I Can't Stand You, Sherlock

Chapter 21: In Flames

I tossed and turned all night with memories from my time in London with Sherlock and John. It was probably the worst night sleep I have had in a long time. I didn't know if I missed my time spent there or just not sure what to do next. For the first time in a long time I had no plan.

To my displeasure I woke up at 7:30 not able to go back to sleep. So I slipped out of my bed and walked down stairs to see Ameila making a cup of coffee.

"Morning." I said as I walked into the kitchen.

She turned around with a smile, "morning! Want a cuppa?"

"Sure." I said as I pulled out a kitchen chair to sit on.

"Just letting you know, I have to work till 4 today but then I was thinking we could go out for dinner. What do you say?"

"Sounds great." I said emotionlessly as my mind was else where. Being here did not feel right to me. I felt out of place, like I didn't belong. But if I didn't stay here, I didn't know where else to turn to. I was wanted.

"Awesome. Do you have any idea of what you want to do while we're at work?" she asked also referring to her husband, unaware of my internal emotional struggle.

"I don't know, maybe go out for a run." I didn't know what else to do in this dismal town.

"Oh so your run now?" She asked as she packed her lunch for the day.

"Yeah, sometimes because it gets my mind off of everything."

"I know what you mean. Hey Maire?" She nodded as if she could relate. I knew she couldn't she never really understood me.

"What's up?"

"I noticed on one of your photos that you showed us last night of John and you, there was writing on the back that said Merry Christmas Rori. Is that what you changed your name to?"

I shrugged and said, "yeah, I changed it to Rori Anderson."

"That couldn't be short for Aurora, right?"

I frowned, I knew where this was going but it was going to be too painful to say anything so I just shook my head yes. At this moment I was done talking. I knew in a matter seconds I had to prepare myself to hold back tears.

"That was your Nan's name. You never stopped caring for your Nan have you?"

I shrugged, trying to keep my emotions at bay. For the rest of my life, I will never stop thinking about her. There was so many regrets I had with her. But now I would never be able to give for a sample of my gratitude. "No."

"Hh Maire, I'm sorry, really, I am." She said and hugged me again. I forgot how much of a hugger she was.

"Thank you." I whispered to her as I pushed her back.

I watched in silence as she walked over to the counter and finished off her coffee. After a few minutes she turned back to me and said, "try to have a nice day, I have to go to work."

"Ok." Was all I said as I watched her put on her coat and walk the front door.

It felt weird to be back 'home' in Ireland. I didn't think I would ever come back but here I was and I hated it. I didn't think I would hate it as much as I was. All the memories, all the wrong choices I had made throughout the years were flooding back to me. It was like a cut that was healed only to get broken open again. This was Hell.

After about 30 minutes of just sitting around in their kitchen I walked over to the fridge, used to having frozen body parts I automatically closed my eyes as I opened the door. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised how much food they had in their small fridge. I got out the milk I sniffed it, out of habit only to find that it was not spoiled so I poured myself a drink and then got some yogurt.

I sat around after I had had breakfast. I just couldn't force myself to move forward. "Come on, just a little run." I said out loud as I stood up and walked into the spare room I was staying at. I put on my bright yellow running shoes and let out a breath.

I stepped outside into the cool morning air and started running down the road. I knew where I was going, like old times I often took this road to get to my house. It was probably like four kilometers up the road from here.

It took me about 20 until I came to a run-down shack of a house. The front door and windows were boarded up, making it look even more dismal but I stilled walked to the front door. Memories flooded back to me as I tore off the boards until I was able to squeeze inside.

The place smelt like mold and there wasn't anything left of value here. I wasn't surprised that nothing was left. It had been years since I stepped foot in this house. I remembered that as soon I realized my mum wasn't coming back for me when I was 10, I wanted nothing to do with this place. I took my clothes and some small belongings and left everything else.

I had never thought about doing anything with this place even though the house was still in my name. A part of me wanted to see this place rot to the ground. In a way I felt like that would be some kind of recompense for what my mother and this town did to me. They were the reason why I didn't let anyone in because they always seemed to hurt me in the end.

I took a step and heard a crack. I looked down and there was a shattered photo on the ground. It was me and my mum. I had to be 8 in the photo and we both had huge smiles on our faces. I couldn't help but smirk; little did I know at the time, but my mum was never that happy person in the photo. It was always a show to her and it was something that I had to learn the hard way. I dropped it to the ground and kept on walking.

There was another photo on the ground, resting against the wall. I picked it up to see a photo of me when I was five smiling at the camera. I shook my head as I dropped it on the ground. Regardless of what the photos showed, I had no happy memories in here, I never did. It was all a lie that my mum fabricated and it all crashed down as I grew older.

I frowned at the house. I didn't even know why I was back here again. I walked into the kitchen to see that there was a pipe on the floor with some matches. Figures, the drugies are using this place to hang out in. I picked up the matches and I pulled out a match. I didn't want this place as a reminder. I was never going to live here and I wasn't coming back. I striked it on the box and it caught fire. I took one last look around the house as I dropped the match to the ground and left. This was the final straw I had to break. Once this house was gone, all my memories with it would go down in flames.

By time I got out of the house there was smoke that started to come out of the windows. It was only time until it would be completely on fire and no one was here to stop it. Without looking back, I started to run down the road back where I came from like nothing happened.

"You wouldn't believe what happened down the road from us Maire" Ameila said as we were at the restaurant later that evening.

"What?" I said with a tone of boredom in my voice, knowing what she was going to say. Not many houses caught on fire in such a damp place, my childhood home was bound to make the news.

"Your old house, it caught fire. It took two trucks to put it out but by time that happened, your house was almost completely gone. It was crazy. I drove by that place earlier and saw that it was really up in flames. " She explained to me.

"Really, wow, that sounds crazy." I said out of boredom.

She paused and gave me a look, "you did it, didn't you?"

I shrugged and said, "I didn't care for the house anyhow."

"You could have sold it." She said with a hint of frustration in her voice as if I didn't understand the value of money.

I shook my head at her. Who was she to tell me what to do. "The place smelt like mold, it was just rotting for the drugies to use. It is now better this way." I stated as I picked at my food, suddenly loosing my apatite.

"But that was your house." She said, pushing forward on the conversation. I frowned. Did she see that I didn't want anything to do with that house or this conversation? Amelia never did learn how to drop a conversation when no one wanted to speak.

"I never wanted that place anyhow." I said, knowing that with it burnt, no one would be able to have any bad memories in the house like I did. I was doing the world a favor but she didn't get that.

"But was burning it really a good idea?" she asked just like a mother would her child.

I gritted my teeth. I was as old as her and yet she treating me like a kid. I wanted to leave this restaurant and her conversation now but I knew that wasn't the smartest move, so instead I glued myself to the chair. "It was smart to me." I said plainly to her.

"I really don't get you sometimes Maire."

"Amelia." Walter said with a tone. He could see how uncomfortable I was. At least he got it. "Enough, can we just talk about something else?"

Saved by Walter once again.