CHAPTER 7
1620 Words
Every night after was the same.
Xaphen would summon me to his chambers with an uncaring snap of his fingers as if I were just another one of his servants. I tried to act like the ‘perfect wife’—obedient, pleasing, everything I thought he wanted.
Not out of some fragile hope of winning him over but because I had no choice. I was here to survive, not to beg again for affection.
But it was never enough.
One night, as I stood in the doorway of his room, I hesitated. My heart raced as I gathered the courage to speak.
“Is there something specific you want tonight?” I asked quietly, stepping inside. I wanted to sound confident, but it fell off as damn stupid.
Xaphen glanced up from his papers, barely giving me a second look. “Just do what you usually do, Junia.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “But I—what I’ve been doing… it’s not enough for you. I can tell.”
He sighed, rubbing his temple as if I were an annoyance. “Then try harder.”
I bit my lip, yearning to feel physical pain rather than emotional torture. “I have been trying. But you always push me away, and I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong.”
His gaze finally flicked to me, cold and uncaring. “Don’t tell me you’re that dumb.”
I forced myself to hold on, not let his words get to me. "I'm here because this marriage was an agreement. The same one you signed onto."
Xaphen only scoffed in response.
I hesitantly explained, “The more time we spend together, the closer we’ll be. You just have to talk, and then maybe it―”
“Talk?” He laughed coldly. “You think I want to talk to you? If I wanted someone to chat with, I’d call in one of the advisors. Or better yet, the slaves. At least they know when to keep quiet.”
“What do you want from me, Xaphen? I’m trying, but—”
“I want you to stop whining and just do what you’re told,” he snapped. “If I wanted your opinion, I’d ask for it.”
I blinked, taken aback by his sudden anger. “I’m not trying to argue. I just want to make this work. For both of us.”
He stood up, towering over me, his expression flagged with irritation. “Work? This isn’t about what you want, Junia. This is about what I want. And what I want is for you to stop being so annoying.”
He gritted his teeth. “Everything about you, I hate it.”
My heart sank, and I didn’t have the courage to gather what was left of me. I just stood there, feeling a numbing pain crawl down my body. It was happening all over again.
If Derrick got to know about this, he would throw a damn feast to celebrate.
Later that night, he cringed when I touched him, his body recoiling as if my skin burned his. The moment he pushed me away, I gathered my clothes and hurried out of the room, my hands shaking as I clutched them to my chest.
And like clockwork, I heard the soft footsteps of the slaves he called in to finish what I couldn’t. I really wasn’t wanted. But what other choice did I have?
The moment Xaphen abandoned me, Derrick would have every right to finish what he started, and I was tired of living such a suffocating life, not knowing what would happen next.
The next morning, I waited for Xaphen at breakfast.
Maybe today would be different. Maybe if I approached him differently, burying my feelings and wearing something tempting, perhaps he wouldn’t be as cold.
He entered the dining room without so much a glance at me, sitting at the head of the table. I cleared my throat, trying to sound calm. “I was thinking… about us.”
He didn’t look up. “And?”
I shifted nervously in my seat. “About the heir. I know that’s important to you, and I want to do my part. I know I haven’t been… enough for you, but if we focus on—”
“If this is about a child, then I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Xaphen coldly interrupted me, “Just carrying my child isn’t going to keep a man like me.”
‘This son of a—’
“It’s what you want, isn’t it?” I forced myself to look at him. “I know I’m not enough for you, but I’m willing to try harder. To give you what you need. An heir.”
“I know we came to an agreement regarding our marriage. I don’t have any plans for more,” I added.
He set his fork down, finally meeting my gaze. “You’re right about one thing. You have failed me. An heir is important, yes. But you’re missing the point, Junia. It’s not just about having a child. It’s about being a proper wife. Someone who doesn’t embarrass me. Someone who can handle being in my bed without me calling in others to finish the job.”
The heat rushed to my face, and I clenched my fists under the table. “I’m trying, Xaphen. I’ve tried every night, but you always push me away.”
He narrowed his eyes, “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were a virgin because that’s your only excuse for being that way.”
“Didn’t the last guy teach you anything? Do you need drugs to get laid? For f**k’s sake, who uses their teeth?” All of his frustration from our incomplete nights poured out.
The embarrassment hit me hard, and I wished I had never started this conversation.
“I’m sorry I bit you,” I whispered, “I'll be better next time―”
“Yeah, right,” he scoffed, “by practicing on whose d**k?”
I flinched, feeling the eyes of the servants around us. They were listening. Of course, they were listening. I felt their silent judgment, their pity. I wanted to disappear.
“I’ll be better,” I whispered, clenching my fists so hard the knuckles turned white.
After that, I stopped trying to have conversations during the day. What was the point? He had made it clear that I wasn’t worth his time unless it involved s*x or producing an heir. So, I focused on that. It was the only thing I had any control over.
But it was still not enough.
One evening, after another failed attempt to please him in bed, I stood outside his door, listening to the sounds of the slaves he had called in.
“Aarrrgghh!” She moaned.
“f**k!”
“Yes, take it like a good girl.” He said, breathless.
My body ached with shame, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. The longer I stood there, the more I realized how hopeless this situation was. No matter how hard I tried, I would never be enough for him.
But I couldn’t stop. I had to believe that if I kept going and kept trying, things would eventually change. Maybe he would at least respect me once I gave him a child. Maybe then, I wouldn’t be so easily discarded.
Maybe then, I could live.
One night, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to ask him directly, at least finish the conversation he never let me complete. When I entered his chambers, I took a deep breath and faced him. “Can we talk?”
Xaphen didn’t bother looking up from his papers. “What is it now, Junia?”
“I just…” I hesitated but pushed forward. “I need to know if this is ever going to change.”
He raised an eyebrow, finally glancing at me. “What do you mean?”
“I mean us. This… marriage.” I swallowed, my throat tight. “Am I ever going to be enough for you? Or am I just… wasting my time?”
Xaphen chuckled, a low, condescending sound. “Enough? For me? Junia, you were never enough. You knew that when you agreed to marry me.”
My heart sank, a bitterness rising in my chest. “Then why did you—”
“Because my father wanted you as my wife,” he said simply. “You’re here to give me an heir. That’s all. Once you do that, you can disappear for all I care.”
At least he was honest. “I’ll give you the heir you want. But I need to know—will that be enough? Will you at least respect me after that?”
Xaphen shrugged. “Respect is earned, Junia. And so far, you haven’t done much to earn mine.”
“And how can I?”
“That’s yours to figure out,”
“I don’t have the time to teach you basic things, Junia.” He continued.
That was exactly the problem.
“Why? What’s wrong with teaching me? I’m a good and fast learner, but it seems you’ve gotten used to the slaves.”
I wondered how long he had been f*****g them and if he had a favorite. What did she do to make him want her all the time?
“Watch your mouth.” He frowned, his gaze becoming chilling.
And I could not stand there any longer. Without another word, I walked out of the room, anger and pain clashing in my heart.
- Writer
