Unselfish Wish

Chapter 17- The Decision

Fumiko had been caught up more than usual in thoughts of who she loved more for a long time, but after speaking with both grandfathers, she realized that to be completely fair, she needed to make a decision. As she sat in class she stared at Kiyoshi, as well as on the way home.

He figured she was thinking deeply about something, so did not comment and did his own staring later, as himself. Come to think of it, he thought, there's not a lot of difference between my two forms, other than height and hair length. He supposed his attire was quite different as well, but his face was no different. At night, she'd likely think he was Kiyoshi. He was in her room, watching her sleep as he typically did. She opened her eyes and looked right at him. Then sat up. In that damn white silk nothing again.

"You're Tsukiyomi-no-Mikoto, right?" She got up and walked over to where he sat on her window seat, in the moonlight. She reached out to touch his face. "Finally, you are here and not in my dreams." She seemed to realize how impertinent she was being and pulled her hand back. He grabbed it and put it back.

"Ah, of course you know me, Fumiko-hime. I've been here for so long and you did not notice me." He kissed her palm, then her wrist.

"I knew you were here Tsukiyomi-no-Mikoto." He continued to caress her wrist, his silver eyes on hers.

"Call me Kiyo, like you call your friend." He whispered. She pulled her hand away.

"Um, I don't know if I can do that." He stood, silver eyes glinting with anger in the dark. As Kiyoshi, they were only a few inches apart, but as himself he was quite a bit taller and she had to look up at him. He grasped her waist and pulled her close.

"Say it." He growled lowly. He couldn't believe he was his own rival.

"Kiyo." She gasped. At this, grasped her chin and kissed her. It should have been a chaste first kiss, but instead it was slow, deep, and passionate. He could feel her warmth and suddenly realized the danger. He released her. She was glowing faintly.

"I should have waited to do that until you know me better. My apologies for leaving you flustered." He looked away, embarrassed at his lust in his godly form, which should have been easier to control. She giggled. He looked at her sharply.

"Are you really that worried about my devotion, Kiyo-sama? Don't be. I will never forsake you. However, in love I must try to be realistic. Gods don't marry humans, at least, not for long. Kiyoshi is more dear to me than even my parents, as horrible as that may be. And for now, you hold an equal space in my heart."

"What if I could be more?" He drew closer to her again.

"Can you? It seems to me that my life is a droplet of time compared to yours, and you definitely won't age like I will. I don't want that, to be honest. As much as I cherish and love you."

"Will you go to him then?" He didn’t understand himself. Why was he so angry and hurt?

"If he wants me, yes. I can't keep vacillating between you two. It isn't fair." She stared up at him as tears filled her eyes.

He looked down at her as she stared directly back. She was everything he thought she'd be... and more. He decided to be just a little bit unreasonable.

"Will you give me one night?" He whispered.

"What?!" She turned a deep red.

"Oh, I think you know exactly what I mean. I know that you want me to touch you and kiss you." She took a step back, placing her hands on his chest to push away.

"I-" She could not bring herself to speak.

"Ask your beloved about it. See what he says. I'll be back for your answer in three days. I've waited almost eleven years for you. No longer." With that he disappeared from sight. She stood in her window, trying to sense him, as her powers of discernment were getting much stronger, but could not find him. She went back to bed, but found sleep did not come to her.

When she got up the next day, she could still feel Tsukiyomi's kiss, and began to worry. Now she felt even more undecided than before. She had been so sure that her feelings for Tsukiyomi were that of devotion and adoration rather than passion. This interaction changed things, and she felt a sense of danger from him that was completely new. She also did not want to alienate him, after all he had done for her. She felt that her devotion was the minimum of what she could do.

But where did that leave Kiyoshi? Fumiko knew that she felt more than friendship for him, but could not say for certain that she could give up Tsukiyomi entirely. Perhaps a kiss was needed? She wondered if he would allow her to try it. Instinctively, she knew this was probably a last resort and would require a very long and strange explanation, or it would cause painful misunderstandings.

When she went to leave, rather than Kiyoshi, who had met her every day since his arrival, it was Hinata that waited for her. She was surprised and wondered what had happened. It was also strange that he had not let her know there was a change in their normal plans. Suddenly she had a bad feeling. It was not a Yokai, but rather that something unpleasant was about to happen, and she was never wrong about such feelings. She sighed. Hinata tilted her head as Fumiko approached. Something is wrong with our goddess, she thought. She greeted her normally, and Fumiko released a luminescent smile. You can't fool me silly, I'll get to the bottom of this. She watched Fumiko as they walked, and after the third sigh, decided to say something.

"Fumiko?" She said. The poor girl looked up, startled.

"I'm sorry Hinata, I was lost in my thoughts."

"Ohhh? Do tell." She grinned and threw her arm over Fumiko's shoulder. "Come on, it'll help to talk about it with someone." Fumiko looked torn but rather desperate.

"Alright, but please don't tell anyone okay?"

"Fumiko, why would I tell anyone your secrets?" She raised a brow.

"Well, especially not Kiyoshi. I know you guys work together sometimes, and-" Hina raised a hand.

"I'm only spending time with him on your account. If not for you, I can't really say we would be friends." Especially since he's really a god, she thought.

"Oh, well... I was visited by Tsukiyomi last night and-"

"WHAT?! Did he do anything-" Fumiko held up a hand.

"Calm down, please. That is not helping me make the decision he has asked me to make."

"Decision? Alright, let's hear what he said." Hinata felt bemused. She had a feeling he was making his own situation needlessly complicated. He was awful at trying to be human.

"He said that I must choose between Kiyoshi and him. That I have three days to make this decision. And, well, he wants to spend a night with me." At the last part, she blushed bright red, but otherwise held her composure. Hinata could not believe her ears. She decided to let the "night together" go for now, and wanted to laugh at Tsukiyomi being jealous of himself, enough to deliver an ultimatum to the very girl he claimed to love beyond all. He must be letting his lust get the better of him, she thought. Well, in the end it didn't really matter she supposed, since they were the same person, but she wasn't happy with the position he was putting Fumiko in.

"Hmm, well, ask Kiyoshi what he thinks. If he says nothing, then I say go for it." This was not something that she would have said before Tsukiyomi won her over.

"Hinata! Gods are notorious for short relationships and leaving women to raise their offspring alone. Both my grandfathers did this to my grandmothers. Once their youth and beauty faded, their visits became infrequent." Fumiko was indignant.

"Were they unhappy with it?" Hinata knew Tsukiyomi was in it for the long haul, so all of this was really moot. Fumiko just had absolutely no idea.

"Well, no, but-" Fumi hesitated.

"Hmm. Well, what are you expecting from Kiyoshi?" Hinata knew her friend would do anything to avoid hurting others, but was terrible at caring for herself and what she needed.

"What do you mean?"

"You aren't dating, right?" Fumiko shook her head. "Then what's the problem? Did he say he liked you or tell you not to date?" Fumiko shook her head again. "So ask him how he would feel if you dated someone else, since you've been confessed to." Hinata said reasonably.

"But he didn't actually say he loved me-"

"That doesn't matter. You must be decisive, especially since marriage was discussed. I think that goes beyond a simple confession." Fumiko considered her words.

"Alright. I will talk to him then."

They continued on their way, a pair of silver eyes observing their progress. He supposed that it would be awful of him to not show up after what had happened. To be honest, he wasn't sure how to handle the situation he'd put himself in. He was curious what Fumiko would do, but not sure what he would do if she simply chose his godly form. He felt that might be rushing things.