Faith
1087 Words
"And you died?"
"Yeah, I'd be dead by now. I was thinking maybe I should have died then. That way I wouldn't have to bother everyone with my problems. Diana didn't have to die and Kerry didn't have to end her life."
"What do you think would have happened if you had died at that time? Are you sure everything would have been fine without you?"
"Yeah, I'm sure everything will be fine without someone like me. I don't know why my existence has always been sadness for other people. For my dad, for my mom, for my neighbors, for my friends and for Matt. My happiness is a cause of suffering for them. If at that time I was the only one who was swept away by the waves and disappeared in the middle of the sea. None of this would have happened-" Tears welled up in her eyes. She felt so vulnerable and unfortunate.
Regret after regret, Soraya had faced it for most of her life and this time she could no longer bear it.
Robert rose from his place, walked over to Soraya and knelt right in front of her. Robert touched the girl's face with both hands and wiped his tears.
His blue eyes looked so gentle, so deep that Soraya almost sank into them. Soraya stopped crying, she was so mesmerized by the beauty of those eyes.
"It's okay if you want to cry, it's okay if there are so many things you regret. But remember one thing, you are very beautiful when you smile and your feelings will be saved if you can stop blaming yourself for the fate that is rightfully other. You just happened to be in the same place as them, you just happened to meet them. But that doesn't mean bad things would never have happened had they not met you. You are a savior for yourself, because that's at least save yourself from all the pain you have endured all this time. I will always support you, I will be with you!"
Soraya sobbed, Robert's words made her want to cry even more. Her heart was so touched and it felt so warm. In her life, she had never felt so understood by someone. Feel so supported and feel that her existence is very important.
She has a good family, a family that loves her sincerely. But sometimes family doesn't always have to understand ourselves and family won't always be by our side to support us. There are times when we have to take a different path to gain influence in life.
"Thank you, I don't know why, but somehow I feel like we've known each other before. It's like deja vu, meeting someone who's been in my life." Soraya wiped the remnants of tears that pooled in her eyes.
Soraya tried to smile, she wanted to be strong for this man. She wanted to survive for this man and herself. In front of her, Robert smiled gently. His smile made Soraya's face feel hot. Her heart started pounding and she had to admit she really loved this man.
"No need to thank me. I will cook dinner, you can take a warm bath while waiting for the food to be finished!" Robert said as he got up from his place, walked to the kitchen table and put a white apron around his neck.
"But what exactly are you doing out there? Did you paint?" Soraya asked. She was curious about what Robert was doing in this yard with canvas, paint and brushes. Even though Soraya could already guess, even though Robert didn't answer her question. However, she hoped that Robert could also tell her a few things about life that she didn't know.
Robert did not immediately answer Soraya's question. He prefers to chop the leeks and peppers that he has prepared on the table for cutting.
"As you can see, I'm painting!"
"Is that so? It must be nice to be able to stay focused on doing something even in a bad mood." Soraya has always admired this figure who she considers to be someone she really respects, someone who always stays calm even in the most stressful conditions.
"I did it because I liked it, that's all!"
"Is that true?"
"Yes!"
"Then, how can you focus on painting without being burdened by very distracting thoughts?" Soraya was embarrassed by her question. She felt that she was indirectly acknowledging the mess in her head.
"Try to meditate and forget for a moment all the things that are the subject of all the problems in your life. You are sick of your own mind, you are hurt because of your fear of something that is not necessarily proven and worst of all you are used to blaming yourself. If you want to find peace, try to forget everything that has nothing to do with your happiness!" Robert said with a very calm body language.
Soraya gasped, she didn't know that the challenge to find peace was to get used to living without the thought that she was constantly hurting other people.
"Will that work?" She asked. She was not so sure even though she wanted to trust Robert completely.
"Success or not, it all depends on you. Try to accept yourself and make peace with the past!"
Drinngggg....drinnnggg...
Soraya was surprised, the sound of an incoming call came from Robert's cell phone which was lying on the table. Hearing his phone ringing, Robert immediately stopped his activities and grabbed his cellphone.
"Yes, what is up?" Asked Robert flatly. He spoke to a woman on the phone in a tone not much different from his usual tone and manner of speaking. Stiff, cold and emotionless.
Soraya couldn't hear the voice of the woman talking to Robert and what she was saying even though the room was very quiet and should have allowed her to hear him a little.
"You don't need to visit me, I'm fine. I can't go home for the new year because there's a competition I'm going to enter on January 5th." Said Robert. Then he stopped talking and let the woman on the phone talk.
Robert took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He felt like he was being weighed down by something, but he tried to hold it in.
"Okay, I got it! Come over when your work is done. I'm fine here. You don't have to worry about me, I can take care of myself. See you later, Mom!"
***
- Writer
