiting up for her, but I thought that it may already be obvious.

"Back to the garage," she explained. Her shoulders were slumped.

"What's second base?" She suddenly turned to me. I started to smile at her innocence before it was replaced by a frown: I realized what her question would mean.

"Wait, why? What did he do to you?" I heard the accusation in my tone, and she turned away blushing.

"We didn't do anything," she admitted. I believed her, but my mind was reeling about why should would even ask that. I felt anger building again and tried to stifle it by digging my heels into the dirt.

"You're only fifteen," I said out loud.

"Sixteen next month," she whispered quietly, as if defending herself.

I knew her birthday. I had sent her letters and cards in the mail after she left, my dad helping me write them neatly before sending. I never got one back, so I had stopped trying.

She suddenly started to cry, pulling her head between her knees, now curled into a ball on the stump.

Instinctively, I reached out and pushed the hair behind her ear again, remembering the first night we'd come here.

"Hey," I said softly. "What's wrong?" We were close enough already that I could have easily wrapped my arms around her without leaving my seat. Instead, I decided to awkwardly rub circles on her back and wait for a reply.

She turned her head so she could face me without sitting up straight, so I continued the circular pattern.

Her skin was already red, and her lips were dark with dehydration. Her eyes, though--they were shining through the tears that still welled up in her, and I had the urge to kiss her. I told myself it was just because of what I'd seen in dad's movies and decided better of it.

"I'll be here for my birthday," she said quietly.

My heart sank. I already knew she hated it here, but I thought things were getting better. She was getting along better with Emily and Aunt Kathy, and had even given Keith an awkward hug before leaving with Drew on their date.

I dropped my hand from her back and looked back at the creek. I didn't want her to see that she had hurt me.

Of course, she still wanted to leave. I knew that the only thing to make her stay now was a tragedy, and I hated myself again for wishing it anyway.

I felt my face soften as her fingers pulled my face toward her. She was sitting up, and lightly traced the bruise below my eye.

"Does it hurt?" she asked quietly.

"No." I was whispering back, though we didn't have to keep our voices down here. I knew we were too far from the house to wake anyone.

She pushed her lips together thoughtfully and traced her thumb over my lower lip, where the split had healed, but still left a raised scar behind.

I couldn't suppress the shudder that came with her touch, and I closed my eyes, sucking cold air through my teeth.

I pulled myself away from her hands and turned again to the creek.

"Don't worry," I said deeply. "We'll make it a sweet sixteen."

She shifted to the ground beside me to lay her head on my shoulder and we continued to sit in silence.

--xx—

In the following days, I talked with Keith and Aunt Kathy about planning the sweet sixteen. I knew she had a friend called Sam, back home in Rhode Island, but I didn’t know anything beyond that, and it didn’t make sense to throw a big party anyway.

I suggested we take her to the beach, and they both agreed that we could invite some of the friends she’d met at Drew’s party. It wasn’t a far drive to the beach, but Aunt Kathy had been the one to suggest we drive down on the Friday before her birthday and rent a house so we could spend the whole day there Saturday.

I’d expected Keith to protest, of course, but when he didn’t, I really started to plan.

Drew, of course, would have to come, since they were now technically dating, but I hoped inviting Izzy and her girlfriends would help disperse Liz’s attention and fill out the guest list.

 Her birthday wasn’t until the 20th, which gave us plenty of time to get everything together and keep it a surprise for her.

I figured out that Emily wasn’t leaving for her riding camp until Lizard’s actual birthday, so I told her to invite a friend too, and she skipped happily away with a huge grin on her face. I knew she was excited to have a big sister, but I loved how easily she still showed her happiness. I couldn’t remember the last time I had skipped.

I knew that this party wouldn’t change her mind—she would still want to leave at the end of the summer—but I wanted to spend every minute of it with her smiling. Maybe she would even come back next year.

--xx—

It was Sunday night, now, and the house was quiet. I had been lying awake a long time, filling myself with anger anytime my thoughts came back to Drew going out with Liz.

I knew I was being stupid. He didn’t deserve the fight I gave him. I winced as I touched the bruise on my ribs that had been hidden by my shirt. Sitting up, I looked into the mirror that hung on my wall and stretched my arm over my head to see it better. It, too, was looking yellow and green, but it was much larger than the bruise on my cheek. I frowned at the possibility that Drew may have gotten one of my ribs, too.

Determined to get them out of my head, I stood at my dresser, planning to get dressed and get high by the creek.

My thoughts were interrupted, then, by the faintest knock on my door. I slowly opened the door and squinted into the darkness, the dim light I had on my dresser let me adjust to the sight before me.

Fully dressed, she shifted her eyes from my face, to the bruise, and finally to the floor before speaking.

“Do you want to go for a walk?”