I Can't Stand You, Sherlock

Chapter 19: Changing The Plot

Within another 5 minutes Sherlock came running in with John on his trail. "Rori, are you ok?" He asked with concern in his voice.

"Yeah, I think I am." I said as I stared at the wall that Sherlock shot. I was still trying to process what had happened myself. Was I ok? I felt like a part of me went with Kale.

"You hung up, John was worried." Sherlock said as John gave him a pointed look that made me smirk. Oh that's cute, Sherlock was worried about me. I didn't think that was even possible.

"We were both worried." John cut in.

That is too cute. They were both worried, John more than Sherlock I was sure of that. I sighed said forced a smile, "everything is ok. My phone died, that's all."

After a bit of convincing John believed me, but I knew Sherlock wouldn't. He kept on giving me looks, seeing if he could get any more information out of me without me saying anything directly. He knew I was lying but I didn't care. I kept myself closed and my facial expressions normal. I wasn't going to let him find out what really happened. This was my own fight and I didn't need him in the mess as well.

"So the Miss just texted me and I have to get back home." John said as he put his phone back into his pocket after looking at it for a minute.

"Ok." Sherlock said bluntly as he stared at me from across the kitchen. I pretended not to notice as I looked up at John from the couch and smiled.

"See you around John." I said kindly to him and then got a tissue and blew my constantly running nose.

He smiled. "Feel better Rori" he said as he walked out the door.

After about 15 minutes of silence I had it with Sherlock. The book that I was 'reading' wasn't even helping to distract me. I still felt Sherlock staring at me and he didn't say anything. It was getting on my nerves. I looked from my book to Sherlock and snapped, "what do you want to know?"

"I want to know who came here. There is a different smell here, like outside mixed with cologne. I know you didn't go outside because you always dress up, you're still in your PJ's. Plus I highly doubt you would be wearing cologne. It was raining about an hour ago, in the front of our flat there is a few drops of water, from an umbrella most likely. There is also your body language. Even though your face is calm you keep bobbing your leg up in down, and your eyes, they seem distant even though you're supposedly reading a book but yet you have been on the same page for over 10 minutes. You're thinking about the visitor. I swear before you hung up on me I heard the word Kale faintly."

He was right, like always but I didn't want to admit it. I was so sick and worn out that my mind wasn't thinking quick enough to say something back. Instead I said the first thing that came to my mind. "You're a liar." I said bluntly.

He raised his eye brows at me. "Do I look like I'm making this up?" Sherlock asked.

I didn't have anything to say so I put down the book I was 'reading' and laid down on the couch. I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to go to sleep.

After about 5 minutes of this I couldn't hold back my coughs any longer and I had to sit up and cough up a lung. I looked a Sherlock who was putting on a coat. "You're leaving." I stated.

"Yes, I'll be out for a while." He said and walked out of the flat.

After a few minutes I walked over to the fridge and poured myself a glass of Orange juice. I knew Sherlock was mad at me, but I wasn't going to tell him who came over. I didn't want him to know. But then again would it be that bad if he did know? But this was my life, I use to telling no one this kind of stuff. Everything was changing now though. Snapping out of my thoughts was my phone that started to ring on the couch. I walked over to it and without even looking to see who it was I answered it with a "hello?"

"Maire Brennan?"

I paused for a second. That was my old name, I hadn't heard that in years. I made my voice sounds confident even though I didn't feel that way. "Who's calling?"

"My oh my, you haven't changed a bit. Do you know how hard it was to find you?" A woman's voice said on the other line with a Irish accent.

"Who is this?" I said, keeping my voice calm even though my hands were shaking slightly. It had been a long day and I just felt like it was going to get even longer. How did they get this number? Was I going to have to run and leave all of this?

"It's Amelia and Walter, we went to school together and did..."

I quickly realized who I was talking to. "Yeah I know." I said picturing a small girl with short black hair and a young man with blonde hair and a thick Irish accent. These were two kids I hung out with when I was young. They were my only friends back when I did have friends but after years of not talking and pushing them away I would hardly call them that anymore.

"Oh Maire. I am so sorry. I didn't want to be the one that told you this but your Nan, she's dead." Amelia said on the other line.

It felt like the whole world just stopped spinning. Time stopped in all the wrong ways. Nan couldn't be dead. I felt light headed and I had to take a seat. "She's- she can't be dead. I just sent her a post card about 3 months ago and I got a reply."

"Maire, she just died three days ago. I would have called sooner but, you make it really hard to get a hold of."

"When is the funeral?" I said as my voice came out as a whisper.

"In two days."

"I'll be there." I said to her, not thinking about the contract I had to sign with Scotland Yard. I didn't care if I had to break the contract to go, I was going to. I owed my Nan that much.

"Alright, and Maire, I am sorry."

"Good-bye." I said and hung up my phone as I held back tears. I didn't know why I was holding it back though, no one was here to see me cry. But when I tried to let it go, I couldn't. It wouldn't come. I didn't know what to feel. She was gone. The only person I really cared about was gone, the only family I had left, gone. I was now alone with no one.

I couldn't think strait, I had to get out of here. I lased up my shoes even though I felt terrible and walked out the door.

The cold and bitter wind brought tears to my eyes as I walked down the road. I didn't know where I was going but I had only 5 pounds in my pocket so I couldn't go too far. I got to the Tube station and took it somewhere I always loved to go.

It took me about 45 minutes but I found myself right on the river Thames next to the Eye. There were a couple kids laughing closed to me, throwing bread crumbs to the ducks. It was calm and I needed this. I felt over whelmed, everything was changing so fast.

After about an hour, I was had calm down enough to go back home. I took a deep breath as I watched the river move in a steady motion. I think I had made up my mind out what to do. I wasn't going to do anything. As much as I wanted to go, I couldn't. I couldn't just pick up and leave. If I did, I wouldn't be able to come back, I would be forever on the run and as much as this surprised me, I didn't want that, I wanted to stay.

When I walk back in to the flat to see John had come back. John was the first one to say something to me. "ah Rori, there you are." He said with a smile.

I looked at him and gave him a small half smile and didn't say anything back as I walked into the kitchen to get something to eat.

"Are you ok?" John asked.

"It's just been a long day." I said and coughed. I looked through the fridge and saw that we had really nothing that I wanted to eat and that was the last snap for me. "We never have anything good here!" I shouted at the fridge madly then slammed the door shut.

"Hey Rori, can you look at this photo and tell me what's wrong with it?" Sherlock asked me as he held up at photo of a mountain.

"Why don't you ask John." I said bluntly as I looked around the kitchen for some food.

"Watson's leaving."

"What? I am?" John said with shock in his voice. Obviously he wasn't planning on leaving any time soon. But the looks of his body posture, he had been walking around London all day and he just got back to the flat to relax.

"Yes." Sherlock said with his deep voice as I stared at me. John was a saint for befriending Sherlock.

"Oh, ok sure." John said and got up from his chair. "See you Rori."

"Yeah, see you around." I said bluntly as he walked out of the flat.

After I heard him go down the steps and heard the front door slam shut, Sherlock said, "so what's going on?"

"What do you think? Read me." Not willing to tell him in my own words what was going on. I wasn't going to hide this one from him, I couldn't. I knew he must have known what some of the things were already, he just wanted to hear it in my own words.

There was a pause as he looked at me from head to toes and then leaning forward in his chair as he put his fingertips together he spoke. "Those are your running shoes but the mud specks don't go high enough up your calf for you to have been running. You're also sick so you wouldn't want to go out. Posture says another thing, you got some heavy news. Your shoulders are not pushed back, brimming with confidence like normal. Nothing much bothers you though. Very little things bother you in fact. A death, that would bother. But you say you have no friends. I know that Kale didn't die because he was here earlier today. No this is a family member from home. However the only family member you still stay in contact with is your grandmother which leads to only one thing, someone from your old life called you to say that your grandmother passed away."

His deduction skills didn't surprise me. They never did anymore. I was quite for a minute thinking about what to say and then said numbly, "she died three days ago."

"Are you going to go?"

For some reason I knew he was going to ask me. I had thought about it all day and I had made up my mind. "No, I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I work for you. I can't get up and leave. I work for Scotland Yard. If they found out I felt for Dublin questions would be raised and punishment would be on my head. People would also start drawing lines and sooner or later they would find out that I wasn't Rori after." I couldn't go for many reasons and it pained me.

There was a pause and then Sherlock said, "go. I would go."

I shook my head at him. He didn't get it. "I can't."

"Go Rori. This is the only family you have. I'm giving you an open door! I can cover for you here. Why aren't you going to take it!" Sherlock said, raising his voice at me out of frustration.

Before I knew it, I was shouting back saying, "Because I like it here! I didn't think I would have ever in my life but I like it! I can't mess it up for you or me. If I leave I can't come back! You understand that, right?!"

He shook his head as if I didn't get something. "You're always saying you want to leave! Why don't you just leave and take it!"

"No! Why are you so stubborn?!" I said shouting at him.

He was quite for a minute as if thinking about what he wanted to say then sighed and said, "You want to know why I put you in prison? It was because I knew John was leaving me. I needed someone new to work with and when I found you I knew that you would be a perfect partner. But you would never work with me on your own. I know I made a mistake but I wanted you so bad I was willing to risk it. Besides, Lestrade thought you killed him. It did look like it but I knew you wouldn't do it. As I read your reports, I knew that you were a bit violent but you would never kill anyone. I just had to tell Lestrade it was you and wait a few months and you would be mine. My mind was made as soon as I found out that the real killer died that same day. You have been here living a lie. That's the bloody truth!" Sherlock said and at the end he was yelling at me.

I shook my head at him. I knew he put me in prison for a reason, but hearing the truth just hurt that much more. "That's not true! Your just making it up!" I said as tears welled up in my eyes as I shouted back at him.

"Do I look like I'm lying?!" Sherlock shouted at me.

"I trusted you! You were supposed to be the person I trusted through all of this!" I shouted at him, tears starting to fall down my face. "I can't stand you!" I yelled at him and slammed my bedroom door shut.

As soon as I got into my room I rested my back against the door and sank down to the floor as I let the tears fall freely. After so long, he finally told me the truth, a truth that I already knew but hearing it from him still hurt more than I thought it would. I had been leaving with him for months and he only now came clean? I was just starting to trust him. After today, I knew I wouldn't be able to look at him the same. This broke me. All those ideas about living here, a happy life and not be white collar anymore seemed to crumble down around me.

I couldn't be here any longer. I couldn't look at the man that put me in prison for his own gain. I was leaving and my mind was set on it. Who was I kidding, I would never be able to make a life here. I didn't belong here and everyone around me knew it. I was always going to be a white collar thief that broke the law. Scotland yard would never fully trust me and neither would Sherlock. How could I be so Naïve?

I got up and rummaged through my closes and got three pairs of pants and three tops and stuffed them into a small duffle bag. I was packing light because I wanted out of here as soon as possible. I looked around my room to see what else I need to bring with me. I wasn't coming back so I had to make sure I was taking everything I needed.

There were a few photos on the wall, a few with Nan and I, one with me and Kale, one with me and Inez and a couple that John took of Sherlock and me and John and me. I took them all off the wall and dropped them on the ground, I couldn't bring these with me. They were just going to remind me of painful memories.

There where papers on the desk with old cases I worked on. Out of frustration I pushed them all off my desk and they scattered around the floor, making a mess. But I didn't care.

I looked around at the mess I made and took a deep shaky breath. All this pain I was feeling, I wanted it gone. I sank back to the ground and I ran my hand through my hair as I cried. In a matter of a day my whole world had come crumbling down.

I sat there for what felt like hours just thinking of what I was going to do next. How I was going to say goodbye to this place or was I going to say anything at all. I looked at my duffle bag and sighed, I needed to pack. I grabbed all the photos that were on the ground, unable to bring myself to leave them here and and stuffed them in the bag. I got a couple of my old case notes and put them in there too. I didn't really know why I did this, maybe because a part of me didn't want to forget about my life here but I didn't want to think about it now.

I got out my phone and looked at the time. It was 9 PM. If I left now I could still take the Tube out of this retched town before it closed for the night. I grabbed my duffle and quietly opened my door and walked out to find that Sherlock wasn't here. Good, this was going to be easier on me.

I got out my phone and called John. This was the last time I was going to talk to him and believe it or not but he really made an impact on my life. I had to at least tell him thank you for all that he had done.

"Hello?" John Watson said on the other line.

"John?" I asked, my voice shook as I tried to figure out what to tell him.

"Yes, Rori, are you ok?"

I frowned at the wall as if he could see. "I don't know anymore. John, everything has crumpled down around me in a matter of hours." I said over the phone to him.

"Whoa, ok now. Don't do anything we won't regret Rori. Think about this." John said with worry in his voice. I always thought John was a bit dunce but in reality he was very smart and observant.

"I've already done that. John, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry that I always pushed you away. Tell you the truth, you made the biggest impact in my life while working with Sherlock. You're a great man and I hope your wife sees that."

"Whoa, Rori, whatever you're thinking, stop. We can sort this out face to face. I'm on my way. Don't go anywhere."

I took a deep breath and let it out as I thought about John coming to the empty flat. "It's too late for that John. Good-bye and thank you." I said as I walked down the stairs of 221B and hung up the phone.

"Oh dear, where are you off too?" Miss Hudson said kindly as she came out of her kitchen.

I forced a smile that was a little too fake. "I just need to clear my head."

"With a duffle bag?"

"It's an experiment." I lied easily to her.

She chuckled. "My goodness Sherlock has rubbed off on you."

"You can say that." I said and shrugged numbly.

"When will you get back? I am going to make some cake and it's better right out of the oven."

I stopped in mid walk and for a second my mind went blank. What was I doing lying to her? All Miss Hudson did for me was make me feel welcomed. This is how I repay her? leaving her with another lie? I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't lie to her again. I sighed and turned to face her. "Miss Hudson, to be honest with you, I'm not coming back. Ever. I can't."

She frowned, not understanding me. "Why dear?"

"So many reasons."

"If it is about Sherlock, I know he can be a bit hard to deal with but he has been so much better with you around. Stay, we can sort this out." She said with a little worry in her eyes.

I shook my head at her. "No we can't, Miss Hudson. I have to leave. Thank you for everything that you did but I really must be going now." I said as I put my hand of the doorknob. I couldn't talk to her any more. This was too painful.

"If you are leaving, take some food." She said and rushed back into the kitchen and a second later came back with a small brown bag full of some food and sweets that she had made.

I took the bag and fought the tears that wanted to escape from my eyes. What did I do to deserve these kinds of people in my life? "Thank you." I said and gave her a small smile and before I knew it she gave me a hug. This time I didn't push back, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back.

She slowly drew out of the hug and said, "be safe my dear."

"Thank you again." I said as I opened the door and walked out into the cool London night.