A Promise From My Heart

Chapter Twelve

NOORIE'S POV

After my hot bath, I wore denim jeans and a sweater. The morning was so cold due to the rain that fell throughout the night. The sky was gloomy and grey. The clouds were swollen with water as if it would rain again. I sat on the chaise lounge, rested my back on the chair and pulled my knee up to my chest. Hot tears trickled down my cheeks. It has been six weeks since my abortion. The guilt and pain kept eating me up making me drift into depression. I felt like a bad person. I felt worse than a bad person. I felt heartless. Why me? Why me? Why do I have to do something so bad? My thoughts made me worse. It made me go wild. I wanted my pain to end. I wanted my guilt to go. I wanted my usual life back.

My phone began to ring. I looked at the screen and with anger I threw the phone on the floor. I have had enough of people calling me. I don't want to see anybody. Everybody keeps asking me why I was not doing my NYSC. Noor, when are you leaving for your NYSC? Is there a problem with it? Noor NYSC is fun. Noor this Noor that Noor! Noor!! Noor!!! I was fed up. I just wanted to be alone. I broke into hysterical sobs making me shake more like vibrate.

I woke to someone shaking me. I groaned and move reluctantly before opening my eyes. I saw brother Yusuf standing beside me.

"What do you want?" I asked with a frown my voice hoarse and tired.

"Noor, I am sorry. I never meant all what I said. I was just angry" He apologized his dreamy eyes gazed into my eyes as if reading something in them.

"You should have at least controlled your anger. You really hurt me. Your words hurt more than a beating. You think I ever wanted to be pregnant. It was just something that happened without any thought. I wanted to get away from my sorrow but ended up with more sorrow than I could ever think of" Tears ran down my cheeks.

"I am sorry" he said, his head hanging and his shoulders slumped.

He had been begging me for the past few weeks but I have not spoken to him. I could not just forgive him. Anytime his angry words plays in my head, I kept feeling pain all over again.

"Noor, I think you are drifting into depression. I organized a counselling session for you with a psychiatrist" He said making my eyes go wide.

"I am not mad" I said almost shouting with bewilderment choking on my tears. He sat beside me and sighed tiredly.

"I understand" he laid a hand on my shoulder.

"You don't understand" I shook my head getting up "I am not mad. I am perfectly alright. Just because I am not talking to anyone does not mean something is wrong with me. I just want some space from everything" I shouted looking at him with fear.

"Noor, that you are meeting a psychiatrist does not mean you are mad. You just need someone who will guide you professionally" he said concern laced in his low and gentle voice as he got up. It had been long since he spoke to me like that. I suddenly realise what we have been missing. We have missed the old us, the one that used to care and love each other. "Noor, I love you and I care for you. You need to get well and come out of depression" he held my hand.

I said nothing and just stared at him. Tears stung my eyes and I can't help it as I broke into tears. He pulled me into a hug and I felt comfort. I can't even remember when last we hugged each other. How bad have things changed between us?

YUSUF'S POV

I knocked on the door shivering at the cold seeping through the coat I wore over my suit. It was a gloomy morning. The clouds still grey and heavy from the rain that had fallen early in the morning. The weather was still cold and the morning air was chilling. I waited anxiously for someone to open the door. The door opened and with a smile my mother in law called my name.

"Adeniyi" she called out.

"Mummy" I smiled and prostrated on my chest.

"How are you? What brought you here so early? Aren't you supposed to be at work? Come inside. What a surprise? I am not expecting you this morning. Hope there is no problem?" she opened the door wider and stepped aside for me to enter.

The house was noisy with children screams eloping from the different part of the house.

"Uncle Niyi" A child's voice called. I looked towards the sound of the voice and smiled. It was Amatullah's nephew, Ridwan.

"Wow, Ridwan you are here?" I said and he ran up to me and hugged me. "Where are your siblings?" Ridwan was Amatullah's elder sister's first son. He was almost seven.

"They are inside dressing for school" he gave me a toothy grin.

"They came here for holiday. They will soon be on holiday so I decided to have all my grandkids here. I thought they should spend their holiday here. The house had been boring without them" She said with a proud smile.

"Uncle Niyi" I heard multiple voices called. Six more kids ran up to me. The eldest among them Saeed who was Amatullah's elder brother's first child hugged me before others joined. He was twelve years of age. Wow, house full.

Amatullah was the last child of her parents. She had an elder sister and two elder brothers. The eldest among them was Nasir, then Khadijah, Abdulqayyum before Amatullah. Nasir and Khadijah are married with kids. Nasir was married with four kids and Khadijah with three kids. Amatullah's father was dead. I never met him.

"Kids, you should go inside. I want to talk to your uncle. Your school buses will soon be here" Mum shushed them inside. "Dammy, take care of those children" She shouted probably for her maid to hear.

"Why are you here?" Mummy asked as I sat on the sofa opposite her.

"It's about Amatullah" I said.

"What's wrong with her? Is she okay? Has she gotten worse?" Mummy threw questions at me.

"She is not okay" I said.

"I knew it. I knew something was wrong" she broke into tears. "I felt it" I got up and sat beside her.

"Mummy, please don't cry. She is okay. She just needs help" I gave her a side hug.

"What's wrong with her?" she sniffled.

"She thinks she has given birth" I said and she gave me a confused look. "I mean" I licked my lips. "She has this plastic baby with her all the time. She calls it her child and she is happy seeing it" I answered my words stumbling.

"Do you mean she is mad?" she furrowed her eyebrows looking at me with teary eyes.

"She is not mad" I ran my hand through my hair. How do I explain it to her? "She just thinks she has a baby. Her doctor said she would be admitted into the hospital" I felt pain lurch through my chest. "But I don't want to. My family thinks it for the best. I came to ask for your permission before doing anything. Leaving her in the hospital alone I can't bear it. It hurts me to think that way. I don't want her far from me. I love her mummy" I bowed my head my thoughts causing me headache.

"Son" she laid a hand on my shoulder. This time it's her turn to console me "We all know you love her. We can see your pain. It hurts us so much to see her like that but she needs to get well. I think if her doctor said she needs to stay in the hospital, we need to agree especially you even though it hurts a lot. She is not far from you. They can't stop you from seeing her. She will get better I know it" her voice crack. I turned to look at her. She wiped her tears. "I will speak to her elder brothers and sister. Whatever they say, I will get back to you" she said.

"Okay ma, thank you very much" I wanted to prostrate but she held me.

"I should be thanking you. You have done a lot for our Amatullah" she wanted to cry again.

"I will leave now but...." I trailed off and brought out my wallet. "Please have this" I gave her a bunch of money.

"No Yusuf, I can't collect it" she shook her head.

"Ejo mummy e gba (Please mummy collect it)" I put the money in her hand. She collected it reluctantly with a weak smile. "My regards to the kids" I said and left.