"Best Friends"

Chapter Two

I always forget how cold it gets after the Autumn Sun sets. The night between my Jonah’s and my birthday - September twenty-first to the twenty-second - is no exception. Grabbing the fuzzy throw off my bed, I am careful to keep it around my shoulders as I climb from my balcony up to the roof. Jonah had already fallen asleep, wanting to up bright and early, so it was easy enough to leave out the backdoor. If he texted me, I could always say I was checking on Hades. I’d specifically not take my meds, just yet, so I could come out here.

Alone, in the quiet of the night, I lie down and look up at the stars. So far off in the suburbs means there isn’t as much light pollution, and the view is pretty decent. Getting lost in the moment, I’m startled when Clark’s voice comes from below.

I move towards the edge, “What?”

He has his guitar slung across his back while climbing up. “Just saying I was here.”

“It’s lucky my house has the back stairwell.”

He doesn’t look at me while he gets settled in his usual spot, “What time is it?”

I twist my wrist to get my FitBit to light. “Three minutes till.”

He nods and gets the guitar between his legs so he can lean back on his elbows. Eyes up, his voice is soft, “It’s a good night.”

My eyes go to the clear skies. “Worried it was going to rain?”

“Yes.”

He doesn’t look at me when I stare at him with raised eyebrows. “So… you going to make me wait the three minutes?”

Throwing a smirk my way, he replies “Of course.”

I groan and lay down next to him. He eases down next to me, and I can feel how close his hand is to mine. We’d held hands before… when we were up here, deep in conversation. It is easy to lose your surroundings with a sky like this. And sometimes, even when we’d stopped talking, it was just nice to know the other was there. Such a vast sky, such a vast world, but not at all alone.

I’d held hands with family, with girl friends, on dates, Hell even with Jonah before. But even so, it always feels different with Clark. And when his fingers curl around mine tonight, I feel the same electricity I always do, my heart beating rapidly, my breath momentarily frantic.

“Do you remember the first time we came up here?” his voice is almost a whisper.

I tried to think… it had been when I was twelve - a seventh grader and he was a Freshman in High School - fifteen years old. It had been Valentine’s Day and no one got me anything. Jonah didn’t even gift me a card, none of my friends even did anything #GalesntinesDay. I guess after the routine of everyone getting everyone something in class in Elementary School, it made me think no one liked me.

“Yeah…”

His voice is low, soft, “I don’t want you to ever think nobody cares.”

I didn’t know quite what to say when his phone started chiming in alarm. Letting go on my hand quickly, he sits up. After the alarm is shut off, he turns to me. With the bright light of the Moon, I can see the intensity of her stare. He reaches up, his fingers brushing my cheek and he tucks loose curls behind my ear. “Happy birthday, Candice.”

Heart pounding so hard it shakes my chest, breath caught in my throat; I just look into his eyes. But then I feel a buzzing in my pocket. I blink a few times then look down; I can see the light from under my phone.

“Ignore it.”

I nod, almost in a daze and look back to him.

He’s looking at me the way he does that makes my stomach flip-flop. His face is thoughtful and almost… careful, as if I am breakable. His grey-blue eyes keep to my face though it seems like a strain to do so, and he runs a hand through his hair. “So…”

“Mhm?”

“I got you three presents actually.”

“Oh?” I breathe.

He nods slowly, hesitantly. “I…,” he clears and throat and gestures to the guitar, “I wrote you something and then I’ve got something to give you,” he pats his pocket.

“And the third?”

His eyes fall on my lips.

After a moment, I whisper, “Clark?”

His eyes come back to mine, “Candice?”

But I just don’t know what to say. How could I possible tell him how I feel? It isn’t my fault he’s so attractive, it isn’t my fault we’ve spent all our lives together, it isn’t my fault that my stomach gets butterflies. He just is there… all the time, whenever I need him or even if I don’t.

I think back to the first time we talked privately at all - when I was, like, ten and I’d been fighting with Jonah, and he carried me to the other side of the house and sat me down in the grass. I was crying and then I got angry, then I just fell back. I said I was sorry, or something, about him seeing me a mess - my mom always told me I need to keep my emotions private. But he just shrugged and asked if I needed to talk about it.

It’s always been easy for us to talk. Maybe because we knew we’d keep each other’s secrets. Maybe because we simply didn’t judge each other. He is Clark, I am Candice, and that’s that.

A chicken, I nod to the guitar. “So, you wrote a song, huh?”

He frowns and looks down. “Yep….”

“Trying something out for your next show?”

Surprisingly, with a chuckle he eases. “No. This is for you.” He gets settled and the same look he always has when he plays washes over his face. Though he never lets himself sing lead, I always liked his voice better than Erik’s. But there’s something different about this… I can tell by the way he’s slow going, how is voice is a little lower.

“What is it about you,

That stays in my mind,

What is it about you,

That is truly so kind.

I never know what to do,

With or without you,

I never know what to do,

With or without you.

What have you done to mind,

Effervescent and oh so kind,

What have you done to my mind,

I can’t be with or without you.”

The last cord fades on the wind, leaving a comfortable silence between us. Though I’m focused on his face, lips parted, eyes getting teary, he doesn’t even look up when he tries to pull the little gift out of his pocket. (He starts nibbling on his lip as he gets the little thing out, the corner slightly stuck on a seam.)

He doesn’t really give me time – or us time – to respond to the song before he’s offering a little box to me, I take the little box gently and open it with a soft creak. I gasp quietly and look to the clearly authentically antique heart-shaped locket on a white cushion. “This is beautiful!”

Relief spreads across his face and he smiles, dimples and all. “You like it?”

“I love it.”

He runs a hand through his hair, “Do you… need help putting it on?”

“Actually, yes,” my giggle is soft, a little uncontrollable. I quickly add “I usually get stuff caught in my hair.”

I hand the box back to him and then turn around. The blanket falls off when I lift my mane of curly hair above my shoulders with one arm. I feel his fingers brush by my bare skin as he tries to get the necklace around my neck and then clasped close. The chain is longer than I expected, the heart falling to the middle of my chest. Under my shirt it would land perfectly between the b*a cups.

Happy tears rolling down my cheeks now, I turn around quickly and tackle-hug him. “Thank you so much!” I say into his shoulder.

*

Tears of joy tickle my neck as Candice holds herself close to me. I had heard a muffled “Thank you so much!” into my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her slowly and tug her a little closer. I don’t know how long we stay this way, us sort of melding together more comfortably, but finally she pulls back at a glacial pace. Like a sloth, she wraps the little blanket around her shoulders – looking sort of dozy, but in a happy way.

My next words spill out, “There’s one last thing.”

She presses some fabric to her cheeks, cleaning up her face. “Yeah?”

My fingers shove through my tuft of hair, slipping down to hold on the back of my neck. “Candice?”

“Clark?” she muses.

“I didn’t tell you before ‘cause I didn’t want you to not take it.”

She frowns and her fingers move from her blanket to the locket, “What is it?”

My eyes come to hers and I’m swimming in the green of a Summer field. “That was my mom’s.” I finally say, unblinking. “She gave it to me to give,” to give to the woman I love, when the time is right, “to the right person.”

“Clark?” she whispers, “Are you sure?”

I nod, my eyes stay level with hers, “I’ve always thought of it as yours.”

Finally, her smile is soft – sweet, kind, genuine. “I’ll never take it off.”

I don’t doubt it.

I enjoy her smile for a moment, building the courage to kiss her. But right as I lifted my hand to her face, her phone started ringing. “Ignore it,” I instruct again.

It is ringing though, not just a notification. She frowns and slips it up from the roof. “Oh, it’s Jonah.” She clicks talk. “Hey.” Her eyes drift to the side and she wiggles to sit criss-cross. “No, I’m awake and Hades is okay. I’m just -” But he is obviously talking over her (a habit I can’t stand) and she brings her fingers to her temple and rubs carefully. “Yeah, maybe. Yeah, no… I’m coming.” A pause. “I’ll be right there. Yep, bye!” and she sighs.

“I take it we need to get back?”

She tosses any loose hair over her shoulder, sighing, then takes another look at the starry sky. “I guess.”

I want to tell her we don’t have to, to tell her how much I care, to wrap up with her and stay right here just for another moment – or maybe much longer . I want to but can’t. My words just get lost in my throat and when I open my mouth a long exhale comes out.

Watching Candice move to slowly make it down to her balcony, I cannot understand why I never question myself, always do what I want, unless it’s around her. But after all this time, all these years, I am too afraid to lose her. If she doesn’t romantically like me back, then no more texts, no more quiet conversations, she would simply be my little brother’s best friend.

I had no control over losing my mother, but I do in keeping Candice.

Back in her room she tosses the throw onto the bed and excuses herself to her bathroom. In the dim light of just one lamp, I scope out where Hades is in his maze of furniture. Finally, I spot in him and kneel down and reach into a little hut. “Hey little guy.”

The sleepy kitten stretches and yawns and blinks at me with squinty eyes.

“You’re a good boy, you know that?” I pet him softly. “I’m sorry I ever called you names, I was just joking. You’re actually pretty awesome,” I chuckle as he playfully gnaws on my knuckle. “And your mommy loves you very, very much. I hope you know that,” I sigh. “I’m sure you love her too, huh?” He starts purring loudly. “Me too, Hades… me too.”

After making sure he’s not too cold by checking the tips of his ears and bottom of his stomach, I lift. Moving to the door, I lean against it and cross my arms over my chest. My phone buzzes right as the bathroom door opens.

You find Candice?

You assume I go over there when I’m not home?

She said you offered to check on Hades.

Right.

So? Are you with her?

Yep. There she is.

We’re heading back now.

And I shove my phone back in my pocket. “You ready to go?”

“It’s actually a good thing we came over here.”

I c**k a brow and lift off the door, “Oh?”

She holds up a medicine bottle. “I forgot it.”

“Your Seroquel? Candice….”

Her eyes close. “I know, I know….”

“Take it now, would you?”

She chews on her inner cheek but then follows instruction. “Fine.”

I came over to her and draped my arm over her shoulder. “Com’on then. Let’s get you back so you can get some sleep.”