Selfish

Chapter Eleven - Some Sweet Sixteen

Ch 11 – Jimmy

The amount of hatred I had started harboring was becoming too much to handle: much of it for Drew, most of it for myself, and some now even for Emily, who was getting to spend more and more time with Lizard.

            I had missed another opportunity. I was given more chances to tell Liz how I felt than I deserved, and yet each time, I ended up digging myself a deeper hole of embarrassment and self-pity.

            My latest regret was pushing Liz further into Drew’s arms by accusing her of seeing him. I had wanted to meet her by the lake—she would look up from her book and see me approaching, her eyes lighting up and her lips stretching into a smile.

            In hindsight, I doubted that she had gone to the lake specifically to meet with Drew, but when I had seen the two together, smiling and laughing in our spot, I had only felt betrayed. I wasn’t thinking clearly.

            I had tried to talk with Izzy about it, but she wasn’t answering any calls, and she wasn’t home when I had driven to see her. Selfishly, I wanted her to be my own personal therapist—to tell me what to do and how to start over with Liz or at least move on from her, but I also wanted her to answer so I could invite her to Liz’s Sweet Sixteen.

Keith and Aunt Kathy had offered to arrange for Liz’s friend Sam to come, but when they’d brought her up, Liz had gotten quiet and said it might not be a good idea. Emily’s friend couldn’t come, either, so she was going to a sleepover, instead. At least with Izzy coming, maybe Liz wouldn’t be spending all her time with Drew, and maybe I wouldn’t be stuck with Keith and Aunt Kathy all weekend.

I thought Izzy could also help me figure out a way to give Liz her gift. Admittedly, I had been avoiding her out of anger and hurt, but after a couple days of getting high and trying to break into my dad’s empty house, all I wanted was to talk with her again. I needed to make it up to her. Maybe she would forgive me, and we could spend the rest of the summer as friends until she had to leave—if I could be so lucky.

            Thinking about her going home brought physical pain to my chest. I would always explain it away that I was being overdramatic, and I’d get over it, but then I would see her smile or remember the way she would cross her arms in defiance. I was a sucker for her. She wasn’t as tough as she tried to appear, but she was so much stronger than she looked. I wanted to make every moment with her last, and instead I continued pushing her away.

By the time I had realized my stupidity in trying to avoid Liz, there were still a few days before her party where the two of us were left home alone with Keith and Aunt Kathy were at work and Emily was away at day-camp. I knew there was a good chance she would be going out somewhere with Drew again, and I didn’t expect to be invited. I would have to find a way to get her alone and apologize before the party.

Much to my dismay, she seemed hell-bent on avoiding me, and only came out of Emily’s room to leave with Drew. She would come home in just enough time to make it look like she’d been home all along, and then would disappear somewhere else with Emily.

I was getting desperate and had even started forming a plan to threaten blackmail: I would tell Keith and Aunt Kathy she’d been sneaking out—that way I could get her to agree to talk to me.

Thankfully, it never came to that. The day before we would leave for her party, she couldn’t go anywhere: it was going to storm.

I’d gone outside in the early morning to have a cigarette before the others woke up for the day. It was a pain in the ass to get myself out of bed, but especially in the summer, it was nice to get that boost of nicotine before dealing with everyone. I had never been so happy to see dark skies and feel the cold winds whipping between the trees. I’d even smiled when I struggled to light my cigarette—Liz and I would be stuck in the house together all day.

I snuck back into bed and got another hour of sleep before Aunt Kathy knocked on my door to wake me up for breakfast. Though I could have jumped out of bed and run to the table with my excitement, I forced myself to laze around my room for another five minutes before slowly making my way down the stairs.

Liz ate her breakfast quietly, frowning at the dark skies through the window in realization. Emily protested going to day-camp, but Keith and Katherine made her go—there was always something to do at camp, even in a storm.

I tried hard to keep myself from smiling, but found myself doing it anyway, especially as the three others closed the door behind them and Liz and I were left together.

I hadn’t thought, though, what I would say once I had her alone.

“Uh, so you got your MRI results back,” I stated. I already knew what the results were, but it was the only thing I could think of.

“Inconclusive,” she answered, taking another hateful glance out the window.

Well there goes that conversation.

“And we’ve got your birthday party coming up,” I urged.

She turned to face me, one eyebrow c****d upward, the other furrowed in confusion.

“And?”

“Uhmm…” I rubbed the back of my neck. I didn’t know where to go from here.

“I’m sorry about overreacting about Drew,” I suddenly blurted out, changing the topic.

Her lips parted in disbelief and I continued.

“It’s not my business whether you’re seeing him again or not, but—”

“I’m not,” she cut in.

Now, my mouth hung open.

“You’re not?”

            She pushed her lips together and shook her head slightly.

            “Really? That’s great!” My voice jumped an octave and I cleared my throat to hide my embarrassment.

            She giggled and brought a hand to her mouth, her eyes lifting beneath her hooded lids.

            I cleared my throat again. I hadn’t finished my apology.

            “Anyway,” I started again, shifting my eyes.

“I’m sorry that I overreacted. I just can’t stand the thought of him hurting you again.”

            She blushed and looked down at the table.

            “It’s okay,” she accepted.

            I was elated! I had almost forgotten the storm and asked her to go for a walk with me. What do I do now? I frowned at the window.

            “Um…” she started. “Is there something else?”

            I turned back to her, nervously rubbing a hand on my growing facial hair. It had been a few days since I last shaved, and my goatee was starting to blend into my beard again.

            “I was gonna ask you to walk with me,” I admitted.

            Her giggle again touched my ears and I felt myself smile.

            A huge crack of thunder sounded and we both jumped, laughing at the absurdity of a walk.

            “Maybe not today,” she suggested.

            “Right,” I agreed, still trying to come up with an alternative.

            I wasn’t quick enough, and soon she’d excused herself to read. I remembered my own reading list and felt myself panic.

            “Um, can I join you?” I stood suddenly.

            She jumped at my sudden movement and agreed.

            Like a schoolboy, I ran upstairs to my room and grabbed the books from my nightstand. I had three to finish by the end of the summer, and I hadn’t even started. Groaning, I went to leave the room with books in tow, but Lizard stood in the doorway.

            “Can we read in here?” Her voice was quiet, and she sheepishly held her book behind her, looking to the ground.

            “Uh, yeah,” I motioned for her to enter.

            After hurriedly grabbing the clothes off my floor and throwing them into a pile in the corner, I haphazardly made my bed, where she sat to red. I made my place on the folding chair on the far wall, finding it hard to focus.

            I watched as her eyes scanned each page. She sunk into the bed more and more with each crack of lightning and I thanked myself for having washed the sheets the day before.

            We continued in silence, and by the time I had finally started engaging with my reading, I felt myself drift into an awkward sleep.

            --xx—

Finally, the day had come for us to go to the beach for Liz’s party. I was determined to make it memorable. After I’d shaved my face (I had decided not to keep the goatee this time) and taken a long shower, I finished packing my overnight bag (not forgetting the books I had to read) and took a last look at Lizard’s gift. Deciding it was perfect, I replaced the lid on its box and wrapped a small ribbon from Aunt Kathy’s craft box around its sides. The bow was lop-sided, but it would have to do.

Satisfied, I dropped the box into my pocket and brought my bag into the hall. Liz was still in the shower and the others were still not home, so I tried again to call Izzy. Maybe she could still come with us. Her mom picked up this time and told me Izzy was out of town visiting with her dad. I remembered hearing her talk about her dad at some point, but I must not have put two and two together. I hung up the receiver and saw Liz come into the kitchen, her hair still wet.

“You ready to go?” I asked.

“Yeah!” She was smiling, excited to go to the beach. The rain had stopped sometime through the night, and though the air was still a bit chilled from the storm, the sun was high in the sky and the weather was forecast to be warm all weekend long.

We tried to read again in the living room until the others got home, but we were both shifting and jittery with anticipation.

When Keith and Katherine came through the door together, we both stood, anxiously closing our books in unison.

“Uh, where’s Emily?” I noticed a distinct lack of energy when they entered the room.

“She’s going home with her friend from camp,” Keith answered. I knew she was having a sleepover but had expected we’d be making a stop to drop her off on our way to the beach.

“Oh, right.” I nodded. “So, can we go, then?”

Aunt Kathy chuckled as she slowly took her work bag to the kitchen.

“Jeez, Jim, hold your horses,” Keith unlocked the car with his remote. “Why don’t you and Liz take your things out to the car and we’ll be out soon.”

Without wasting another minute, I grabbed both of our bags and took them outside, pushing them into the trunk of the car and opening the door for Liz as she made her way out behind me. I noticed she was holding my book, which I sheepishly accepted from her before making my way around the car to the other side.

I slid into my seat and we were both buckled long before Keith and Aunt Kathy made their way outside. I tried to read my book in the silence, but I kept looking up at Liz, who was staring out her window patiently.

When we finally pulled out of the driveway, my mind started to wander. I wondered what kind of bathing suit Liz had packed—would she wear a bikini? How would I find an opportunity to get her away from Drew? Would I be able to talk to her in private?

I thought about giving her the small box right then, in the car, should I not be able to find her alone. When I turned to her, though, I found she was falling asleep. I didn’t want to risk Keith and Aunt Kathy overhearing anyway, so I thought I’d better come up with a plan.

I wished Emily had come with us, if just to make Liz sit a little closer. Maybe she would rest her head on my shoulder for the rest of the ride.

            --xx—

It was a short drive to the beach and we soon made our way into the beach house, getting ourselves settled in. It was right on the beach and we could see the water’s edge through the glass door in the living room.

Unfortunately, Drew had arrived just after we did, and I found that he and I would be sharing one of the rooms together. We walked in to find bunk beds, and he quickly called the top bunk, which was fine by me.

I remembered last summer, when Drew’s parents had taken me to a place similar to this one. My dad and I had started spending more time with Granddad and Grandma Barb when his treatment started to fail, and they had been driving me crazy on the farm. Drew had practically begged his parents to take me on a vacation with them.

When had things started to change?

I noticed him looking down at me from the top bunk and he told me to open his cool-bag. I found a twelve-pack of beer and handed one up to him.

“You take one, too, man,” he urged.

“You sure?” I eyed him suspiciously. I knew Liz had forgiven him for what he did on the Fourth of July, but I suspected he still had ulterior motives.

“Yeah, dude, help yourself.” When I didn’t move to take one, he continued. “They’re not poison, take one.”

I bent to pull another from the pack, opening the tab and drinking freely.

“It’s really cool of you letting me come, man,” he started again.

“Yeah, well…” I didn’t really have a choice.

“Jimmy, listen,” he suddenly sounded solemn and serious. “I heard what happened after I left the party…” I watched as he looked down at the floor. “I shouldn’t have done what I did, but you were there to fix it.” He looked up at me and I shifted.

“Where are you going with this?”

“I’m sorry,” he sat back on his pillow, staring ahead. “We’re just friends now, I swear.”

“I know,” I sighed.

“Oh, good,” he stared at me, surprised. “Well, then… do you wanna go check out the beach?”

I felt myself grin as I nodded. Maybe having Drew here wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

We found Liz in her room and told Keith and Aunt Kathy where we were going before making our way outside. We found a beach ball on the back porch of the house which we threw at each other and kicked along the sand. The air was warm and salty, and the sun was starting to set, making the water shimmer with bright oranges and pinks.

Lizard’s laughter filled the air as we eventually made our way back to the house and inside. Keith and Aunt Kathy had made us dinner, which we all devoured quickly before watching a movie in the living room. It was a good night, which I hoped would lead to an even better day.

The real fun started the next day, when we all made our way to the sand and pitched our umbrellas under the sun. I found it hard not to stare when Liz had stripped off her outer layers to reveal a black bikini, and found it even harder when she started rubbing sun-tan lotion over her legs, arms and stomach. Aunt Kathy helped her put the lotion on her back, thankfully, and soon Drew, Liz, and I were running toward the water together, splashing into the cool water and forgetting our worries.

The day passed quickly, and Aunt Kathy and Keith had left to go inside sometime after noon. I had made myself comfortable on the folding chair, trying to read my book as Liz and Drew played beach volleyball not far off.

While Liz made her way to sunbathe on her towel, Drew came to meet me under the umbrella and took two sodas from Aunt Kathy’s bag, handing one to me and opening his own.

“She’s something else,” he breathed, looking over at Liz. “I can tell why you like her so much.”

Putting down my book, I joined him in staring. She really was beautiful. She was laying on her stomach with her face toward us, sunglasses hiding her eyes. I suddenly blushed and looked back at my book at the possibility she was looking back at us.

            Drew cleared his throat and said he’d bring her a drink too, taking a third soda from the bag. I grunted in acknowledgement and went back to reading. When I looked up, I saw him slip something into her drink before she moved to sit up and take it from him.

            This was my worst possible nightmare. What could he possibly have put into her drink?

            I stood, spilling my own drink on the pages of my opened book. I wanted to yell for her not to drink, but I saw it was too late. She’d already brought the drink to her lips.

            It all happened so quickly; I couldn’t even be sure I was in control of my actions by that point. I’d run to them and spun Drew to face me, a stupid smirk stretching his lips. Without thinking, my fist made contact with his face again, and I felt a snap as his nose broke under my fist.

            He fell to the ground and I straddled him, lifting my fist for another shot, and another. I heard Liz scream as she jumped up behind me and grabbed my arm to keep me from continuing. When I saw her face contorted in disgust and streaked with her tears, I left my pursuit and stood. I grabbed her hand to lead her back to the house.

            “What is going on?!” She continued to yell through her tears, but I didn’t speak until we’d made it into the house.

            I barged into Aunt Kathy and Keith’s room, waking them from a nap.

            “What?” Aunt Kathy started, annoyed.

            “What’s wrong?” Keith shot up from the bed, pulling on a shirt quickly.

            Liz had followed me and pushed through to her dad’s side, clutching his arm.

            “What happened?” Keith’s voice was suddenly deeper, accusatory.

            “Drew…” I tried to catch my breath. “He put something in her drink.” I doubled over, propping myself up with my hands on my knees.

            --xx—

            By the time the police showed up, Liz was showing symptoms. Drew must have known better, because he didn’t show back up to the house. The three of us had been keeping a watchful eye on Liz, and she’d started to become erratic and wistful.

I thought the police had come to take a statement, but I’d ended up leaving in handcuffs. Apparently, someone on the beach had seen my assault on Drew and sent them my way, and I practically confessed to beating him up. While they did take my statement, I didn’t feel hopeful that any justice would come to Drew. He didn’t deserve Liz’s second chance.

I’d left my gift for Liz with Keith before they took me. I didn’t want it getting lost in the system somewhere. He seemed just as shocked as I was that they were taking me into custody.

Spending the night in a cell, unfortunately, wasn’t new for me. I’d been arrested once before, caught sneaking into my old house a week after my dad died. Of course, then, Drew and I had been getting into mischief together. He had made it away on foot while I got stuck in the window.

I’d only spent a night in the local jail then, and this time, I hoped, would be no different. I didn’t even have my book to read.

I just hoped that whatever he gave her would wear off quickly and she would be okay.