A Promise From My Heart

Chapter Seven

NOORIE'S POV

It was like every fibre in my body was no longer there and each bone has melted into liquid. What I could only feel was my heart beat. Lifting a finger feels like so much to do. Tears brimmed in my eyes threatening to fall. I do not know what's wrong with me. For the past three months, I have not been feeling so well. Most times, I felt sick. That fact alone irks me and creates a hollow in my gloomy heart. I really do not know what had caused that. I have tried my very best not to make my family notice but today, I could not. I fainted as I got up to leave for the dining room. That moment I fainted, I felt nothing in my body.

After mom's death, my family tore apart. Father just became quiet and distant. Sister Amatullah went mad. I was angry at her because she was the only person who knew what happened to mom that night but she was so dumb to remember. She knows nothing other than to speak about her pregnancy which was just her imagination. I understood her condition at first thinking she might get well but there was no sign of improvement. That had angered me making me resent her and blame her for mom's death.

The most annoying part was we were not allowed to tell her she was not pregnant because the fool will go crazy. The whole situation was so annoying and frustrating. It infuriated me that whenever I lay my eyes on her all I feel is nothing but anger towards her. I really do not care. All I wanted was just justice for mom and to get that, she had to get well. I did not hesitate to show my hatred for her which only caused a fight between my elder brother and I.

The creaking sound of my room door s***h through my thoughts. I turned over in bed to see our family doctor coming into my room. Anger built up in me. My brother is just so strong headed despite I told him not to call her he did.

"Hello Noor" Dr Chiamaka greeted me with her warm smile on her face.

I rolled my eyes and looked away. I was not in the mood for her nice and welcoming personality. She sat beside me and dropped her medical kits on the bed beside me.

"Can you please just tell them I am perfectly okay without checking me? I am perfectly alright. Nothing is wrong with me" I said coldly sitting up, my head spun a bit. I placed a frail hand on my throbbing temple.

"I can't do that and you don't look well sweetie" she said with her usual sweet smile.

I groaned mentally. She began to ask me some question and I was forced to answer. After about ten minutes of interrogating me which was so tiring, we were done. She sat down properly adjusting her glasses. She wore a serious look. For a moment, I felt as if I was facing a judgement.

"Noor, I do not know how you will take this but" she paused and let out a shaky breathe. What does she want to tell me that was hard to say? "You are pregnant" She said with difficulty.

"How is that possible?" I sneered. She looked at me surprised but covered it with a smile.

"What do you mean?" She asked adjusting her glasses.

"It is not possible. How can I even get pregnant? I am no virgin Mary" I answered her, my voice harsh.

It was true. How could I even get pregnant? I knew no man so how can I be pregnant? I have never lay in bed with a man how could I be pregnant? Pregnancy is something we can't get from the air. Ejo o, abeg, biko, she should not give high blood pressure at my young age.

"Noor" she held my hand. "You know you can tell me how it happened. I am not even a stranger to you. I have known you since you were born. You can tell me anything"

"How can I tell you what I know nothing about? No guy has ever slept with me. Don't you just get it?" I barked furiously. I felt like she is forcing me to say what I know nothing about.

"Sorry but it is just not possible for you to get pregnant without a guy not sleeping you. And you are smarter than that. With what I have gotten from you, you are pregnant. You said for the past few months, you feel dizzy, sick, tired, nauseous, morning sickness, you sleep a lot lately and you have not seen your period for the past two months. You are pregnant dear" she said sweetly like it was something to be happy about.

"How sure are you? I have not taken any test"

"That's true" she checked her medical kit and gave me something I have never seen before.

"What's this?" I asked with a scorn and displeasing look.

"Pregnancy test kit. You will enter the toilet now and use it. After that you will come and show me. I will advise you to do the test plenty times to be sure"

"They are not always correct" I sneered.

"I know that's why I am giving you more than one"

I stared at her for a moment. I wanted to argue. I wanted to tell her I am not taking any pregnancy test. And what kind of doctor goes around with a pregnancy kit?

"How do I use it?" I snatched it from her.

She told me how to use it. I went into the toilet and few minutes later, I was back and gave the used kits to her. She looked at it. The colour on her face drained away, her eyes lost its sparkle.

"What's wrong?"

"You are pregnant" Her voice came out strained as she gave me a nervous look.

I let out a very loud laugh. How is it even possible?

"It is not possible" I said, my laughter turning to a scorn.

"But it is clear here. I can see two positive lines on each of them dear. You are pregnant. Noor, how did it happen?" she asked, worry laced her straining voice.

"Can you just mind your business? If you are done you can leave. I need to rest" I wrapped my hands around my chest and looked away.

"I think it is best you think about it. There is possibility you might not remember but if you do, do not hesitate to call me" I heard her pack her things and leave.

I looked at her retreating back thinking about what she just said. For some reasons, I was a little bit scared but how can I be pregnant? That one no possible o. I, Noorie Abdullah, pregnant? I raked my brain for some minutes before realisation hit me like a hard rock.

Without thinking twice, I drove to some random club. Finding a club was so easy. It is Lagos. I dashed inside. There was music blaring so loud that it could wake the dead. There were people dancing and drinking, men and women rocking each other. There was few underage in the club. I felt like i have gotten to a place I can let go of my pain. I made my way to the bar. I ordered for alcoholic drink. I drank ignoring the way it burnt my throat. After drinking almost to stupor, I made my way to the dance floor. I saw some random guy. We dance and dance. He rocked me. I did some stupid things that night. The last thing I remembered was leaving the club with the guy.

The following morning, I woke up to find myself in a hotel room. I was alone. The guy was gone. I was alone under the blanket. Something happened between us the night before. I can't even remember how it happened. Hot tears found their way down my cheeks. No one in my family knew except me. How could I be so dumb? I was scared the first month but since nothing happened I began to careless until I forgot. It was not easy for me but I tried my possible best to forget. Not every lady gets pregnant after her first time. That was what consoled me. I was foolish. Mo ma didirin o.

I broke into tears. Hot tears kept running down my cheeks dropping on my trousers. I was numb. My whole body felt so stiff. I was shocked to the bone. What will I do? What have I done? I cried. I felt a part of me had been ripped out. How will I face the community? My dignity and pride had gone down the drain. I heard silent footsteps approaching me. I looked up through my blurring vision. My brother stood in front of me, his hands in his pockets. He stared at me with red eyes filled with emotions. Emotions I could not decipher. I knew why he was here. The doctor already told him. He was here to shout at me and scold me.

"Are you here to scream at me?" my voice cracked. "Just shout at me. Tell me how disappointed you are in me. Insult me. Fight me but don't ask me how I got pregnant. Call me oni shina (characterless person), ashewo (prostitute). Tell me how disappointing I am" I screamed through my cracked voice. "You can beat me if you want. Do not pity me. I also do not know how it happened" I cried.

He stood in front of me saying nothing. He just stared at me helplessly. Tears welled up in his eyes but refuse to fall. He then turned and left the room leaving me in my miserable situation. I felt helpless and miserable. I felt so pitiful. Against my will, tears streamed down my face knowing how I had failed my family miserable. I cried for only Allah knows how long.

"Noor" a familiar voice called. I look up from my lap to see my brother's wife who I despise with my whole heart standing right in front of me with a tray of food. "Please dear, come and eat" she walked closer to me. How can she even walk up to me? I held my bed sheets so tight. This lady has guts.

She sat beside me and placed the food on her lap. "Please eat" She begged which only angered me.

Looking at her with so much fury that burned in my red eyes, I felt like ripping her guts. With all the anger I felt towards her, I pushed the tray away from her lap. The tray fell from her lap making sounds with the tiled floor. Water poured along with the food and plates shattered into pieces flying around the room. She stared at it, her lips gapped and her eyes filled with surprise. She got up like a statue obviously shocked.

I gave her a death stare my breathing came out faster. I decided to take this opportunity to ask her the questions I had buried in my mind. She looked perfectly okay. There was no sign of her mental disorder. She seems to be in her right senses. Nothing of such has ever happened before. What an opportunity? She looked at me with bewilderment. Her eyes moved from the mess I had done to the floor to my furious face.

"I hope you can remember now that you seem to be in your right senses" I got up. Venom dripped from my voice. "I hope you remember what happened that night since you were the only one at the scene when mom died" I move closer to her giving her a disdainful look. She walked back slowly. Fear evident on her face. I walked closer to her. "Stop pretending like you can't remember" She began to shake. It angered me. My heart burned with fury. How can she be so dumb? Because of her, we can't get justice for mom's death.

"Answer me" I shouted. She shivered.

"I....I...really do not know what you are talking about" She stammered.

"Stop acting. You are the reason behind my miserable life. You ruined my family. Mom died and you can't remember. That's wonderful" I shouted feeling so frustrated. I felt so angry. I felt like my heart was being ripped out. "You even think you are pregnant when you are not. I will tell you the truth. You are not pregnant everybody has been deceiving you" I sneered.

"I am pregnant" she said confidently throwing her head high.

"Can't you just get it you i***t?" I screamed. "You mad i***t, can't you just....."

"Noor stop!" brother Yusuf's snarl flowed across the room.

He walked up to us staring around the room. "Amatullah, go to the room" he said, his voice so calm and soft.

His words annoyed me. Why can't he just let her see the truth? That's what always happens when we have a fight. She needs to know the truth and come back to her senses. Silently, Sister Amatullah left the room.