The Lion And I

(14) Part 1: The Lion - Innocence

Celeste

“Did I do something wrong?“ I couldn’t look up at him, afraid of what I might see.

He told me I could take whatever I wanted.

Were there restrictions on that?

“No, you did nothing wrong, bunty,” he soothed.

“Then why did you stop me?” I whispered, so confused.

He seemed to chew on his thoughts for a moment before replying, “First off, I do not want either of us to get into hot water if questions arise about us since the Ivanov's have come for you."

Instant guilt washed over me.

It had been stupid of me to try and initiate something that could bond Obsidian and I further. It could put my life and his in jeopardy due to the blood oath that the Ivanov's were demanding to be fulfilled in its entirety.

"Secondly, I am not quite ready to take our relationship to that level, Celeste. I didn’t know you would want to do that so soon, or else I would have been more forthcoming. I’m sorry I was not clear on that,” I saw the vulnerability in his gaze and didn’t know what to do with it. He always seemed so strong, it caught me off guard to see him look like this. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t see to your needs and do other things, if you would like.”

I sat there, digesting his words, not quite grasping them. There were no signs of anger or frustration anywhere in his tone or body language. I felt myself relaxing a little more. “What are the other things you could do?” I felt heat rush up my cheeks in embarrassment. Were they going to be things similar to what I was forced to do with Victor? I felt like I should know, but I was clueless.

Obsidian’s fingertips trailed down my cheek and I looked up into his adoring gaze. “I’m not making you feel uncomfortable, am I?”

I shook my head quickly. “Not uncomfortable, necessarily. I’m,” I cleared my throat, trying to give myself time to find the right words to describe how I was feeling. “I feel as though I should know this, and I feel bad that I don’t.”

Obsidian’s gaze softened on me. “I’m not trying to make you feel that way—

My fingers instantly moved to cover his lips, to stop him from speaking, so I could quickly say, “You aren’t making me feel that way. You are explaining everything so thoroughly and nicely. I just feel so silly for not already knowing this.” It didn’t help that my insecurities had been triggered and I could hear Victor’s degrading voice in my head, telling me I was a lousy screw up and if he didn’t need me, he would have killed me.

“How could you know if you were never told or taught?” Obsidian’s voice pulled me back from the darkness I was losing myself to. It was interesting how Obsidian was quickly becoming my light in the darkness. Fear and panic gripped my chest because, at the moment, what we had was tentative. It could all get ripped away if Ickarous said the blood oath with the Ivanov's couldn't be broken.

Taking a deep breath, I forced all of that fear away.

I refused to let the Ivanov's take over whatever time I might have with Obsidian. Heaven knew if I was forced to go with them, these memories I had with Obsidian would have to get me through a lifetime of disappointment and pain.

What Obsidian said was a fair point. I tipped my head to the side as I contemplated my next words. “I did things to Victor,” I started, trying to keep the vile memories from completely taking over. “Things with my mouth and hands that pleased him. Is that the kind of other things you are talking about?” I asked.

“Yes.” Those penetrating golden eyes fairly pinned me to the spot as he tried to read my very soul.

“I didn’t like doing those to him,” I admitted, my gaze dropping to my now wringing hands. I was nervous but I didn’t understand why. “I don’t expect you to do them, because I can only imagine how unpleasant they are to give.” I liked him too much to force him to do that to me in the name of pleasure. It had never been a pleasant experience, at least not for me. Victor always seemed happy and sated.

Silence settled between us for many seconds and I was terrified to look up, worried he would be unhappy I had admitted to my dislike of giving such things. Obsidian’s heavy sigh made me wince and I waited for the reprimand, the anger, the hurtful words… “Let’s get a few things straight, Celeste. First off, what Victor made you do was called r**e. He r***d you. He forced you and coerced you to do s****l acts. Of course they were going to be unpleasant for you.”

There was a term for what he made me do? Was this something that happened to others? I didn’t like the implications of that. However, his confirmation and comprehension of my emotions and feelings was calming to hear. It was rather validating and albeit healing.

I liked the feeling of being seen and heard.

“Secondly, I’m not expecting you to do anything you are not comfortable with. If that means not touching certain areas or giving oral then I will respect that. There are plenty of other ways to tease and give pleasure,” he assured, his hands resting comfortably at my waist, his thumbs stroking soothing circles over my stomach. “And lastly, just because your experiences have made you dislike engaging in such activities does not mean I feel the same way. On the contrary, I enjoy participating in such acts because it brings pleasure to my partner. And when my partner is pleased, it turns me on. Does that make sense?”

It took a moment for me to nod my head. “I think so. You’ve had other partners?”

He nodded, a concerned look crossing his features. “A few. To simply satisfy a need, nothing more.”

He was trying to be reassuring, but that wasn’t where I was going with this. I didn’t give two hoots about how many women he had been with because they had all been before me. I licked my lips, unsure about how to say this without sounding silly. “How … how do you please a woman?” I knew the concept of pleasing a man because I'd had to do it. Victor, on the other hand, never tried to do any of those things to me other than copulating. And even those weren't good experiences. They had hurt.

I saw the flash of anger and displeasure in his gaze and was instantly worried I’d offended him. Before I could apologize, though, he grumbled under his breath, “It shouldn’t surprise me. Hell, he was worse than even your father, Ulysses.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, taking several deep breaths to calm down. “Have you never touched yourself, Celeste?”

“Touched myself?” I wasn’t sure I understood.

“Here?” His hand once again caressed my core. My body arched into him as a wave of pleasure coursed through me. Frustratingly enough, he moved his hand back to the safe zone of my waist.

“I-I didn’t know if I was allowed to.” I replied honestly. “Victor warned me if he ever found out someone touched me there or did the same things he forced onto me, he would kill the bastards and beat me within an inch of my life. I figured that included myself. I didn’t want him to find me touching any part of myself down there, afraid he would get angry and hurt me.”

There were more profanities mumbled under Obsidian’s breath and he shifted agitatedly under me. “I can simply give you an answer to your question, Celeste, or I can show you how it is done. I will leave the decision up to you.” His voice had dropped an octave and he looked at me in a way I didn’t comprehend. He wasn’t mad or upset, that much I knew.

I was still a burning bundle of nerves and the prospect of him touching me was thrilling. I trusted him not to hurt me like Victor had. “Show me,” I breathed.