Larcenists and Lambs

Frankfurt am Main, Germany - February 14

Frankfurt am Main, GermanyFebruary 14

As he perused each of the eight faces in the stark room, Otto Kruspe felt like one of the knights of King Arthur’s round table. Nine men in perfectly tailored suits, nine warriors fighting for a cause.

Presumably, Otto had no idea that, at that very moment, the man on his right was thinking that if these nine men had some mechanism that could separate the sheep from the goats (or rather, the bulls from the oxen), they could have packed it in long ago and wouldn’t be stuck here now.

Presumably, the man on Otto’s left wouldn’t have agreed either with Otto or with his neighbor. At the moment, he was fighting the desperate urge to take a piss and he had the feeling he wouldn’t be able to hold it much longer. As a result, he tended to regard the entire object of the meeting as hopeless and inconsequential.

The man on his left wasn’t quite sure why he was there. But that was entirely normal and correct, as he had been chosen for the position precisely for his cluelessness. He did, however, understand that this meeting was very, very important. It could, in fact, have a direct effect on the continued existence of his job.

Otto cleared his throat, paused, and resumed his speech: “Gentlemen, as of now we have all been alerted to the threat. Our company is in a long-term decline and, what’s more, the government has launched a vicious campaign against us. And it could get substantially worse. We all know that if we back down once, we’re going to have to back down again and again. That can permanently affect our enterprise, causing irreversible damage. We must, without delay, agree on how to move forward. Any suggestions, gentlemen?”

No, to Otto’s exasperation the gentlemen had no suggestions. Otto took a deep breath. This is what he had to work with.

“Gentlemen, let’s give ourselves some homework. A month from today we will meet again. Same time, same place. In the course of the next month, we will not make any public statements and we will maintain a completely neutral stance on the matter. A month from now, we will present our proposals on how to proceed jointly in the face of this unprecedented threat.”

The gentlemen agreed. The man on Otto’s right agreed most emphatically.