Sensation

Chapter 17

'Lindon... I think was his name if I remember correctly.' Diane thought. 'Jasper had talked about him many times to count that it's easy to say that they're close.'

She can remember all of those mono dialogues and long stories that Jasper had said. It amused her but it still didn't do anything to lighten her mood nor the gloomy atmosphere that she holds.

It's been already a week or so since she was found in the forest. Her original plan was to get well and get out as fast as she can but with all of the nightmares that she had been dreaming, it seemed like it just made it worse for her.

She would rather die than to relive those memories that haunt her even in her sleep... then suddenly a 'miracle' happened.

She felt weaker and weaker as the day goes by but she's not satisfied. It rather irritates her that she's still alive despite feeling like she's dying already. A weird thought but it's what she believes in.

'To die from the pain rather than living it again.'

Diane knew that it's selfish but she just can't stomach the reality that the ones she loved had betrayed her to the point of feeling abandoned; especially the person she loved and believed in the most.

It's still a fresh trauma for her despite it being days after it happened. She hasn't yet digested fully of what happened from the day of her k********g to the day that she was saved and abandoned. Then these two strangers came into her life just hours of that incident. A whiplash of events had happened and now she's in this state.

Nineteen years of living in this cruel world and now she's about to leave without even fulfilling her dream. The dream that is still unknown to make it possible. To see, to touch, to taste, and to properly hear.

'I think it will be impossible now that I'm going to die anyway.’ Diane concludes.

"Uh... so I'm going to help you sit up now," Lindon said after a moment of silence.

‘He isn’t a chatterbox like his cousin.’ She mused, which is a plus for her since for the first time in days that she would be at peace. To only be in her thoughts the whole day.

"Uh... your meal is chicken soup. I'm going to feed you now." His awkwardness is visible and it slightly amused her.

She lets him feed her for the rest of their time. After this should be her ‘bath’ which is just a scrub from a towel soaked in warm water since she can’t take her shower or bath anymore.

This is their first interaction with each other since the day that he saved her from the forest. This should be the time that she would express her thanks in saving her and also for taking in the extra lengths to take care of her but… she just couldn’t. Yes, she’s thankful but she doesn’t see the reason why they would need to go to this extreme in helping her.

She’s just a stranger. An unknown stranger that could be dangerous or something.

‘Is it because I’m weak?’ Diane questions herself.

Ever since she was little, she had needed help due to her condition.

‘A girl who is blind, half-deaf, can’t taste, and can’t feel. A weak girl who couldn’t even save herself when she was kidnapped.’ She thought.

Her emotions are again at the rise now that she is processing everything.

‘Am I that damaged that I always need help from others and not be able to achieve it myself?’

Clenching her hands and grasping tightly on the sheets, she now doesn’t care if Lindon had said anything or whatever he’s currently doing.

Diane felt that she just needs to let everything out.

‘Is this why I was abandoned by them? Or because of these two who are helping me out? Or when Cana had first betrayed me, saying that it’s because of me that my brother is struggling for our ends meet?’

She now recalls one by one as she said all of those in her mind. At first, she didn’t mind what Arcana had said but now that she had thought everything through, she realized that it was Theo who she was talking about.

The Theo whom she loved and has been by her side for years. The one that she believed in, that he can do anything. She was indeed naïve. She was just contented in her small world that she didn’t ‘see’ what was going on and that’s why Theo was satisfied that she didn’t detect even the slightest of a problem in their once ‘happy and simple’ life.

They were having difficulties in paying the bills along with their daily necessities. That’s why Arcana or the twins have cooked food on them whenever they visit or babysit her. And then the k********g happened and all of the other stuff, making it feel like she was under a dream. A fantasy that’s only been made by her mind.

Sadly, it isn’t. she’s currently sitting in a bed, tucked in and helped by random strangers, and is currently nursing her back to health. These two strangers are still optimistic and are doing everything they can despite not knowing her at all.

‘I am a burden not only to Theo but to everyone.’ Diane concludes. She knew that she’s going to cry, her eyes begin to feel hot. ‘Why didn’t they just leave me? I don’t deserve this, not one bit!’

“…just let me be.”

She didn’t mean to say those aloud but she couldn’t take it back anymore.

Due to her being in her thoughts, she forgot that she still has a guest who is attending to her not far away. In her embarrassment, Diane wants to dig a hole and die in it… if only she could do it.

‘Stupid! You are hopeless!’ She scolds herself.

“Is that what you want?”

That unexpected question shocked her. She couldn’t imagine that Lindon would answer her better yet ask her a question.

“Do you want us to leave you alone?” he asks again when she didn’t answer.

“…yes, that’s what I want.” Diane mustered her strength and replied to him truthfully.

“Why?”

“Because—” Diane stops, contemplating if she will answer that question or not.

“…if you won’t answer then I will just ignore whatever you have said.” He threatens. ”And we will continue to nurse you back to health, even if you don’t want to.” He adds, clearly trying to egg her on.