Anxiety Attack
959 Words
The world was spinning... My throat was closing... Everything was a blur... It hurts... It hurts so bad I can't breathe.. I can't breathe... I. CAN'T. BREATHE!!
"El" Someone called out to me. It was deep and soothing, but it wasn't him. That voice I had once loved was now whispering sweet nothings in another women's ear. As he once did with me. "El.." The voice said again. Then there were hands on me, they were big and strong, but they weren't the ones that held mine when I was feeling nervous. The ones that cupped my face when we kissed. The hands pulled my hands from my chest and lifted my head.
My vision was too blurry to see their face but I knew who it was. I didn't need to see, I knew who it was the moment he called my name. It was Alec. He wiped the tears from my eyes and that gave me some comfort. How could I find comfort in another man’s arms?! But why do I even care?! Justin clearly didn’t care while he was with that slut!! But I found comfort before I knew that. I’m just as bad as him! I pushed Alec away and managed to crawl back, still unable to stand, or walk, or breathe.
I pulled on my hair I’m sure ripping some pieces out when I felt his hands on me again. They gripped my wrist, as he attempted to remove my hands from my hair. I fought against him as I fought to breathe, failing at both.
“El?” This voice was different. It didn’t make my heart beat faster the way Alec’s or Sammy’s did. It was just as gentle and it was thick with worry. I heard footsteps growing closer and the hand that gripped my wrist were gone and replaced with a cold breeze. I felt someone sit next to me on the ground. They wrapped their arm around me and pulled me into a firm chest.
“El, I need you to do something for me” He spoke slowly, as if he thought of every word before he said it. “I need your help. Do you think you can help me?” Help him? How can I help anyone like this?! I couldn’t even speak, but I wanted to try. I gave him a quick nod. His arms draped around me but didn’t put any pressure on my tense shoulders.
“I need you to name 5 things you see” I blinked a few times, letting the tears fall from my eyes as I looked around and the world became clearer. Five things I see..
Cars flying by, not stopping for the people trying to cross
A red truck, parked in front of the of us
His hand as it rested on my stomach
A girl riding by on a yellow and blue bike
My legs, that shook along with the rest of me
“Four things you hear” He continued.
His masculine soothing voice
His steady heart beat that pounded against my ear
The engines of those cars zooming past us
The tapping of someone’s feet near by
“Three things you feel”
The stinging pain of my hands gripping my hair
His chest moving up and down with each breath
His hand resting comfortably on my stomach
“Two things you smell” I took a deep breath.
His masculine cologne
The smell of pretzel from a near by stand
“One thing you taste”
The salty taste of my tears the streaked down my face
My hand’s grip on my hair loosened and they fell to my lap with balls of my hair in each fist. I tilted my head up to see Jace’s eyes on me. Tears filled my eyes again, embarrassed that he saw he like this. I buried my face in his chest and this time when his arm wrapped around me they squeezed me tight. Letting go of the balls of hair in my hands I wrapped my arms around his waist and sobbed into his shirt. He didn’t pull away or complain that I was wetting the cloth and just let me cry, as his hands rubbed soothing circles in my back.
After what felt like forever I finally stopped the waterworks and attempted to stand. He helped me up. “Do you need a ride home?” He was talking like I would fall apart if he said the wrong thing, and honestly, I don’t blame him for thinking that. I must have looked so weak, crazy that I just lost it over nothing. They all must’ve thought so low of me. Like I was just some dumb girl. Shaking my head I walked away, feeling all of their eyes on me. Jace followed and lightly put a hand on my lower back. “Please let me take you home” not having the energy to argue I just nodded and let him lead me to that red truck.
I knew Sammy and Alec were looking at me, among others but I didn’t have the courage to look back. Jace opened the passenger side door and I climbed in. He closed the door, ran around the other side, climbing in himself. I kept my head down and nervously played with my hands in my lap as he started the truck and drove away.
(A/N Happy Holidays everyone!!! Hope you had a good break! Have a wonderful day!!)
- Writer
