The Topher Trilogy

Chapter 3 - The Secret Room-4

Topher stared at the buffet, angry at first, but then softening.

“Look, I’m sorry. For snapping at you. Both of you.” He looked each in the eye. “It’s this place, these things, all of this.” He made a broad gesture around him. “The truth is that I feel responsible for us being here. It was my idea, my plan. I didn’t mean for it to go as far as it did.”

He stopped. It was as close as he would ever get to an apology, and he knew it, and Zorn and Gertrude knew it. He couldn’t apologize. There were no apologies for what they did. It just was. And it would hang between them for the rest of their lives. The only way to move past it was to forget it, but they could never forget it. So he said, “Would you like to see what I’ve done?”

“Yes,” Zorn and Gertrude said simultaneously, relieved.

Zorn handed Topher a sandwich, and he unwrapped it and started to eat.

“How much time do we have before afternoon classes?”

Gertrude said, “A half an hour.”

Topher swallowed and set the sandwich aside.

“I’ve been trying to organize them in some way that would make sense. These are the buildings.”

He arranged them on his desk so that they were positioned in the same places as they were in real life, surrounding the courtyard. The Grotto and Scathewort were on the other side of the clock tower. In between and around them was empty space.

“What about the academic administrative buildings?” Gertrude asked.

“They’re not here. Either that blond boy didn’t have them, or they weren’t included in the original plans.”

Gertrude pointed at three pieces of old, brown paper.

“And those three are the maps of the property?”

“Yep.”

Gertrude moved them around. They were brittle and flaky, and he had to maneuver them around on the desk carefully or risk tearing them.

“Chainwrought takes up nearly the entire property.” He reached out and put his finger down in the middle, right where all three maps joined. “What’s that?”

There was a strange symbol drawn on the map of the forest, a six-pointed star, the points being of varying length.

“I don’t know,” Topher said. “But they’re all over the woods. Look. Here, here, here and here.”

Zorn joined in.

“Here’s one in Dilque. And Trinkle. And Merton. And Burleigh’s.”

They studied the maps silently, in awe.

“There are walls within the walls,” Gertrude said.

“Huh?”

Gertrude pointed at the Burleigh’s map.

“Here. It looks like they made secret passages.”

Topher peered closer. “By God, you’re right. It looks like—” He stared up at him, suddenly amazed. “Your wardrobe.”

“My wardrobe?”

Topher stood, wrenching the chair back against the hardwood. He went over to Gertrude’s wardrobe and yanked the door open.

“What are you doing?”

“We’re going to get into the secret passage.”

“We?”

“Well, you.”

“What?” Gertrude said. “Why me?”

“It’s your wardrobe.”

Sally shifted across the back, causing the hangers to chime. Gertrude coughed and gave Topher an apologetic look.

“I’ll just, uh, I’ll just fix her up.” He reached in and adjusted her limbs a little. “Are you sure you want to do this? I’ve heard things scrabbling behind the walls before. At night.”

“Things? What kind of things?”

“Critters.”

“Critters? What kind of critters?”

“I’m not sure. But I’ve heard pattering, perhaps a squeak or two.”

“The rats in the walls!”

“Or squirrels.”

“Squirrels prance and chitter,” Topher said. “They don’t patter and squeak.”

“How do you know?”

“I am a keen observer of nature. Emerson has nothing on me.”

“He was a transparent eyeball!”

“And I am a translucent one!”

“There’s no difference.”

“’Translucent’ is the better word.”

Gertrude rolled his eyes and turned his attention to the back of the wardrobe.

“So what do you think I should do?”

“Pound on the wall or something.”

Gertrude pulled out an armful of clothing and handed it to Topher, who handed it to Zorn, who put it on the top bunk. Then he went back in and proceeded to pound on several random spots, all to no effect. He stood back rubbed his chin and pondered.

“Let me try,” Topher said, pushing his way in. “How about like this.” He pounded on a few spots.

Gertrude didn’t like it.

“Put more flair in your Ulna. Or is it your Radius?”

Topher pounded again.

“Like this?”

“No! Twist your wrist, but let your pinkie out the side.”

“Okay.”

He pounded again.

“No, that’s more of a turn. Twist it. Like a French playboy.”

“What?”

“Now you’re rotating it!”

“This is a twist! This is a rotation.”

“Mmm. I’d say that last one was more of a twirl.”

“How does one twirl his wrist?”

“Like that, apparently.”

Topher tried knocking a little softer while attempting the flair of French aristocracy. It didn’t work. He tapped softly, so softly. Nothing. Then he knocked! Loudly, very loudly! Nothing. He hit it once, twice, and soon was throwing his fists at the wall like a featherweight boxing a gorilla. When it was over, he was breathless and red in the face, but nothing about the back of the wardrobe had changed.

“I’ve completely forgotten what we’re doing,” he said. “I’m starving. Get out of my way.”

He pushed Gertrude aside only to see Zorn standing next to his desk, eating his lunch. He held up a muffin.

“Muffin?”

“Hello,” Gertrude said from inside the wardrobe. “What’s this?”

A noise like gears dropping into place vibrated inside the room, followed by the tremendous sound of two walls grinding against one another. A cool blast of stale air blew out of the wardrobe, and Zorn dropped his food and Topher turned around and all three of them crowded inside. The back had rolled away to the right, revealing a dirt floor and an old, gray cinderblock wall and a passage shrouded in complete and utter darkness.

“Oh my God,” Topher whispered.

Gertrude stepped back into the room, still staring into the secret passage. At the same time, Topher stepped into the passage itself. He reached extended his arms, measuring the width.

“This is easily eight feet wide,” he said. “And the ceiling must be the floor of the floor above us.”

The bell rang. Five minutes to get to class. Topher stepped back into the room.

“Close that,” he told Gertrude. Gertrude did as he was told, and soon the fake wall rumbled back into place.

“What are we going to do?” Zorn asked.

“I don’t know,” Topher said. He gathered up his books and bag. “But right now we’ve got to get to class. We’ll figure it out later.”

“But there’s a secret passage in our wall, and—”

Topher bustled out the door.

“Figure it out later! Tell nobody!”

Marvin and I, Dennis were waiting in the hall outside the room when Topher returned from afternoon classes.

“What do you want?”

I, Dennis’s camera looked at Marvin Grimm.

“Er,” Marvin said. “Gertrude told us about the secret passage and the maps.”

Topher’s face turned red.

“What secret passage?”

His key was on a chain around his neck, and he had to lean over to unlock his door, which he did, and then he threw it open and rushed into his room and tossed his bag and books on his bed and quickly tried to gather up the maps in his arms before the other two could see it. Marvin Grimm and I, Dennis loitered in the hallway for a moment, then quietly stuck their heads in.

“Do you mind if we come in?”

“Yes!” Topher yelled. He opened up his wardrobe and pitched all of the maps and plans inside, but they bounced off Gertrude’s clothes and fell straight down, getting stuck in the jamb and blocking the latch so that when he tried to close the door all he could do was bonk it repeatedly. Marvin and I, Dennis watched with bland indifference.

“Excuse me,” Gertrude said, coming up from behind.

Topher turned, hearing his voice, and the wardrobe door swung open and everything fell out.

“Did you tell these nincompoops about the maps and the plans and the secret passage?”

Gertrude paused, thinking.

“Yes?”

“Damn you, Gertrude! Didn’t tell you not to tell anybody?”

“Yes, but—”

“‘Yes, but’ what?”

“But this is Marvin Grimm and I, Dennis,” Gertrude explained.

“So?”

“So? I mean, look at them. Marvin’s as big as a house and triply strong, and I, Dennis can shoot lasers out of his eyes.”

“No, I can’t,” I, Dennis said.

Gertrude ignored him.

“If you’re going to explore a secret passage in a place known for werepyres, don’t you think you’d want them to come along?”

Topher thought about it for a moment.

“Fine. But if we find any treasure or gold, they don’t get any part of the loot.” Zorn entered the room. “Zorn! Help me with the maps.”

“Who said anything about treasure?” Gertrude wondered, and motioned for Marvin and I, Dennis to enter. Marvin sat on Topher’s single bed, which creaked and bowed. I, Dennis chose to stand completely still in the corner, expressionless, unblinking. Zorn and Topher threw the maps back onto his desk.

“I’ve decided that your services will be primarily security in nature,” Topher told Marvin. “If we’re attacked by a werepyre, or a vampire, or incubi or succubi, we’ll expect you to throw yourself in front of us and die. That way we’ll all be able to run to safety, unmolested.”

Marvin cracked his knuckles.

“No problem,” he said. “Should I bring the Mind Sword?”

“Certainly.” Topher set about reorganizing the maps.

“So what’s next?” Zorn asked.

“Well. We have maps to secret tunnels and subterranean lairs. Let’s explore.”

Zorn gulped.

“Now?”

“No. We have to show up for dinner roll-call. And then there’s study group. So it’ll have to be tonight.”

“What do you have in mind?”

Topher pointed at the crooked, six-pointed star. “There’s one of these under each dorm,” he said. “And three out in the woods somewhere. I want to find out exactly where they are and what they lead to.” He turned to Marvin and I, Dennis. “Meet us back here after midnight room-check. We’re going in.”

I, Dennis and Marvin Grimm arrived just after midnight, right as Gertrude attempted to show Zorn how to unlock the secret passage door.

After the third failed attempt, he said, “No, like a French playboy!”

“Well, evidently I don’t know what a French playboy knocks like!”

Zorn burst out of the wardrobe in a huff. Topher sat on his desk, shaking his head.

“Told you,” he said.

“Hello,” Gertrude said from inside the wardrobe. “What’s this?”

A thunk and whirring of gears. The low rumble of the false wall rolling aside. A cold wind flooded the room. Gertrude stuck his head back into the room.

“Ahoy ahoy.”

They filed in one at a time. I, Dennis’ helmet had a high-powered flood light on it “for camera lighting,” so he walked behind Topher, who held the map. Then came Zorn and Gertrude, with Marvin locking down the rear. The passage followed the line of the dorm on a fairly noticeable decline, so that they descended as they rounded the building. Periodically a small circle of light shot into the air around their heads. At the fifth one, Gertrude put his eye up to it.

“It’s Brimstone and Burr’s room,” he declared, then pulled away. “They’re not in.”

Zorn moved him aside and had a peek.

“They have a poster of a half-naked fireman on their wall.”

From that point on, whenever they passed a circle of light Gertrude put his eye up to it. Sometimes the students were home, doing homework, cleaning their rooms, listening to music, but just as many times they weren’t.

“Where could everyone be?” Topher said.

Three turns after ground level, they came to a part of the passage lit by three naked bulbs dangling from wires. The bulbs were dim, and one flickered off as they walked toward it. At the end stood a door. It was old and covered in cobwebs. A Judas hole had been cut into it, but when Topher pushed it aside, he couldn’t see anything. He rattled the doorknob.