A Promise From My Heart

Chapter Twenty-Three

The green grasses danced gently to the direction of the wind, swaying to its soft lullaby. The sun was still out but not as hot as it had been in the afternoon. The big yellow ball in the blue sky turned golden as time faded away. Warm rays of red light beat down on us, the air very dense. I could feel the coolness of the air with every gulp of air that went into my nostrils. I walked holding Amatullah's hand towards my mother's grave. We stood in front of mom's grave hand in hand. There was silence for a while before Amy spoke.

"Assalamu alaikum mom" she said, her voice low and quiet. "I am back from the hospital. Alhamdulillah, I am fine now. Yusuf had stood by me. I am sure he told you" she smiled a bit glancing at me then looked back at the tomb "You don't have to worry about his well-being. As long as I am with him, he will always be well. We miss you mom. We miss you very much. I am so sorry if I still can't remember anything about that night but I promise you In Sha Allah, you shall hear good news" she smiled.

There was silence for a while. Her hand had slipped off my grip and she had joined her hands together. Her lips moved gently to whatever dua she was saying. I said mine. By the time I was through, Amy had finished her dua.

"Ameen" she said when I was done.

"Do you feel better now?" I asked.

"Yes I do" she moved closer, held my arm and leaned her head on my arm.

My mother was a woman loved by all, if possible. She was the best woman in my life. Her memories flooded in reminding me vividly of her. Those days she would laugh and hug me, those days she would scold and beat me whenever I did something wrong, those days she was ready to solve my problem. I had found comfort and peace whenever I laid my head on her laps and she strokes my hair gently massaging my skull. I would tell her about Amatullah, the girl that had stolen my heart. Every detail, I had told her. How wonderful Amatullah was, what a pretty lady she was and how much I have fallen for her. Even though mom had not seen her, she had developed a very great liking for her. I had asked her why she had loved Amy so much. Mom had said "My son loves her, he cares for her and she is the reason behind his everlasting smile. Why can't I like her? Having her as a daughter in law will be one of the best things that have happened to me" Bile went up my throat. I pushed back the tears beginning to form in my eyes. My chest tightened.

"She was a very nice woman" Amy's voice broke my thoughts. She wrapped her other hand around my torso. "She was my second mother" Her lips moved up softly.

I said nothing and kept staring at my mother's grave. Amatullah understood I was missing mom. She knew I was sad that's why she had tried consoling me by hugging me, holding me closer to her hoping it will reduce my pain and sorrow.

"We should leave" I said after a while.

With our fingers intertwined into each other, we left.

Our drive home was very quiet. I stared at Amy from time to time when she said nothing. She stared at the busy roads of Lagos, her head rested on the window, a hand tucked under her head and the other on her laps. I took her hand that rested on her laps grasping her attention. She looked at me with a small smile.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked lifting her hand to my lip.

"Nothing" she smiled raising her head from the window to rest her back on the seat.

"Really? Nothing?" I lifted an eyebrow.

"Yusuf, I was thinking we can meet a psychologist who can help me recover my lost memory" her eyes rested on me.

"Is this about what Noor said three days ago?"

"No, it has nothing to do with that. I just thought we should find a psychologist. If by chance I recall it, it can help with the investigation"

I said nothing until I found a suitable place to pull to the shoulder of the road. I switched off the ignition then turned to hold her hands. She stared at me worried and a little bit scared

"I don't think you need anyone to help you with your memory. You will remember when the right time comes"

"Yusuf, if I don't try to remember how can I remember what happened to mom? Yusuf, please do this for me" she flapped her eyelashes holding her lower lip in between her teeth.

"Don't do that Amy. Don't do that" I groaned shutting my eyes "You know how much I can't resist that" I opened my eyes to see her smiling almost laughing "Okay if this makes you happy, then I will do it" I gave in.

"Really?" She shrieked. "You are the best. You are the best. You are the best. You are the best husband ever" she threw her hands over my neck and hugged me so tight laughing into my neck which sent tingles through my body.

------------

I opened the large brown mahogany door moving aside for Amatullah to enter. She gave me a grateful smile as I stepped in beside her. Holding hands, we walked into the living room where my father and grandmother sat talking, the television switched on.

"Assalamu alaikum" we greeted together.

"Walaikum Salam" they answered.

Amy went down on her knees while I prostrated.

"How was the place you went to?" Dad asked as we sat on the love seat.

"Alhamdulillah, it was fine" I held Amy's hand glancing at her before looking at my father.

"Do you feel better now Amatullah?" Grandma asked.

"Yes, I feel better" she answered.

"Good ayanfe, very good" she smiled, her sunken eyes showed happiness.

"You should not feel better" I heard Noorie's voice. Everyone turned to the direction of her voice. Noor was standing by the kitchen door, a hand on her waist and her eyes cold and burning with fury that showed in her body. Noorie walked into the living room, a scornful look on her pretty face. She had her gaze on Amatullah, her lips forming an angry scowl "Don't you have shame at all?" She spat at Amatullah who look at her. This time, there was hurt in Amatullah's eyes.

Noor's words sent a sudden wave of anger through me. She was so rude and blunt with no remorse yet Amatullah said nothing. I balled my fist, my teeth moving against one another.

"You should feel so guilty after visiting mom's grave. The fact that you can't remember should eat you up like a brain tumour" her voice was harsh and anger sparkled in her eyes.

"Noor" dad spoke, his voice stern and warning.

"Yes dad it is the truth. She is perfectly alright now but mom is still there. How can we just forget about mom's death like that? Don't you have dreams that keep reminding you of the events? You know those crazy nightmares" she grimaced throwing her hands in the air.

"Noorie!" I snarled getting up unable to control my rising rage.

"Yusuf" Amatullah got up holding a hand up to stop me. "Leave her to me" she said then walked up to Noor. "You are right Noor. I am alright yet I can't recall anything from that night. It is the truth" Amy spoke, her voice calm. "But the fact that no one speaks about mom does not mean we have forgotten her. I felt guilty today when we went to visit her grave. I felt bad because I could not remember any that happened that night. That was why I had asked Yusuf to get me a psychologist who will help me with my memory loss. Noor, you are younger than me but I have given you the respect you deserve but I will also request you to return that same respect. You disrespect me a lot and I find that very hurtful. They say respect is reciprocal and I think I have never ever in any way disrespected you. The way you speak to me I don't like it. I think I have lots to bear on my shoulders for you to add to it. I am trying my very best to remember so please be patient with me" Amy said very calm and cool.

I could have smile at her words if I was not angry. Without a word, Amatullah left. After she left, the room was very quiet. I walked up to Noor who stood emotionless.

"You might be happy now that she has finally admitted how she feels. Noorie, you were so rude and it was disheartening. Try to put yourself in other's shoe before making some irrational decision or spewing some annoying words. I have expected a very big change in you but you know something, a part of you have not changed and I hope it does soon" I said and left.

"Why don't you understand? She needs to remember!" Noor's frustrated screams trailed up behind me as I ran up the staircase.

When I entered the room, Amatullah was standing by the nursery she had created during her denial. I closed the door and strode up to her. Her head hanged low with her shoulders slumped.

"Amy" I called.

"I did all these during my denial. I have wasted lots of money" she turned around holding a stuffed bear.

Her eyes held a lot of pain and her voice was quiet and hoarse as if she had just been choked in the gut.

"On the money part, I will agree we wasted lots of money" I moved closer to her.

"I have done lots of things without thinking" she breathes out "I have caused a lot of trouble. I have troubled you a lot. Those days I had destroyed the room due to my anger. It was just difficult to accept that we have lost our pregnancy. We wanted a child so much and we succeeded. You were so happy and excited, so very happy that your joy was my happiness. You were happy as if you were the one carrying the pregnancy" she ranted tearing up.

"Hey, calm down Amy" I held her shoulder.

"Then when I thought everything was going smoothly, we lost them. I was four months pregnant already. When you felt them, that tear that fell from your eyes had touched my soul" beads of crystal tears fell.

"Shhhhh....stop crying Amy" I held her face wiping away her falling tears.

"No Yusuf. No! I have caused you lots of troubled. I have caused you pain. Look at the scar on your forehead. I had thrown that vase on you. You could have died" she sobbed holding my hands. She ran a free hand through my scar that was already fading. Her words angered me.

"Amy, stop ranting nonsense. Stop" I shushed her, my voice harsh. "You did not cause me any trouble. You are my responsibility. Whatever had happened to you was also my problem and we have passed through it. Don't allow us go back to the past. It is well now and that is the best" I hugged her.

I ran a hand through her slim back trying to console her. Her sobs were muffled by my chest. She hiccupped then sniffled.

So much had happened, so much had gotten better but there were still more to make right. With Allah, I hope everything will finally fall into place especially the feud between my wife and sister. For whatever that had happened before, good or bad, I had passed through it and what I can say for the past and the present is just Alhamdulillah.