VIII. We need to talk.
1759 Words
About a week have passed after Seol went to Yugyeoms house.
A part of her has been feeling relieved, because she doesn't have this pressure whether she has been using him or not; but the other part feels lonely, sad, annoyed with herself because she told him a lot of things that might've hurt him, even though that was the last thing she wanted to do.
That day, she let it all out, everything she felt and everything she thought. Lots of things were said by her; he said nothing and she didn't let him.
He looked so disappointed and confused, that she knew if she heard him say anything it would hurt her even more.
She knows that this might be sound self-contradictory, but sometimes she thinks she shouldn't have talked to him and just let things walk at its own step.
Thinking about everything more calmed, and not looking at the wrong and mistaken parts of this, she misses the time they spent together. His look, his smile, his talking... It felt just so right and sincere.
"Kim Seol"- Her friend took her off her thoughts-
She looked at her friend and mumbled a "What" not paying much attention.
"Is it because of Yugyeom again?" -Nami asked, sitting next to her friend.
"Again?"-Seol said looking at her friend- "It has never stopped, since I talked to him the other day. It's hurting me, ok?"
"I understand, but-" -Nami said, and stopped because of the stare her friend was giving her.- "What? I've never been in a relationship, but i still have feelings, ok?" -She giggled, making her friend chuck-
The chuck on Seols face didn't last for long.
"Look"- Nami said catching her friends' attention once again- "If you feel that bad about this situation, why don't you talk to him? You need to talk. Have a conversation. Not a one sided talking as you did the last time. You need to have a REAL conversation." -She continued, emphasizing on the word 'real'.
-Seol took her eyes off her friend and stared at the floor- "I can't." -She said nodding no-
"Of course you can. You need to do this, so everything gets clear. And so you can feel better" -Nami said grabbing her friends hand.
"I can't, Nami" -She repeated and closed her eyes- "I can't face him again. I just can't do it. You didn't see him. Disappointment and sadness in his expression."-She opened her eyes and looked at her friend. Her eyes were full of tears.
-Nami looked at her sad. The fact that her friend was feeling that way, makes her feel awful.- "You know what?"-She smiled. Her friend just stared at her.- "You're dumb"
"Huh?"
"Do you know why you have been feeling this way?"-Nami said letting go her friends' hand-
"Because I hurt him"-She said and sobbed.
"No. It's because it does is true you like him, you i***t"-Nami said.
When Seol heard that, she looked away and started thinking.
Her friend was right.
But why was she feeling that way. It seemed as it was her very first love. She was an adult, this wasn't the first guy she has been with. What is happening to her? What is it with this guy that makes her feel so vulnerable?
-
Nami left home because it was almost night, so now she is alone.
As soon as her friend left she took a reflective shower.
When she got dressed, her phone rang notifying she had received a text.
She opened it.
"Yugyeom"-She said with a shaky voice.
She hesitated whether replying or not
She hesitated whether replying or not. No.
She might be acting immature, but she doesn't feel ready. She just can't face him.
-She threw her phone to the bed, and let herself fall next to it.
Thoughts of everything she told him the other night come to her mind and she feels bad for him. If everything had been told to her, she would be hurt.
Reminding about his face while she was talking: confusion, disappointment, sadness embraced his whole expression. How can she face him once again, if she treated him like that?
Obviously she wasn't thinking about his feelings towards her... She was just trying to protect herself of getting hurt.
-
About an hour later she was walking from the kitchen to her room, and she heard the doorbell rang.
It scared her, and she stared at the door from where she was, the hallway.
As soon as she heard it she could feel who was it.
"Kim Seol, Open up."
She got it right. It was Yugyeom.
She was motionless. She couldn't move
Seconds later she heard he started knocking on the door. It was constant for about one minute, but then it started being harder.
She still couldn't move.
She heard he started pulling on the door knob. And that's when she could move.
She reached the door and was standing behind it, hesitating whether she opens it or not. Her heart was about to come out. She didn't feel ready for facing him yet, but sometime it has to be... It's better for it to be as soon as possible... The more time it passes, the worse it gets.
She heard he stopped knocking, seconds later heard something hit the door. She placed her hand on the knob, for open it. But she heard him talking.
"I'm staying out here until you decide to talk to me"
She noticed that on the last words he said his voice cracked. When she heard that her eyes filled in tears.
She let some of them fall, so then she could clear her cheeks, and her eyes were tears-free.
She opened it. She could notice he was sitting resting his back on her door, because as she opened he leaned taking off his back off the door.
He stood up, and was grabbing his suit jacket and tie on one of his hands.
She swallowed and stared at him, who was staring on her.
Seconds later, she moved, so he could come in. As soon as he walked inside, she closed the door.
Her hands were sweating, heart was racing that fast because of nervousness that she thought it would come out.
He stared at her and took a deep sigh. Seol noticed he was nervous. Disappointment and sadness was no longer in his expression. It had changed. Now were desperation and nervous.
"I came to answer you"-His voice sounded shaky, so he paused for getting calmed and sighed-
He noticed by her facial expression she was nervous, and sad.
"That night I met you, it was a typical night out with the guys. I wasn't expecting I would meet nobody that night, it was just a normal night out drinking and dancing. That night, you caught my eye since the very first moment you walked inside the club. I just couldn't stand not looking at you. There was something in you that caught me right away, even though I haven't talked to you yet." -He smiled, but then it just faded away- "That moment when I saw you on the hallway, coming outside the bathroom, I could see you better, that was my intention. And when i saw you clearer you drove me crazy even though I just saw you for some seconds."-He noticed her expression changed to surprised. She was looking at him with his eyes wide open.- "When I told you to drive you home I did it because I wanted you to get here safe, as you were kind of drunk. Later, when you were already home. I was going to leave, because all I wanted was for you to be okay, but then you locked me in here, and made me stay. Do you think I was going to reject it and just leave? Hell no, I wanted it to happen."
She couldn't help but smile lightly.
"The day after that I texted you, because I wanted to get to know you better. Not the drunk girl I danced with and kissed on the club. I wanted to know the sober Kim Seol."-He said and smiled again- "You came to be the most amazing girl I've ever met. Besides funny you're caring, kind, sensible, simple, and gorgeous. What else would I look for? Nothing"-He said, and her eyes watered.- "There's nothing else I was looking for. Even though we didn't meet each other on the most romantic way ever, it meant something to me. Right now, there's nothing on you I don't look for in a woman."
-Tears started falling from her eyes. He walked up to her, and whipped the off.
Seol was not crying because she was sad, it was completely the opposite. His words were touching, she was feeling stupid because she thought she didn't like him. But how is it possible not to like someone like him? Of course she likes him. So much she even felt she was using him, because she had just ended up a relationship. But no, what she was feeling was real... Just as him.
-His voice talking again took her out of her thoughts-"As they days passes by, I regret less the fact of meeting you. Since I met you there was no single time I doubted on getting to know you more and more. Because I met you, I never went back to that place. Why would I go back there? I already found what I was looking for."-He caressed her cheek- "And you know the best part of all this? With the only person I feel comfortable with, is you."-He said and smiled, still caressing her cheek.- "I would never say I regret everything that have happened between us, because that would be a lie"-He said.
They stared at each other eyes for some seconds. He took his hands off Seol cheeks and grabbed her by her waist, and now she placed hers on his face.
-She smiled at him, for the first time that night showing her teeth. She caressed his cheeks with her thumbs, and kissed him.
After some seconds of kissing, they pulled apart, and hugged.
Yugyeom was relieved he could let it all out, and he confirmed she was just confused.
Seol was relieved he doesn't hate her, and because his feeling towards her were real, just as she realized hers towards him were real too.
They didn't have a real conversation, as Nami told Seol to have. But at least now they're even.
- Writer
