The Promise

Chapter 4: Until the Rain Stops Pouring, I'll be Yours Then

Lying down on the sturdy wooden bench of the university's rooftop, Charles kept going back to that day.  That day when Gavin sang an unfamiliar song but like him, holds mysterious familiarity.  He could still hear the sadness of the melody; the hovering story behind every word of the song's lyrics; the enchanting grace of Gavin's strumming; and he see his face, now.  The look of longing in his eyes and the single tear that came of it--all the while fixated to Charles's eyes, unwavering until the last statement of the song.  'I promise you forever right now.'

Charles stared at the clouds, forming illusionary images--they were there but they really were not. Pareidolia.  Was that it?  Was that just him imagining things, movements, and meanings that in reality does not exist?  That day, when Gavin sang.  That day when he cried.  That day, when both he and Gavin entered the world of each other's eyes, did that world truly exist for the both of them?  Or was that just Charles? Freaking pareidolia!

Ugh! His mind is wracking once again.  Why does he kept thinking about it?! 

Charles heard a footstep.  He didn't bother to look.  He knows who's coming.

"Hey." Dr. Zarate greeted.

He ignored him.  It has been two weeks since that day.  Two weeks of Charles ignoring two men in his life.  

"Knew you're here." The doctor said.  Dr. Gerald walked towards Charles and blocked his view.  Annoyed, Charles tried to stand upright, but because the bench is rather light, instead he fell from it.  That added up to his irritation.  Dr. Zarate extended his hand, concerned, and trying hard to contain his laughter.  But Charles didn't take it.  He eventually stood up and started walking away.

"Hey, Charles.  Com'on.  Stop this, please." Dr. Zarate called out, pleading in his voice.

Charles, without turning back, said "I can play your game, too, doc." and completely walked away, leaving Dr.  Zarate to his thoughts.

Charles admitted to himself that he has a petty reason for ignoring his boyfriend--Dr. Zarate's ghostlike attitude after their date from two weeks ago.  It's just that, with the arrival of Gavin, his mind seems to be crumbling back to its original state.  Adding to his grief is the doctor's laisse faire attitude in their relationship.  Everything just doesn't make enough sense!

Furious at himself and the people around him, Charles continued walking, disregarding his classes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yeah.  Two weeks and nada.  I don't know what happened.  For sure I thought I was making progress that night, and then...nothing."  Gavin reported to Charles's parents on the phone.  He is at the supermarket, specifically in the seafood section picking out the freshest crabs, wondering why he didn't think of this move quickly?

Gavin smiled while examining a particular crustacean.  "But I have a plan.  Don't worry." He said, then ended the call.  He went to the counter after completing his ingredients and paid for it.  Let's see if you can still ignore me after this.   Gavin thought, proud at himself.

As he was walking his way outside the supermarket, bag of ingredients in his right hand, the rain poured suddenly.  Outside, the afternoon ambience became a dreary gray.  People that not too long ago buzzed with life seemingly became lifeless dummies.  It's amazing how a weather can change the mood of the city or reveal it.  Gavin thought, looking up, as the drops of rain meet the cemented ground.

He gripped the grocery bag handle thinking of his trusty black umbrella lying cozily in the house.  "Of all the times I could have left it, why now?" He muttered.  Gavin hates rain.  For him, it is a wicked natural circumstance of the world.  That is why, he always brings an umbrella with him, as his shield from its wickedness.  But now, Gavin was bare.  And the rain knew it, seizing the opportunity of his vulnerability.  And he hated the rain even more.

He glanced at his watch--5:43 PM.  He sighed.  Charles will be home soon.  He stepped outside and tried to grab a vehicle.  But luck isn't with him tonight.  The supermarket is not that far from their subdivision--he could run.  He extended his hand, measuring the rain's viciousness.  Feet tapping, heavy breathing, he run through the rain shouting.

When finally he arrived at the house, he was soaking wet.  Shivering, he opened the door, surprised at seeing Charles already home, reading a book in the living room.

"Hey, you're early today." he commented while ruffling his wet hair.

"I skipped class.  Why are you wet?" Charles asked, hidden concern in his voice.

"Oh, I forgot to bring my umbrella." he casually answered.  Charles did not reply, instead, stood up and decided to go in his room.  Then stopped, faced Gavin and said, "You might catch a cold.  I haven't re-stocked my medicine cabinet."

"It's alright.  It's just rain." Gavin lied.

"If you say so."  Charles said then locked himself in his room.

Gavin smiled.  He's concerned.  He put down his groceries and changed into dry clothes.  Then, he started to cooking up his plan (literally).

Meanwhile, Charles couldn't concentrate on his book, still concerned about Gavin.  Why am I worried? He's a grown man.  So what if he caught a cold? It's just cold! Nothing serious!  He thought, convincing himself.  Although, Gavin's earlier image did remain on him.  Black hair emphasized, droplets of rain slowly descending from his face, white shirt sticking on his body revealing the rock hard abs underneath, and his trousers--Charles shook his head, trying to push away the thought.  What is happening to me?  Is he perhaps, the root of my being angry at Gerald? 

He reflected on his relationship with the doctor.   A year ago, they were fine.  He depended on the doctor as his foothold for sanity.  He became fine because of Gerald's support.  He was fine.  Fine?  However, a year after that, their relationship is being dragged down by inner conflicts--their personal demons.  Then came Gavin.  And his sanity is on the brink again.  Blurry images flash through his mind.  A voice, surreal and reminiscent whispers at him.  His heart is being filled with mixture of emotions, he doesn't know when he'll explode.  

No, it wasn't Gavin.  It wasn't the doctor himself either.  It was him.  No matter how hard he denied it, avoided it, blamed it on someone, it had always been him.  He has a problem.  A big one--but he can't explain it despite wanting to.  What happened to me?

A knock on his door.

"What is it?" he softly yelled.

"Uh, dinner.  Let's eat.  Dinner." Gavin awkwardly replied.  I am so stupid!  He thought, annoyed at himself.

"I'm good.  You can go ahead." 

"You sure? I made crab cakes." Gavin said, casting the bait.  Few seconds later, Charles opened the door and shyly proceeded to the dining room.  Gavin secretly gave himself a pat.

They ate in silence except for Gavin's occasional sneezes and raspy coughs.  Charles tried not act worried--

"Uh, excuse me." Gavin said, bolting to the bathroom.  Charles heard him vomiting.

--and failed.

Charles stopped eating and touched Gavin's forehead when he returned.  Surprised, Gavin removed Charles's hand.

"What are you doing?" Gavin asked.  He didn't get a reply.  Charles once again, put his hand against Gavin's forehead.

"You have a fever." Charles said afterwards.

Gavin chuckled. "Nah.  I'm not that weak, y'know." he said then went back to eating.  Charles rolled his eyes and continued eating, too, thinking to himself, Fine.  Who cares?

After finishing their meal, Charles offered to wash the dishes.  Gavin wanted to object but he was feeling too tired that he let him.  However, before Gavin was able to enter his room, he collapsed near the sofa.

Charles, who was applying soap on the sponge heard a thud and saw Gavin lying on his back on the floor.  Frantic, Charles came up to him.  Feeling Gavin's high body temperature.  He immediately located Gavin's pulse.  It was normal.  Charles relaxed a bit.  But he's passed out!  Charles jiggled Gavin, nothing happened.  He slapped him softly on the cheeks.  Nothing happened.  What to do, what to do?  He thought, panic starting to enter his system.

Oh wait.  He knows something.  He had seen it in movies and dramas.  He looked at Gavin, mouth slightly open, breathing softly.  Charles blushed.  He hesitated.  Go on, you i***t!  It's the only thing to do! yelled his inner voice.  Charles gently pinched Gavin's nose and opened his mouth an inch more.  Slowly, he lowered his face, heart beating rapidly against his chest.  Why am I nervous?  This is basic CPR.  Nothing malicious about it.

Inches away from Gavin's mouth, Charles was suddenly truck by a thought.  Now, why would I blow air in his body.  He has a normal pulse and breathing.  Charles retreated his face and decided to slap Gavin instead, this time, hard.

Gavin jerked up, his face inches away from Charles's.  They both stared at each other for seconds before Charles, not wanting to reveal his blushing face, stood up.

"Can you stand? Or do you need help?" he asked, avoiding Gavin's eyes.

"Nah, it's okay." Gavin replied weakly, forcing himself to stand up.  But his legs betrayed him.  He lost his balance and then--

"I got you." Charles assured him, hand on Gavin's hip.  He helped Gavin walk to his room and to his bed.  

"Sorry.  I'm not usually this weak." Gavin said while Charles is tucking him.

"It's cool." Charles replied.  "Would you be okay here? I need to buy fever medicine." 

"Yeah.  I'll be fine.  Thanks." 

Charles left Gavin's room and took his wallet, an umbrella, and rode on a cab to the nearest pharmacy, forgetting his social anxiety for Gavin's well-being.

Meanwhile, Gavin, left alone in his room, wondered idly at his and Charles's almost kissing incident.  Truth is, after collapsing, Gavin immediately regained his consciousness.  He just stayed like that to see what Charles would do.  His eyes were slightly open, then.  He could see Charles, though blurry.  He smiled, remembering Charles's sudden realization.  That instead of 'kissing' Gavin, he slapped him.  That hurt a lot, though.  He thought, touching his burning cheeks and smiling like an i***t.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charles came back after 15 minutes, small bag of fever medicine in his hand and a hot porridge.  He quickly prepared the medicine, porridge, and a basinful of lukewarm water and towelette.  He went to Gavin's room and immediately took care of him.  

"Why are you avoiding me?"  Gavin asked, voice hoarse, breathing now slightly labored.  

Charles, sitting across Gavin's bed while reading a book replied, "I wasn't avoiding you."

"You are.  If  I hadn't cooked your favorite food, you wouldn't have had dinner with me." 

Charles put down his book, eyeing Gavin.  "How'd you know crab cake is my favorite?"

"A hunch." Gavin casually lied.

He must have noticed how I ate crab cakes that day.  Charles thought, to dismiss his suspicion.

"Well, let's say I am avoiding you.  What's it to you anyway?  We only met two weeks ago." 

Gavin just smiled, hiding the fact that he was pained by that statement.  And decided to drop the topic.  Silence overcame them.  Charles continued reading but from the corner of his eye, was observing Gavin.  Gavin turned sideways, facing his room's open door.  

"You made me cry." Charles finally answered.

"What? When?" Gavin asked, oblivious to Charles's ambiguous answer.

"That day.  At Six O'clock.  When you sang." Charles admitted.

"I-I didn't know."

"It's cool. I didn't show you.  I didn't want you to know."

"Why would that be a reason for you to avoid me?"

"I-uh, haven't cried for a long time.  There were times, few times, when I came close, but I didn't.  I dunno.  It's difficult to explain."

"I'm listening."

Charles looked in Gavin's eyes and found sincerity.  Just like that day, when Gavin sang.

"I guess it's vital for a person like me to express what I feel.  I mean, its important for all people but to me, it's like a key.  To unlock my deepest and hidden emotions, memory.  And believe me, its easy for me to lock away my feelings.  In fact, there are certain feelings and memory that pass even through me.  I can't explain them.  And then you happened.  And then you made me cry.  You made me feel."

"Is that suppose to be a bad thing? Feeling."  Gavin asked helplessly.

"I-I-I dunno." Charles replied, unsure of himself.  "But it scared me." he added.  Charles averted his eyes.  His heart is starting to well up again.  He stood up.  "You should rest now.  I'll be in the next room if you need help." Charles said.  He attempted to walk away but--

"Stay here with me." Gavin pleaded, holding Charles's hand.

"I-I--

"Please."

Charles wanted to protest but looking in Gavin's pleading eyes, he couldn't say no.

"Fine.  I'll stay.  At least until you fall asleep."

"That is all I ask." Gavin removed his hand and Charles sat down opposite him.  Suddenly, Charles's phone vibrated in his short's pocket.  It was Dr. Zarate calling.  He turned his phone off.  I'll call him tomorrow.

"D'you want me to sing a song for you?" Charles jokingly offered.

"Sure!"

"I'm kidding."

"Hey, no backsies!"

"What are you, a child?" Charles commented.  But he sang for Gavin anyway.  Although Charles's voice is very unlike Gavin's raspy yet mild voice, it was good enough for Gavin.

Soft kitty, warm kitty,

Little ball of fur.

Happy kitty, sleepy kitty,

Purr, purr, purr.

Ten year old Charles sang while damping Gavin's shoulder with mildly hot towelette.

"That's a stupid song! What am I, a child?" Gavin complained.

"You're stupid! Soft drizzles of rain and you get a fever!?" Charles retorted.

"What? It's just like Superman's weakness to Kryptonite.  Rain is my weakness."

"Tsk! You're no Superman."  Charles said, rashly brushing the towelette to Gavin's face.  Slightly irritated, Gavin brusquely removed the towelette.

"But I like it." Charles commented.

"What?"

"I like the rain.  It lets me take care of you for a change." Charles casually said.

Gavin faced the other direction, to prevent Charles from seeing him blush.  "Tsk! You're so stupid!" he said, then sneezing.