A Promise From My Heart

Chapter Nine

NOORIE'S POV

The pain shot through me like a dagger dived into my stomach. I whimpered and tried hard not to scream by biting my lips. There was hard tightening in the inner wall of my stomach. This time, a painful yell emitted my trembling lips. I felt something warm rush down my legs. I groaned as the ache tend to grow intense as seconds rolled by. I looked down at my feet and saw thick red liquid beginning to pool at my feet. The pain ate me as if something kept scratching the inner walls of my stomach. The edge of my dressed became a support to my limping body. I tried not to scream and held my lips in between my teeth that I felt the metallic taste on my tongue. The pain became unbearable making me scream and sending me to the cold floor. During the process of falling, I hit the flower vase on my dresser. My vision became blurring and my eyes got heavier. I heard my door flung open as I held my soaked dress feeling weak. I was shaking from the unbearable pain. The pain felt like my stomach was squeezing the baby out as it contracted. I whimpered again holding onto my stomach, my hold getting tighter.

"Sister Noorie" I heard Raihana shrilled. She ran up to me. "Ya Allah, What have you done?" she sat beside me and held me up. "Raihan" she shouted but her voice sounded fainter as darkness consumes me.

I woke up to find myself lying on a hospital bed. My whole family were seated around the room. Brother Yusuf had his head buried in his palms. Grandmother was weeping while Raihan consoled her. Raihana and Sister Amatullah were seated beside my bed. Dad was not even in the room maybe he did not come.

"Sister Noor, you are awake? Are you alright?" Raihana asked worry laced in her voice as she let out a sigh of relief.

Everybody turned their attention to me. They said nothing to me and just stared at me. I could see the disappointment in their eyes. Guilt built up in me. I knew I have disappointed them. I have killed the life in me but what choice do I have? I can't live with that shame. I hated my life at that moment. Looking away from their piercing stares, I drifted into a deep slumber.

I was discharged the following day. The doctor had said nothing was wrong with me that I am perfectly fine. He also said the pills I had taken had miraculously not affected my womb. That was a relief. My elder brother had come to pick me up. The entire drive home was quiet. I could see he kept trying hard to hold his anger which I knew will not last for long. His knuckles turned white over the steering and his jaw clenched and unclenched something he does whenever he was angry. I knew whatever he was going to do when we get home won't be good so I braced myself for the worst.

I fell on the floor when brother Yusuf threw me inside the room. I got up immediately with anger boiling in my blood.

"What the hell was that?" I yelled as I got up.

I got a hot sounding slap on my face that made my ears sound like a bursted speaker for few seconds as a reply. Hot tears ran down my cheeks. I stood rooted to the floor my wide eyes blazing with anger.

"What was wrong with you?" he shouted anger and disappointment blazing in his eyes "How could you kill an innocent life for your miserable mistake? I did not say anything when I heard you were pregnant. I tried to reason with you and said nothing. No one shouted at you or said anything. We all tried to understand you. Then why did you do that? Did you even think before doing that? Did you think of the sin you were committing? Did you think about how we will feel? How will you even think about our feelings when you just care about yourself" he said laughing at me mockingly. That hurts like dagger. He meant I was heartless. "I was already disappointed in you and now you just make me feel disgusted." he squeezed his face with disgust. I have had enough. His words were hurting so much.

"Please stop" I screamed.

"I should stop?" he sneered and walked up to me. "Why should I? You just need to know the truth. You need to know what you are doing is not good. It is intolerable. For Allah's sake Noorie you killed a four month old pregnancy. Do you know there was a life growing in you? Noor you are no different from a murderer" he said his voice filled with disdain for me.

"Please just stop" I screamed louder joining my palms together. "I accept my mistake. I know what I have done is wrong? I am ashamed of myself but can you just try to understand me?" I screamed "I know I am not different from a murderer. I was feeling ashamed of my deeds. The shame was getting unbearable. I am not ready to be a mother? I was depressed and wanted to get rid of my problem. I wanted to run from my problems. I feel guilty for aborting the pregnancy. I know how much I have hurt you all. I am fed up with my miserable life so please stop adding to my pain. I am not ready to postpone my NYSC for my pregnancy. I have dreams that I want to fulfil. Why should a child ruin it all?" I cried.

"I should understand you? I should understand that you killed your child because you are not ready to be a mother. So you killed a life because you don't want to ruin your future. I never asked you to open your laps for some bastard" he seethed and his words stung me like a bee. They hurt more than anything.

"Can you just stop oppressing me with your words? You are making things worse for me" I cried.

He just looked at me with pain in his eyes before leaving my room. I fell on the floor and wept so hard.

Why does my life have to be miserable? Why do I have to be so bad? Why me? I was fed up of my miserable life. Mum, why did you leave? I looked at the ceiling. For a moment, I wished she could just come back. I wished she would appear by the door and say something nice.