The Lion And I

(29) Part 1: The Lion - Compromise

Celeste

“How was I in danger!?” My same argument stood. “Uriel is a part of the guard. If anything, I had been the safest with him.”

I had felt safe with him which was saying a lot. And not to mention, I had had a lot of fun.

Not as much fun as I’d had when Obsidian and I had gone to town, but I had enjoyed myself. And I thought that’s what Obsidian wanted for me, was to find myself and what I enjoyed and liked to do.

I felt myself growing ever more distant and distrustful of Obsidian because of how he was reacting to me right now. We needed to get this resolved somehow, before I closed myself off entirely from him.

Obsidian started pacing agitatedly, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to cool down. “You don’t understand, Celeste. Danger follows Uriel. He can’t help it or stop it. It’s just there. And, I am not comfortable with you placing yourself in harms way. Not when I’m not there to save you.”

I couldn’t explain why I reacted the way I did, or why the fury was burning me from the inside out like it was. “Like you were there to save me from Balthazar,” I snarled, throwing that failure back in his face.

The cutting words were out before I could filter them, my rage knowing no bounds. The red hue was flaring and I was once again a raging ball of fire, not caring about anything other than coming out on top. It didn’t matter who was in my way. Nothing mattered, other than knowing I won this argument.

I felt momentarily guilty, especially when I saw the hurt cross his expression, but my heart had closed itself off. I was in protection mode.

“Celeste, I—

“Stop!” I commanded, my voice thick with unshed tears. “Just stop.” I demanded.

However, he didn’t. Instead of stopping, he advanced until we were toe to toe and nose to nose. “That is what I am afraid of, Celeste. Not only not being there for you if you find yourself in danger, but being there and unable to save you.”

His admonition floored me and made me pause.

“I can’t lose you again. I know I f****d up when I allowed Balthazar the chance to capture you. And I wish there was some way to go back in time and undo what I foolishly did. But I can’t. And I have to live with that every day and with the fear that it could happen again. All I am asking for is that you take precautions and don’t place yourself in a predicament where you can be put into danger.”

My head was turbulent as I tried to work through what he’d said. It took a moment to find my voice again. The uncertainty was latching onto me now as the anger subsided.

Had I overstepped my boundaries somehow by going with Uriel?

“I thought we talked about this? About how I could go about my day and be around others who I was comfortable with. Does that not include Uriel?” Before I crucified Obsidian, I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. As much as I wanted to continue to berate him, I needed to know. “Don’t you trust me enough to believe I wouldn’t put myself into those kinds of situations?” I continued on, praying he wouldn’t break me down.

“I do trust you, Celeste.” He replied, reaching out to me, intending to bury his fingers in my hair but I ducked out of his reach and put space between us. I refused to be touched, to be put under his spell. If he wanted to, I knew he could render me speechless with his touch. He could lead me to distraction with his mouth and tongue, until I forgot what we were arguing about in the first place.

And then I would have a hard time coming back to the argument, to what we were discussing because it would be resolved and in the past. I already knew I had a problem with conflict. Hell, this whole encounter was killing me, but I wasn’t about to allow my boundaries to be bowled over like Victor had done time and again.

Obsidian once again looked hurt by my avoidance, though I couldn’t bring myself to care. “Answer me.” I commanded, ice in my tone.

His heavy sigh hung between us. “I didn’t think you would be comfortable leaving the stronghold. Yes, we did talk about you being able to consort and explore the stronghold as long as you were with someone and you told another where you were going, that way I would know where you were and be able to find you in the off chance something happened.”

He shifted uncomfortably and ran a hand through his hair agitatedly. There was more and he was having a hard time getting it out. I wanted to argue, to get defensive and plead my case. I had told Raphael where I was going. I had stuck to our agreements.

So why was he so agitated?

“I got scared, Celeste. And I allowed that fear to turn into anger. I’m sorry.” He apologized sincerely, the fight leaving his shoulders. His clear gaze met mine and I knew he was speaking the truth. He chewed on his lip as he mulled over what he wanted to say next. “There is nothing wrong with Uriel, just a bad case of luck when it comes to him and getting himself into sticky situations is all.”

The question still remained: was I wrong for going with Uriel?

I was a bit confused as to where this was going and I didn’t want to say something that would put us right back into the fire.

Obsidian seemed to understand I was having a hard time voicing what was pinging around in my mind. “It’s okay, bunty,” he encouraged gently. “It’s better to get it off your chest now than to let it fester.”

“So, should I have not gone with Uriel?” I asked on a whisper, afraid of what he would say.

He pursed his lips and crossed his arms. “I don’t necessarily want to say yes, or no to that question. Yes, you shouldn’t have gone out of the stronghold with him without first letting me know. This is where if we were truly bonded, we could communicate easily with one another over space and time,” he added gently, not as a reprimand but as a solution to a problem. Though the option to do that right now wasn't on the table thanks to the Ivanov clan. “And no, it shouldn’t be a big deal or a problem,” he added, contradicting himself. He sighed. “I know it‘s complicated. I know my mind and reasoning is complicated too. I just want you to be safe and I don’t necessarily always look at Uriel as being safe due to some of the trouble he's found himself in.”

I was sure I understood, in part, what he was trying to get at. “Should I not go anywhere in the future with him that isn’t here at the stronghold?” I didn’t want to be controlled, but I didn’t want to keep fighting with Gabriel about it as well. He seemed to be concerned because danger was attracted to the dragon. I hadn’t experienced that first hand yet, but Obsidian had obviously known the dragon longer.

It was safe to say Obsidian would know better about this which therefore meant, I should trust his judgement about the dragon.

“I don’t think he would mean to put you in any danger,” Obsidian started. “Though, it would make me feel better if you didn’t go places with him alone. Just in case, in the off chance, trouble follows him.”

It took me a moment to find the courage to ask a different question. “Is it okay if I go out of the stronghold with others? Like Constance, Odette, Nikolai?” I listed off a few.

I could feel him fighting his knee jerk response, which I had a feeling he wouldn’t like. It took a moment for him to school his features and voice enough to answer evenly. “Yes. As long as you let Raphael, Constance or myself know.”

Okay. I could work with that. “Okay.” I agreed. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to worry you. I didn’t know about Uriel’s … penchant for finding trouble.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too, because I should have said something before, and shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I want you to know, Celeste, while it may come off rough and demanding and controlling, I don’t want to control you or dictate what you do. All I want you to be is safe and happy.”

I believed him, because I could feel his sincerity in the fragmented tendrils of the temporary bond we still shared.

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Song that inspired this chapter: “Let’s Hurt Tonight” by One Republic