Fatty Tactics

Chapter 3: Heading West

Huayin, as its name suggests, is located north of Mount Hua. It is named after Mount Hua. In the novel "Water Margin," there is a chapter titled "Shi Dalang Travels Through Huayin County at Night, Lu Zhishen Punches the Butcher of Guanxi." This small town in Guanxi is only a little over a hundred li away from Chang'an. Although the population is not large, there are two inns in the town. There are no butchers selling meat or breakfast stalls on the streets.

When the fat man arrived in Huayin, he was so hungry that his stomach was sticking to his back. He kept checking his watch, but it didn't solve his hunger problem; it only told him that it was 9:15.

It was June, and the fields were in a state of transition between harvests. Wild chrysanthemums by the roadside had already bloomed with small golden flowers, and the bitterness of the leaves made Fatty think that his intestines had broken. If he had known that he would be in such a predicament today, he would definitely have learned more about wilderness survival from Bear Grylls. However, he could not pin his hopes on the inns in the town at the moment because he was penniless.

The fat man passed through the town dejectedly, then tried to cheer himself up and walked for half an hour under the sun before he was too exhausted to go any further.

Exhausted and unwilling to walk any further, the fat man had no choice but to repack his luggage. At this moment, he looked like a typical ancient farmer, but because of his fair skin and the scholar's square cap he was wearing, he looked more like a farmer's son going to the capital for the imperial examination. However, it seemed that this year was not the year of the imperial examination, so he looked more like a debt collector. Well, the fat man's thoughts seemed to have wandered to Xu Xian or Ning Caichen. Of course, even if he really looked like them, he would be the burly version.

But what about Lady White Snake? What about Nie Xiaoqian?

But, but what kind of genius am I? If modern people went back to ancient times, the only thing they could be good at would probably be mathematics. As for physics and chemistry, they might be considered "strange and supernatural" things that even Confucius wouldn't dare to talk about.

The fat man emptied his backpack, put his jeans and tattered camera back in, picked up a stone, and threw them all into the river by the roadside.

All he had in front of him was a dead cell phone, an empty pen, and a few pages of a notebook. The fat man now regretted tearing out most of the notebook to wipe his butt. If the notebook had been intact, he might have been able to exchange it for his first pot of gold. But now, it was too late.

Well, besides the underwear, socks, and shoes he was wearing, there was also a watch and a manganese steel dagger. As for food, all that was left was a bag of raw sunflower seeds. The fat man had tried to eat them several times when he was hungry, but he always managed to resist when he thought about how they were his son's favorite food.

When the fat man saw the sunflower seeds, he couldn't help but miss his son. Then he had a plan. After having a plan, he immediately wrapped the rest of the food in his coat. He seemed to see the endless golden sunflowers in the fields under the sunlight, stretching from east to south and from south to west...

Just as he was half-asleep, a caravan of mule carts approached from the east. It was probably a merchant caravan, or perhaps a convoy escorted by a security company. Before the fat man could prepare to stop them, the caravan had already passed by...

Just as the fat man was regretting his actions, he heard the sound of hooves again, and a large group of people was approaching from the east.

"I can't miss this one," the fat man decided, packing his belongings again, especially hiding the manganese steel dagger in his sleeve just in case. However, as the fat man pretended to be exhausted and lay down by the roadside while the horse caravan galloped closer, he felt a pang of regret.

Horses were quite rare in ancient China. In the book *A New Account of Tales of the World*, it's mentioned that many high-ranking officials and powerful families primarily used oxcarts for transportation. Things might have improved somewhat during the Sui Dynasty; even after the country became powerful, only high-ranking families and the military were allowed to use horse-drawn carriages. Later, during the turmoil at the end of the Sui Dynasty, many forces allied with the Turks, partly to utilize their military strength and horses. For example, Li Mi, in his youth, only rode an ox when traveling, hence the famous story of hanging books on ox horns, leading to the saying, "Others ride horses, I ride a donkey, and behind me are porters carrying loads." In modern times, even driving a BMW or Mercedes-Benz is equivalent to riding a mule or donkey in ancient times; only military vehicles and Audis with red and black license plates are equivalent to those who rode horses in ancient times.

But do these people of high status care about humanitarianism? What if, after a carriage hits and injures someone, the person underneath is unharmed, and then the carriage runs over them two or three times? Who can you complain to then?

As the fat man was filled with anxiety, the caravan stopped a few meters away from him. A servant-like man dismounted first, looked the fat man over, and concluded that he was suffering from heatstroke. He then quickly reported to the leader of the caravan: "Young master, there is a robust scholar who is probably suffering from heatstroke." The fat man sighed inwardly. "Robust" was a very apt word. He then understood that the "young master" sitting in the carriage was probably also fat, which was why he understood that the fat man was prone to heatstroke.

"Oh? Wake him up. If he needs help, give him a ride." As soon as he finished speaking, the fat man breathed a sigh of relief. This was exactly what he was waiting for. If he could get a meal, that would be the best outcome. The fat man hadn't originally planned to get medical expenses or lost wages like the old lady Xu from Nanjing.

However, no sooner had he finished speaking than a discordant voice came: "Your Highness, I think it's better to avoid trouble."

"It's settled then. I was just about to take a rest." The king in the carriage was clearly not one to easily accept advice, but he was also quite approachable, wasn't he? At least after his subordinates handled official business, he didn't act like a king or a tyrant.

The fat man felt someone pinch his philtrum, and then a handful of water was poured on his face. He didn't know if this was an effective way to treat heatstroke, but he cooperated and stopped pretending. He subconsciously shouted "water," and only after taking two mouthfuls of water did he weakly say "thank you."

The servant replied, "If you want to thank someone, thank my lord. If it weren't for His Highness's kindness, you would probably be dead already." The servant spoke in a very refined manner, which made the fat man feel uncomfortable—although it was true that he had saved him, he shouldn't be so "ingratiating," right? But what could he do? Repay kindness with enmity?

"Thank you, Your Highness, for saving my life. I will repay you tenfold." The fat man finally spoke. These were just polite words; no matter how grand the words were, they wouldn't cost him anything.

"What eloquent words you speak!" even the prince's servant exclaimed. "Then, what abilities do you possess?"

"This..." The fat man pondered, realizing he really didn't have any real skills. In real life, he was just a nobody, making a living by writing a few articles and taking a few photos. But what could he do with these skills in the Sui Dynasty? Or, perhaps, show off his recently acquired archery skills? He couldn't govern the country with his literary skills, nor could he stabilize it with his martial prowess.

"I can pacify the world with my pen, and conquer it on horseback. Astronomy, geography, medicine, divination, astrology... these are all far removed from my knowledge. However, as the saying goes, 'There is a sequence to learning, and each profession has its own expertise.' If it comes to divination, if I claim to be second in the world, probably no one would dare to claim to be first." The fat man sat on the ground, his face full of arrogance. The first half of his statement startled everyone. After a mocking "Oh," they all looked incredulous upon hearing him proclaim himself the best in the world.

"Calculation..." The prince frowned upon hearing the fat man's words. Numbers and such were matters of accounts and finance, which went beyond mere expertise; the most important issue was security. The finances and the boss could only be trusted confidants. "It just so happens that I also have some interest in calculation. Since you are proficient in calculation, could you enlighten me?"

As they spoke, the carriage curtain was slightly lifted, and the fat man saw a man whose clothes were not fancy, but whose fat face was kind and approachable. The fat man could not help but nod in agreement when he heard him speak so politely, but he kept saying "I dare not."

So the convoy continued its journey, and after more than two months of exhaustion in his legs, the fat man was finally able to continue his travels by vehicle. Although he was now riding in a truck, it didn't stop him from sitting in the passenger seat, discussing current events and exchanging ideas with the driver. A short while later, the servant who had been pinching his philtrum earlier brought over a sheet of Xuan paper with two lines of text written on it: "A bamboo plant reaches a height of nine feet, its tip bends to the ground, three feet from the base; how tall is the bamboo now?"

The fat man smiled slightly, took out a pen, and wrote "four feet" directly. Of course, amidst the two people's surprise, the fat man explained: "The original meaning of this question is to consider the bamboo and the ground as a right triangle, which can be solved using the Pythagorean theorem. The Pythagorean theorem, also known as Shang Gao's theorem, was discovered as early as the beginning of the Three Dynasties, about two thousand years ago."

After the fat man finished speaking, the two nodded vigorously as if they had just realized something. Through conversation, the fat man also learned that this young prince who liked divination was actually Yang Jian, the second son of Crown Prince Yang Guang. He was born in the fifth year of the Kaihuang era and was nearly eighteen years old. He was enfeoffed as the Prince of Yuzhang and appointed as the Governor-General of Yangzhou. All the armies south of the Huai River were under his command.

The servant who had just pinched his philtrum was Shang De, King Qi's personal attendant. Shang De was actually a palace servant—what people later called a "eunuch." But if we're being pedantic, eunuchs were considered high-ranking palace servants, just as monks were high-ranking Buddhists.

—Eunuch was just a high-ranking title among palace servants, much like the status of a monk among Buddhist monks.