Through the cracks

Chapter Nine

Lucas does not even care that the staff are all watching and listening to his screaming. Ava just gets up and leaves the office. He runs after her and when they get to her car, his whole-body language changes. He is calm, takes her into his arms and says that he still cares for her. Can’t you please forgive me? Ava feels her heart melt and when he kisses her, she cannot resist and

They kiss passionately.

When she comes to her senses, she asks him:

“Will you leave Eva and come home?” She feels his body stiffen and when he looks into her eyes and says yes, she knows he is lying. He will not.

“ Well? Phone her now and tell her that you are going to stay with me,"she says again.

" My phone- it is in my office", he makes an excuse.

"Well, you can use mine. Surely you know her number?" She says while handing him her phone. He takes the phone and dials a number.

” There is no answer” he lies.

It is not her number, is it?“ Ava looks at him, and he is struggling, and his face tells her he is again lying to her.

As she turns around to get into her car, he says:

“Sorry Ava, I cannot phone her. She has feelings. I cannot hurt her.”

"What?" Ava looked at him and for the first time she wished him dead.

“You cannot hurt her? What about me? You had no problem with hurting me and even your own children? Feelings? She has feelings? I cannot even look at you right now. You have not only hurt my feelings, you destroyed me with a smile on your face. You were cruel and emotionless.” Ava screamed these words, and she locked her car door and started her car's engine.

She wanted to drive over him but instead just drive away as fast as she could. Tears were streaming down her face. She must get away, far away from him. She drives home and packs her bag and takes Kristy and drives and drives. She only realizes that she has driven to the next town when she enters the town.

It is almost dark, and she realizes that she will have to get a place to sleep for the night. She drives around until she sees a cozy guesthouse. She stops in front of the guesthouse and tells Kristy who is just waking up to stay in the car while she gets out to find out if they have a room for her for the night. They actually have a nice self-catering outside flatlet with a small garden and the place is pet friendly, so Ava paid for a night and went back to the car to fetch Kristy and her luggage.

She orders a meal for her and Kristy to share and a bottle of wine for her and settles in at the flatlet. Kristy walks around in the little garden and Ava looks at her, sniffing everywhere from the porch where she found a nice comfortable chair and sat down with a glass of good dry white wine with ice.

She feels calmer now and thinks about the afternoon and the fight with Lucas.

Tears just flow automatically as she recalls the conversation (or screaming exchange of words rather). She realizes that he uses the fact that she still loves him to try and manipulate her. He does not want to give her what she deserves and that this will just get uglier and that she will have to fight if she wants to at least walk away with something to start a new life – not only for her but for her children too.

The next morning after breakfast, she decides that she will drive to her parents’ home in Otjiwarongo, which is about two hours' drive . She feels ashamed to go home, but she knows that she has to. It is the only place where she can go now to sort out her feelings and to plan her new life.

Her parents’ home has always been her place to go in times of need and sorrow before the big fight. She phones Millie and asks her to please look after the house and cats while she is away. She tells Millie what happened and Millie says that there are a lot of stories going around at work and that she confronted her father but that it just ended in a big fight with him. Ava feels very sorry for Millie as she can also imagine that Millie has to also get to know the new Lucas. She has always loved her father so much and this is also very difficult for her. Ava promises Millie that she will have a long conversation with her when she returns home to discuss the future. Again, she feels the anger boiling within her as she cannot understand that Lucas can be so nasty and hurt the children just because he decided that he is young again and wants a young wife and new children.

As she drives, Ava thinks of the fight Lucas had with her dad. It was about something her dad said when Lucas made a joke (which was probably not a joke) about Ava's weight. Her dad said that Lucas also did not look as good as when he was young and Lucas started screaming and swearing at her dad when her dad referred to his boldness.

It was a family gathering and her brothers and sister asked Lucas to leave. After that, she ignored her family and was very cold towards them until they just rather left her and Lucas alone and although her mother still always tries and keep in contact, Ava was not very friendly and talkative when she phoned. She now feels ashamed of herself and realizes that Lucas always encouraged her to ignore her family . This happened two years ago, and she even lost contact with her sister, Joy, and her two brothers, John and Mathew.

When Ava’s big car stopped in front of her parents’ home, her mother, Joyce Strauss, looked up from her book she was reading and said to her husband, John Senior,

“She is home. Thank God”

Millie had already phoned them and they were expecting her. Millie told them everything. Ava sat in her car and bowed her head while tears welled up in her eyes. Maybe she should turn around? Her father knocks on her window and when she climbs out of the car, her mother just takes her in her arms and holds her, so she can cry. Her dad takes Kristy into the house to give her some food and water. Her parents' dog, Roxy, is just as excited to see her friend Kristy again and the two of them chase each other about the garden.

Her father greets her too and the three of them walk to the porch with a big warm hug.

Her mother excused herself to fetch tea and scones she made when Millie phoned.

Ava starts by saying:

"I am so sorry about ….” but her father stopped her.

“Ava, we are so glad that you are home where you belong in a time like this. I don’t want you to apologize now for anything that happened two years ago. We can talk about that at a later stage. For now, we just want to let you know that we love you and that, no matter what happens, we will always be your parents and that your brothers and sister and their families just want to welcome you back into our family. We always had contact with your children, and they have already told us everything. For now, you must just rest and, if and when you are ready to talk, we are here for you.”

It felt as if a big weight had been lifted from Ava's shoulders. She can rest. She is home. Her mother comes out with the tea and scones with jam and cream, and they start asking her about the children and the grandchildren. They know that it is going to make her feel at ease, and she loves them for it. They are wonderful parents, and she must have hurt them very much, but they are just glad she is home.