Her Regret: Alpha, Take Me Home

Chapter 4: I Really Need Some Distance

Bella

“It’s not what you think,” I say, but he is in front of me in two long strides, and holds me by my upper arms, before I can say anything else. “You can’t leave. You made a promise to stay. We are engaged, damn it!” he snaps, looking into my eyes. I try to free myself from his grip, but he is strong. Truth be told, I could easily free myself. I just don’t want to admit to myself that I like him touching me. What the hell is wrong with me?

I have never had feelings for Alex, other than respect for what he did for this pack. This whole rebirth thing is throwing me completely off kilter. “Like I said, it's not what you think. I wanted to speak to you at dinner, so we might as well do it now. Come sit down so we can talk.” I say, and he frowns, but nods and lets me go. I sit down on my bed, and he sits next to me and looks straight ahead, not at me.

“Let me start off by apologizing for my behavior over the past few months. I know I have been a complete b***h, for lack of a better word. It was never my intention to hurt or anger you. I was just so confused, and I allowed other people to lead me astray. I understand that there is no excuse for my behavior. But, if you can find it in your heart to give me another chance, I promise to be a better person.”

“I accept your apology, but what brought on this sudden change?” he asks. “Well, I have a new perspective on life. If you would allow me to, I would love to have my first shift here tomorrow. I feel safer here than I have ever felt anywhere else.” “If that is what you want, I would be happy to oblige. I am glad I can offer you safety and security,” he says, smiling.

Why have I never noticed what a sexy smile he has? Just look at those dimples, and that… Snap out of it Bella. Focus, damn it! “And what about Drake? Was that display real, or was it just for show?” he asks, snapping me out of the scolding I was giving myself. “Oh, it was very real. I have come to realize that Drake may not be the right person for me. But that being said, I can’t marry you, Alex. Not yet,” I say.

He jumps up and looks at me with a pained expression that makes me feel like utter s**t. Oh Bella, just say what you really want to say. You are making such a mess out of this. “Why? We signed a contract. Are you willing to go against the elders? Do you hate me that much?” he asks before I can even get any more words out. I am suddenly hit with the urge to comfort him.

I get up and walk over to him until I am right in front of him. I reach out to cup his cheek, but am accosted by his scent again. This time, something inside of me stirs. Why have I never noticed the strong pull I feel towards this scent… his scent? He looks at me in confusion, and that may be because my hand is still suspended in the air. I must look like a crazy person right now.

Fuck, I feel so confused. What does this mean? Could he be my mate? Then why does Drake’s scent also make me believe he is my mate? Am I starting to go crazy? Is this a side effect of being reborn? “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” he asks as he takes my hand and holds it. “Sorry, I lost my train of thought,” I say and laugh awkwardly. Maybe I need to re-evaluate my relationship with Alex. But I need space and time alone to figure this s**t out.

“What I was trying to say is that I cannot marry you yet. I need to work on myself first. I want to go back to school and start the new round of training. I want to earn the rank of Alpha back. Only then will I be worthy of being your Luna. And I do not hate you, Alex. You are a great guy and the perfect Alpha. I just need a little time. Will you please give me a little time to work on myself?” I say, and watch as his face splits into that beautiful smile again.

“You may not have noticed, but I always support your decisions. I am glad you want to regain your title. If anyone deserves to be called an Alpha, it’s you.” “Thank you, that really means a lot. So would you be okay with me going to stay in my room at the academy?” I ask and he frowns. “Why do you want to stay there? I thought you felt safe here? Is that why you are packing?”

“Yes, and I do feel safe here, but in order to win back the Alpha title, I need to focus, and I need to train. The academy is the best place for that.” “Sounds to me like you are running away? You can win back your title, and stay here. Or do I distract you?” He asks with a smirk. Urg, smug asshole. “Didn't you just say you would uphold your end of the contract and marry me?” he adds. “I did, but I also asked you for a little time to work on myself.”

“I don’t see why you can’t work on yourself while we get to know each other. If you really want to make this marriage work, then you will have to spend some time getting to know me. We can’t be like two ships passing in the night, Bella. I don’t want a hollow marriage, and we will need to work together when it comes to pack matters.” He says, and damn it, he is right. But I am just not ready.

I need to get him to see things my way. I will try again and if he doesn't agree, I will just leave anyway. I need some space and distance to figure all of this out. “Fine, we can discuss this later.” I finally relent. “Why not come to a conclusion now? I don’t think you should stay at the academy. I think you should stay here, with me.” he says, still holding my hand. I really like him holding my hand... There I go again. Focus, damn it!

Hmm, if he can throw me off my game, I can do the same. I can use my Goddess-given charm as a woman to get him to see things my way. I take my hand out of his and put my arms around his waist, and step closer to him until our bodies touch. I rest my head on his chest and take in his scent, not even meaning to. God, I love his scent. Damn it, don’t get side-tracked again, Bella. Remember the goal.

“I just want to focus on being the best version of myself I can be. So that I can be worthy of being by your side,” I say, hoping he buys that. I don’t even know if I really mean it. My feelings are all jumbled up now. I feel him put his arms around me too and rest his chin on my head. I also noticed the deep whiff he took of my scent, and that made me smile internally. I think I am winning him over.

“Will you please allow me to stay at the academy?” I ask again, but this time I lift my head off his chest, and looked into his eyes. He has the most beautiful blue eyes, with little flecks of green. How have I never noticed that before? He stares at me for a bit before he answers. “I will give you an answer tomorrow, after your first shift. Is that okay?” he asks and I smile.

“You have a deal, Mr Stone,” I answered, and rested my head back on his chest. Partially because I am buttering him up, and also because he is so nice and warm. Something inside me feels so ecstatic at the contact. Like this is where I belong. I must really be losing it. What the hell is wrong with me? I let him go and took a step back.

“I will get ready and meet you for dinner,” I say, trying to get some distance from him. He smiles and kisses the top of my head, before he leaves my room. That was so odd. He has never kissed, or touched me before. But somehow I felt love in that tender kiss. He is confusing the hell out of me, but I have to stick to my plan. When he leaves, I close the door and rest my forehead against it.

“What the hell are you doing, Bella?” I whispered to myself. This exchange is even more proof that I need to stay at the academy. I need distance to clear my mind. That’s the only way I can win back my title and get my revenge on Emma and Drake.