V
2722 Words
Phae
Humahangos na pumasok ako sa loob ng presinto at nadatnan doon ang mga kaibigan at kamag-anak ni Ram. What the f*ck is going on? Ang dami na ring media sa labas.
Nang mamataan ko si Drae ay agad ko siyang nilapitan. He hugged me fiercely and after letting go of me, he kissed my head. I looked around and saw his other friends seated at the waiting area. Lahat sila masama ang mukha. Kung hindi naman ay malungkot at umiiyak.
"Kuya, anong nangyari?" nakangangang tanong ko.
"Ram's wife is missing."
I was shocked. Missing? Paanong missing?
Nagpaalam lang si Kuya kina Ram at agad na niya 'kong niyakag palabas. Mabuti na lang maraming pulis at napigilan ang mga media sa paglapit sa'min. Wow! This is too much! Akala mo mga artista kami, the way these people swarmed us.
Once we were inside the safety of my car ay saka lang ako nagtanong ulit. "What happened, Kuya? Where'd she go? Did someone kidnap her?" Nakaramdam ako ng matinding awa kay Ram. They were only married for roughly one month! How come, bigla itong nangyari sa kanila? Nakita ko kung gaano ka-inlove ang dating playboy na si Ram kay Charlie. This must hurt like a motherf*cker.
"I don't know!" Napasabunot si Draegan sa buhok niya habang nakaupo sa passenger seat ko. "Magkakasama lang kami and. . . She told me would get us some drinks then she disappeared!"
I winced as watched my brother trying to get a hold of himself. "Sana sinamahan ko na lang siya, Phae! Di sana mangyayari 'to!"
"Kuya.." I reached out and squeezed his tense shoulder.
"Kasalanan ko eh!"
"Kuya, hindi!" protesta ko. I pulled him into a hug. "It's not your fault, Kuya! 'Wag mong sisihin ang sarili mo over things we cannot control!"
Mukha namang kahit papaano ay kumalma na siya kaya binitawan ko na. I started the ignition and paved my way towards his house in Quezon City. Panakanakang tinitignan ko siya habang nagda-drive. He had his hands balled up into fists on his lap while he was continually clenching and unclenching his jaw.
This is bad.
The last thing I needed right now is to have my brother in this state. We both know Drae has a problem with regards to emotional stability. May tendency siya na isisi ang lahat sa sarili niya. Ayokong magkaron nanaman siya ng breakdown. I sighed. These are the times when I wish Scor's here in the country. He can handle Drae. I watched him calm him down before. Kung ako lang ay hindi ko kakayaning mag-isa. Pag nagwala ang isang 'to, anong laban ko? Sa nipis kong 'to? God, he could easily throw me out of the window. I winced.
"What?" he asked me.
"Nothing." Umiling ako at ipinagpatuloy na lang ang pagmamaneho.
Nakarating kami sa condo niya nang hindi siya nagwawala. I wish I could just leave him here, but I couldn't. Kailangan ako ng kapatid ko. Now's not the right time for my nerves. I can't bail on him. He did so many things for me, I wouldn't abandon him now.
Kahit pa takot na takot ako.
"I'm sorry, Phae?"
Nilingon ko siya. Nakaupo siya ngayon sa leather couch at nagsisindi ng sigarilyo. "F-For what?"
"I'm sorry you have to see me this way. I don't wanna frighten you. I just need you right now." hinayaan lang niya ang nakasinding sigarilyo sa kamay niya ngunit di niya magawang hithitin iyon. "I don't want anyone, Phae. I don't wanna have s*x. I don't want an unknown woman sprawling on my bed! For f*ck's sake!"
Just like Hera, Drae's fix is s*x.
Maingat na nilapitan ko siya. "It's okay, Kuya. I'm going to stay here until you're okay." Tinapik ko siya sa likod.
"Who're you with when I called you?" pag-iiba niya ng usapan.
"Uhm.."
"Phae?" pinakatitigan niya 'ko. "I called the house and the maid told me you weren't there. Maaga ka raw umalis."
I swallowed. Drae doesn't know about me and Hera. Hindi ko alam kung matatanggap niya ang pagiging bisexual ko kaya hindi ko magawang sabihin. Ang buong akala lang niya, mag best friend kami. Yun lang. Little did he know, his sister's f*cking her best friend.
"Are you with Hera?"
Tipid akong ngumiti. "Yeah, m-may hinihingi lang siyang tulong sa'kin."
Tumango si Drae. Nahulog nanaman siya sa malalim na pag-iisip. Dumikit ako sa kanya at niyakap ang braso niya. Mukha namang kalmado na siya. Hinimas himas ko ang braso niya para pakalmahin siya. "Maybe you should call Scor," usal ko.
"I already did," he answered silently. Panay ang hithit niya sa sigarilyo patunay na stressed siya.
"And..?"
"He'll be coming here as soon as he can."
Napaismid ako.
"Nakaismid ka?" puna ni kuya.
I tried faking a smile. "Hindi ah! Bakit naman ako iismid?"
"Bakit ba galit ka sa mga lalaki, Phae?"
Napanganga ako. What? Hindi ko alam na napapansin pala ng kuya ko na may galit ako sa mga lalaki. At isa pa, paano iyon napasok sa usapan?
"Phaedra?"
"Hindi ako galit, kuya."
"Indifferent, then?" sinubukan ko ulit na umiling pero naunahan niya 'kong magsalita. "C'mon! You don't feel comfortable around them. Around us, actually! Na parang may nakakahawa kaming sakit kung tingnan mo kami. What is it, Phae? What did men do to you?"
Nagkibit-balikat akong muli. Isa nanaman sa mga tanong niya na hindi ko masasagot.
You wouldn't wanna know, Brother.
----
I struggled to keep my eyes from shedding more tears. Hindi tama. Hindi karapat dapat na iyakan ang hayop na 'yon. It isn't like I was broken hearted or something. It's more of an ego thing.
He was nothing! And I was a princess! Wala siyang karapatan na makipag-break sa'kin!
Oh, hindi nga pala siya nakipag-break. I found out he had another girlfriend. At matagal na sila. Tanginang mga lalaki 'yan oh!
Inis na pinahid ko ang panibagong luha na naglandas sa pisngi ko. Why the hell am I crying? Ano 'ko? Bata?
Nagulat ako nang may isang kamay na nag-abot sa'kin ng may sinding sigarilyo. I looked up and saw a pair of stunning green eyes, heart shaped face that was framed with dark wavy hair. Hera Pineda. The campus sl*t. Though it seemed harsh to call her that specially now that she's smiling kindly at me.
She again offered her cigarette to me. Umiling ako. "No, thank you. I don't smoke."
"Sige na, makakatulong yan." Naupo siya sa tabi ko at inilapit sa'kin ang sigarilyo.
I hesitated, but I took it nevertheless. I tried it first, pero naubo ako. Tumawa naman siya. She urged me to try again. Hindi nagtagal ay napakalahati ko ang isang stick. She was right, it helped me to relax.
"Sa bawat buga mo ng usok, ibuga mo rin ang sama ng loob mo," she said while lighting another stick. She puffed it. She extended her other hand towards me. "Hera nga pala-"
"Hera Pineda, of course." I shook hands with her. "Phaedra Gonzales. You can call me Phae," pakilala ko naman.
Ngumisi siya. "Of course." she leaned back on the side walk where we're seated. "Sino nga bang hindi nakakakilala sa'kin? What was that they call me? The campus slut?" she laughed humorlessly. "Tell me, Ms. Gonzales, what do they call you naman? From The Campus Prude to The Campus Mistress?"
I gasped at her words. Ganoon na ba talaga ang tingin sa'kin ng lahat? Isang kabit? Pero hindi ko naman alam na may girlfriend na si Josh!
"I know what you're thinking," aniya. "You didn't know he was in a relationship with Jess." lahat na lang ba kilala niya sa buong campus? "Of course, hindi mo alam. I'll bet hindi mo rin alam na buntis si Jess?"
Humalakhak siya nang makita ang gulat sa mukha ko. How dare he! Binuntis niya ang girlfriend niya pagkatapos ay dinevirginize niya 'ko!
"That's what people do, Phaedra, they judge you based on one thing they see you do. And the funny thing is, they don't even know half of the story."
There is something in the way she pronounced my name. I usually don't like it when people call me by my whole name. I prefer Phae. Nanatili lang akong nakatitig sa kanya habang siya naman ay patuloy sa paninigarilyo. May dahilan kung bakit sikat si Hera sa campus. Bukod sa reputasyon niya sa mga kalalakihan, she is so darn beautiful. Lalung lalo na yung mga mata niya. Mapungay. Ang sarap titigan..
"You wanna hang out some where?" she asked suddenly.
I swallowed and thought for a second. Hindi magugustuhan ni kuya ang pakikipagkaibigan ko sa mga katulad ni Hera. But what the heck! This is my life! I found myself nodding and getting up from the dusty side walk.
Hera offered me a smile and her hand.
I took it.
----
Almost everyday kaming magkasama ni Hera, we were both taking up masterals then. Napansin ko nanoon pa na hindi gusto ni Hera makihalubilo sa maraming tao. Kuntento na siya na mag-isa lang at ako ang kasama. Kung hindi ako, may kasama siyang lalaki. At sa twina, alam ko na kung saan mauuwi ang pagsama niya sa kung sino man 'yon.
"Malandi ka! You're a slut!"
Nagmamadali akong tumakbo nang marinig ko iyon. Papasok pa lang ako no'n sa library. At kapansin-pansin ang dami ng taong nag-uumpukan doon.
"You're a dirty slut!!" someone shrieked.
I shoved my way towards the commotion and saw my best friend being dragged by the hair. I gasped. Instead na makita kong umiiyak si Hera, she was smiling like what the woman was doing to her was nothing.
"It's not my fault your boyfriend wants a different flavored p*ssy, afterall yours was fish flavored. Nobody wants that." Hera smirked.
Mas lalong nagalit ang babae at pinagsasampal si Hera. Noon lamang ako nakahuma at tumakbo patungo sa kaibigan ko. Inihampas ko ang librong hawak ko sa braso ng babae.
"Let her go!" I shouted as I tried to pry her fingers off Hera's hair. "I said let her go!"
Dala ng sobrang galit ko sa ginagawa ng babaeng p*******t kay Hera ay nasuntok ko ang babae. She stumbled down and I took the opportunity to help Hera up.
"Nice hook," she elbowed me on the rib and grinned at me like nothing happened.
I reached and smoothed her hair for her. Awang awa ako sa itsura niya. Namumula ang pisngi niya at putok ang sulok ng labi. "Hera, ano na naman bang gulo 'tong pinasok mo?" mangiyak ngiyak kong tanong. "Bakit hinayaan mong saktan ka ng babaeng 'yon?"
"Don't be silly, I'm good!" she shrugged and threw her arm over my shoulder.
Paalis na sana kami no'n nang may kung ano na tumama sa batok ko. We both looked back and saw the woman throwing books at us. "That's right, magsama kayong dalawa! Parehas kayong p****k! Mag best friend kayo at parehas kayong haliparot!"
"That does it!" Bumitaw sa'kin si Hera kahit pa sumigaw na 'ko na wag na niyang patulan ang babae. She slapped the girl so hard that she fell on the floor. Pagkatapos ay tinadyakan niya ang babae sa dibdib. Napangiwi ako.
"Tatanggapin ko, kung ako ang pagsasabihan n'yo ng malandi, p****k o kung ano pa!" she looked around. It was like she was saying it to everyone and not just the woman who was lying unconscious on the tiled floor. "But never ever call my best friend names, or I will kick your judgmental asses just like what I did to this girl!"
Yun lang at hinablot niya ang braso at hinila palayo sa lugar na 'yon.
---
"Hindi mo na kasi dapat pinatulan pa 'yon."
Hera rolled her eyes at me. "Are you silly? Hindi ako papayag na pagsalitaan ka ng gano'n, Phae. You're a decent woman. You don't deserve that!"
Napangiti ako ng mapait. Decent nga ba? Disente ba ang babaeng matapos ma-devirginize ng boyfriend niyang may ibang girlfriend bukod sa kanya ay nalaman niyang buntis na pala ang GF nito? Disente pa rin bang matatawag ang isang babaeng nakikipag-s*x sa boyfriend niya just for the heck of it? I never liked having s*x, but since Lyndon--my boyfriend of five months, liked doing it, wala akong magawa kundi pagbigyan siya. Kaysa naman mauwi pa sa away. I know right? After dating a two timing bastard, nauwi naman ako sa isang s*x addict! What a rotten luck!
"'Wag kang papayag, Phae, na bastusin ka." She took the cloth from me and dabbed her skin with it. Pulang pula na ang pisngi niya.
"Ayoko lang ng away."
Naroon kami sa dorm room niya. Matapos ang bugbugang naganap kanina ay agad na kaming umuwi kahit pa pareho kaming may dalawang subject pa na dapat papasukan. She insisted that I go and attend my class but I couldn't just leave her like this. I know her well enough to know where this is going.
She's going to mope and cry over what happened. Hera's just acting tough and s**t, but inside, she's chicken s**t. She's weak and she needs someone to hold her during times like this.
"How are you and that s*x-starved maniac you're dating?" she said with a sneer. Noon pa man, hindi na niya gusto si Lyndon para sa'kin. She saw how the guy lusted after me, at yun lang daw ang gusto nito. I was just too blind to see it.
"We're fine."
"Why aren't you breaking up with him?" She tossed the used cloth in the basin and faced me. "You know you don't love him."
Umiling ako. "Of course I do."
"Of course, you think you do!" she scoffed. Hinawakan niya ang magkabila kong kamay. "Phae, you don't love him. T'wing tatanungin kita, nakikita ko ang paghi-hesitate mo, na para bang kinukumbinsi mo lang ang sarili mo na mahal mo nga siya. You don't even enjoy having s*x with him! s*x isn't a chore, darling, it's an indulgence!"
"Hera naman!" I wasn't comfortable talking about it with her. Nakakahiya kasi. Hera could be blunt at times. At papaano bang mula sa bugbugan sa library ay napunta sa s*x ang topic namin?
"Will you be honest with me?" she stared intently at me.
Nahihiyang tumango ako.
"Have you ever had an o****m?"
"Hera!" saway ko sa kanya.
Itinaas niya ang dalawang kamay. "C'mon, Phae, I'm your best friend am I not?"
"Well.."
"Well?"
"Y-yeah," namumulang sagot ko.
"When you're having s*x with Lyndon or is it self-induced?" nakataas ang kilay na tanong niya. She gripped both my arms as she waited for me to answer.
Nakagat ko ang labi ko. "W-when.. Ly-Lyndon and I have s-sex.."
"Eengk!!" itinuro niya ang mukha ko. "You stuttered, you couldn't even look straight into my eyes! You're lying!"
I tried to get away from her. "It's true! Hera, please? Let's stop this!" alam kong namumula na nang husto ang mukha ko.
"You're lying, Phae." She looked at me maliciously. "You get orgasms when you masturbate." then she laughed.
Napaupo akong muli sa kama niya at sinubsob ang mukha ko sa mga kamay ko. "It was painful when Lyndon and I do it! I can't.. I can't.. I fake orgasms when we do it!" I exclaimed. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako naiiyak.
"Shh.. Shh.." naramdaman kong niyakap ako ni Hera. "It's okay, it happens.. Maybe.. Uhg, s**t. How do I put this? Does Lyndon even try to stimulate you when you f*ck?"
"Hera!" nanlalaki ang mata na saway ko na naman sa kanya. Nahihiya akong pag-usapan ang tungkol sa s****l frustrations ko, tapos masyado pang blunt si Hera!
"Just asking! Damn! That guy's an assh*le!" she spat. Tumingin siya sa'kin na parang awang awa. Syempre naman, expert na yata pagdating sa s*x si Hera at alam kong naiintindihan niya kung gaano nakakaawa ang sitwasyon ko. Pinagpatuloy niyang hinimas ang likod ko. "Don't worry, baby, we're gonna do something about it, don't cry. . ."
Napa-angat ako ng ulo ko. I didn't realize we're so close that her lips are only an inch from mine. "What do y-you mean?"
"I-I.." she breathed. She squeezed her eyes closed after that and it looks to me that she's having an internal battle. Pag dilat niya ay hindi niya siguro inaasahan na nakatitig pa rin ako sa kanya. "Oh Phae!"
Nagulat ako nang bigla akong halikan ng best friend ko.
- Writer
