I Am Not Uptight!

Daniel part 6

Welcome to the family.

Josh had a family—parents and cousins and all that. In fact, there was a reunion his mother was trying to talk him into attending that he had declined. It would surely cost him a couple of angry and/or passive-aggressive remarks from his mother, but with everything that had just happened, Josh had just become more set on not going. The last thing he needed was to play the game where everyone puts on a face and makes it seem like they’re living their best lives, competing with each other who has become more successful from the last time they had seen each other. That was what family reunions were to Josh—a few hours of pretending to like people just because they were related by blood.

Family. The most basic unit of society. A set of pre-chosen folks that you’re supposed to live with for the rest of your life—whose personalities you had to love despite of their many, many flaws.

Make no mistake, Josh loved his parents, but there was a reason he stayed in the dorms ever since he hit his teenage years, and why they only saw each other on special occasions—they just didn’t match. Sure, his parents loved him as well, cared for him and provided for him, but they didn’t exactly like him. Ever since, Josh knew that they were quite a functional family unit, but they just didn't like each other’s company. That was why there were no tears when mom and dad began to spend more and more nights in different houses, and when Josh moved out. Everyone was in a silent agreement that that was the best way to live, and so Josh ended up living apart from his family for the longest time. He learned how to cook, clean, care for himself, and—eventually when he found a job—handle his own expenses.

So, really, Josh was never jealous of the image of a happy family. He never longed for the warmth that he would see in shows and movies after family members fight and then inevitably make up. In fact, he couldn’t even imagine himself sharing his space with someone until Perry came along. The next thing he knew, they were sharing an apartment, and everyone knew how that went…

Josh played with the set of keys in one hand as he lied on the bed. The view of the ceiling was still new to him, he had yet to get used to the feel of the different mattress he was on, and knowing that a bunch of strangers were in other rooms in the same house as him still made him feel uncomfortable, but things were beginning to look up.

Daniel had said, “Welcome to the family,” so easily despite knowing him for only a few days; but Josh’s family lived in different parts of the country and barely talked. None of them asked how one's work went like Daniel, none ever called Josh by an annoying nickname like Gary, teased the other like Dustin, nor brought gifts “just because" like Jane and Wells.

Josh already had a family and he didn’t need a bunch of random people he met by chance to fill in that part of his life.

With that thought in mind, he placed the keys on his bedside table and pulled the covers up to his chest before turning off the night lamp. He closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of the house that he still found foreign.

He didn’t need a new family, but he would be lying if he said that having a meal with them that night—seeing them enjoy his cooking and hearing their many, many stories—didn’t make him feel less lonely and alone.

Josh fell asleep easier than he thought he would, with his mind a bit calmer than it had been the past few nights. When he woke up to his alarm the next day, there wasn’t much dread as he expected. It just might be a good day, he thought—at least until he realized that the shower in his bathroom was running.