My Secret Wolf [18+]

Panic Pals

For the next four days I more or less lived in a trance. I didn't leave my room unless it was for food and even then I made sure no one was home when I came out. My phone rung all day from just about everyone but I answered no one. I tried calling my mom but she was MIA for the moment, so I just kept to myself. No one came by and bothered me so that was good. I don't think I could ever face anyone ever again. My plan was to stay in my room until everyone forgot about me. Then maybe I could ride it under the radar until I'm eighteen and leave. Maybe fake my own death which, said out loud, sound a tad bit extreme but what other choice did I have?!

I was sitting on my bed eating a bag of chips that I stole from the kitchen when my phone rung. Looking at the caller I.D. I saw it was Sammy. Again. I placed down the bag and rubbed the crumbs off my hands. Picking up the phone. I just stared at the screen. He's been calling at least 40 times a day. Why is he so worried? I imaged he'd forgotten about me about now. Why does he care so much? Probably doesn't. I assumed him calling meant he cared. He could be calling to make fun of me. Yea, that makes more sense. I quickly declined the call and tossed my phone on the bed. Just as I did there was a knock at the door.

I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and trudged my way out of my room. Before just opening the door I looked through the peep hole. It was Sammy and Court. I dodged from the door to the couch like they could see through my door. What were they doing here? Together? I didn't think they were friends. I didn't answer their calls so they came here to make fun of me in person? But Courtney wasn't even there to see my freak out. Did he tell her? I bet everyone knows! Great now I really can't show my face. How will I go to School? I starts in like two weeks! That's not long enough for them to forget, is it? Well not if people are going around talking about it! That's it! I'm dead! I have no chance here. I cant make new friends! Not when I'm the girl who freaked out on the street in front of everyone!

Oh god! Not again! My breath sped up. I need air! I won't make it upstairs to the balcony so with no other choice I made it to the door, opening it and stumbling past both Sammy and Court. I held the blanket like my life depended on it. I fell to the ground and felt the gravel on my butt and bare feet. It was poking and stabbing at me but I didn't care. All I cared about is breathing. After what felt an eternity I felt got a grip. I sat there, taking deep breaths and shaking hard. I felt tears threatening to fall but I didn't let them. Instead I stood up and ran back to my house. Before I made it through the door, in a instant Sam was in front of me.

I looked up at him and surprisingly I found no smug or mocking expression. He just looked sad. And hurt. I looked to Courtney and she held the same expression but her's held the same thing I saw in Jace's eyes. Understanding.

Without thinking I hugged her. She wrapped her arms around me. After crying for the past couple days I should've been out of tears, but despite that I still sobbed into her shoulder. She backed into the house with me still holding onto her and sat us on the couch. I could hear the door close but felt no one sit next to us.

She said nothing as she ran her hands through my hair. It weirdly soothed me enough that I gathered the strength to pull away. I looked away from her, not knowing what to say, I noticed that Sammy was gone. No where in sight.

As if reading my mind she said "He thought it best to give you some time." I nodded and sniffed. "I'm guessing he told you what a freak I am?" The words came out before I could stop them. "You're not a freak." This caught my attention but I didn't look up. Instead I stayed silent and stared at my hands in my lap. "Can I tell you something?" I shrugged to her question, not trusting my own voice.

"A few years ago my mom and I got into an accident" This time I looked up but Courtney wasn't looking my way. "When I was younger, about 5 or 6 I was diagnosed with anxiety but that," she paused. "That was the first time I had a anxiety attack. The thing is, I wasn't even hurt in the accident, but I remember feeling like I was on the verge of death. I remember this uncontrollable shaking, like there was an earth quake in my bones. I remember feeling like I was under water, drowning. Feeling like my lungs were 2 seconds away from exploding. I remember feeling dizzy, like my head was spinning. And when it was over I remember feeling weak" She looked at me. Her eyes were red and puffy, tear streaming down her face. "and ashamed."

I couldn't help the tears that now fell from my eyes. I reached out and wrapped my arms around her. She needed that hug and if I'm being completely honest, so did I. We stayed like that for a while before pulling away, sniffling. "How do you get through it?" I asked.

"With friends. And family."

"Like Jace?"

She chuckled at my question before saying. "Yeah like Jace. He helps me a lot." She really appreciated him. I could tell from the way she spoke of him. "Well I don't have a Jace."

"You have me" this made me  smile. "Your not alone." She muttered. She looked me in the eyes. "You'll never be alone." I gabbed a tissue to wipe my tears and giving her one too. "Thank you" I said, flashed her a grateful smile, which she returned.

This was new to me. This whole trusting friend thing. I mean, I had friends back at home but none I could talk to. Not about stuff that really mattered. Back home everything was about status and image. Something like this happen there and my entire life blows up. That's why mom was my bestfriend. She was the only one I could really trust. But she wasn't here and I had to find others to put my trust in. Like Courtney.

"So what do we call our selves?" Her question threw me off. "What do you mean?"

"What are we going to go by?" Now she really wasn't making sense. I must've looked really confused because she groaned and threw her head back like I was missing something. "You know, like the Plastics?!" Okay she had officially lost it. Her face had over taken a look of surprise and disbelief. "Wait! Have you never watched Mean Girls?!"

"I'm assuming that's a movie?"

"Only the best! Okay we have to watch it tonight!"

"Tonight?"

"Yeah. You didn't seriously think I was going to leave you home alone did you?" She gave me a knowing look as she reached for the remote. I watched as she found and played the movie 'Mean Girls'

At first glace you wouldn't think this was the kind of movie Courtney would like. I half expected her to like movies like 'Twilight' and '5 Feet Apart', but apparently this was her all time favorite movie.

As we were watching the movie her question popped back into my head. "What do we call our selves."

"You have an idea?" She didn't take her eyes off the screen but I knew she was talking to me. "Nope. None."

"Well it has to be something that describes us both. Like..." She thought for a moment. "Anxiety Allies." I couldn't stop the laughter that came. "Really? Anxiety Allies?"

"Fine. What about Anxious Angels?"

"That's worse! And what's with the alliterations? What are we; an after school special? Next thing you know you're going to be suggesting Panic Pals" She turned to finally look at me, giving me a look of astonishment.

"No-"

"Too late! My mind is made up!"

"Courtney I was kidding!"

"Well you can't turn back now" she gave me an evil smile before finishing "Panic Pal" I groaned and threw my head back on the couch. "This is going to be a thing now isn't it?" I asked, hiding my face with my hands. "Oh I'm already making the T-shirts" She replied.

This girl was going to be the death of me.