Identity Crisis

Chapter One

It's true what they say you know; ignorance really is bliss. Take it from a pro, and by pro, I mean me, the teller of this story. Not knowing what life is going to end up being for you. Not knowing the day your life changes forever and never knowing that, perhaps one day soon, if it's the beginning or the end. It's quite numbing to go back through everything, every memory you've ever made, especially when you are at the point in your life where you are possibly staring death in the face. As I lay here, chained to the cold stone floor, I wonder what my life would have been like if I had never met him. If perhaps my parents had just stayed in Montana and had never moved us to Missouri. Then again, I also couldn't really imagine it any different than it had turned out:

Missouri was miserable. Hot and humid, muggy air making it difficult to breathe. Too many trees, too green; almost completely unbearable. My hair was matted to my head from sweating so much and my clothes were completely drenched just from the humidity. I desperately wanted a shower as soon as we got to our new house, but unfortunately, the water and electricity hadn't been turned on yet. We'd been told that everything was taken care of before we got there, and it turned out that within an hour everything was in working order, but then my mother didn't allow for lazing about. She made us unload all three of the vehicles and the rental trailer before we could even sit down for lunch.

The only thing she did allow us to do while unloading all of the boxes and furniture was go through the house and choose our own rooms. The house was amazing, I must say. It had history, it was roomy, and everything from the doorknobs to the appliances had been updated. To top it all off I was allowed to choose one of the five bedrooms that actually came with a private bathroom, which I absolutely loved. I hated sharing my bathroom with my brother and every visitor we had. Now that I look back though, I don't think it would have been so bad to share just one more time in a non-creepy way. I mean, I would have appreciated the fights we'd had over the time it took us to get ready each morning, the arguments over who would brush their teeth first, or the water fights we'd had.

Once all of the boxes and furniture were unloaded and lunch was eaten, I went headfirst into cleaning and decorating. My room was cleaned and set up in no time. My bed, desk, dresser, and three bookshelves were situated right where I wanted them, all of my posters and photographs placed exactly right on my walls, and all of the other various girly things a young teenager would have in their places. Before I could get my clothes put away, though, my mother was calling me downstairs to assist in the unpacking of the rest of the house. By nightfall we'd gotten a rather good dent in the unpacking and arranging, although my mother decided she didn't like the color scheme in the living room. She was talking about covering everything and painting the next day. Then the subject of dinner was approached. Luckily for us, due to the extremely horrible humid heat, Mother decided Chinese take-out was the way to go.

Dinner was quiet, nobody had much to say, and my parents looked just as exhausted as I felt. My twin brother seemed pretty light on his feet, however. Zif always seemed to have endless energy. Mom often joked that in the womb he took all of most of my energy. Who knows maybe it’s true? I was often the more lethargic of the two of us, and everyone who knows anything about twins, knows that one will often absorb much of the other in some way. He ate with a fervor any older man would envy. Every older woman for that matter. I was almost glad when it was over. Watching him wolf down his food was not exactly something I enjoyed doing.

            The time came, finally, for bedtime and showers...or maybe it's showers and bedtime. I excused myself from the table, barely remembering to grab the vitamin my mother always had out and ready for us after each meal. I showered and dried myself off with the towels I'd snagged from the linen closet. I made a mental note to have mother buy me some as soon as possible. As I laid down for bed, reality hit me. My first day of public school was right in front of me. I wasn't all that excited about it. I was nervous. I'd never been around other kids my age. I had no knowledge on the subject of friends or how to make them. Though, I was sure my brother wouldn't have any problems. I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. So here I was in a little hick town called Flounders, where everyone knows everybody and their business. I was terribly homesick for the wide-open spaces we had lived in, and the horses I had looked after, but that was no more. Luckily, sleep came quickly.

School was a nightmare. We'd already been registered a week before, so we only had to sit in the office for a few minutes before they sent us on our way with a map and schedule. I had hoped that I would meet a couple people and we would just click, like on television how even the outcasts fit in. It didn't happen that way at all. All day I was alone. Nobody would talk to me. Instead, they stared as I walked by as if I were contagious or something. I hadn't any idea what I was doing wrong. I'd ran into the girl's restroom after the first class to see if I had messed up my make up or if I had something on my face. But no. It wasn't any of the obvious things, at least, it wasn't anything I could fathom. By lunch time I had pretty much figured out that I was unwelcome everywhere and I sat down at a large table by myself.

My brother Zif, however, had fit in right away. Ever the typical jock type, he was immediately welcomed into the “in” crowd. It helped that he was very handsome in an almost roguish way. Matters were made worse, however, when I became aware of the fact that he didn't seem to have any desire to be seen around me. He stayed clear of me just like everyone else. I was feeling pretty deserted and hurt by his actions, but I wasn't really surprised. For twins we've never really been close, much to my disappointment. I had always wanted to be closer to my brother, but it wasn't meant to be. He had completely different interests and we never clicked right. It was always more of a sideways tilt when it came to the two of us.

I sat and chewed on the lumpy macaroni casserole and stared at my small carton of chocolate milk. Like a good girl, I remembered my vitamin. When I dared to look at my surroundings, I caught my brother's eye. He looked upset. There was a frown on his face that told me there was something bothering him. I know, I know, that should be obvious right? But my brother was weird that way. Even angry he could smile and seem to laugh it off. When something was really nagging at him though, he would frown deeply, just like he was doing at this moment. His dark blue eyes would turn stormy gray and his eyebrows would knit together. The fact that his expression was pointed at me made me worry. He was never bothered by me, especially not in situations such as this. It was natural selection. I'd always been the weaker between us, and as they say, survival of the fittest. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the bell rang.

I rushed in leaving the cafeteria, and not just because I'd eaten alone, or that my brother was worrying me, I had art class. One thing I excelled at was drawing, and I was also hoping that it would be a little friendlier there than it had been everywhere else. As it turned out, I wasn't completely wrong in hoping. I got a few “Hi” remarks from the other students that had previously ignored me, and my teacher was very welcoming. He even introduced me to my classmates, unlike everyone else. It occurred to me that this could have been my problem all day. Only one person stared at me this time, an average enough looking guy, kind of cute, but his stare felt more like he was contemplating how I would taste rather than being unwelcome. It was rather difficult to ignore him, but I managed and jumped right in to our first assignment. My teacher instructed us to draw a mural that depicted things we were interested in. That, for me, was pretty simple, so I began my outline. Before I knew it, the bell was ringing, moving us on to our next class.

The day went pretty fast after that, I finally had a reason to enjoy, or even look forward to, school. As soon as I got home, I went straight to my desk and began working on my mural. It kept me busy and gave me something to do besides stare at my ceiling. I knew that before long I would have to work on other homework, but for the moment, the picture was fresh in my mind and I wanted to put it down before I could change my mind. I think my parents came up to check on me a couple times, but by the time I got my outline down completely I was ready to start homework. I was completely engulfed in what I was doing that I didn't really notice, or care, if they had checked on me or not. I enjoyed doing my schoolwork. It was one of many things I enjoyed most about life.

Dinner was ready by the time I emerged from my room. Everyone was seated and waiting for me. Small talk went around the table, but it didn't quite feel right to me. Usually stake nights were the best. It was the one meal we all agreed upon. The almost raw steak, lightly browned on both sides, so juicy and the taste of the blood just added flavor. What was almost just as good, we didn't need our vitamin after dinner, which was okay with me. It was more like a horse pill and always got stuck in my throat.

            Zif still had that look on his face. My parents must not have noticed, because they didn't ask. That or they already knew and if they knew then it was being handled and it wasn't anything that I should worry about. Or that's what I told myself. I should have asked him. I should have gone to him and nagged at him until he fessed up, but that wasn't really in my nature. I liked things the way they were for the most part, and I didn't really pry. I was more of the “be silent until they start talking” type.

            That night, I dreamt I was back home in Montana, riding my black stallion up the mountain just behind our house. For the first time in more than a week since we'd been informed of the move and had begun packing, I felt exactly right.

The next week went by much the same. I endured my morning classes and tolerated the stares. The only thing that kept me going was that I had one good thing to look forward to. Art class. In a strange way, I found that I liked it better that no one talked to me. I didn't have to worry about saying anything stupid, or embarrassing. I didn't have to worry about whether or not I should be myself. I just was. Focusing on the work set before me was a lot easier anyway. Who needed friends? That boy in my art class continued to stare much like everyone else. Still, it was different. It was more like he was interested in what he was looking at, and that completely befuddled me. He hadn't come up to me or made any kind of gesture to make me think he would, but I was sure that he was likely to sooner or later.

Now before you go making assumptions and decide my story is going to be just a big cliché like every other story out there.... okay well it sort of is, but there are some interesting twists and turns, so please just sit tight, and keep reading. This isn't going to be the “girl meets boy in class, falls in love, the end” kind of story. There's a little more to it than that.

Before I knew it, my life became routine. I woke up, showered, dressed, rode in my brother's truck to school, suffered through the first three classes, ate crappy cafeteria food, enjoyed art class, breezed through the rest of the day, went home, did homework, ate dinner, took my vitamins, and went to bed. My weekends weren't much better. While Zif had friends and a football team to hang out with and football games to attend, I had homework and books. I unfortunately didn't have another art project to work on, so it was reading and sitting at my desk, staring at the screen of my laptop.

One dreary, rainy Sunday, Mother decided to take me to town. She insisted that I needed a new wardrobe and accessories. I groaned and dragged my feet. I even made a few faced, but really.... who in their right mind would not let their moms spend money on them, especially when it means new clothes? Not this girl! Not to mention we did have a lot of fun. We got to be girls, just me and my mom. However, now that I look back, I realize that she wasn't as into it as I had assumed. There was a look on her face like this was the last time we would ever have this shared time together.

Then, a miracle happened. That boy in my art class finally came up to speak to me. However, it was not the kind of meeting I would have expected. There I was in the cafeteria, eating and reading at my lonely table, and minding my own business, when this guy sits down across from me and stares. Uncomfortable and unsure of his motives, I squirmed in my chair, trying to decide if I should welcome his presence, ignore him, or tell him to take a hike. I noticed his eyes were almond colored and his dark hair was cut short and spiked in the front. He was handsome.

            The silence between us stretched on and on, when finally, he broke it with one word. “Bane.” That was it. That was all he said. His voice was a deep baritone, odd coming from a guy who looked like puberty ended just the year before. Then he smiled. It was a bright, white smile. One that could win awards. He then stuck his hand in my face.

            Coming to my senses, I wiped the stupid look off of my face, figuratively, and reasonably assumed that Bane was his name. I took his offered hand and shook it hard, like my dad had taught me. "I'm Gryffyn Crayvan, nice to meet you." I smiled back and resumed reading, figuring he'd probably come over on a dare.

"I'd like for you to meet my brother." He said, startling me. My mind froze. I swear I could hear gears grinding as the little hamster on his little hamster wheel tried to get things moving again. I stared at him, my mouth hanging open, and not in an attractive way.

"Meet your brother? Is that some kind of pick-up line you came up with? That or you're some kind of asshole. Or are you just messing with me, because I have better things to do than to put up with your crap." I sneered at him, slamming my book and preparing to leave the table. With a speed my brain couldn't keep up with, he grabbed my arm to stop me.

"No, really. I'm being completely serious. I think you'd be good for him. See he has a school problem, too and so that's why he hasn't been here the first couple weeks, but if he doesn't show the board is going to kick him out for good, and my little brother needs to finish school see? I was hoping you might help me out." His words were rushed, and his eyes pleaded with me to stay and talk to him. To give him the chance. If I didn't know any better, I would have said he was close to begging even.

"You don't know me, Bane or whatever your name is, and for that matter I don't even know you. You're just one of the students in my art class that stares at me all of the time. I don't understand what you’re doing, but I'm not going to play any of these games." I fumed, flabbergasted, and... okay I'll say it.... a little bit flattered that he would even consider talking to me in the first place, let alone asking me to help him out. "Why do you even want my help?"

He shrugged, "You're his type for one. For two, I've been watching you, you are really into this whole school thing. Not like everyone else, you keep to your schoolwork, and you seem to be really dedicated to the time you put into everything. I've even graded a few of your papers, being a teacher's aide, and I'm really impressed with your grades. Most of the students here couldn't even dream of being as thoughtful about their answers as you are. Three, I just want him to be enthusiastic about something. Since we moved here about five years ago, he's seemed to have lost interest in everything, including his car and if you knew Gedeon you would understand how astonishing that is. That guy was completely obsessed with that car and now he barely looks at it, let alone drives it. Please, I'm just asking you to meet him, and help me convince him to come back to school." His bluntness took me by surprise, not many people would admit right out exactly why they had been staring at you for two weeks, but then again it wasn't like he was asking for a date or anything equally embarrassing so there really wasn't any reason for him to not be honest.

I considered for a moment. It was weird, what he was asking me to do. He couldn't honestly expect me to be his brother's girlfriend, at least not right away. I mean I am a girl after all, and what girl doesn't want a cute boyfriend who also has a car? It could have been a trick. He could be just a big jerk who wanted to get me caught up in this web and pounce on me once the trap was made...oh and how close I really was to the whole thing. I should have trusted myself...I took a chance. “Fine, I'll do it, though I'm not sure what you expect from me or what you'll think I could accomplish that you haven't.” Over the past couple of years, I've wished off and one that I hadn't said those fateful words. That I hadn't agreed to his offer. But then, it probably wouldn't really have changed anything if I had.

"You'll do it?" He implored.

I nodded, "I will meet him, but I'm not promising anything, and if this is just a game that you’re playing, I can promise that you'll be sorry." I warned. He smiled and shook his head.

"You need not worry about that. This is as legit as anyone here will ever be with you, I swear. Meet me outside after school, I'll have him meet us at the park, he is usually there anyway. See you in class." He winked and grinned as he left. Just then the bell rang.... saved by the bell. It hadn't gone unnoticed by me that my brother had been staring really hard at the two of us while we were conversing.

Bane sat next to me that class period, telling me about his art project. It was rather nice to have an actual conversation with someone other than my parents, and, rarely, my brother. He asked to see my mural before we were to turn them in. He acted pretty impressed, but I couldn't tell if he was just being nice. The teacher was pretty enthusiastic about it, he even hung it up right there in the classroom. He said the cool colors and shading I had added with color pencil gave it a nice touch. He hadn't even taught that technique to his students yet. I was pretty proud of myself.

            After art, the rest of the day just dragged. I felt enthusiastic about the meeting I would be having. It was a little scary (Man, if I had known how scary), and just a little bit exciting. I mean, I would have friends. Maybe even more than friends, and I just couldn't wait to find out.

Finally, finally, it was three o'clock and the last bell rang. I hastily stuffed my books into my book bag and dumped what I didn't need into my locker. Deliberately, I slowed my pace to the front door, weaving leisurely through the throng of students as I made my way. I saw Bane, looking a little bit annoyed at the bottom of the steps, but before I could head his way, I was intercepted.

            Zif was blocking my path. Bane was hidden from view. “What are you doing? Where do you think you are going?”. Now it was me who was annoyed.

            “What do you care?” I asked snidely, attempting to push past him, but Zif was just a little bit bigger than me, and he was a brick wall.

            “You need to be careful, Gryffyn. You don't know what his intentions are.” Zif warned me. His eyes were stormy gray, and his brows were knit. There was something he wasn't telling me, something that he knew and was keeping secret. Well, that was just fine with me. He could keep all of the secrets he wanted to. I didn't have to adhere to his will. Although, I really should have listened. He may have only been older by like five minutes, but he was the wisest of the two.

            “I'll do what I want. It's not like you really care anyway.” I shot back at him, making a dig at him for the hurt I've felt the past two weeks. No, we've never gotten along that well, but dammit, I was his twin sister, and I should have had better treatment than being shunned. I didn't give myself the time to react to his hurt expression. I succeeded at pushing past him and met Bane at the bottom of the stairs.

"Took your sweet time, did you?" He asked sarcastically. He was staring up at my brother, or more like glaring. It was almost a territorial look, but I thought I was imagining things. I mean, I didn't even know that guy and that was my brother. It was pretty obvious. I was just a smaller, big breasted, longer haired version of my brother.

I winked and started walking, acting as if this whole exchange hadn't bothered me, “If I rushed you might get the wrong impression, as if perhaps I was excited about meeting your brother. So, are we going?" I sounded much calmer than I actually felt.

He gave my brother one last hard look, “Yeah, my car is the red mustang." He pointed towards the student parking lot. It was a pretty nice car, a five speed, 2008 mustang GT. I was pretty impressed with it, more so after I crawled inside. The seats were black leather, and you could adjust the temperature of them with a control on the dashboard. I admit, alarm bells were going off. I was a little bit afraid of riding with this guy I barely knew. I didn't think I really had anything to worry about though since he handled the car very well and didn't even exceed the speed limit which was a rather big surprise.