Her chosen mate (The change series 2)

Chapter 37: Can’t live without you

Kai

I couldn’t stand the thought of Charlie touching Natasha, but what could I do? What right did I have to say anything after what I had done?

I wondered what they were doing, knowing Charlie and what he was like I just hoped he was being gentle and respectful with her, he would never hurt a woman, but he could be a little too hands on, and he liked kinky s**x, I did too, but that world was very new to Natasha and I hoped he wasn’t talking her into anything she felt uncomfortable doing.

I wanted to go and hunt Claire down and get this all over with, but this time I didn’t want to go alone, I wanted Natasha to come with me so she would know nothing like that would happen ever again. I wasn’t interested in Claire anymore so I don’t know why I did it, she had just smelt so f.ucking good, better than any female I had smelt before, and yes, she had looked good, but that wasn’t reason enough for me to have lost control like I did, if I’d wanted to f***k her I would have without the wolf in control, so if it wasn’t me, then why had my wolf responded like that?

Werewolves did typically mate for life to one another, but there was no such thing as a soulmate or special mate made just for us, we fell in love the same way humans did, we just took it a lot more seriously then them, so I don’t understand why my wolf side responded to Claire, did I not see Natasha as my mate for life? Or was there something else my wolf was picking up on that I wasn’t?

I didn’t get much sleep and I felt relief when I heard my door knock in the morning, it could only be Natasha, Hm, or, it could also be Grayson here to beat the s.hit out of me again.

I got up and rushed to answer the door, not even bothering to pull a shirt on, I yanked the door open and tried to look calm and composed about it.

“Natasha!” I rushed, I tried to relax, tried to be cool and rest my arm against the doorway, it didn’t work, I slipped and almost fell headfirst into the ground or Natasha, I’m not sure which, but I managed to catch myself and she helped steady me.

“Careful,” she laughed.

“Yep,” I smiled, even though I was cringing inside.

I looked at her and could tell she had been crying, guilt hit me, I felt awful, and then I worried Charlie had been too much for her.

“Did Charlie treat you ok?” I asked.

She looked away from me and nodded.

“Are you sure because if he didn’t, I will go and sort him out.”

She looked up at me and said, “he was fine, honestly.”

I left it alone, I didn’t want to hear the details of them two, of him pleasuring her, I wondered if he had made her climax because she wasn’t easy to please, it took a lot of work and foreplay and hitting the exact right spots for Natasha, she found s**x more painful than any other woman I had been with, so I had to learn how to please her properly and not just rush through to the s**x for my own pleasure, had she found Charlie better? I quickly pushed the thoughts away before I drove myself mad and asked, “did you want to come in?”

She hesitated, but then she nodded, and I stepped aside for her. “Do you want anything to drink?” I asked.

“No, thank you.”

“Anything to eat?”

“I’m good, Kai.”

“Right, yeah, ok,” I nodded awkwardly and said, “so uh, did you want to talk about us?”

“No,” she quickly shook her head.

I nodded and tried to hide the sinking feeling in my gut and said, “ok, well, I was going to do what your dad wanted and find them if you wanted to come with me?”

I said them instead of her name, wanting to avoid any mention of Claire right now.

“Ok,” she agreed, and I breathed a silent breath of relief.

She stood up and walked towards the door.

“Oh, you want to leave right now?” I asked.

“Yes, what else are we going to do?”

“Uh, yeah, ok.” f***k, I was stumbling over my words like an i.diot, I grabbed my car keys and walked out leading the way to my car.

Climbing in, I started the engine and waited for her to put her seat belt on, and then pulled out and started driving. I noticed her glancing over at me, checking me out and unable to stop herself, good, I wanted her to still want me, I wanted her, so bad, I had to control myself around her, all I wanted to do was touch her, kiss her, hold her, breathing in her scent was t.orture, she was everything to me and I loved her so much.

I don’t know what came over me, but it happened at the worst time, just thinking about never being with Natasha, never holding her again, never hearing her say ‘I love you’ was too much to bear, I found it hard to breathe, like there wasn’t enough air in the car, my heart was racing, and I panicked, the car swerved and Natasha looked at me with panic, “Kai what’s wrong?”

I couldn’t answer her, and she grabbed the wheel trying to help me stay in control of the car. “Pull over!” She yelled.

I managed to pull up onto the side of the road, and then I tore my seat belt off and climbed out of the car, my panic calmed down once I got some fresh air, but my thoughts turned dark, really dark, I couldn’t bear the thought of not being with her, I didn’t want to live without her, couldn’t, I’d rather end it and I knew I would, the thought should have scared me, but it didn’t, it was this moment, this very moment right here that I understood why humans wrote romance fantasies about us having true mates, of us dying without our mates because right now, that was exactly how I felt, all of me on a deeply soul level knew Natasha was my everything, she was all I wanted, all I would ever want. I broke down in tears, couldn’t have stopped myself even if I’d wanted to, Natasha came rushing to my side when I fell to my knees and asked, “Kai, what’s going on?”

I shook my head unable to talk with the uncontrollable sobbing, not very dominant of me right now but f***k it, I couldn’t help it. She asked me again what was wrong, but I couldn’t do that to her, I would never tell her about the dark thoughts I had, that I would end my life if it meant never being with her, that would be cruel and selfish of me and I never wanted her to feel guilty or like she had to be with me, as much as I wanted her, I also wanted her happy even if that meant it wasn’t with me, so all I admitted was, “I love you so much.”

She rubbed my back and said, “please don’t cry, it breaks my heart to see you like this.”

I saw a tear slide down her cheek and wiped it away, “you shouldn’t be crying for me, I deserve all this.” I pulled her into my arms, and she let me hold her, I held on tight, if I could have I would have held on to her forever, stayed lost in this moment, but all too soon she pulled away and gently said, “it will be ok Kai, we will figure us out after all of this, ok?”

I nodded and wiped my face, it took great difficulty, but I managed to pull myself together for her sake, she didn’t need me making her feel sorry for me. “Ok, let’s go, she’ll probably be at her place.”

She looked at me and asked, “how do you know that?”

I inwardly groaned, I’d already f.ucked everything up, and I didn’t want to lie to her, so I said, “after…you know, I went back to her place with her and—”

“You told me it was only the once!” She yelled.

“It was, I swear, I didn’t go back for that, I wanted to find out more about the mutt who helped her and I wanted to convince her to drop the charges against you.”

“You didn’t have s**x with her there?” She asked, sounding like she didn’t believe me.

“No I didn’t, I went back for information and nothing else, I promise.”

“Bet she tried to sleep with you though,” she mumbled.

“She did, but I turned her down.”

“How? You said her scent drove you crazy.”

“Lucky for me, she still loves perfume, she sprayed herself with it after we…” I trailed off, and she frowned at me, “you mean without her scent, you were completely fine around her?”

I shrugged, “yeah, I didn’t feel anything, I don’t like her like that anymore, I haven’t since we’ve been together, I honestly don’t know what came over me in the car park.”

She looked at me curiously and almost hopefully and asked, “can we bring dad with us?”

It was my turn to frown, but I thought maybe she had decided she didn’t want to be alone with me in the car, “sure,” I answered.

I drove us back home, and she ran inside and got Grayson.

He climbed into the passenger seat beside me, and she got into the back. To say the drive was awkward would be an understatement, Grayson kept looking at me and then in the rearview mirror at Natasha, he was suspicious as f***k and knew something was wrong between us, but he surprisingly kept his mouth shut and didn’t push for answers.

Natasha sighed and folded her arms sinking down in her seat when we stopped at some traffic lights, either side of us were women in their cars staring at both me and Grayson, the one on Grayson’s side looked early twenties and the one my side looked late twenties to early thirties, both me and Grayson looked no older than our twenties so it was often women mistook our age for being younger, I looked over at Grayson, with his muscular build, golden blonde curls and blue eyes he screamed Greek god or model, especially with the chiseled jawline on him too, I laughed at his reaction as he leaned his elbow along the edge of the window and tried to hide his face behind his hand as he slid down lower in his seat, he caught me laughing and snapped, “what the f***k are you laughing at?”

“Nothing…pretty boy,” I snickered, Natasha joined me in laughing, and he snarled at us both, “f***k you! And I don’t know why you’re laughing Kai, with your honey blonde curly hair, chiseled jawline, pretty full lips and silver grey eyes you’re just as f.ucking pretty as I am.”

He said it as if it were meant to be an insult, but I rather enjoyed the compliment of being told how pretty I was, I grinned and winked at him, “thanks cutie.”

He punched me in the leg for that, and Natasha gasped, “dad! Be careful, he’s driving.”

He snarled at me but sat back in his seat and I wisely held in the laughter that wanted to escape me.

“Excuse me!”

Grayson tried to ignore the woman on his side as she called out to him but after the fourth time of her yelling, “hey! Excuse me!” He grudgingly removed his hand and looked over at her, probably wishing he had never opened the window earlier.

“You’re absolutely gorgeous, are you single?” She was an attractive woman, long black hair softly curled, stunning makeup with red lipstick that made her look exotic with the tan she had, but Grayson looked her over coldly and with an almost disgusted look, he held his left hand up showing her his wedding ring, and then he rolled up the window, hadn’t even acknowledged her with a single word.

I looked over and saw her mortified face as she tried to keep her eyes straight ahead, she looked like she was about to cry, every so often Grayson did, in fact, make women cry with his reactions, Natasha noticed too and said, “you don’t have to be so horrible dad.”

“What? How was I horrible? I only showed her I’m already married.”

“It’s the way you do it, you’re so cold and mean, and you give such cruel looks to them.”

He looked at her completely confused and both me and Natasha sighed, unfortunately Grayson just did not understand human ways or social cues or manners for that matter and no amount of trying to explain it would ever make him truly understand, he was blunt, brutally honest and to the point, he didn’t mince his words and he didn’t waste time worrying about people’s feelings, she had asked him out, he had in his way told her he was married and that was that in Grayson’s mind, he didn’t understand how looks or being spoken to a certain way could come across as callous.