Hiraeth

Chapter Five

Deja vu.

Four men inside the small boat point their shiny, sharp swords at me.

They're growling like a rabid dog ready to attack its prey. Sure enough, they are much scarier than the uniformed men above.

“Who are ye?” the man asks, revealing one yellowish tooth on his upper jaw.

“Po—Polaris,” I stutter, my eyes surveying the area to find an escape route.

There's no point in not telling my name to them. If I defy, I might die right here, right now. There’s no way I’ll let it happen when I’m partly sure that there’s still hope for me.

“I'm not a mermaid, witch, or wench,” I continue, emphasizing each word so they’ll understand. “Those uniformed men above held me captive, and Death helped me escape. Are you all his friends?”

They have the same outfit as Storm and Death. They all give the same vibes. Some even have the same hairstyle as Death. Dreadlocks. They might also be Death's friends who are now fighting above against the men in uniform.

I wonder how they love Death so much or how important it is to sacrifice their lives here to save the annoying Death.

The four men look at each other, communicating only with their eyes before they both glance at me at the same time. The way their eyebrows cross and their dark, silent look, I can tell that they are uncertain whether to trust me or not. Gosh! They are all grown-ups and have weapons to defend themselves, while I only have myself. I should be the one to get skeptical if they are trustworthy enough, and there's no point in scaring me with their swords. I have enough of this.

“Listen,” I call for their attention. “I’m lost, and I ne—” I haven't finished my sentence yet when a stray body falls a few meters away from me. The water splashes us, making all of us wet.

I stare at the body floating on the surface with wide eyes, and my jaw hangs open. I can’t believe what I’ve witnessed.

With my other free hand, I wipe my face and shove my hair back to have a clearer view. The blue ocean now turns faint red as another body falls again, followed by another until it becomes a literal rain of bodies. Some almost fall right through me if I haven't moved a bit.

The hair at the back of my neck rises. My blood runs cold, and all I can do is close my eyes while my body trembles after I’ve witnessed the spine-twisting terror.

A burst of booming laughter makes my eyes snap open. Other small boats pass through the dead bodies. It is all operated by people the same as Death. They're making their way towards me, and they come from different directions. I have an idea what will happen next. They’re going to trap me.

I close my eyes again and gently tap my chest in the hopes of calming down. Even if Death has helped me escape, I can't guarantee my safety from these people. They might have the same vibes but not in personality.

When I open my eyes, I find myself surrounded by small boats with weird, creepy men on them. Some of them have bruises and wounds. Others lose too much blood and are barely breathing.

So, the fight has ended. They wasted life because they chose violence instead of having a calm conversation. Why are people like this? When people use violence to solve the problem, it will always result in death.

Before I can swim away from them, I hear Death's voice. The only voice that's like reassuring me I'm not going to die yet.

I am beaming when I swim towards the small boat he's in. But my smile fades when I feel the creepy stares of the men around and the nasty stinky blood that sticks to my skin.

May the spirits of these fallen people find rest.

I push myself above the small boat, Death helps me, and I sit comfortably between Death and Storm. I give Death a quick smile. He nods in response and flashes a grin that stretches from his ear to ear.

I'm happy that I get away from death again, not the Death beside me.

“She smiles,” Storm says as if it's his first time seeing a woman smile.

I look at Storm. He’s already staring at me. His face is devoid of expression, and I can’t tell if he’s pleased or annoyed.

I swallow hard before looking away. My eyes fall at his shabby, white shirt full of red stains, down to his sword that is tucked safely on his hip.

“I am alive. Of course, I'll smile,” I say. I will stop speaking after that, but my mouth won't cooperate. “What am I supposed to do? Cry over my not-dead, gorgeous body?”

I hear Death laugh, and I abruptly spin my head in a semi-circle to face him. The ring on his tongue is the first thing I look at. I can see it now—crystal clear. It's a plain, silver ring that is pierced on the edge of his tongue. Death plays with it again as he sees me staring at it. I look away.

“They'll be mad,” Storm says again, not minding to look away at my face. His stares make me uneasy. He's like scanning me outside and inside.

“I see,” Death answers. He glances at me, then at the men that are still throwing me death glares. “Let's get going, Matey!”

Some start to sail away, but some stay. One of them is the men who point their swords at me.

“We're not taking a woman with us!” the man that has one tooth shouts. His words come into a breathy explosion of words.

Death ignores him and starts sailing, following the boats that first sail. We pass the boat that has one tooth on it. He glares at me. I do the same, instinctively. When I realized I shouldn't have done it because I'd make more enemies, I flashed a warm smile and winked at him. The men beside him chuckle, but one tooth scowls.

Why is it a big deal to take me with them, though? It's not like I can harm them. I should be the one to not give my trust to them because they all are men with deadly weapons, but I don't have a choice but to follow Death. He's the only one who’s reassured me that I'm not going to die, and it's exactly what happens. He deserves a bit of my trust.

Soon, as we sail on and on, I notice a massive ship not far from us. It is a wooden ship, unlike the ship full of uniformed men. In front of it has a white flag that's painted red with the words ARKEAN. Common sense, it's the name of the ship.

I survey the men around me. They are all weird and creepy. Their clothes, faces and skins, the small boats, and the massive ship in front are all familiar. It's on the edge of my tongue. I can't voice it out yet. Or maybe I just can't admit the things running inside my head. It's ironic because I come a long way here to prove my claims, but now that it's right in front of me, I ignore it.  I even lost Wade for this. My poor friend. I just hope he also finds someone who can help him. I'll try my best to search for him.

“Where do you guys live?” I ask. So random that it takes a long silence before Death answers.

“At sea.”

I tilt my head to see if Death is joking or not. He's not. He's serious now, and it's weird. I always see him smiling, laughing, or suppressing a laugh.

“You aren't joking?” I press on.

He shakes his head. I stop asking questions after that. We are now on the side of the ship. I can almost reach its wall if it isn't for Storm, who has his eyes trained on me. It does not make him feel ashamed even if I catch him staring at me.

People above the ship toss rope ladders. Storm finally looks away because he's now making his way above. I turn to Death, low-key asking if I should do the same.

“Don't say a word,” Death warns. It's bizarre to see him serious now. It scares me.

“I won't die, right?” I joke, but my voice quivers.

Wherever I go, I'm at the edge of life. I keep on worrying about how long I live. Death won't be forever with me. He does not know me. I don't even know why he's helping me. He's kind and pities me. That should be the reason why but there's something on him, something on the men here, that scares me.

He gently turns my face back, so I am now facing the rope. I see on my periphery that other men from another small boat are now climbing on the rope in front of them and helping those wounded get up. I almost fell on my first step because of my eyes wandering around.

I take a deep sigh. Death hasn't reassured me that I won't die here. My life here is uncertain. I even depend on Death, and now he isn't sure if he can still save me.

Every step I make, my heart beats fast, and the anxiety grows twice. When I am near the surface, my knees almost give up, and I think I'm going to fall. But I managed to hop on the ship. Death follows me after with his graceful movement. I hang my head low, but I can feel the piercing stares.

“What's yer name?” someone asks with his rough voice.

I stay silent. Death says I shouldn't say a word.

“Answer him!” another yell from someone that has made me cringe. I recognize the voice. The sound of it is barely incomprehensible because of his only one tooth.

I see in my periphery that Death is not looking at me. He's staring forward.

“Death,” someone calls him. I can sense the authority of his voice, which gives me an idea that he’s someone that has a higher position on this ship. A captain, maybe?

“Captain,” Death starts. “Things got a little rough. She needs help.”

The growling becomes loud. This time I look up and see dozens of men in front of me. They are all staring at me with both curiosity and anger.

I don’t know if it’s because of the weight of their stares, or I’m just too exhausted that it makes my knees give up without warning. Whatever it is, I fall to my knees.

I let out a stifled yell and gently massage my knees. In my periphery, I see Death draws nearer. He never looks at me, though, but I can still feel my cheeks flushing.

“Or ye just want to play with her,” someone from the crowd hisses.

What the f*ck!

Death stays silent. The silence stretches more prolonged, and the fear in me slowly turns into anger. Death has a record of bringing a woman on the ship. That's why someone accused him. So, it’s clear that Death brings me here because he wants me to be his thing. The Death whom I easily trust is planning something wicked. Behind his kindness is a piece of s**t.

I clench and unclench my fist. I feel like punching someone.

My anger grows even more when I see Death reveal a smile that he never showed to me until now. A smile that tells me he admits it.

“I need entertainment,” he says.

F*ck his “Don't say a word!”

“You bastard!” I shout, tugging the hem of Death's shirt in the hopes of making him fall to the floor but to no avail.

My anger surges when he remains still as stone. I stand up and face the jerk.

I feel betrayed. All this time, he's planning something. Play with me like I'm just a thing. So, this is his true self.

Why the hell didn't I see the red flag? Why did I give in with just one reassuring smile? I should have done better. My desperation to stay alive leads me to this. D*mn it!

“You could have just f*cking let me rot on that ship!” I shout, anger creeping into my voice. I'm shaking in rage that I fall to my knees again.

I'm exhausted. I never have a rest. Real rest. All the exhaustion comes at once, and my eyes are now heavy. I force myself not to close my eyes. They will kill me or, worse, do something inhumane before killing me. If I give in to the exhaustion, it's like I'm allowing them to do whatever the f*ck they want.

So, I cry again like a kid throwing tantrums. I cry first because of the anger, but slowly it turns to desperation, and I cry for their mercy. So desperate to live that I feel like I’m stepping low and that I’m selling myself to the devil. But maybe these people still have kindness in them.

“Pl—please, let me live,” I say desperately. My tears are streaming too fast. “I won't do anything that will harm everyone. I—'ll behave, I promise. Just please . . . please don't kill me . . . or don't let me be Death's plaything. Pl—please. I don't want to die.”

My heart is beating too fast. I can barely form a sentence. My body's shaking, and it's making me more exhausted. I don't know what I look like right now. However, I'm sure that I am now a mess.

The men in front haven't said anything. They are eerily quiet. Their irritating growl has stopped. When I lift my head to them to see their expressions, they all look away.

I can't dare to look at Death. I badly want to punch him, but it won't do any good for me. These people are his friends, people who are hell-bent on saving him. I have said already that I will not create any harm to them. I must keep my words if I expect that they'll keep theirs as well.

“I'm sure you all have mothers, wives, daughters, and even sisters!” I yell, my voice goes up and down. My words have exploded. I can now see where this leads me. Even if I try to stop myself, it won't do anything. I've lost my control. “If they are lost in the sea and then suddenly inside the ship full of strange people, people who can either give kindness to them or cruelty, will you be happy if they experience the latter? I doubt that.”

“Though, maybe you all would not feel anything. Heartless bastards!” I continue, catching my breath in the end.

I need water. Why won't anyone give me one?

I won't be surprised if someone strikes me with his sword. I'm so loud, and I know it irritates them. The last thing I want to do is fuel more of their anger at me. But I don't understand why they're all angry at me. I'm just a woman who's begging for her life. I can't kill them all if that's what they thought or if that's what prevents them from taking me with them. I can't even carry heavy things. I don't know how to fight using a sword. I'm not good at defending myself. I'm good at running, though, but does it harm them? No. Can't they see that I'm just a lost woman? They look like they'll hurt me more than I bring harm to them. I don't understand their logic.

I scramble to my feet when someone in his mid-40's crouches in front of me. His outfit is not the same as the majority. He's wearing an intricate coat and breeches, but it's worn out because the colors are faded. He's also wearing a black, wide-brimmed hat with the brim fastened up on three sides. Just by looking at him, at his aura that screams authority, I'm sure as hell that he's the captain.

“We won't kill ye,” he says. “Now.”

So, he's saying they will kill me anytime except now. That won't make me feel better!

“We have democracy on this ship. Whatever is agreed by everyone, it shall happen.”

If they all agree to kill me, then they'll kill me. That's it. Death only worsens my situation!

“Ye can't stay here if one person disagrees.”

I'm doomed.

“For now, have a rest, child.”

I had never imagined that my life here would be like this. In my world, people hate me, but they never threaten my life. Their words can't kill me. In this new world, my life is always at stake. Death, not the f*cking Death beside me, seems always to follow me.

But I worry more about Wade. What if his situation is much worse? What if he, I don't mean to say this word, but what if he hasn't survived? I've introduced him to the idea that we'll go to another world. If only I'd come here alone, I would only worry for my life. It might not be this heavy for me.

“Storm,” the captain calls. “Lead her to her cabin.”