Hiraeth

Chapter Fourteen

I stare at Captain Arkean, dumbfounded. He still hasn't said another word. Maybe it's my turn to speak now, and he's waiting for me to say something? What else should I say? Do I need to thank him for letting his men vote for me to be out of his ship and then buy me after when things get tough? I should say since, despite everything that happens, I'm back, not harmed by his men. But I don't know what his reason is. Is it true that he pities me? Am I too judgemental to think that pirates aren't capable of doing things out of kindness?

No one can blame me if I am thinking this way. One small mistake to trust someone in this place may also mean I'm digging my own grave.

“Well,” he begins after a long silence. “Why don't we go somewhere to answer all yer questions? I'm sure ye annoyed these gentlemen right here.”

“She did,” Death jokes.

I throw him a glare. He answers it with a wink.

As if I fall for his tactics. Hell no! I may not say it, but I still remember the sh*t he's doing with that girl. There's no way I'll be in that situation just because of his cringe ways. Well, I think cringe is an overstatement? Okay! I sure give credits for that. It did look good, unlike the others who exaggerated things. His are just so natural.

But hell, what am I thinking again? Captain Arkean is here, in front of me, waiting for me to maybe say yes about his suggestion to go to another place and preparing to answer my questions. I won't waste this opportunity to feed my curiosity finally.

When I meet Captain Arkean's eyes, he nods at me and starts walking towards his cabin. I manage to look at Storm and Death before following the Captain. From behind, I observe him. He has a hunched posture, but I can tell that he's doing his best to straighten his back because after a few seconds, when he feels like it's hunched, he will then stretch his back. It's just a tiny movement that when I am not observing him, I won't be able to notice it.

It's not only his posture that I've noticed but also his frequent coughing that will only get better for a while, and then it'll come back again. He looks sick.

It only takes a few minutes to reach his cabin.

His cabin is messy. That's my first impression of his place when I enter it for the first time. He only has one small bed that's just enough for his size. Not too long and not too short. He can't turn around, though, because he'll surely fall. My bed is much bigger than his. For a captain like him, that has more privileges than others; his bed isn't comfy. What's only huge in his room is a massive bookshelf that takes up almost the space. In front of me, it stood majestic and promising. Gosh! I want to breathe in the smells of the book. I want to hug them one by one. It's such a shame not to read all this book in one lifetime.

“Ye may seat,” Captain Arkean says, gesturing to the one chair in front of his table. Only as he speaks do I realize he's now sitting on the opposite chair.

I do what he says. I sit in front of him; between us is the small table that's full of messy papers that stands, towering over me. I almost can't see Captain Arkean as I sit.

“Oh, my bad,” he says while scooping the paper and placing it below. Unfortunately, the paper towel falls that adds more to the messiness of his room. I never expected that the captain of this ship would live like this. He seems tidy on the outside.

I remain still while watching him struggle to arrange the papers. It keeps falling. I can't tell the exact time he's on it, but I think it takes a few minutes before he gives up. It seems like he forgets I'm here in those minutes because he's startled when he sees me. I don't know, but it feels like he has something going on in his head that's why he's acting like this, or he's just always like this. Anyway, I need him to answer my questions about this place. That might help me survive here until I find my father and Wade.

“Apologies, Ms. Polaris.” He bows his head for a second, coughing again, then sits back on his chair. His interwoven hands rest on the table that still has some small papers. “I need to ask ye something,” he trails off. He fixes his eyes on me. Somehow it makes me nervous and unable to make a sentence. I'm the one who's here to ask questions. Don't tell me he isn't going to answer mine if I don't answer him?

Before I can argue, he speaks again.

“Do you perhaps . . .” His fingers fumble on the chest pocket of his robe. He frowns when it seems like he can't get what he wants. But after a moment, his face lits up, unlike mine.

Terror overtakes my face as I take in the sight of a locket he holds in his hand. I set my mouth in a hard line. Memories of it flash through my mind like an old movie: Black and white.

There I see him, the one that I've been looking at the whole time. The person who made my mother travel the entire world to search for him left me behind at such a young age. Then I see my father, wearing the locket with a star design. Inside it has a small picture of the three of us. He gave it to me on my 10th birthday as his gift.

When night came, and all the visitors were gone, I heard my mother and father fighting. They tried their best to keep their voices down so I wouldn't listen to it. I heard it anyway—as clear as the crystal gem.

Their fight was because my mother found out that my father was still working at the shipping lines. Almost all their arguments were because of that. My mother has always hated that job because it's dangerous and he's away from us. But my father wanted to sail at sea. He was the captain. I remember he told me it has always been his dream to sail. I asked him why and he answered, “It's my calling. When you get older, you'll know what I mean.”

He's a great sailor. I always look up to him. I also want to sail because the ocean seems to calm me. But my mother was different. She has told me that the sea was mysterious, thus making it dangerous. There are things scientists and divers don't know about this. I mean about what she says that it's sea creatures.

My father still insisted on sailing. It's still fresh in my mind that when he prepared his things because in the morning he'll sail, I've given the locket back to him. He'll need it on his journey more than I.

So, how the hell is this locket in the captain's possession?

I snatch it from Captain Arkean's hand. I'm not sure yet if this is my father's locket. Maybe it's from someone else. Part of me believes that this is not what I gave my father. But another part of me also wishes this is his because that will mean he's here. He's also entered this world like me.

With my trembling hand, I open the locket in a swift motion. In an instant, my mouth falls open. I see the picture inside of it and remember the memories of it. I clutch it as tight as I can. Tears are threatening to escape from my eyes.

It's his. I don't know how the f*ck Captain Arkean has this, but all I know is that father is once on this place.

I flash a smile at the same time take a huge exhalation. My father is here, and my mother will be happy. She'll go back to normal. We'll live life happily, knowing as we wake up in the morning, we're complete. It is what I want. I'm so close to finding my father.

After all, I don't regret going back here.

I can't contain the happiness that I'm feeling. I blink the tears that have filled my eyes. It falls, but I'm smiling wide.

“My father is here! You know him!” I yell. I get up and cross our distance in a flash. Captain Arkean clears his throat when I'm halfway hugging him. I freeze for an instant—almost imperceptibly—and continue hugging him. He stills for a while but goes on pushing me away from him as gently as possible. “Please, take me to him. I need to see him. He's my father.”

I feel his chest rise and fall with rapid breaths. That's my cue to step back.

Captain Arkean's expression tells me something is wrong. His forehead wrinkles in the middle. Worry lines frame his mouth and tug his eyes. I know that it isn't solely because I hug him too much that he finds it hard to breathe. There's another reason, and the smile on my face fades instantly.

“W-Why?” I stammer.

“Sit down,” he says, voice quavering.

I don't want to. I can't sit down knowing something is wrong with the way Captain Arkean acts. I can feel it's about my father. There's no way my father will give this locket to other people unless someone stole it.

“He died,” someone interrupts my thoughts from behind. I abruptly turn around and see Storm sitting at his father's bed, legs crossed.

“Storm!” Captain Arkean snaps. The latter shrugs and uncrosses his legs. Storm gets up and walks toward Captain Arkean. His eyes never leave the captain's eyes. He's clutching a paper in his hands. Even if he's utterly devoid of expression, the veins that pop out his hands show his anger.

When he's now near, he slams the paper on the table. I can only watch as Storm, and the captain seems to have a conversation with their eyes for a while.

“He's on the move,” Storm says in a dry tone, breaking the silence between them.

Captain Arkean lets out a harsh sigh. “Later, Storm.”

Without words, Storm turns his heel, leaving the paper on the table. He glances at me as he passes, and I'm reminded by what he's said. I don't know if he's joking or not. But Storm isn't that type of person to joke around, let alone someone he's not close to and a stranger. The death of someone is also not a good joke.

But I wish it's just Storm's joke. I will forgive him even if he's joked about my father. Please, don't make it real.

I watch Storm's tense back. But before he can leave, he leaves a word that makes the Captain, and I become motionless.

“When he comes here and kills ye, I'll just watch.”

What the f*ck is that? Who will kill the Captain?

“What does he mean?” I ask.

He must have a punishment for saying it directly to the Captain. He shows disrespect. I know that they have democracy here and that all opinions and crews are valued. What Storm has said is out of the line. He must learn basic humanity! And remember not to interrupt others when talking and talking b*llsh*t.

The captain clenches his fists and hides the paper in a small cabinet. I am curious about what's inside it, but my anger at Storm, who has said those words about my father, wins.

“About my father.” —I take a deep breath— “That's not true, right?”

He doesn't answer. He probably doesn't hear what I've said because his mind is now wandering at what Storm has spoken to him. I don't know the deal between the two of them, but f*ck, Storm! I'm about to get answers to my questions, but Storm has come. What great timing!

“Captain Arkean!” I yell. “Get a hold of yourself! You need to answer my questions.”

After a moment of, perhaps, reflection, he clears his throat and draws in a long breath.

“It's true,” he mumbles, his voice cracking.

I haven't realized I am holding my breath until I let out a harsh one. I lean against the table to support myself. My legs seem to give up when I need them the most. I want to run away. Captain Arkean's cabin suffocates me.

“When they entered the portal, their ship got destroyed,” he continues, stopping for a bit to cough. “He was the only one who survived. My father took him. He became one of us.”

“Just get to the f*cking point!” I yell. I can feel my tears flowing down my cheeks. “Why the h*ll did he die? Did you kill him? Did you force him to join your gang that led to his death? Why the f*ck did he die? F*ck! He's healthy! He's strong! He can't just die like that! No!”

“He wants to leave to say goodbye to his family properly,” he remains calm when I'm literally in his front, sending him death glares. “He plans to come back here because the lure of adventure made him feel things differently.”

No way! Father can't do that. I know him. He won't leave us just because of the adventure brought by this place.

But then I remember he has never listened to my mother not to stop his job anymore. Why the hell am I even surprised? I feel like I am hit with a sudden realization that my father has been so selfish. He never thinks of his family. He only thinks about what makes him happy.

“But leaving this world is trickier,” he intentionally stops so I'll have time to ask.

“W-Why?”

“If someone in our world kills ye, that person will live in yer world in exchange for ye,” he answers. “But when you kill a person in our world, you can go back to yer world. It's only effective during scarlet midnight, the 4th moon of the year.”

“That's how he died,” he adds. “Someone knows he's not from here and the portal, so he killed him.”

I let my mind savor the new information. I can't seem to ask more questions because Captain Arkean is so direct. He explains it precisely. But there's only one question I need to ask, and I can take a rest.

“Who? Who's the person who killed him?”

He pauses. “My father.”

And I think I can't rest for my whole life. It's always my fate to be this unlucky.