Her retribution

Let go

Slade

I opened my eyes and quickly shut them because of the light. My eyes were a bit sensitive in the morning and the headache I had was not helping the situation. I got drunk yet again last night and I probably didn't do what I promised I would do. I groaned in distress. My God! Reginald is going to have my head over this. I can't believe I didn't show up with the merchandise for the buyers.

I tried to open my eyes again. I sat up on the bed and covered my eyes with my arm. I sighed and ran my hand across my face.

" Good morning sunshine!" I jumped slightly because I was startled. Even without looking at him, I knew that it was my annoying younger brother Reggie. s**t! Now there is no escaping his wrath.

I turned my head to look at him and there he was seated on the couch a few feet away from the bed. He was looking sharp in his three-piece expensive suit like a true businessman he is. And the look on his face indicated that he meant business. He was glaring at me and he glanced at the silver watch on his wrist.

" Why am I not surprised," he mumbled to himself and I stole a glance at the watch on the wall. It was 1:30 pm. Oh, God! I was not going to hear the end of this. The tension was thick in the room and none of us spoke. I was just waiting on him to blow up like he usually does. This has become a normal routine in my life. I party all night and get drunk, usually forgetting a task that I was supposed to do and he comes to scold me like he is my father.

I let him do that because even though he is younger than me, he is more responsible than I would ever be. And there is no use in defending myself. I just end up doing the same thing all the time. I don't know... I just can't help myself. I just lost the will to leave ever since that incident. I was helpless and I just watched everything happen. It keeps replaying in my mind over and over again like a broken record.

" When is this going to end Slade? " he asked and I could see the emotions swirling in his blue eyes. I looked away from him and remained silent.

" Talk to me! What is it going to take for you to change?" he paused waiting for me to say something.

" I don't know what you are talking about," I said firmly but I couldn't look at him.

" Oh for God's sake Slade!" he exclaimed. Here it goes again.

" Is that all you have to say after not going to meet the buyers?"

" I'm sorry okay! I got caught up in my own business and I forgot about that. I promise to do it tonight, okay?"

" No don't even bother. I got Max to take care of it as usual! You are just about to say sorry and empty promises. I am up to my neck and I can't keep doing your work for you! You are the boss of the organization but you don't even do anything to solidify your position. Your men are stealing merch right under your nose and our enemies are taking advantage of the situation. Dad even came back from his holiday to do damage control while I am busy with our other business. And all you do is just f**k everything up for everyone and yourself. Do you have a death wish or something?"

Now he was in my face and yelling out his frustration. " What do you mean?" I asked already feeling like going back to sleep. " Our enemies already got a whiff of the boss's reckless behavior. I'm surprised that none have already tried to off you."

" For that, I have my incredible little brother to thank. You are doing a great job at everything and for the solution for all our problems, I think you should handle everything. The business and the organization. It should have been that way from the beginning," I said looking him in the eyes.

" Is that what you think this is? Do you think I want everything to myself?" he asked in disbelief.

" It's obvious that you got everything under control. And as you said. I am f*****g things up for you all. So I'll step back and let you handle everything. That will save us some time and put an end to this continuous conversation."

He pauses for some time just staring at me. " I have never seen a selfish bastard like you in my life," he uttered. His eyes were blazing with anger, disappointment, and pity. I averted my gaze from him to not see his face like that. I hated myself for putting him through this but it is what is best for everyone. He needs to stop expecting anything different from me because I am incapable of living up to anyone's expectations.

" Your mother would be very disappointed to see the man you've become!" he spat and I stood up to his level holding him by his suit. " Don't bring my mother into this," I gritted with my jaw clenched.

He matched up to my gaze without cowering. He removed my hands from his suit and stepped back trying to gentle the creases.

" Why shouldn't I bring to get into this. After all, she is the reason you are like this, right?" he taunted. My anger was boiling up but I clenched my fists, holding back from hitting him. He knows very well I don't like anyone bringing up my mother.

" Watch what you say, Reginald!" I seethed, warning him to stand down.

" No, on the contrary, I think it's time we address this. All the things you do, you do in the name of grieving. You haven't gotten over your mother's death. You blame yourself for something you had no control over and you are trying everything you can to punish yourself. Killing the man responsible for her death was not enough."

" What is your point, Reggie?"

" My point is that death is inevitable. We all have to lose someone we love at some point but it does not mean we stop living altogether. We grieve, cry, or do whatever that needs to be done then we move on with our lives!" I scoffed shaking my head. I turned my back on him.

" How would you understand the pain one goes through when they lose someone important in their lives? You have everyone you love so you would not understand it. Only I know what I'm going through!"

He pulled me by my arm to face him. " I don't know if it slipped your mind but 5 years ago I was in love with a girl, Camille Williams. I'm sure you don't remember but she died in a motorcycle accident. I was driving recklessly and got us into that accident. For so long I was in pain and I was the one responsible for her death. I killed the life of my life and it weighs over me all the time. But I didn't let the guilt consume me. Instead, I made peace with the fact that I lost her. And nothing that I would change anything and bring her back to life," he croaked and a tear slipped from his eyes.

I have never seen him so broken. I was so consumed by my anger and grief that I didn't notice my brother's pain. I didn't care about anything but myself. He is right and I am a selfish bastard.

" I-" He stopped me before I could say anything more.

" No, don't say sorry or pity me. All I am trying to say is losing someone we love is not the end of the world. You are not the only one who has lost someone and you won't be the last. I understand that we all have different ways of grieving but you can't still be grieving your mothers' death after so many years. You are misusing her death as an excuse to stop living life. And I'm sure she would be very hurt for being the reason for your misery. Let go of this pain and anger and let her rest in peace."

I looked down, ashamed of how I have been acting like a royal jerk to everyone, including my father, mom Yvette and Sara. I haven't seen them in a while because I was too self-absorbed and didn't give them a time of day.

" It's not too late to fix everything. I want my brother back before I lose someone I love again," he said and turned to leave.

" I hear you, Reggie," he stopped in tracks but didn't look at me. " I will try my best to change and be the brother you want me to be. I promise, and this time I won't fail you," I said in determination.

" You can start by showing up for dinner tonight. One of dad's old friends is coming over for dinner with his daughter. Dad requested we be all be there, including you. If what you said is true, I'll see you there at 20:00 sharp," declared and walked out without looking back.

I sighed and looked outside the window. Now that I have made a promise, I'll have to start cleaning up my act. This time is for real before I lose him and everyone I hold dear to me.

" I'm letting go now mom," I whispered as if I was talking to her. I won't tarnish her memory anymore.