Sensation

Chapter 3

There’s this feeling that she couldn’t pinpoint. Something’s wrong with her brother… but what?

Since he got home, he’s been silent. Usually, he greets her with a tight hug and sometimes a kiss on the forehead. But since he got home, he only gave her a loose hug and immediately went to his room. Doing whatever he’s doing.

“Theo?” Diane asks.

“Yap?”

“…are you alright?” Diane held out her hand, indicating for him to take it.

Diane knows that she can’t do anything, especially in helping her brother in attending a job. But she knows that she can support him in lending her shoulder, listening to any of his problems but since their father’s death… he’s been keeping everything in.

Not saying anything like everything is fine… which she knows that it’s not.

She thought at first that he’s been talking to Cana about his problems. She was fine with it… until she asked it earlier. Knowing that Cana was hinting her that her brother is having some problem.

She feels her cheeks being pressured. Meaning Theo is pinching her cheeks. Swatting at his hands, she hears him gave a light laugh.

“Why are you asking that? Of course, I’m alright!”

His words are somewhat making her uneasy. This made her feel upset.

‘Why Theo? Why are you doing this?’ she asks silently. Her heart aches at his lie.

“Annie?” he asks, watching his sister’s beautiful face frown.

This is the first time he watches her frown freely without the medicine that she hates so much. His brain is wrecking multiple times, trying to decipher what had made her unhappy.

When his fingers loosen it’s holding to her cheeks, she immediately steps back making him release her cheeks completely.

“Annie, sweetheart… what’s wrong?” he asks. Even though he wants to hold her into his arms… he’s still in shock that his feet are stuck to where he is.

It’s a good thing that they’re in the living room. One of the places in their house; carpeted and spacious. Safe from any accidents. But it still made him uneasy.

This is the first time that Diane behaved like this. It frustrates him.

“Annie please, tell me what’s wrong.”

“YOU tell me what’s wrong!” Diane exclaims. Her voice is so loud that it made him wince but he understands because she’s partially deaf. Diane’s tears begin to flow down, making Theo even more confused and stiff.

“Ever since dad’s death, you’ve been bottling up and doing everything on your own. Well, newsflash! I’m here too! Or is it that hard for you to confide everything because I’m like this!? Well, it just makes me feel even more useless Theo!”

Theo watches her slump down the floor, listening to every word she utters makes him more miserable and disappointed.

“Just tell me, Theo! Anything! Just tell me anything that’s bothering you… I want you to tell me so that I can help! I want to help too Theo.” Diane finally said before she continues to cry.

Clenching his hands, watching her cry, and have a mental breakdown because of him. Theo feels like a failure. The promise that he made when he saw her crying when they were children came back to him with a force.

He promised to see her always smiling, not one bit of sadness will be on her beautiful face will forever be erased… in the end, he broke it. And he is the reason for her sadness which makes it even worse.

He’s indeed a failure.

Slowly, Theo approach Diane. Kneeling in front of her, his careful in handling her like she’ll break any moment if he’d make a mistake. Gently putting her in his embrace and kiss her forehead that he loves to do so much.

They’ve been in this position for a while. Diane in Theo’s embrace while he rocks the both of them back and forth until her tears stop flowing and they just… let the peace calm them in.

“…I’m sorry.” Diane starts. Sniffling.

Theo gives a doting smile despite that she can’t see him and even cleaning her snot using the edge of his wet shirt from her tears.

“No Annie, I’m the one who should be saying that.” He gently says, finishing cleaning her face. “I’m sorry. Sorry for making you feel like that. I’m a horrible brother.”

“No, you’re not. You’re a great brother!” Diane looks up.

Despite being blind, Theo guides her head to make her face him. He still has that doting smile towards her.

“See? You’re not horrible. Secretive and sometimes a liar but you take care of me. You’re an amazing brother!” she pacifies and then resting her head back on his chest.

“This is why I love you, Theo. You’re an awesome brother to have! I’m lucky to have you.”

That last sentence she said pricks his heart in a bad way. Theo looks at Diane with a pained look and a sad smile. He embraces her tightly, making Diane giggle. Thinking that he’s just being goofy again… being oblivious to what he’s thinking.

***

“Annie… will you be fine if one day I’ll be away for a few days?”

Diane who’s sitting on the couch, waiting for Theo to finish washing the dishes, perks up.

“Hmm… yeah.” She answers truthfully.

“Really? All alone?” Theo pokes again. Testing her.

“Ha! As if you’ll let me!” she exclaims. Giggling.

Theo pauses what he’s doing. Thinking for a second at what she just said and smiles, knowing that she’s right. As if he’ll let her be alone for even a minute.

“If this is about your job, I understand Theo. You can be at ease knowing that I won’t be reckless. Plus, I trust you. Whoever you will put in as my babysitter.”

What she said made him sigh in relief. Like a piece of heavy baggage had been lifted off from his shoulders.

He regrets some of his decisions, but many he didn’t.

'She doesn't have to know.' he said to himself. Remembering those decisions he did in order for both of them to survive. 'No... it's only for ME to survive.'

Looking back at Diane, he smiles at her. Watching her cutely playing with her toes.

“Alright.” Is all Theo can reply to what she stated earlier.

After their meal, they listened to some music and talked about random topics before going to bed.