Trials

Chapter 4

The next few weeks were a blur of holistic approaches to the disease. My Mother was determined to find something other than Mendax to cure this blood disease. She strolled into my bedroom two days after our appointment with Dr. Fuchai with a pamphlet for an all-natural drink that I would take 6 times a day.

“Luella, I think this could work,” she said, tapping on my jack to pause my video. She settled next to me on my turquoise duvet and put her hand on my leg reassuringly. “It comes highly recommended in the holistic community, and they have some studies showing results.”

I half expected her to pull up some graphs as she would for a client pitch. “You know for someone who rails against Naturalists like Keira's parents, you sure are following their advice now." I said, annoyed with her so-called 'help'. I scooted toward the edge of the bed, so I could be closer to the exit, "Mom, I don’t want to try ancient remedies when we have a scientific remedy ready to go. What is your obsession with forgoing the Mendax 4?” I said.

I couldn't beeline for the door without her following me, so I settled for the suspended swing chair I had in the corner. I could see in my Mom's face and body language that she had switched into full determination mode.

“I am not asking Luella, we need to try other remedies. Mendax can be dangerous, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. Besides, imagine the publicity the company could get if we were to discover a way to prevent RINS without running the risk of becoming a Trial,” she said excitedly.

There is the real truth, this isn’t about me, it's at least a little bit about her company and her need to win. “So, why are you even asking me if you already know you are making me do this? Go ahead Mom, order your elixirs and your snake oils — I’ll be over here slowly dying.” I responded sarcastically. I knew it was a low blow, I just didn't care.

The horrible all-natural concoction turned out to be a complete and utter disaster, as predicted. The first few days I spent throwing up day and night. I lost 12 pounds in 3 days, then slept for the next 3. In our follow-up appointment, Dr. Fuchai said my body could not sustain the added stress, and it was actually weakening my immune system. So, my Mom went back on the hunt.

The second remedy was blood thinners, coupled with acupuncture and some ancient tea that tasted like rotten eggs and moldy bread. This little regimen actually caused burst capillaries in my eyes, so I walked around with bloody eyeballs for 2 weeks. One day while I was receiving my acupuncture treatment, my Dad, Scott Hoster, walked through the door only to be sprayed with my blood in his face.

“Hi Dad, don’t mind my projectile bleeding. This treatment is working great, isn’t it!” I said with as much sarcasm as I could muster.

He stomped into the kitchen to clean his face while continuing our conversation,“This is ridiculous Lulu, where is your Mother? We need to talk about this as a family. I think we need to listen to Dr. Fuchai and start your Mendax treatment as soon as possible.”

“I think she is in her office, but I don’t think she’s going to budge. I don’t know if she’s more terrified of me dying or me turning into a Trial,” I said.

“Don’t make light of this, Lulu. I know you are scared honey. I know you are building a wall, so you don’t have to admit it, but try to understand we are all scared, and your Mother means well.” Dad said as he came back into the room fresh-faced and put a hand on my head comfortingly.

I couldn't help but feel like he was sticking up for her without his heart in it. My response came out clipped and terse, “I know Dad, but I can’t control it, and neither can you guys. Money won’t make this go away.”

Without another word, he stormed off toward the office and the acupuncturist continued his routine with far more caution than before.

When I was done, I put my robe on and headed upstairs to shower, but before I could get to my bathroom, my Mother cut me off in the hallway, "We have to talk to Luella," she said through pursed lips. I followed her downstairs wordlessly, knowing that Dad must have won the battle. As I sat across from the two of them at the antique dining room table, I imagined that I was about to be scolded for a bad test grade.

My mother began with a sigh and said, “Honey, your Father has made me realize that Mendax is our best option at this point. I can see you deteriorating before my eyes and nothing seems to be working.”

Her face was a jumble of emotions that I couldn't read. The defeat in her eyes is what really scared me. My Mother does NOT lose to anything or anyone. If defeat was creeping in, I might as well start digging my grave. She continued speaking, but I was only half listening now, lost in my own self-pity.

“Luella, are you even listening?" she asked, without waiting for a response. "I’ve been doing some research on methods to reduce the risk of developing into a Trial.”

Dad cut her off, realizing that I was freaking out and not focusing, “What your Mother is trying to say is let’s focus on getting you better and not worry about side effects. You are going to be fine Lulu, I promise.”

I know it’s bad when my Dad resorts to calling me nicknames from my toddler days. “OK, I’m ready to get this over with. If I die, I want you to give my figurines to Keira,” I said with a half-hearted laugh. My Mother looked furious, and my Dad just put his head in his hands. I knew my attempts to make them feel better were just making things worse, so I went for the mea culpa instead, “I’m just trying to make you guys feel better. I really don’t feel any symptoms and I will make it through this. It’s better than gross food and being stuck with needles!” I had no idea how wrong I was at the time.

The next day, we were back with Dr. Fuchai and I was receiving my first round of Mendax and every day after I wished I could have gone back to needles and gross food. The side effects of Mendax happened gradually. I, like everyone else, had horrible headaches, nausea, and hallucinations after my initial round of Mendax treatments. Almost daily I heard ‘you are fortunate to be alive and don’t be so ungrateful’. Apparently, you are not allowed to complain about side effects of a lifesaving treatment without being labeled an ‘ungrateful teenager’. At the first treatment, my mother hovered over me and asked me to do stretches prior to the treatment. After the treatment, she insisted that I eat copious amounts of protein slabs. She said the protein would help my body burn the Mendax drug fast enough, so it wouldn’t have ill effects. During the second treatment, she had me do 15 jumping jacks after treatment and asked me to lay on my stomach to sleep. I indulged her bizarre form of ‘worrying’ but I was starting to feel ill from these treatments and my patience wasn’t going to last much longer.

Fortunately, my Mother lost interest in me as a project when a new ‘huge’ account came up for grabs and I spent the remainder of my treatment sessions with Nurse Yuki, who turned out to be a wonderful companion. She would sit and talk to me about her childhood, before the RINS epidemic and before everyone had a Jack. It was so interesting to hear her speak about hiking through mountains and running through a backyard barefoot. I felt like I was there with her, in a time when sickness was contained, and people lived in the present and enjoyed the surrounding experiences.

Six grueling months later, I was deemed disease free. What remained was severe depression, crippling headaches and hearing voices.

"So you are taking me back to before you even started Mendax? Are you going to tell me about your first period too, Lu? Or can you finally stop with the theatrics and get to the point of this interview? Contrary to what you believe, you are not my only priority little birdie." Agent Porter said as he placed two hot cups of stimsho on the table in front of us.

I took a healthy gulp before I responded, let him sweat a little,"If you are interested Agent, I can definitely tell you about my first period in vivid detail. Once again, if you want the story of how we got here, you get it in its entirety or not at all. Now quit interrupting me!"

Dr. Fuchai's office was becoming a second home for me, I felt like I spent more time there than at home. Nurse Yuki waved as she passed the exam room, and I was once again reminded of how grateful I was for her presence during my Mendax treatments.

“What is wrong with me?” I asked Dr. Fuchai as he entered the room. He looked at my chart to review the symptoms I explained in my intake today.

“Hearing things are an occasional side effect of the Mendax treatment. Nothing to worry about, it will go away soon.” he said with utter confidence as he noted in on his jack.

“But doc, I hear voices calling me an Impostor, saying I shouldn't be alive?!? Is that normal?” I glance at my Mother to back me up, but she is typing away on a tablet presumably for work.

“Well, it may be slightly heightened emotional hallucinations given your age and adolescence. Please keep us abreast of any other odd symptoms you experience,” he said as he abruptly stood to leave the exam room in a hurry.

“Wait! Dr. Fuchai, please. I thought the disease would be the end of this torture. I’m celebrating my 18th birthday in a few months. I can’t live like this and you, of all people, should have answers,” I pleaded.

My Mother looked at Dr. Fuchai with her best ‘I have the power and the money here’ glare and questioned Dr. Fuchai, “Doctor, there must be something you can do to ease her suffering until the effects of the Mendax have subsided?”

The Doctor looked down at his jack and started to type on his arm, “Very well, I’ve just prescribed an anti-depressant, anti-nausea, painkiller, and an antipsychotic.”

This was clearly an overreaction in order to shut my Mother up, but I was too weak to care.