Rectrix

Meet Nat

"While I'm alive, I intend to live."

- Everett Ruess

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NAT

My eyes opened only to see flashes of black and white static all over, a common occurrence whenever I try to see in the dark. The only thing on my mind were those blue eyes that looked so gentle... but also deadly. 

Ten years have passed by in the blink of an eye. At twenty-eight, I feel like I have aged fifty more years. Moving to a new and unknown place when the calendar repeats is getting exhausting and because the thought of meeting new people freaks me the f**k out, it does not help at all.

Yes, I was eighteen when my parents died. Eighteen. At that age, kids are supposed to be preparing themselves to enter their dream college and get a start on their journey to the real world. Well, not me. I admit I was still childish and immature then. I don't know what it was about me that couldn't get a grasp on reality at that age. Needless to say, I was useless.

How, you ask? It's because I can't remember anything that happened before the accident. Only bits and pieces.

All I remember is looking at those blue eyes.

When I came to, I was at one of our vacation houses a few hours away from our home with my head, arms and legs bandaged up. Waking up alone and not knowing where your parents are is terrifying for any child, no matter how old you are. I broke down and had been in a trance for two days before it hit me that there were people out there looking for me and would not hesitate to kill me. I had no time to figure out who it was that saved me, all I cared about was getting away.

There were lots of times shortly after losing my parents that I should have let them come for me. I didn't know how to live without them. But getting death at the hands of someone I've never met pisses me off. No one signs me off unless I say so.

I rummaged through my parents closet and looked for documents that I knew my parents kept for emergencies, I had to burn them before they get their hands on them. What I found instead were eight different identifications with my photo, plus a generous stash of guns and ammo which I knew how to handle since dad kept teaching me, even though I did not really want to because seriously, when would I ever use it? Guess the joke's on me now. 

My thoughts wandered to all those times he insisted on letting me come with him to the firing range, or when he'd spent a few nights a month in the middle of nowhere learning the ropes on how to survive on your own.

From there, I thought about being in some sort of witness protection program and my parents were most likely not my real parents. It hurt to remember that dad did all those things to help me.

I rubbed my chest at the sudden stabbing feeling in my heart that I always felt whenever I thought about them.

I knew I had to stay alive, I owe them my life and there was no way in hell I was going to let it go to waste.

With that mindset, I got myself to where I am now; in Reeds, New York.

I flopped back down on my worn-out mattress after looking at the watch on my wrist and seeing that I still had fifteen more minutes until I needed to get up.

Getting to the city was an absolute pain. This was the first time in the ten years of non-stop moving that I chose a well-populated city. I figured it was time for a change and the hometown on my very last alias was this. I've been putting it off for the past few years because I knew it was a rather large and modern city - very easy to spot people, but also very difficult to locate because of the growing number of the population.

I washed up early since I had to be at the building before six am and the walk there was about thirty minutes. I was not going to take the risk of riding a bus because I knew there had to be cameras there. I tucked my Eagle in the waistband of my pants as well as sliding a few of my knives in my boots.

I would rather have it and not need it than to need it but not have it. Ten years of being alone, you'd learn a thing or two about protecting yourself, especially when you live in that part of town where no one knows anyone, hence no one would care if you're still breathing or not.

Currently Natasha Polly, and about to start my new job that is off the focus and out of the eyes of inquiring minds.