FOOLISH SENTIMENT

THE PUPPET’S STRINGS

​I was terrified. I wondered if karma was here to pay me back for killing Chris by killing me slowly with a disease, leaving me to die a slow and painful death. The suspense was killing me, so I asked the doctor to proceed and he said, "Congratulations, you're five months pregnant. You must be shocked and quite confused because you don't have most of the symptoms pregnant women have, but you probably had the signs but just ignored it."

​"What you have is called intrauterine growth restriction. It's a type of pregnancy where the baby stops growing before birth. An ultrasound will be done and the size of your baby's head, abdomen, and legs will be measured in order to find out if the baby is growing. But don't panic, you are in the right hands. We will monitor the movement of the baby and keep you in the hospital till we are sure the baby is growing well. If the baby is born very small in weight, we may need to incubate the baby, but all seems promising. The only thing is we have to keep you on bed rest in the hospital and watch the baby's movement and your health. Don’t worry, all is well. We will get started on the treatment immediately."

​The next few weeks were filled with constant tests, with doctors coming in and out of my room, checking up on me and the baby. My mum also visited from time to time. I was so focused on keeping the baby and I safe that nothing else came to my mind. Besides, thinking too much and stress is not good for the baby.

​All was well until one day, I called my dad to the hospital. Immediately he came in, I busted into tears. I don't know if it was reality that dawned on me or all the hormones coursing through my body, but I was ready to confess to my crime. I had gotten enough time to reflect on my life and what kind of life I want my child to have and I couldn't bear it anymore.

​My father gave me a clean slap across the face. He looked me up and down and asked if I was mad and needed to be checked into an asylum. He went on to tell me how I ruined his plans over and over again and now when he already had things sorted out, I wanted to ruin it again for him, but this time, he wouldn’t allow me.

​First, he wanted me to marry a rich man so we can grow the business with connection and money, but you refused and I accepted because I saw potential in the young woman you wanted to marry. I thought with his skills he could still grow the company, just that it would be slow. But what did you do? You decided to run away to go find your life.

​I allowed you to start your job as a police officer and devised another plan by not letting Chris go. I got him married to Diana and things went on smoothly. I was about to adopt him as my son when I heard of the night you both shared, so I decided to strike the iron while it was hot.

​I accepted you back and made all possible arrangements for you to be together. I was ready to handle the backlash from people on our reputation, and I even had a plan to silence Diana permanently or find her a better man to be with. Knowing how greedy she was, she would have probably agreed and then what did you do? You had to go kill him.

​After that, I had to bury the stupid tracks you left behind. I even made sure that Diana got the life sentence for attempted murder since she was so gracious and stupid to try to kill you, thereby making it easier to get rid of her and all my work paid off when I heard you were pregnant.

​I was happy that I finally would have a worthy heir to my empire, the same empire that cared for you and your worthless mother all your life, but you never seemed to think about. All you were ever good for was business deals. This is why I have come to my final decision on your matter.

​You will stay in this hospital till you deliver my heir, which better be a male, after which we have agreed to get you married to the man I wanted in the first place. He has agreed to marry you even with the baby because it is beneficial to both families, so get whatever idea you have out of your head. Your life and future has already been planned, you have no say whatsoever.

​I couldn't say anything. I just realized that it was a fallacy, me thinking I ever went away from my father's grasp. I came to realize I was doomed to always just be his puppet. It made me wonder if the loving father I had in my childhood and the loving family was all just a lie or if I spoilt it all with my own hands.

​Thankfully, I gave birth to a boy and I named him Chris. Shortly after, I was married to Alfred and we began our family. My father's wishes were fulfilled and everyone was happy, except me. Although I felt like I gave My Chris a life by naming our son after him, he grew up to look just like Chris and he was a constant reminder of what I had done. As much as I tried to be happy for my marriage, which was not that bad, Alfred was the best man I could ever find, but still, I felt as though I didn't deserve to be happy.

​On our 40th wedding anniversary, I received a notification that broke me. I got the news of Diana's death and it broke me to pieces. Leaving a note behind, I jumped off the roof of our house and fell to my death. My note contained my last message to my children.

​"I can't live with the burden anymore. I love all my children and I only wish I hadn't done what I did to your father. Maybe I could have truly been happy. I want to use this note to confess that I killed your biological father, Chris, although I didn't want to, my anger got the better of me. I pray you find it in your hearts to forgive me. After hearing of his wife Diana's death, I couldn't bear to live with myself, so I decided to be selfish and end all my pain and suffering. When you find me dead and you read this letter, I really hope you all can forgive me and still see me as your mother, especially you, Chris. Please always take care of your sisters. I love you all so much and I'm sorry for abandoning you."