After My Death Tomorrow

Episode 4

Pinaupo ako ni Marco sa isa sa mga mesa ng canteen. And as I waited for him, I watch him from afar. He is laughing loudly while saying something to the cashier. Close na close sila ni Aling Matilda. Kaya kung minsan nga ay nakakalibre siya sa kanya ng ulam, eh.

Well, madali lang naman talaga kasing maka-close si Marco. Hindi siya problematic. Tawa lang siya nang tawa. Iyong tipo ng tao na hindi ka babahiran ng ka-nega-han sa katawan. Iyong taong kailangan mo kapag parang binabagsakan ka na ng langit at lupa.

I smile when I saw him glance a smile at me. Ngayon, hindi ko na alam kung bakit ako naiinis sa kanya.

Dahil ba sa palaging pang-aasar niya sa akin?

I guess not. Kasi kahit naman hindi niya ako inaasar ay nabubwiset pa rin talaga ako sa mukha niya.

Baka naman siya lang talaga 'yung taong para sa akin ay makita at maamoy lang ay nakakasira na ng araw. Iyong tipong wala kang dahilan para magalit sa kanya pero nagagalit ka pa rin. Iyong palaisipang emosyon na tila bang palagi kang dinadalaw kapag nandiyan na siya sa paligid mo.

Naglakad na siya papalapit sa akin. He is holding a tray. May natanaw ako doong bote ng sprite at coke. Mayroon din doong dalawang plato ng-- I think, pansit.

"Let's eat, Margotliit."

Napa-poker face ako. Ayan na naman siya. Ang height ko na naman ang pinupuntirya.

He laughed. A carefree one. "Just kidding, come on!"

"Whatever," hindi ko mapigilan ang mahawa sa kanyang tawa.

Umupo siya sa harap ko, inilapag ang tray ng pagkain na kanyang binili. While Aling Matilda watched us with a smile that I can't understand, Marco began to hand me the food.

"Libre mo?" I asked, half fantastic and half surprised.

Tumango siya bago nagtaas-baba ng kilay. "Uh-uh," he winked at me, "that's for me being grateful na hindi mo ako pinahiya kanina."

"Oh," I giggle.

"I don't want to hurt my reputation, you know?"

I playfully roll my eyes, "Jerk talaga."

He smiled sweetly at me. May halo iyong pang-aasar. "Again, I am proud of it."

Naiiling na lang akong natawa at sumubo ng pansit. Ang sarap nito as expected. Ang kusinera kasi ng school ang the best in town. Palagi nga siyang nananalo sa tuwing may patimpalak ng pasarapan ng valenciana kapag dinaraos ang Valenciana Festival dito sa Munisipalidad namin.

I pointed the fork at him, "What's with you and your reputation? I mean, mapapakain ka ba niyan? Yayaman ka ba diyan?"

With mouth full, he burst a laugh. Para siyang batang kumakain tapos nag-joke ang kalaro niya. Natatakot nga ako na baka anytime, mabulunan siya sa kakatawa. Iyon tawa niya kasi, kaunti na lang ay mapapatanong na ako sa sarili ko kung joker na ba ako?

Lumunok siya nang malala. "Margot, Margot, Margot." He slowly shook his head. Inalis niya ang kanyang eyeglass at pinunasan ang tears of joy niya.

He motioned his hands anywhere, "It's Senior High School!" Binalik niyang muli ang kanyang eyeglass. "Reputation is what we eat. We live for our reputation because that will make us survive in this vast years of innocence."

I tilted my head. "Hindi kita ma-gets."

"Being popular-- No, being someone na gusto ng lahat, means everything. Dito sa Senior High School, kapag gusto ka ng lahat, palagi ka nilang ma-aalala hanggang sa pagtanda nila. You know? Like, when you have the reputation,-- a good reputation, ofcourse-- you will always live on the memories of their youth. Hindi ka mawawala sa utak nila. Palagi kang mag-lalaro sa alala nila sa matagal na panahon."

My mouth formed a perfect O. Ganoon pala 'yon? May deep meaning pala ang kayabangan ng lalaking 'to? "So, what's with you and your obsession to be remembered for a lifetime?"

"I really don't know. Maybe, assurance? Para kapag nawala ako, okay lang kasi hindi ako mabubura sa utak nila. Hindi ako mawawala sa mundong ito nang basta-basta lang kasi memories will still live upon them even if my earth body faded."

Then, it hits me.

Is this a premonition of what's bound to happen?

Shit.

No.

Napalunok ako. Patago akong bumuntong hininga at sinubukang pakalmahin ang sarili. Mabuti na lang at nagpatuloy sa pagkain si Marco. Hindi niya nakita ang biglaang pagbubutil ng luha sa aking mga mata.

And as he glance at me once more, I tried to hide my tears by faking a cough. Narinig ko ang pagtawa niya habang tumatayo. Hinagod niya ang likod ko at saka inabot sa akin iyong sprite.

"Oh, masyado ka yatang nasarapan sa pansit? Hinay-hinay lang!" He continued as he laugh. There is something on his laugh that made me want to join him. It's indeed, contagious.

Bakit ngayon ko lang na-appreciate ang side niyang ito?

Bumalik na siyang muli sa kanyang upuan. Doon ko lang napagtantong ubos na pala ang kanyang pagkain.

"Hey, how about we reconcile now?"

Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mata. "What do you mean?"

"Like, let's end your unknown reason of hating me or something? Kasi, we've known each other for about more than ten years now. Maybe this is the perfect timing for us to reconcile and leave our dark past behind."

Napangiti ako, "So suhol 'to?" Tinuro ko ang papaubos ko nang pansit.

Naubo siya sa tanong ko. Para bang hindi niya iyon inaasahan. "It's . . . not like that."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Manipulative jerk," then I hand him my right hand, "but sure, let's reconcile." I am smiling at him genuinely.

He smiled back. A more sincere and genuine one. He's really good at showing what he really feels. "Friends?"

I nodded. Wholeheartedly, I said, "Friends."

***

Noong makabalik na kami sa classroom ay nag-i-spin the bottle pa rin ang mga kaklase ko. Iba talaga ang trip ng mga ito.

When Marco and I entered, they all turned their heads at us. Then it followed with malicious smile. Then, to my horror, they all shouted as if they saw their favorite loveteam.

Marco pat me on the back, "H'wag mo silang pansinin, mga siraulo lang iyang mga 'yan."

I just nod at him, I facepalm as I head to my seat.

"Margot!" Came by my bestfriend's daily megaphone-like voice. "Magkaka-jowa na ang bestfriend ko!"

Sarkastiko akong ngumiti at tumawa sa kanya. "Funny!"

She rolled her eyes as if staring at an obvious criminal who commit something that is trying hard to deny her crime. "Funny your face."

She comb her long brown hair behind the back of her head. Mukha talagang model ang isang 'to kapag ginagawa niya iyon. "Anyways, wala na tayong klase, girl! Pwede na daw tayong umuwi sabi ni Ma'amshie!"

As expected, it is what's written to my letters.

Then she snaked his arms around mine. "Gala tayo, please?" Nagpa-puppy face pa siya. Kung tomboy lang ako, mahahalikan ko talaga ang isang 'to.

"Okay, okay." Kinalas ko ang pagkakayakap niya sa braso ko. "Saan naman tayo gagala?"

She was about to open her mouth to answer me but she was halted by a voice from my back, "Milk tea tayo."

Napalingon ako sa nagsalita.

Oh, it's Vaeden. Ang number one enemy ni Magne. Katulad ng level ng pagkainis ko kay Marco ang kay Magne sa kanya. Well, understandable naman dahil kung ang titulong King of All Jerks ay nag-e-exist, I am afraid that Vaeden might be the only who can seat on that throne.

"Excuse me, walang tayo." Magne rolled her eyes, I just giggle. Heto na naman sila. Para talaga silang aso't pusa.

"Come on, Magne." He rolled his eyes. "Minsan lang naman, eh." Hinila niya patayo sina Marco at Diyes. Hindi ko alam kung papaano nila naging kaibigan si Diyes. Diyes is the opposite of them. Tahimik. Matalino. Classroom President. Minsan talaga, may mga bagay sa mundo na hindi mo talaga maipapaliwanag.

"Please?" He continued with a smile that showed all of his teeth. Marco gave me a knowing smile. It's like he's pushing me to help Vaeden.

On cue, I delivered. "That's fine with me--" I stopped.

Wait.

Napalunok ako.

No.

This can't happen.

Ito ang bagay na ayaw i-pagawa sa akin ng future self ko.

Hindi pwedeng pumayag ako.

They are all staring at me. Silang apat ay hininhintay iyong kasunod ng sasabihin ko.

"No," I blink at I shake my head. "May gagawin pa pala ako."

"Next time na lang." Natitigalgalan kong dagdag.

"Huh?!" My bestfriend exaggeratedly asked. "Anong gagawin mo?! Wala naman tayong assignments!"

I wince. "Basta."

I was about to lower my gaze when I my eyes caught something. It's . . . Marco's sad and dull eyes. It's like a passage of sadness. It's like when you stare at it, you are equally entering to a place where happiness can't be found. Pero bakit ganito ang kanyang mga mata?

"Sige na, Margot." Marco finally said. Even his voice sounds helpless and desperate.

Napalunok ako.

"Oo nga, Margot. Ang KJ mo naman." Came by Vaeden's teasing voice.

Do I have to follow the letters?

"Margot, okay lang sa akin ang sumama tayo sa mga jerk na 'to-- ofcourse, hindi ka kasama doon, President Ben 10--" Magne motioned his hands as if extracting the good to the bad ones, "basta gumala tayo today, okay lang sa akin!"

Do I really have to?

I really don't know.

Bahala na nga!

When I started to agree with them, that's the moment where I pray to all of the gods above for me to not regret this choice that I chose.